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Al

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Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 147 total)
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  • Al
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    Crys,

    Our lives are ours to live, no one else’s. Not your family’s, not your friends’, or otherwise. In the end, we must write our own stories, no? And, as you’ve implied, you want a beautiful one, yes? But how to get there? Where do we start? How can we achieve what others have?

    My dear, ALL first steps are always scary. Is a master instantly a master or does he/she take years to hone their skills? Does a master know exactly his/her pursuit? Do masters never make mistakes? And, were not all masters once novices? While you’ve had a rough childhood and adolescence, please know that there are many who feel and think the same way you do regardless of their upbringing. The feelings of inadequacy, loss, fear, uncertainty, among others, are all normal at the age where countless doors with each their own set of difficulties are presented to us. In a sense, there should be no fear as this is what we’ve been trained for our entire lives, no? And yet, we can’t help but find the first few steps to be so overwhelming.

    Crys, please know firstly that there is no rush to our destination. Beautiful scenery will continue to exist whether or not we rush, therefore, find comfort in traveling at a pace where you can absorb all the beauty. Also, do not worry if you feel you are moving slow. The important thing is that you’re rolling forward, no matter the speed. Please keep this in mind. You will hit bumps, as you are exactly supposed to, and hills and mountains but each conquest to their summits will yield a most magnificent view. And, so long as you examine your situations and learn from them you will find that you will always be moving in the right direction. Sure it may also be difficult to pick a path, however, if you learn to adopt new perspectives you may instead find that such limitless options are a luxury.

    I hope this helps.

    Al

    in reply to: What the hell am I supposed to do? #74127
    Al
    Participant

    Dude,

    I am sorry for your suffering.

    Please find solace in knowing that there is not a single person who has not ‘fallen down the well’. Even the benevolent Dalai Lama partook in this endeavor he stated in one of his books. Some of us are fortunate and catch ourselves before we fall too deep while some of us aren’t as fortunate and fall so deep that we can no longer see the light when we gaze upwards. We try to climb back up only to end up despairing, our efforts seeming wasted, as the light at the top eludes us. Why continue to struggle when it seems so futile? Why exert so much energy to a cause so fruitless?

    My friend, an alcoholic/smoker/drug addict of 40 years will not simply just quit and instantly succeed (for the most part). Their success/recovery may take 10 months or 10 years depending on the many factors. While this does not sound overly comforting, it does not change the fact that a victory remains a victory regarless of the time invested. You yourself have been ‘falling’ for the past 10 years therefore cannot expect a quick recovery. The amount of damage wrought upon ourselves plays a great role in determining the rate of our healing. And, while possible for you to manage your way back up in a short amount of time, please know and wholly accept that it may take (much) longer than you would like it to. Fully accepting your situation and understanding that there is only so much you can control will help garner some peace in your mind.

    Lastly, I would like to address your issue on your loss of faith in humanity with my next suggestion. While I do not normally direct TB members towards religion I believe that it should be a course you highly consider due to your extreme case in the sense of the chemical and possibly hormonal damage wrought upon you by your acne treatment (though I am not a doctor hence please forgive me if you find this offensive and believe me to be wrong). To be more specific: Buddhism. The religion focuses on self peace and harmony by deeply examining the phenomena, or events, occuring in and around us and in the world (though this is but one small aspect of it). This is not to say that you should fully convert, however, due to your desperation perhaps you should at least look into it. The Noble Eightfold Paths, once understood and applied, especially Deep Understanding, may bring about the much needed peace your soul needs. Do take heed, however, in knowing that this is a slow road. The concepts of Buddhism, similar to other religions, can take time to fully grasp as the teachings can be difficult to read and understand. However, sticking with the simpler aspects will all the same yield in healthy results if practiced. I truly hope you will consider this.

    While your mind is filled with chaos, please do your best to keep it positive. As I’m sure you’ve already heard: negativity begets negativity. How can one not turn evil when completely immersed by it? Likewise for the opposite. Doing positive things will nurture the heart, soul and mind in a wholesome manner. I hope this helps and please forgive me for any grammatical errors I may have made in long reply posts.

    Namaste

    Al

    in reply to: Getting Unstuck #73865
    Al
    Participant

    Leila,

    Here is a link to a thread I replied to a while ago which resembles your post. I believe the answer I gave this person can be applied to your situation. (I will be way at the bottom)

    http://tinybuddha.com/topic/lost-the-love-of-my-life-2/

    I hope it helps.

