Based on my experience, the fact that you are even asking tells me that you know you need to move on. This relationship is not for you. Don’t waste anymore of your time – and his – hoping it will change. It won’t.

I can give you purpose right now: your purpose is sharing this story. It will help you find clarity but also help others going through the same thing (and there are many). I am a white Canadian that was dating an Indian male for two years … and had the same exact thing happen to me! That is why I joined TinyBuddha actually. I needed to relate the story with others in the same situation. It made me feel less alone and it will do the same for you as well.

I agree with the other comment that in time you will realize that this was a blessing.

On a side note, I don’t know if you are in the province of Saskatchewan but if you are, feel free to reach out to me privately. I am willing to be a support here if you need one. I know it’s not easy and very painful … but you will come out wiser in the end. 🙂

It is in your best interests that you let this go. It’s going to hurt (and probably for awhile) but getting involved with this family, in particular the mother-in-law, will cause you nothing but strife and unhappiness in life. Based on what you wrote, I am offended on your behalf for how she has treated you and your family. It’s shameful. I am very impressed with your own parents. They tried their best and went above-and-beyond for these people to the point of apologizing for things that they shouldn’t have.

I feel like there is a cultural component here too. Are you from India or Indian background? I get the impression that you are based on certain statements, including the one about “what will society think?”. I dated an Indian a few years ago (I am caucasian). In that experience, I learned that love and relationships have a different meaning. Perhaps his family is more conservative in their approach to these things. I feel they aren’t seeing you (or your family) as human beings, but rather commodities.

Trust the advice here. You can – and will – do so much better in life. Do not accept this abuse (and it IS abuse).

I don’t know where she lives but I will assume it is a western country. You must understand that western culture and eastern culture are very different. I second what Anita stated in that this girl simply wants the freedoms that she now has and probably second-guessed her initial talk of moving to India to be with you.

Sometimes things don’t work you. That is another difference in our cultures; there is much more of a dating culture here where people get to know what they like and what they are searching for before rushing into a marriage. You only knew each other for a few months. You admit that this was your first proper relationship in life. Learn from it and move on with someone who wants the same things as you do.

Hi Winchester1990 – time is the main thing you will need for moving on. It took awhile for me. It’s been just over a year since the end of my relationship (we were together for two). My guy got married two months after I ended things with him, so that added another layer of hurt that has been extremely painful. I still think of him every day but it’s not in a loving way. It’s more with curiosity, like wondering if he’s happy with his choices in life and wondering if he will ever understand how much he hurt me. I want that justice, even though I know I will never get it. I realize it’s something I will eventually need to let go and you will eventually come to that phase too. During this time, it’s important to analyze your thoughts. After doing so, I’m sure you will find that you don’t miss HIM, you miss the (good) feelings he instilled. The good thing is, those can be replicated with someone else and also include the respect and honesty that you deserve.

One important thing I did was create a list of all the terrible, deceitful things my guy did to me. Then when I started to look back and reminisce, I would pull it out to remind myself of the bad, as well as the good. Time has a way of smoothing those bad things out. You don’t want to forget them and be lost in a moment of weakness.

Another recommendation that will be very hard is to block him. Block his number. Block his social media accounts. This will help the transition be easier. This was the hardest thing for me to do because I wanted those nuggets of connection. Without speaking to each other but only seeing him view one of my Instagram stories, for example, gave me a boost of self-esteem. I wanted the momentary high it provided. Again, I wanted that feeling to return because that is what I was addicted to. But, like a drug, they became bad for me. Why was I looking for his recognition?

Instead take the time to work on yourself. Explore a new hobby. Read. Write. Cuddle puppies. Don’t remain dormant. Work on your future, rather than contemplating your past. Think about what could be, rather than what was.

It’s a terrible feeling, realizing that you were used. We all just want love, honesty and respect at the end of the day and the lack of these things from a supposed loved one is such a blow to one’s self esteem. You start to feel as though you aren’t worthy of those things, or normalizing that the lack of them is common, and this is dangerous. Never justify someone’s poor treatment of you. It is reflective of their character and not your worth.

My last recommendation is continuing to read the TinyBuddha forums. 🙂  I cannot tell you how much this has helped me. Just knowing that others are going through the same situation – and have the same issues and questions – makes me feel part of something bigger. It’s made me realize that I am not alone.

If you have any other questions, please post. I’m listening and I wish you the best.

Where does this person live? Have you ever met in person? Did you meet on a dating site or somewhere else? Is he seeing other people?

My first reaction is that he is just looking for a fling (it was a bit troubling to read that he only initiated conversation once), however, I feel there is more to this story that is making it hard to give solid advice.

You state you haven’t been together long (seven months is not long) but are talking marriage, kids for the future. I personally feel that you are two kids who are not at any stage in life to be having such serious conversations and this entire thread is an example of it. You both like the IDEA of something but aren’t emotionally mature to understand what is involved in making it successful (on both sides). As others have pointed out, there is a distinct lack of trust (on your part) and disrespect (on his part). You wouldn’t enter a business arrangement on those terms so why throw your heart into something that could potentially hurt you down the line?

Not every person one becomes involved with needs to be a potential life mate. Some people are meant to enter (and exit) your life for but a moment. Learn a lesson from this. Learn about who YOU are; not what he’s capable, or incapable, of

“I gave up on the letter last night. I met this friend and I was telling her the whole story and while I was saying it and hearing myself talking, I felt like I’ve been so stupid so far…”

I just wanted to say that this is SUCH an important realization to have. I feel like all of the events from this week (and most recent incident) should give you the motivation to walk away for good. Sometimes we become blinded by love and it makes us fail to see things how they really are. You’ve had an “a-ha” moment. Write it down. Do some journaling. And don’t forget the feelings you are having right now (so that you don’t fall back again).