Some people say they help but i guess it’s just a blanket to do the work easier.

Yeah i do, chatgpt is not too helpful, gemini is better but nothing satisfies my obsessive search, i have to stop it 🙁

If i judge from the dreams i saw 2 months ago, i was like 8-10 when violent fights would occur in the house on a daily, me running to my room covering my ears.

I dont know anita, i never felt connected to any of my parents after a certain age, definitely not to my mother.

It’s still hard for me to correlate my parents to my love life..

Hey anita

2. It’s more like i remember the events but without the emotions in them. Like it happened but i can’t recall the feelings. Same thing happens now with Y (the girl)

Thank you for the time u take to ask all those to AI and then write them here 🙂

I did not contact him, in fact i ghosted him because i stopped the meds and i didn’t want to tell him that i quit again, was afraid of his answer haha

damn its so hard waking up, i instantly think of her, even thinking of her in my dreams, how much in love i feel, if at all.. I get this pit in my stomach.. its been 4 months since the last time i saw her and i cant recall the feelings i would get when i hugged her/kissed her, i just remember it was amazing and i couldnt stop, but its just memories disconnected from actual feelings 🙁

Its a sleepless night/morning for me haha

Yes i felt it precious and special too. She’s the girl i’ve cared about the most and the deepest.Never cried more than for her 🙁

Hmm, tbh i wasnt planning on anything for starters, i wanted to meet and see how we click, then meet again, have some holidays together and if everything went smoothly, we would see how we could do it in the next year, that was my original plan, but her convo and replies (which my brain took as negative) scared me i think.

Before all this, i would love nothing more than to spend days with her and live in the same house, but after my shutdown i lost my motives/feelings.

I think she definitely is afraid, idk about me, i think im a bit scared too haha.

Yes i do think that’s an extreme but its difficult for me to soften it.

You mean that it was not real? Or that it burned me out? But i did meet her.

Anita, i read this and it looked interesting to me..

Why “Too Much Love” Leads to Shutdown:
Emotional Burnout: Excessive giving without equal reciprocation leads to a total depletion of emotional resources, forcing a shutdown.
Loss of Identity: Focusing solely on a partner, sacrificing your own needs, priorities, and self-care leads to a, “toxic relationship,” and eventual emotional breakdown.
Fear and Insecurity: Intense insecurity or fear of abandonment can cause individuals to act in controlling or desperate ways, creating a stressful environment where they may eventually shut down as a defense mechanism.
Past Conditioning: Sometimes, people with a history of heartbreak “shut down” their emotions as a way to avoid getting hurt again, resulting in feeling numb or distant.
Smothering vs. Loving: True love focuses on growth, while “too much love” (often a form of, “smothering”) is frequently rooted in selfish desire for validation rather than pure care for the other person.

Signs of Shutting Down:
Emotional Numbness: Feeling disconnected or emotionally flat.
Increased Distance: Becoming distant or avoidant in relationships.
Resentment: Developing resentment towards the partner due to exhaustion.

I wonder if i did some or all of the above

Well, it started on February but it developed deeper around May, but by May to November, yes i would constantly feel amazing/loving towards her, just some moments that my brain created breakup scenarios (without any problem between us) for protection.

I don’t trust my love because i don’t feel any feelings constantly..I have this idea in my mind that i have to miss her all the time, wanting to feel amazing always when talking to her, feel sexual urge, attraction, jealousy and so on..

How do i not trust her to love me? I can’t make that connection in my head..

Damn, last two days the thoughts have been ruthless, like i have nothing for her in me. But today she expressed some concerns of her about us and i felt immediate burning sensation/panic in my body, as if she will leave, but not as intense..

Hmm, i think i felt shame.