    Al

    in reply to: Feeling Insecure #73862
    Al
    Participant

    Georgev,

    Your actions, behavior and mental processes, among others, are all understandable. How can a flower properly blossom without the right conditions? Likewise, how can we expect to mature into more spiritually and mentally wholesome beings without the proper care, teachings, influences, etc…? It’s no wonder so many of us have declined into more and such chaotic states as adults. And, sadly, for some of us, the damage has been so damaging and stacked so repeatedly that attempting to mend or just seeing that we need help is nearly impossible. So much chaos, confusion, unanswered questions, chemical imbalances have/are been wrought upon our beings that we/we’ve become petrified. How do we begin to make sense of things then? How do we know what to believe? What becomes right and what becomes wrong? What are the proper attitudes and behaviors? What actions should we take? What are we supposed to make of this life?

    My friend, please be kinder to yourself. You are not meant to know it all. You are not meant to perfectly know how to handle every situation. You are not meant to know how to react accordingly to the unexpected. And especially so in your case. You’ve endured much in your childhood and adolescense. It is then normal for you to have triggers you believe are destructive hence do not berate yourself when they occur nor do not believe you must chastise yourself (mentally). These triggers have a reason for their existence. So how do we combat these triggers? We must find their root causes and dissect them. Unfortunately, to put it in your words, “easier said than done” for sometimes dissecting them yields nothing. We must not despair, however. The important thing we must remember is that we are seeking. To ‘seek’ is an action. A wholesome action. To do nothing, however, is the opposite. So long as we continue to seek we will continue to grow. With this said, even if you believe you are at a crossroad, you are not. Perhaps, even consider yourself ‘in early development’; that you are still molding yourself into your masterpiece. You’ve only just begun and are still an amateur. However, staying diligent will surely yield great (and surprising) results and eventually turn you into a master. And so, with this also said, again, please be kinder to yourself. As you read in my other post, answers to significant questions behest significant time, contemplation and searching therefore do not languish when answers do not immediately come. The pace of your journey is exactly as it should be. And, do not be too harsh on yourself when you believe you are wrong. A lesson will be taught either way hence you could say you are always winning. As for your troubles with accepting employment, try to see it as a new venture despite your beliefs and go forth. It is only by being exposed to new environments and experiences that we are able to gather the necessary informations that we need to help guide our lives and also in establishing our existence.

    I hope I made sense and I hope this helps. Please do not hesitate to ask me for anything you find difficult to understand. Also please forgive me if I’ve made any grammatical errors as I am using my phone to reply.

    Your friend,

    Al

    in reply to: Lost in the woods looking for the forest. #73780
    Al
    Participant

    georgev,

    I simply meant that my passion in living this existence is so great that I wish to experience it all (all that is wholesome, that is). However, because my resources are limited I am unfortunately only allowed to pursue some of the endeavors on my list.

    I hope I did well in explaining it.

    Al

    in reply to: feeling like I'm waiting for death #73777
    Al
    Participant

    bpkhss,

    I am sorry for your suffering.

    Your desire for a soulful relationship is understandable. No other sensation may duplicate what it feels like to share and feel our entire beings in another. I hope you eventually find all that you seek.

    As for your situation, have you ever thought of joining an online dating site? I have heard of numerous wonderful stories culminate from people who have chased this endeavor. Is this something you think is for you?

    I’m sorry my words are so few but I hope it helps.

    Al

    in reply to: Lost in the woods looking for the forest. #73456
    Al
    Participant

    korkor,

    You sentiments are not unwarranted. Sadly, the majority of global society states that we must financially procure ourselves for our adulthood but fail to focus and polish what is of true importance in our most critical and receptive years. This leaves us in our early ‘maturity’ to ask questions such as yours and ‘what am I working this job for?’, ‘why did I get into this field?’, ‘is this what I am to resort to for the rest of my life?’, ‘this life is becoming stagnant/poignant, isn’t there more?’ and ‘what am I truly supposed to be doing’, among others. While it isn’t entirely wrong to emphasize largely on the financial aspect of our global economy as to create (some sort of) order, it is my personal belief that too little is spent on our mental and spiritual development to supplement and perhaps improve upon our current systematic structure. Unfortunately, because this isn’t so, we must undertake our metamorphosis in a painful and sometimes extreme way which can result in even less favorable outcomes. My friend, despite your suffering, I am glad that you are experiencing this circumstance and asking for help and advice. Such an act states that you inherently wish to live not solely for the sake of living, or fear of dying, but to find and experience beauty in your life and being. This makes me truly happy. And, while I am still a student of life I hope I can be of some help to you.

