Hey anita

That’s not very nice i think, better to not reply at all, imo.

Yeah, she opened the gift today to take the roses out and told me she’s gonna see the rest after work 🙂

I don’t know how she didn’t feel like it, i was doing so many things, being there for her and all, maybe it was just my words? But i thought we were trolling and we were on the same page..

I thought about that too, but i dont think i wanna do it yet, or ever, if we remain together.. I think it could raise a whole new wave of questions/doubts/insecurities? Idk..

But we did agree on that back at june 2025, we said that we will see how it goes on a serious manner.. in her mind though this convo on march left her “hanging”, for me it was just trolling around with each other, i thought my actions were proving enough that i am committed, didn’t know she needed words of reassurance. I asked her why she never mentioned anything and she said “well, arent u a princess? am i gonna be the one to ask u for a relationship?” I told her that i can’t read her mind and if something is bothering her she should say it.

The thing is now that we started talking again, my feelings are off. This is so annoying how can i change it?

Trolling around means messing with each other/kidding, not meaning what we saying.

I dont know if thats the case for her, but she was hung up on our jokes @ march about “not having a relationship”, she took those words seriously because she wasn’t joking when she said “well u never properly asked me to be in a relationship with u” and i thought she was messing with me, that’s why i said it. This stuck with her and over time made her feel bad like being in a situation that doesn’t fit her, but it was all a misunderstanding.

If what she said is true, her main issue is that she can’t get over what happened back in september. I asked her how can i rebuild trust with u? She said i dont know since ive never done it again, i dont know where to point u at. I told her that this can’t be, if u really want to rebuild with someone u should know what hurts u and what u can’t trust and pinpoint it and ask from the other party to fix it. If u can’t find it then maybe u don’t truly want it? Or u just can’t get over it? She did appreciate all my efforts from what i remember.

Well, when we started texting again yesterday i started crying, then by the hours going by and us keep texting i felt my feelings shutting off again, like i am “comforted” now that we talk again or something like that. But later at night, we were wondering where we lost it and where it went wrong, what we did wrong maybe, and i cried again and told her “i just want us to be happy together, like we were before all these”.

Maybe it’s overwhelm or maybe i feel safe with her and my feelings turn off? Very weird

But we have been trolling around plenty of times and there was no issue, perhaps its some specific matters that trigger her.

Hmm, how could we know that? She told me to videocall around friday/saturday to discuss all the things we have to say and what bothered us so she could look at my eyes too and get something more than texts, she said that there is a lot of contradictions that she saw from me over the year, that she hadn’t paid any attention to, that they were piling up without her realizing and now she wants to tell me. She doesn’t know what will the outcome be for us right now because she feels torn, she wants to talk but at the same time she doesnt, kinda like me, we just have to discuss with honesty and lay everything on the table because now we’ve got nothing to lose.

Hmm, as safe as i can feel with anyone since i’ve never felt “fully” safe around anyone, i always keep to myself, even with friends. Or maybe familiarity?

The thing is, now i feel like “i dont want her” and it confuses me a lot because yesterday and the whole month ive been crying so much, missing her, wanting to be with her and all, but suddenly it vanishes. I also feel exposed now that she got my letters..

She also wrote letters/notes about how she felt and she sent me one, wow anita, it was very similar to what i was writing in my letters, how we miss each other, how we see every day mundane stuff and we think of one another, but i felt a bit sorrow and suddenly nothing, then i felt like a heartless idiot that strings her along… Even the song she’s listening to nowadays is the same i am and we’ve never talked about this song, so many similarities with this woman.. How can i find my loving feelings again? It feels like something is blocking them.

Good Wed Eve/ Thurs Morning, Confused:

“Perhaps it’s some specific matters that trigger her”- Yes. Can you make a list of those?

The 2 triggers I know about: (1) Any EX talk. (By the way, I think it’s a trigger for millions and millions of women around the world, although I don’t have the exact number 🙂).

(2) Any inconsistency in what you say that she may think to be a lie- that’s a tough one, if I got this trigger right. Did I?

Because if I’m right, you’re in trouble. It’ll be (or already has been) like walking on a minefield, everything is fine and fun, trolling around.. until it isn’t.

* I wrote the above before I read this part of your message: “She said there’s a lot of contradictions… piling up”-

Contradictions she thinks may be lies.

While the two of you discuss things around this Fri/ Sat, pay attention:

In her mind, are you innocent until proven guilty (of lying), or are you guilty until- and if- proven innocent?

If it’s the second, and you didn’t earn that kind of distrust, you may not want your feelings back.

🤔 Anita

Btw i read her note again and i cried, how she misses me and how much i hurt her with this stupid “lie” 🙁

I remember how good we were before i woke up like this in November and i miss that, i wanna go back to this and better with her..But she has to let go and trust me 🙁

Hey anita

I know most people dont like hearing about exes and stuff but my mind has a different way of thinking, that if i am referring to a story and not focusing on the person, its okay, but apparently its not..

No this is gonna be the first thing im gonna clarify before we begin talking, that im not here to prove myself innocent since i havent done anything.

We’ve been over this like 30 times already so we stopped discussing it. I regret doing it but i explained to her why i did it, i also realized that this was a reaction from me, like to get back at her, but mostly it was “nonsense”. But i explained to her that this was no “lie” to cover something and maybe she can see it from my position.

She said that she spotted a lot of contradictions, also times that i violated her boundaries. But guess what? She has a lot of contradictions too.

Hey anita

Yeah i sat down and thought of all the times i was telling her “i miss u” for example (it was mostly me expressing feelings first, 99% of the times) and she would say “me too”, but never booked tickets to come see me or made any plans for videocalls/movie night, or the times she said she has no money/time but still found some to pay for her friends train tickets/airbnb/food on april and on may for her siblings when they visited for the concert. But someone could say “well, why didnt YOU go to her if she wasn’t able to?” And they would be right, but i too wanted to feel some effort and feel wanted here and there, it was also the ocd that was giving me a hard time. Then i offered to pay for her tickets and she could just pay for mine when i would visit her and she refused saying “i dont like owing money”, which to me shows again that she isn’t willing to change/evolve for the greater good of our relationship. It seemed like she wouldn’t get out of her comfort zone, maybe she was too scared to take steps forward or i wasn’t a priority in her life right now? i dont know.

She’s a kind and loving soul but yeah, she has some trauma which i triggered probably without wanting to that makes her so defensive and distant/closed off. We texted today a bit, asked her how her day went, about some other things she’s planning for her bestie’s marriage and stuff, showed me the dress she bought. She is still like 70% cautious/distant but is kinda warm at times.

You and i know it but a person with trust issues and insecurities is very hard to trust from a distance and see those things clearly when they’re in their head and are so afraid of getting hurt, i guess. The first thing i am gonna clarify before we begin talking is what u said before, that i am not here to prove myself innocent, we’re here to open up about what bothered us and feel heard.

She specified on the “ex” part (idk if there are on other domains too). She said i talked about exes too many times. But tbh i dont remember because i dont care about them, i might drop a story here and there but it was mostly stories about creepy things or things that made me grow in a way and i was explaining how the growth worked. Maybe she has a different eye for those things than me, after all most people wouldnt be ok with this and think different than me.