Hey anita

Hmm, i think most of the times i get that with being defensive, i get emotional too but it starts with defensiveness.

No ofc not, actually marriage doesn’t make any difference to me, like i had said to her in a convo, if i decide to be with u then i am with u marriage or not, we marry if u want only, i am fine with either. And she didn’t like that response, she said “then u compromise”, i said no, comprimising means sacrificing something, which i am not.

Idk anita, i was easily seeing my future with her, i even thought of us working together somewhere to open her own dental office, decorate it and stuff and i liked this idea, i imagined taking her to trips right after work, preparing dinner for her, bringing her flowers and coffee at work, all these stuff i imagined only with her, idk if that counts.

Yeah, i don’t think i was loving the idea, i was slowly falling for her the more i was getting to know her..

Hey Dear Confused 🙂

By the getting married thing, I didn’t necessarily mean the religious ceremony part of it, or the legal registry. I meant the total, 100% commitment involved in making a life together- in practical, irl, everyday ways.

And what I understand is that you were never in that place when it comes to her (or with anyone?)- that 100% commitment, marriage or not.

Not that I think you should have, given that you met irl for only 3 days.

What I’m saying is that when you get emotionally carried away these days, remember: a 100% emotional commitment was never a thing.

“I was easily seeing my future with her… I imagined…”-

I know, and it’s beautiful to imagine a future together with someone you care for so much, and.. at the same time, there was no practical commitment to live together for life.

Again, not that there should have been.

I am trying to remind you of this reality in moments when you get emotionally carried away.

I didn’t understand the context of the first paragraph, about being defensive.

🤔 Anita

Hey Dear Confused 🙂

I hear what you’re saying — that in your mind, choosing her and planning a future together felt like real commitment, even before meeting irl. And I understand that for you, that was the highest level of commitment possible at that stage.

At the same time, what I’m trying to help you remember is the difference between emotional commitment in your head and the practical, everyday commitment that only happens when two people actually live together and build a life side by side. You didn’t have that part yet, and neither did she. So, when you get emotionally carried away now, it helps to keep that distinction clear.

Regarding defensiveness, it makes sense. A lot of people react that way when they feel misunderstood or pressured.

Any news social media wise? When should your beautiful gift package get to her?

Anita

Hey 👋 Dear Confused:

I hear how hard this is for you — the emotional intensity you felt, the shutdowns, the obstacles, and the fact that the practical part never had a chance to develop. It makes sense that you’re trying to make sense of all of it from different angles.

About her telling her parents and going silent — that does point toward her moving on, and I know that’s painful to accept 🙁.

As for the panic lie, her reaction doesn’t erase what the connection meant at different times. But right now, she’s choosing distance, and that’s the part you’re having to face, whether she misses you or not.

Anita

B back 2 U later, Confused. Please take a break from thinking about it all, listen to some music, watch a movie.. some distraction for now

Hey Lu

I dont remember u replying before, maybe because of my bad memory but well done for reading along, it’s many pages! Yes, sometimes it feels like it’s even harder because u invest heavier on the emotions when u’re LDR since that’s the only thing u have mostly.. She gave my heart so much meaning 🙁

I know she was angry and hurt and she was looking for things to make her leaving easier, but still, i think after all these, our chances right now are close to zero sadly..Thank you for your words 🙂

I cry while looking at her amazing gifts sometimes, my worst dream came true, looking at her presents without having her.. such special gifts made with so much care and love from her, i will never forget it..didn’t want it to end like this 🙁

I think it’s mostly to escape my existence, since i can’t find any comfort in anything at all, nothing i do gives me any pleasure, ever since November almost, everything feels irrelevant and pointless, perhaps this was my issue all along, anhedonia.

Hmm, i do all these but nothing changes, i go to work but nothing helps, my mind circles back to her and everything feels empty and meaningless.

I don’t care about since she’s gone tho, it doesn’t count to me, i wanted to do this with her 🙁

Hey anita

Has Lu answered again on this thread? I dont remember, i only remember Roberta, Thomas and another guy that this happened to him recently.

I think i mean i literally don’t want to exist, the guilt, the sorrow, the loss, all of it..

She did have (as she has told me about one of her exes, her first bf actually, who was abusive and violent after they got together but before he was an angel, just to win her over, then did a 180..idk about others). No no her mother is fine with her father, they live together and they’re okay. I think it’s mostly her experiences and friends maybe. Damn when i think of her with someone else i boil inside!

I think too that she was always wary of so many things so she could latch onto one and put me in that place maybe.

I was feeling down, went to work, got notification that they didn’t find her at home (she was at work) so they kept the box at the office, so i texted her the info (with a tight stomach) and we started texting for now.. She said she’s not doing well at all, she’s struggling to get by, that i shouldn’t have done that and spend money again, go through all the trouble with the gift and such. I told her that it’s never a trouble for me and i love doing it, even tho i cried while making it.. She said that she was also writing letters about us and wanted to send them to me but thought “whats the point now?” I said i did the same all this time.. She will get the box tomorrow because the office is closed now, she said it’s very hard for her to open it and she’s hurting so so much but she will at least open it to get the roses and maybe salvage them if they havent withered yet (i put them in 3 days ago so they might have gone bad by now) and she said she’s curious to see what i made this time..

Hey anita

Oh i didn’t notice.. why would someone bother doing something like this?

Yeah, AI can’t guess or know anything, all it does is speculate according to researches and situations that may fit somewhere.. human replies are much nicer.

Yeah, so i figured.. she’s very very hurt by me and she said that this time apart gave her some clarity to reflect on things that were bothering her for months and she wasn’t communicating them because she didn’t want to upset me and she exploded at some point.. guess who did the same thing 🙂
She said that she wrote 7 pages of “inaccuracies” and “misalignments” on my actions/words and what was keeping her on her toes, why she can’t trust me since September, how i violated her boundaries many times and so on and she wants us to discuss them in a videocall.
I told her again that i never lied to her except this one time, explained to her how it was dumb of me to lie about something i knew she already knew and how that proves even more that this was a panic lie. Told her i “wish” i would have lied about something that mattered, like hiding stuff from u or cheating, etc so this would justify u leaving me, but i lied over something so stupid that i knew u were already aware of.. There is also a problem with my memory… i have serious memory gaps/issues especially since November. She was telling me about some stories i told her that were involving one or two of my exes and i dont even remember that. She said that i crossed her limits on this one.. i explained to her that i legit can’t recall a lot of things and maybe my mind is so occuppied with her that just erases other things, she laughed. Also, another huge misunderstanding since march/april was that in a convo she said “well, i’m single, u havent asked me for a relationship yet” and i thought she was joking so i went along with it and told her that “we are not in a relationship yet, we’ll see how it goes” and she didn’t say anything because she didn’t want to lose me so she went with the flow and thought we have a “situationship” which none of us likes. I was dumbfounded today that she told me those things and we saw how differently each of was was thinking and that we were in our own worlds/heads. I told her that ofc we were in a relationship since June 2025 that we discussed about us trying to meet and take it seriously, but in her head she thought i wasn’t committing to her and we were just “seeing how its going”, LOL. Turns out i was in a relationship by myself for a whole year because exclusivity and all those things we had with each other could just be “situationship” for her if we don’t have a specific date or me not having asked her “officially” to be in a relationship. That could explain so much of the misunderstandings..