    I have been taught that we will happen upon impasse after impasse after impasse almost indefinitely. These impasses will happen on all aspects and levels of our lives. However, these will only appear as impasses because we have not yet learned and obtained the tools to tackle these obstructions. And sometimes, it is simply a matter of finding the tools which makes these obstructions difficult to overcome. But where to look for these so called ‘tools’? In your case, you feel out of touch with passion, can’t decide on a goal, have no sense of purpose, focus, motivation, etc…and perhaps you simply feel this way because you have not wandered enough. This is not to say that this is your fault. Sometimes, we walk on our own to new territories and sometimes we are led there by others or simply stumble upon them by chance. However, when one seeks something, it is most likely that instead of waiting for that which we seek, we will simply go a journey, or journeys, to find what we’re looking for. Perhaps you’ve already seen much, perhaps you’ve already done much, however, who’s to truly say? Compared to a child, your claim could be true. However, compared to a traveler, your claim could then be untrue.

    And so, in finding the answers you seek, do you believe you’ve ‘traveled’ enough? Do you believe you’ve seen enough? Been exposed enough? Done enough? Experienced enough? Pondered enough? Asked enough? Accomplished enough? I’m sure you get my gist. What you seek, what we all seek: direction, purpose, goals, focus, motivations, etc….are extremely significant questions for once we find the answers to them they will dictate our entire lives. The fact that you are facing difficulty finding answers proves their significance. Such grand findings should not be so easily found. Hence, do not languish when answers do not easily come (in all aspect of your life). Sometimes, they come through clear examination and sometimes they come exactly when they are supposed to and sometimes not at all. While this is not entirely comforting to know, it must be known that there is only so much that we can control. However, answers usually come to those who seek and your yourself are a seeker, hence, the answers will surely come.

    Lastly, if you have been sulking for a good while now, please know that a (positive) change in attitude may not instantly occur. Similarly to someone suffering through a prolonged period of depression, you cannot expect this individual to find joy instantly. The same can be said about your situation with passion. While it can also be said that a combination of factors are playing a role in your lack of it, we must understand that there are also factors which contribute to our finding a passion. For example, you may not have enjoyed gardening when you were younger, however, as you aged, and perhaps through experimentation, you’ve found that growing a myriad of colorful flowers brought about a fulfilling sentiment. Time, experimentation, exposure and persistence, among others, are but only some of the factors that play a role in finding a passion, or passions. However, do take care, for, if you are (or become) anything like me, you may find passion to be both a curse and a blessing for I have too much that I love and would love to do with my entire being.

    I apologize for the long reply post and also for any grammatical errors I tend to make. I hope my poor advice helps and I wish you all the best.

    Namaste,

    Al

    in reply to: Dealing with Death?? #66063
    Al
    Participant

    Trevor,

    My answer to your questions of our existence and the afterlife: who knows? Why strain so much on a matter that we will ALL come to eventually find out for ourselves. In the meantime, don’t you find it more captivating that you have been given one life, one opportunity before turning into stardust to be self aware, to experience the many dimensions (emotions, senses, etc..), to have been given a physical form and a consciousness to undergo the extraordinary and complex occurrence which is LIFE?

    in reply to: working on 5 steps and i am stuck #66061
    Al
    Participant

    Ann Marsh, @annmarsh

    Any expectations and attitudes felt towards you are for those individuals to deal with, not you. It is not your fault for those relatives whom you have a strained relationship with to have those feelings and attitudes towards you. Your life is for you to live the way you want it to, not theirs. Seek only what makes you happy, what gives you peace of mind and what gives you fulfillment, whatever those things may be. If there are those who think/feel poorly of you for seeking/achieving happiness, allow them to. It is not your responsibility to make them happy. However, it is your responsibility to make yourself happy and at peace. The choice is always yours.

    Al

    in reply to: Back to black, suicidal after hospital appt :-( #66060
    Al
    Participant

    Sarah Jane,

    Sometimes, when we encounter (prolonged) periods of extremities, we suffer so greatly that our minds, bodies and spirits strongly demands that we seek out solace and peace to regain our balance, our equilibrium. And sometimes, the insistence of the demand can morph into desperation thus further adding to our inner chaos and pushing us further away from bringing about order back into our lives. I’d like to say that in your case, you’ve suffered so immensely and continue to do so that it’s causing your search for tranquility to have manifested into such, or something similar. My dear, please be at some ease. While your head and heart may be brimming with chaos, the fact that you are seeking help means that you inherently wish happiness for yourself; a most wonderful notion! Please do take heed in recognizing this within you and draw strength from it.

