Hey Dear Confused:

“What else did it improve?”- you sounded calmer, more clearly thinking.

“Adding other people’s experiences don’t really help.”- you mean her (GF’s) experience? Can you elaborate?

“I can’t even get sad… I can’t feel good while laughing anymore either”- you mean right now/within the hour/today? Since yesterday?

And again, trying to force feelings backfires.

Anita

Today she texted me to check in on me and how i am feeling with my stomach issues and while i should be appreciating that, i felt nothing, i feel nothing for everyone and everything 🙁

We discussed what seemed “bad” to her and it was something she understood wrong, but i think it all boils down on her inability to trust me and nitpicking everything i say trying to find something in my words. She then said “i just wanted to feel like u care enough about me 🙁 ”
This phrase would have me melting before november but now i just can’t feel emotions for anyone and it’s really annoying..

Hey anita

Yeah it doesn’t feel nice at all, like im living life on mute 🙁 I spoke with the psych today and i told him about the side effects and that i’ve completed 1 month and he said “well, i told u what i believe, u are <<frozen>>, not exactly depressed” and he told me to take 5mg (half the dose) for the next 5 days, stop it completely and go visit him next week to discuss and find a solution. He asked if i have thoughts on the extremes (black & white) and i told him no, i am mostly apathetic and can’t give a damn, also libido is gone which i hope comes back after the med is off my system.. i am a bit scared of the thoughts coming back tho but we’ll see..

I know, my sweet babygirl needs reassurance, she’s scared and hesitant and i can’t give her what i would have given her last year 🙁
She’s coming in the 9th of August for 4 days, booked the tickets today! I can’t say i got excited, just a 10% maybe but i am trying not to give into the thoughts of “why didn’t i feel excitement”, etc.

I hope so, anita. I wonder when will this go away? I believe its a depression of some form 🙁

I did yes, because when i read what what she texted me i smiled a little bit, but that’s about it 🙁

I think i don’t wanna try another med anytime soon. They say Bupropion helps with depression/anhedonia but it also increased anxiety and thoughts so maybe i shouldn’t try that yet.

He said the same thing he told me 4 months ago, that i am emotionally blunted/flat but we call it “frozen” sometimes in greek. He did tell me that he didn’t believe SSRIs would help my case to be fair. He also said to take them with anti-psychotics but i didnt like the effects so i didnt take those.

I don’t usually post online, but I wanted to share my experience so here I go.

I’m in my late twenties and never had a relationship or a gf until last month when I decided to have a serious relationship with a girl a had been dating for 3-4 months. It was extremely exiting to finally have a relationship and everything went well. It was great spending time together and we were quite intimite with each other. Still I had some doubt when we started the relationship about whether she was the right person, but I came to a conclusion at the time that it is normal to have these kind of feelings also.

Then last friday when we were trying to have sex I suddenly lost interest and could not perform. From this situation a thought rose up in my mind that I don’t have enough feelings for her to be this intimate anymore. I told her little about how I lost interest, but she aswell as I did not think it was a big deal. Still the thought did not leave my mind and when we tried again to have sex the same thing happened that at first it felt good, but slowly the thought that my feelings had changed overcame me and I lost interest again and could not perform. I said something to her at that time like I don’t know if something is wrong with my emotions why I can’t have sex. Still we decided that I would think about it when she went to work for the day and that we would talk about it in the evening.

During that day I was very anxious about the thought that I could not feel the same towards her anymore. I called my mother and told her about the situation and became extremely sad and distressed about the situation. After that call it came to my mind that I might have to end the relationship with her. Still I was extremely conflicted since I still had feelings for her, but felt like they weren’t enough to continue the relationship. Then came evening and I saw her again and briefly flet really good to be with her again. Still the thought was present at the back of my mind and we talked about it. We both cried and decided to give time to think about it and take some pressure out by agreeing to not having sex for a while.

We spend the evening together watched a movie and were close to each other. It felt close to normal, but I still had the though at the back of my mind. We slept at the same bed and when we woke up in the morning the thought became unbearable for me.

She asked If i had something on my mind and I started by saying I have exteemely conflicted feelings on which she replied that she feels the same way. In that moment I broked down crying and said that I would not want anything more to lover at full force but that I just could not. We both cried and talked about the situation for 3 hours and it finally came to a conclusion by me that we would break up.

I don’t know if I’m sharing too much or that my situation is anything like others in this thread. Still I feel extemely conflicted and sad about the situation especially since one week ago I had even said that I loved her and now I could just end it all.

Then I found this thread and felt hopefull that maybe there would be some kind of explanation why my feelings suddenly changed, but I have talked to my loved ones about the situation and alos some peoole outside my family and the consensus from these talks is that I need to trust my feelings that I could not continue the relationship.

Still it hurts so much when I know that I caused her sadness and hurt by doing what I did. I also am terrified that I acted too hastily about the whole situation. But still when I think about that I would contact her I just feel empty since I can’t tell her that everything is fine or somehow changed. The whole situation is just so sad and conflicting I miss her, but somehow it feels that it was the right thing to do. Still I hate it that this is how I feel.

Idk if my situation is similar to others in this thread, but I still wanted to share it cause it feels so absurd to me that I could say that I love her and one week later end it all 🙁

Hello again, Sponge 🌿

“I said to her at that time like I don’t know if something is wrong with my emotions”-

I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with your emotions (or my emotions, or anyone’s). There can be something wrong with what we choose to do (our words and action(, but not with what we feel.

Every emotion has a valid message even when we don’t know yet what the message is.

For example, in your case, the message may be:

‘Intimacy is dangerous!’, ‘ You’re going to get hurt!’

Even though this is your first girlfriend (you haven’t been hurt by a previous girlfriend), it’s possible (and it’s very common) that you were hurt by a family member, a parent perhaps, and that fear carries on to adult relationships.

What do you think- feel, Sponge?

🤔 Anita

Hey Confused:

I sure do hope that you’ll feel better soon. There’s a strong connection between our thinking and our feelings. If we think differently (easier said than done, of course), if we think more accurately, then we’d feel better. That’s the essence of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.

Think a feeling SHOULD or SHOULDN’T be, and you’re inviting feeling badly. It’s not just me saying that. I just asked you know whom, and he said:

“When someone believes a feeling should or shouldn’t exist, they create inner conflict — and inner conflict always produces more suffering.

When someone thinks a feeling shouldn’t be there, they start fighting it, criticizing themselves, or trying to push it away — and that adds tension, shame, and frustration on top of the original feeling.

“So instead of just having the feeling, a person now has the feeling (or lack of it) plus the belief that the feeling is wrong. That’s why telling yourself a feeling ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t’ exist almost always makes you feel worse: the judgment becomes its own source of suffering.

“The feeling itself isn’t the problem; the fight he has with the feeling is what hurts (Confused)”

Anita and Copilot