Im glad u like it, i wish u could see the rest of it too 🙂 I bought stickers with bubu and dudu (the bear couple we were relating us to) and stuck some stickers on the letter folders with an accurate description of us in each situation, moments i would like to take care of her (just like how dudu does to bubu), carrying her to bed, tucking her in, told her i hope we can write the rest together one day..

She can become really cold and distant when she wants to detach/defend her feelings tho, but i am worrying she will just let it get returned, not even open it.. let’s hope she does open it, but my friend asked me “what do u expect with that?” Tbh i dont know, i think ultimately to get back together, be better, try again with a different approach maybe? But sometimes i think even if we get back together then what? How do u rebuild through distance? Even tho i was thinking of catching a flight and going there.

Yes, she told me that this is how she is, if she said “its over” or if there are lies/cheating involved, she’s out. She even said “i can’t recognize who u are right now after lying so easily to my face, whatever comes out ur mouth feels like a lie”. Its hard to believe how bad she took it.. 🙁

Hey Dudu Confused 🙂

“It’s hard to believe how bad she took it..”- that’s what happens when an old injury gets trigerred and bleeds into the present.

Somebody lied to her real bad, and your tiny, panic-driving lie opened that wound.

The now paused (at the least) relationship doesn’t look promising to me because (1) the distance, (2) the first troubled irl visit, (3) the second that didn’t materialize.

I’m afraid that if the 2 of U got back together long- distance, she’d treat you like a ‘suspect’ and you’d have to walk on eggshells so to not go back into the guilty “Narcissistic ass****” category she had placed you in, a category where you don’t belong!

I would love to be wrong, and maybe I am.. but that would take a whole lot of real, honest, ongoing work.

What says Confused?

🤔 Anita

B Back 2 U in a few hours, Confused 🙂

Hey anita

I dont know if the lie itself was the problem, she told me that she was hurt and everything crumbled inside her because i was lying to her face repeatedly with such ease and that made her see me in some other way.. Even if i explained to her why i did it she said “that doesn’t change how i felt”, so i guess that’s the issue, not why i lied, it’s that i was insisting on my lie, that’s why she can’t trust me again.

Could be a possibility because she definitely had some family issues (although not even close to mine i think) but she never really shared much of it.

Today i visited some friends at a countryhouse, they had a BBQ and i went just for the company, i only lasted for two hours, i felt an overwhelming urge to leave, like something inside of me was boiling, so i left and i was crying inside my helmet almost the whole trip home (90 kms), for having hurt my little girl who loved me so much 🙁
Also, an hour ago while working i thought how i hurt the “little child inside her” and i started crying again.. This whole thing has left me a mess, i barely eat anymore, sleep like 5 hours a day, she’s all i can think of.. But what hurts me the most is the rejection, her rejection to the love i wanted to give her, to the places i wanted to take her (she said i dont even wanna hear about ur city’s name now), i’ve had so much to give her and i screwed up, wanted to take her from the airport, show her weird spots that i had saved, stroke her hair, hug her… Thinking i will never get to experience those because of my own faults is a different kind of sorrow, i feel like im in a void, i want her back so much, i wanted to do life with her… A month ago i was listening to a song and a random image came to my mind, us kissing while listening this song in our marriage, i think i told u that before but still, it plays in my head.. i dont know if i will ever forgive myself for hurting her and for this dumb lie i said out of fear. 🙁

Continued:

“Even if I explained to her why I did it she said, ‘that doesn’t change how I felt’- so after the fact, she is not open to the why. Her sole focus is on her emotion. But if she was open to the why, her emotion might change.

“Also, an hour ago while working I thought how I hurt the ‘little child inside her’ and I started crying again”- do you remember feeling before her that you’ve hurt the “little child” inside an adult person?

“A month ago, I was listening to a song, and a random image came to my mind, us kissing while listening this song in our marriage, I think I told u that before but still, it plays in my head..”-

Regarding the idea of marriage, if she contacted you (a wild idea), and said something like ‘I love you, you are the one, let’s get married!’, will your answer still be, ‘let’s live together and see if we are compatible and take it from there’?

🤔 Anita

For your second message:

Yeah she focused only on how she felt, not on why this happened, maybe she was unable at the time? Maybe she didnt want it? Idk

No, i’ve never even thought of that before her, it’s something that came to my mind after her (during her), never had i thought that something like that exists within us..

My answer would probably be “hell yeah, let’s explore this! How do we start working towards that goal?” and set some plans. For example: visits for starters and not back down from that, then set an end-time for the distance and decide who moves where.

I was thinking, do i love her or the idea of her? Am i holding on to her because i love her or because of sunk cost fallacy? I dont know i feel confused!

Hey Dear Confused:

“Never had I thought that something like that (“little child inside”) exists within us.”- yes, it does. There’s a little boy👦Confused inside adult Confused 😕. Maybe the boy is less confused than Confused.. 🙂

“My answer (to her saying ‘let’s get married!’ would probably be ‘hell yeah, let’s explore this!'”-

So, you wouldn’t say: ‘hell yeah, let’s get married’🙂

“I was thinking, do I love her or the idea of her?”- Hmm.. I’m glad you’re asking this question. I think that you loved mostly the idea of her.
“I wanted to do life with her”(1.5 hours ago)- do life/ marriage with the idea of her.

“My answer would probably be ‘hell yeah, let’s explore this! How do we start working towards that goal?'”(0.5 hour ago)- that’s your answer to the real her.

🤔 Anita

Hey Dear Confused:

The “boy” in you is the part that reacts emotionally before you start thinking. It’s the part that feels things deeply — fear, longing, excitement — before the adult steps in with logic. Listening to him means slowing down and noticing those first emotions instead of pushing them aside.

About the “hell yeah, let’s explore this” — that’s a healthy adult response. You’re not someone who jumps into marriage blindly, and that’s fine — you were still moving toward her in the way that fits you.

And it’s important to remember, especially when you get very emotional about her, that you were never ready to commit to a life with her immediately. You were willing to consider the possibility over time — if the two of you spent much more time together in real life than the three days you had. That’s realism.

The way you describe her — her traits, her care, her eyes, your jokes, her morals — that’s not loving an idea. Those are real things about a real person. It shows you weren’t imagining her; you were responding to who she actually was. Your regret makes sense.

🤔 Anita