Haha i like the acronyms!

No no, i also like Eminem, mockingbird and when i’m gone are probably my favorites from him. I also like Linkin Park!

Vocal trance is something like: Reflekt-Need to feel loved and techno probably: Push – Strange World or PPK-Ressurection (that’s a gold)

From 2pac i think Ballad of a dead soulja and jezebel 🙂

Hmm, i “disregard” it by breaking it down and giving excuses. For example, i might get angry at something on the street but then i’ll go in my head “that probably happened because: X, so don’t be so upset” or something like that..

Today therapist told me to try and limit my ruminations and compulsions to 3 hours a day and then try to focus and be present with who i’m with or what i’m doing. Also we tried to go deeper and see how i perceive love, relationships and stuff.

Hey anita

Glad i made your evening with such a small thing 🙂

Thank you anita, ditto 🙂

I think i dont want it because it wasnt good when it happened so i keep finding excuses to not be angry..

Oh i rarely feel it..and in the past 3-4 days i am so calm/numb? i dont know..

I only like some greek songs, not many.

Hey anita

I think it’s because i dont like anger or i suppressed it too much throughout my life so its inhibited, i do get it sometimes tho.

I am fine with the emojis they’re fun and creative haha (u should see our convo with the girl, full of emojis and meanings)

U are already helping by answering so many things here 🙂

U know what? I suspect i was like this before and this relationship penetrated my anhedonia for a while until it returned..I read some similar cases in the other forum and i could relate..

Hey anita

Yeah abuse is off the table, since i’ve experienced much of it in my upbringing..

That’s what i should be doing but i can’t focus on anything without having her running in the back of my mind. For example, today i went for a walk with a friend that i hadn’t seen in months, the whole walk i was thinking of her, checking my feelings and stuff. Then i went home (we were texting) and i felt unable to connect/uninterested, but same thing was towards my friend too. So i suspect it was either a state of mine at that specific time or maybe it was my friend’s fault, maybe he’s boring or i can’t connect with anyone in general. I felt the need to go home so i told him, i got home, continued talking with her, then i had some laughs with our convo. And now, 5 minutes ago i was crying because i saw a reel from the dudu bear that was crying, fearing he is not enough for his girl and she will leave him. Idk why i cried so much to this.

It’s like i am burnt out since that day of november and i can’t recover, i can’t connect with people, i can’t focus on conversations, food lost it’s taste, everything..

I would say yes, given that in most of my relationships i would hardly set boundaries, people please and accept shitty behavior.

Hey anita

Yeah that’s what he says, but still, it doesn’t click with me, because that wasn’t the order. I was thinking (again), why would my situation has something to do with avoidance, while i can’t even enjoy anything else? I dont take pleasure from anything. I was wondering, if it was a relationship issue, imagining me with another girl on my motorcycle (for example) would bring me joy and excitement, but no.

Also, the order was: 10th November, waking up feeling “down”/meh. 11th, even worse, feeling like i’ve lost my romance (not just for her, but in general, like i don’t have anything romantic to give to anyone), then noticing that i don’t care about meeting her anymore suddenly, but that worries me, so i have a convo with a friend of mine and i tell her “Since yesterday, i can’t feel pleasure for anything, including my relationship and that made me want to disengage.” Then i would start obsessively searching for my feelings whole night, 12th november, i read her text (a funny meme) and boom, stomach cramp/disgust or something (like the guy from the video with the ROCD i told u some days ago described), then dissociation/DP|DR and obsessive analyzing/searching, even more stomach cramps when arguing with her. But i focused on the relationship because it was the most important thing for me, so it could have been just a depressive episode all along that i turned into something else, maybe it was the end of the honeymoon phase but my body didn’t take it well?

I wonder what mr. copilot has to say about this haha

Oh yeah i see the point. It’s like u are showing me the sun while i have my eyes closed involuntarily.

So according to him, my defense is to have my whole past completely buried and unprocessed or something like that.. that could be right.

Something else, when the therapist asked me today “what would the child u need”, i think i blurted out “safety”, but idk how or where to ask it from.

Same here anita 🙂

Haha i forgot about the emojis and this phrase, its phone time!

Oh both of them asked me questions about my childhood but the previous one was so very slow and i was seeing no results. Also this one i think is more fitted for my OCD. Today she asked me “what would ur child self need in order to slowly open the door (feelings) slowly again?” and i really have no clue.. She also said to practice exposure.. (i think ERP)
The previous therapist said that what i describe about my childhood (the fights, the violence, everything), i am describing them like reading a newspapper which is very concerning and telling.

Yeah i can’t logically connect my mother to any of these.But every single person i’ve talked with say they recognize in me that im afraid of connection..