Hey Dear Confused:

It makes me smile to see your 🙂and to think that maybe you’re smiling, even if it is for a short moment.

I hear how torn you are — part of you still loves the version of her who made you feel safe, understood, and ‘at home,’ and another part of you is angry at how things ended.

It makes sense that you’re holding onto the magical moments. Those were real for you. But the fantasy was that those moments meant the relationship was solid and secure. The reality is that she also brought doubts, interrogations, and mistrust — and those parts were just as real as the good ones.

People reconnect only when both sides grow. You can’t do that alone. You can only work with your own feelings. And letting go of resentment doesn’t mean pretending she didn’t hurt you — it means accepting that the person you miss is the version of her from the beginning, not the one who showed up at the end.

You’re grieving both the relationship and the dream you built around it. That’s why it feels so heavy.

I’m here with you as you sort through all of this, Confused.

* This very morning, an article from Psych Central about breakups showed up in my inbox, and I thought it might help you. It’s titled: “What Does it Mean to Get Closure in a Relationship?”:

“Relationships sometimes end whether we want them to or not, and it’s often a painful experience. You might feel confused about the complex feelings and situation, especially if you don’t have closure.

“When you get closure in a relationship, you can release negative emotions and focus on healing and growth.

“Closure in a relationship means you understand the situation better and accept how it turned out, giving you a sense of peace as you move forward. Studies show that those who gain understanding experience less inner turmoil during and after the breakup.

“’Closure might vary from person to person. However, closure ultimately is an understanding and acceptance that a relationship has ended and often includes a rationale for why it ended,’ explains Dr. Beth Ribarsky, professor of interpersonal communication with expertise in romantic relationships…

“Closure allows you to better understand what happened between you and your partner. The absence of lingering questions or doubts can help you move on after a breakup.

“Some examples of closure include getting answers to your questions, understanding why it happened, accepting the situation, being able to go extended time without thinking of the other person, learning from the situation and experiencing self-growth…

“It’s OK to be angry… Sometimes, it’s hard to release negative feelings about the end of the relationship. These feelings could be toward yourself or the other person. Either way, it can prevent you from finding closure and peace. Consider forgiving everyone involved to release any toxicity holding you back.

“You don’t have to go through things alone, and turning to your support system shows that you’re strong enough to move forward. Your trusted friends and loved ones want to help you, and you’ll feel better when you do…

“If you aren’t sure if you’ve found closure yet, you can look for signs that you haven’t, including the following: being unable to stop thinking about it, not understanding how or why things ended, repeatedly checking their social media, questioning your worth, having trouble sleeping, feeling angry or resentful, feeling like it’s not truly the end of the relationship, not being able to complete tasks, continuing to reach out to the person…”

What thinks Confused?

🤔 Anita

Hey Dear Confused 🙂

Exactly 11 minutes ago at this very moment, when I’m typing these words, Confused sent me a 🙂 all the way from Greece and it makes me genuinely smile right now!

For me, she crossed the line when she called you “a Narcissistic ass****”.

What this means to me is that she lost her sanity at that moment- because I know, know, know- that you’re nowhere even close to any of the adjectives she used.

I just asked you know whom what it means that she unhid you from her stories tonight.

Answer: “When she unhid him from her stories, it means she changed her Instagram settings so he can see her stories again after previously blocking him from viewing them.

“She had him hidden because she wanted distance, privacy, or control over what he could see. Unhiding him now means she’s opening a small window again — not a big one, not a clear signal, but a tiny shift. It can mean several things:

“* Emotional checking — she wants to see if he’s still watching or still cares.
* Softening — she’s less angry or less defensive than before.
* Ambivalence — she doesn’t know what she wants, so she toggles settings.
* Testing the waters — she’s curious how he’ll react.
* Not over it — people don’t unhide exes when they’re fully done.

“What it doesn’t mean: It doesn’t mean she wants to talk. It doesn’t mean she wants to get back together. It doesn’t mean she’s over him. It means she’s still emotionally engaged enough to adjust visibility.

“For someone like Confused — who is grieving, numb, and trying to detach — this kind of small action can stir confusion. But the action itself is ambiguous. It’s a sign of movement, not a sign of direction.”

Hmm…?

🤔 Anita

Hey Dear Confused:

You are very welcome!

I’ll answer more later this evening (it’s Thurs 3:30 pm ☀️ W.USA, Fri 1:30 am 🦉🌙 Greece) , but for now, I asked Copilot about the last paragraph in your message, and he/ it says:

“Anita, what Confused is describing is a mixed‑signal behavior from the girl.

She didn’t want to remove him completely (because that feels final), but she also didn’t want him visible in her daily space. So, she “hid” him — a halfway move. That usually means she’s conflicted: she wants distance, but she also wants to know if he still cares. Hiding someone while keeping them on your list is often a way of testing attention without having to interact. It lets her check whether he’s watching her stories, without giving him access to hers.

So, when Confused says: “maybe she wanted me to watch her story? Or see if I still watch her stories?”, he’s actually picking up on the right dynamic. This kind of behavior usually means * she wants space * she doesn’t want to fully let go * she’s curious whether he still pays attention, and * she’s emotionally ambivalent.

And the key part: She asked for his absence — but still created a setup where she can monitor his presence.
That contradiction is the real message.”

Hey anita

Hmm i see what copilot is saying.. maybe he is right or maybe she just doesn’t care anymore? But why bother unhiding me on a random wednesday at 12 at night..? I wanna solve this ambivalence by communicating with her but im afraid of her reactions and responses, it will break my heart more if she’s cold and final 🙁
I prepared the gift and i will mail it tomorrow, let’s hope she won’t reject it.

I know but i screwed up so bad, i want her so much and i lied to her like a moron and broke her trust..i can’t forgive myself for that, ruined her heart that loved me so much..I dont want this to be final, i dont want us to part forever 🙁

Hmm i think they were saying she’s difficult in general, as in closed off, distant, etc..

I miss my baby girl anita, i dont wanna lose her forever 🙁

I dont even know what time it is, i have long lost track of it, i am never feeling sleepy, i just bury myself under the blanket and close my eyes for 4-5 hours..

But i did ruin her love for me, despite the final words, she did love me, i believe that’s why she acted so cruel, because she trusted me and loved me deeply 🙁

Yeah, i know that but still, she had told me that with me she feels different, two months ago she told me that i am the 2nd person in her mind to run to for safety (after her sister)… and i lost that 🙁

I am planning on sending her this text sometime soon but i am dreading the answer…

Hi, I hope you’re doing better ❤️
There’s no other way around it, so I’ll say it directly…

I don’t know what the future will bring, but I would really like to find out with you by my side 💗

I translated it for u, i think this will be my final act, pouring my soul to her, giving her the gun and the bullet.. with that i might be able to move on easier, no what ifs and stuff..