    As for getting there, please recall what I’ve mentioned: You’re suffering has been so grand that the damage may be of extreme extent. However, fret not, for all things can be mended; though it must be remembered that while ‘cure-alls’ do exist, they may not be found by everyone. It must be recalled that many small steps can have the same results as a few large leaps. The speed of the recovery is not what is of importance; ‘Progress’ is. While taking a plane to New York may get you there faster, taking the train will get you there eventually nonetheless. And, analogically speaking, each journey will share their shares of comforts and discomforts, likes and dislikes, pros and cons, etc…., for life is not perfect. Or, I should say, perfect as we would like it to be. And yet, should we allow the bumps in our lives to entirely ruin our view, our sentiments, our impressions and concepts of the beauty that can be? A climb is supposed to be difficult. However, it can equally be enjoyed. While the bumps that we each individually face vary, the fact that we all encounter them is the same. In this sense, you can say that ‘we’re all in this together’. None of us truly know what we are doing in life, none of us have all the answers and none of us ever will. These truths are how we can be understanding of one another, or forgiving, or compassionate or loving. Many of our actions are dictated by the unknown. Because of this, we cannot forsake one another for any and all actions we’ve performed. Especially the negative ones. Can you truly blame a rapist who was physically, sexually and mentally abused by a parent? Or both? And can you blame the parents for having negligent parents of their own? I understand that these are extreme examples but I solely used them so you could get my gist.

    My friend, numerous small efforts and maintaining them goes a long way. We are each built differently. Some of us are capable of performing grand acts to change our mentalities and spirits for the better. However, some of us are only capable of the smaller ones. But, again, there is no shame or embarrassment in this. The destination will be reached nonetheless and we will arrive there exactly when we are meant to. Hence, there is no sense in forcing things that are (fully) uncontrollable. Simply grasping that we have one short existence, one shot and one opportunity to walk this earth and making it a memorable and meaningful one before becoming stardust should give us all the fortitude we need to give it all we’ve got. Don’t you think?

    I hope this helps and please accept my apology for any grammatical errors I tend to make in long reply post.

    Namaste

    Al

    in reply to: Could use some advice #58741
    Al
    Participant

    Laura C,

    I am sorry for the suffering and difficulties you are experiencing.

    While difficult to see someone you share part of your being with come to potentially cause harm to their life and future, in the end, as each of us must do, we must remember that our journeys are ours to tread, our paths ours to walk, and our lives ours to live. The adversities themselves must be ours as well to suffer and overcome for they are ours alone to learn from to teach us our unique lessons. And, despite your efforts to help her, she has ultimately and unknowingly decided on the path she will take and must now solely endure what she is meant to endure.

    I believe the best course of action now, according to my teacher’s teachings, are to stay kind, loving and compassionate. She will undoubtedly face difficulties, as we all do, and you and your husband must be there to be of continuous example to her both directly and indirectly, to be of support when she needs it, of guidance, of remembrance of the importance of kindness and of love. This way, she will always possess an obscure and inherent awareness of the virtues which are necessary to lead, or revert to, a more wholesome way of life. And, when she falters, perhaps in her own search for meaning, purpose and happiness, she may stumble upon these virtues deep inside herself.

    As for attending her graduation, please do so despite her acknowledgement of your presence. Being there for her then and now are purely acts of love and ‘acts of love’ are never forgotten. While her mind and heart may currently be shrouded and veiled in misconceived and chaotic elements, be sound in knowing that this small yet grand act of being present will be etched deeply in her heart to be aroused at a time she very much needs it. Please convey this to your husband.

    Finally, when she eventually turns 18 and still has her heart set on leaving, if you have the chance to speak to her prior to her doing so, earnestly express your eternal love, support and desire for her happiness to her. Whatever her reaction, take care in not unsettling the energy/atmosphere by responding negatively else cause potential lasting damage. You can do so by harnessing your love for her. This will help in keeping your nerves as calm as they can be. Please also share this with your husband.

    All of your lives have been influenced by this event. However, though sad in nature, this does not mean all of your happiness and peace of minds can no longer be attained/maintained. One condition should not disturb and dominate the rest of our conditions (though more preferable if all were in equilibrium and at harmony). You can always choose to be happy. ‘Choice’ is always available. Hence, do not let one event ruin the rest of your life for your happiness is just as important.

