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RegiParticipantThank you for your answers, you all made a good point. At the moment I’m high on life, so I wouldn’t be very dissapointed when she blows me off, I have nothing to lose. I don’t expect anything from her because I know she’s unstable. I might just let things happen and see what it brings us. Maybe this camping trip will change everything, but probably she will change her mind and stay home. We’ll see 🙂 Thanks guys!
RegiParticipantThere are many forms of herpes if I’m correct. I don’t know what you know about your herpes but if you do, share this with him, if you don’t, find out and then share this with him. It’s quite obvious that he’s bothered with this. If you feel there is something wrong you’re probably right. Imagine if he’s having bad thoughts… These thoughts are no good for your relationship, so you should try to help him remove these thoughts. I don’t know you and I don’t know him or your herpes, so it’s up to you how you deal with this. But you should deal with this for sure, in stead of letting both of you suffer from this awkward radio silence.
Share with us how things go, I’d like to know.
Good luck !
RegiParticipantWhen I read your story I feel sorry for you. This relationship must have hurt you so much !
Ask yourself if all this is still worth it. Perhaps you made the right decision. Someone who dissappears like this doesn’t fit in your life in my opinion. I’m thinking that you are probably not hearing him anymore for a few months from now.. Again.
RegiParticipantIt’s unfortunate that you passed out on the street and not in your bed. I have friends who pass out several times a year, but they’re just lucky that they didn’t pass out all alone in the middle of the street. When this happens we just get them home or lay them on a couch or something. You simply had bad luck, ok?
The fact that you are troubled by this means that you think this was not good for you and not good for your image. Take comfort in the fact that you are mature enough to see that you don’t want this to happen again. Shit happens, nothing to be ashamed for 😉
RegiParticipantI believe your perfectionism can be a useful talent in many jobs.
Altough, I get the impression that your self-confidence is not very high because of your unpopular time in school. I think working on your self-confidence might be a good thing.
RegiParticipantHmm… I don’t know him, so I can’t tell you how to approach him, but I think there should be a way for you to let him understand why you are insecure and acting suspicious. What he thinks about that isn’t something you can control, but if he doesn’t understand your concern, it’s hard for him to work on your relationship.
RegiParticipantI understand that he’s annoyed by your suspicious behavior but this behavior is normal if he has betrayed you. Your intuition tells you to not trust him, your trust is damaged. He should put in some effort to earn back this trust (which is pretty hard when you have been betrayed in 5 relationships).
Have you told him why you are insecure about this? He should understand in stead of getting angry.
RegiParticipant“Sometimes I don’t feel empathy, but determined to act empathetically, I do.” Haha good to know that there are other people doing this :p
About my father, yesterday there was another moment where he changed the subject when I was talking about something that I felt bad about. I thought about the things you and others said on this thread, I could actually forgive him and don’t complain about it.
It’s better that way, I shouldn’t hope to get things he won’t give, it will only dissapoint me.
Regi
RegiParticipantDear anita
Like you said I made it my decision. She wanted to talk about it, we also talked about if it was possible to remain regular friends. We concluded that it would be difficult, but we decided to try anyways, like always. I regret the fact that I’ve been so friendly because she was being very sweet in return. I like it too much when she’s happy and kind, and she was also dressed extra sexy…
I realize now that I still feel very attracted to her, now even more… I can’t help it :s
Deep down I know that we can’t be friends without constant temptation and struggle to not kiss each other… I feel sad, I don’t want her out of my life, but I know I should end this.. My feelings and the logical part of my brain are fighting, it makes me tired…
Regi
RegiParticipantDepends, mostly I show empathy on purpose. Depends on the situation and the person. The more I actually care, the more automatically I will show empathy.
Good question, I’ve never thought about that 🙂
How does this work with you?
Regi
RegiParticipantYes how I said it wasn’t correct, I meant towards me. He might feel empathy towards but he won’t show it. Perhaps because he doesn’t know how to.
I also know that he rarely says his opinion out loud.
Regi
RegiParticipantMy mom for example, when I have a problem she honestly cares about that, and she gives the best advice she can offer me. But as you say, her empathy level won’t be influenced by the amount of things I do for her.
When my parents were divorcing I supported both of them trying to give advice and help when they felt bad. I liked doing this, but again this didn’t influence the way they treated me. When I was talking to my mom all night to convince her she would do fine on her own, she would say put your shoes on the shelf in the middle of the conversation :p
My dad also will never be able to show empathy, he never has. I can’t change that as his child, you’re right about that.
Regi
RegiParticipantI told her to stop seducing me with sexy texts when she was trying to seduce me again. I tried to say it friendly but that didn’t work. This was 2 days ago.
Yesterday I told her to stop, again. I told her I didn’t want to be her plan B anymore and that I wanted to move on. I said that this situation was becoming truly insane. She said: whatever. So I didn’t answer that text anymore. After that she got really pissed because I didn’t answer on her ‘whatever’, so we had a fight. I didn’t hold back like I used to, I said everything I wanted to say.
This morning she raged at me AGAIN because she didn’t like to be confronted with the fact that our situation is fucked up. She starts talking about it but she can’t handle my responses. I’m ignoring her now, I’m not sure if we can remain friends… At this moment I hate her, she rages about every single word that she doesn’t want to hear.
I just wanted to share this, I feel stupid that I have invested so much effort in this girl…
Regi
RegiParticipantMaybe it’s because I don’t have children but I don’t understand, what has this guaranteed love to do with emotional investment? You mean that their investment doesn’t change the amount of love they get in return, so they don’t feel urged to invest since there is nothing to gain?
Regi
RegiParticipantTo answer your question Anita: my stephmom was an alcoholic and she had many troubles in her past. They were talking about those troubles to help her let go of her alcoholism. There was empathy on his face for sure.
Phoebe: I can understand why you say that, it might be possible that his childhood experiences haven’t learned him to show empathy. Altough, with my stephmom it didn’t seem like he had any troubles expressing compassion. Maybe his love for her made him a different person?
If what you say about your parents is true, I am lucky with a father like mine… I’m sorry to hear that, my father is probably doing better than most dads 🙂
Thank you for you answers, I’ll try to continue accepting him the way he is.
Regi
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