Oh on forums they say it doesn’t affect them almost at all, weird. I will tell him if we should add smth else yes. Some people say they up the dosage of lexapro (escitalopram, like mine) and they feel better, isn’t that a little counter-intuitive? But libido and flatness bother me.
Idk if it can go away, i think the meds just remove the power of the thoughts, not the thoughts themselves.
If that’s the case then yes, i do that too. Strange, today as i was chattin with gemini AI asking it about my anhedonia and shutdown, it mentioned that maybe she said something that made me shut down, but because u cant shutdown just for her, u shutdown in general, which sounds spot-on considering the talk we had back in november since it all began. It said that my mind “locked” on that state/feeling and because i started ruminating it started perceiving the relationship as a threat. It says i need to stop ruminating otherwise i cant get out of that state.
Today i cried while thinking of her, our inside jokes, our cute bear reels that we share, the kindness of her soul, i cried and i felt like texting her something sweet and loving, i felt love coming out of me, like what we have is so unique and special. But then gone, in a second. As if two personalities inhabiting my mind. One is the loving one, the other is the “stone cold” one. Sometimes i think i love her so much it makes me cold-distant to avoid hurt, because today i’ve imagined many times her coming back from her break and telling me “i cant do this, bye”.
