Hi anita! How are you? It’s been really long. Hope you are doing well. Thanks for checking on me twice. I do not get notifications for this thread, and would usually login to check for updates. Since, I’ve been away from this website, I also did not know you were still replying to this thread. I would have replied otherwise, with atleast a short message. I’m sorry not replying to your messages.

I don’t want to burden you with my rants. So good news first – we did a mammogram then an ultrasound. The breast nodule is too small to biopsy but the ultrasound technician seemed to think it looked benign. We will follow up in 3 months. The mammogram itself said there is only a small chance it is malignant. There is scale, I suppose called BIRADS – my mom’s says it is highly unlikely to be malignant. The ultrasound gives us more confidence.

How are you doing?

Girija

Hi anita

Thanks for looking out. Every time there is a new post, I know to consider that the other person might not like what I say at all, but I just put it out there so it can help someone, even me.

Is there a specific show you watch? Like stand up?

Girija

Hi anita

We don’t have the report yet. We’ll call the hospital up tomorrow morning to check if it is ready. I am feeling very nervous. Feel it in my stomach. I don’t know what will happen. A bad result is so scary, I can’t even think about what I’ll do after that. I am terrified of all that we might have to go through if the result is bad. I know its just the thought I am afraid of. But the fear’s there.

How are you doing? Are you feeling any aftereffects of covid. One of my friends tells me she is extremely tired in the evenings even after she tested negative.

Girija

Hi anita

We woke up early today. I was at the hospital when I wrote to you, my mom went in for the scan. I will try this new choice out. It seems like a good idea, in principle like you said. But, basically looking at the big picture that all this will go away so might as well enjoy to the best I can. It also comes with the privilege of having a decent bank balance from having worked until now and in general belonging to the middle class. I might as well make use of this privilege.

How to be shameless – don’t worry about what it looks like to others when you have a blast with your life. Choosing myself first. Not whether my next project will fail, how it may cause errors, how my health will turn out. No worries. What has to happen will happen. Be happy.

Girija

Hi anita

I wish you would be optimistic. But you obviously know what’s best for you, so I won’t insist on it. I will practice focussing on what I can control.

I don’t see why we can’t choose to enjoy vs suffering less. I think the mindset of choosing less suffering is what is depressing to me. I am not going to say it will be for you. I might as well enjoy. Not get depressed that there is no forever. It will continue to make me sad, but I won’t dwell on it. Maybe instead of animals, babies? They are happy by default. Animals to me are very somber.

Girija

Hi anita

I recognize the inevitability of death. Especially during the pandemic. We are lucky to be alive, and we don’t know there’s a tomorrow. So being grateful and making the best out of each day is the way to go. I guess the fear is of suffering. Wanting peace and joy for when we are here. Thank you for those words. It really helps to put things in perspective. I think I’m jealous of people that have it easy in some of these areas, but again recognize that I’ll never know how much another person is suffering and also that other people have it worse than I do.

Worrying is of no use. It will not bring me solutions. I think it is fear that something will be too much for me, in this case it is, and wanting to not go through it again. Not wanting my mom to be down. I don’t want to see her devastated again.

I must work on being kind in action and words. I get carried away in anxiety that I forget the big picture. In fact, if I think about the big picture, none of things I worry about – finding love, and what not, wouldn’t really matter. We just have to make the best of what we get.

Girija