    I hope this helps and I will pray for all of your peace.

    Al

    in reply to: depression. feeling sorry for myself #58451
    Al
    Participant

    @lindseyt86,

    I apologize for the delayed response.

    You say you have been battling depression since you were a child, it is then quite normal for depression to have such a strong hold of you and altering your moods so suddenly. In a sense, it has become an ’emotional habit’. Perhaps, there are some unknown triggers at play which provokes your changes.

    It is my belief that life deals in dualities. This simply means that there is an opposite to everything and both are dependent on the other in order to exist. For example, if ‘up’ did not exist, there could never be a ‘down’. If there were no ‘hot’ then there would be no ‘cold’. I’m sure you get my drift. In your case, there are certain triggers which cause you to regress into your depression. It is then my belief that you must create opposite triggers which will bring about positivity, or happiness. In fact, such is the case for even those who do not suffer from depression. Happiness, for the most part, is something that is constantly worked on in order to be maintained. Those of us who are not fortunate to simply ‘be’ or ‘inhibit’ this state on a constant or near-constant basis must work diligently to do so. We create, we develop beliefs and ideologies according to the experiences we encounter and suffer which gives us the strength and understandings to tackle all that is of difficulty in our lives. For example, you possess morals which will not allow you to take another’s life. The same must be done with your depression. You must seek for a purpose or purposes with which to combat your depression and its episodes. However, do not feel disheartened if you do not instantly find any. Purpose should not be something easily found. If it were, I’m sure this world would be a better place. However, purpose should be as it implies: purposeful; and such grandeur should not be decided upon without time and proper care. Our lives are important and we should take the time to nurture ourselves properly. Also, do not feel as if you must rush. What is of true importance is your understanding of the happenings both inside and outside of you. In a math problem, how can we arrive to and derive an answer if we do not understand the equation, right? Rushing will not help us. It is understanding that will.

    Lastly, in my brother Matt’s words: be kind to yourself. Life is tough enough on us as it is. We do not have all the answers nor ever will. But, perhaps this is a good thing. I would find it too boring if I knew it all. What discoveries would I relish in then? Sometimes, especially for me, the journeying is what’s truly wonderful (even the difficult parts). As for your mother, it is understanding to seek support from a parent. However, we must remember that we are all beings who suffer in our own ways. It is possible that your mother has her issues to deal which builds frustration hence the arguing. Perhaps, recognizing that you both share a suffering, a similar experience, may help you feel compassion for her and walk hand in hand beside her on your journeys instead of you ahead or vice versa. Also, recognizing that each and every single one of us suffer similarly or exactly as you may help. The fact that we all share an identical suffering, and identical bond, proves that we are all connected despite the commonality being on somber grounds. With this sense, we can say that ‘we’re all in this together’. And, personally, I find it too sad that we should share an existence where we live our lives in an ever-mournful state, or near-like.

    In conclusion, find a purpose strong enough to repel and fight off your depression. Take your time in finding one and acknowledge any progress you make. Nurture yourself positively and see us all (humanity and this world) as a whole. I hope adopting this view will give you a much needed boost. Should you need any more help this community will always be here. Also, please excuse any grammatical mistakes I often tend to make in long posts. I hope this helps.

    Al

    Al
    Participant

    Louisa,

    Along with the beautiful advice you were given, it may also help if you try to see that we are all, essentially, in the same boat and one and the same. Each and every single one of us is just trying our best to live our lives the best way we can and know how. When you come to perceive that your struggles, your dreams, your desires, your wishes, your sufferings, your joys among other things, exists in every human being you meet, you will come to find that connecting with others then becomes easy, or easier, at the very least. In this view, and sense, you can see that words are not necessary at all in order to connect. Sensing our beings within one another is connection enough. A conversation is not always needed nor forced empty words. A simple greeting and a warm smile has the potential of saying more than an exchange over lunch. Adopting this view may very well aid you in all social interactions in your life. Also, I understand that this may not all come instantly easily and know that this is entirely okay. Performing many small steps can eventually get you just as far as three large leaps. However, do not languish that it may take longer to get to your destination. This does not mean that your journey still cannot possess bouts of beauty; for all roads, if we keep our eyes and hearts open to see, possess it. You will get to where you’re supposed to eventually, and naturally. The ride should be just as fun as the destination. And, it can become even more fun if we fill it with beautiful people.

    I hope this helps.

    Al

    in reply to: depression. feeling sorry for myself #58210
    Al
    Participant

    @lindseyt86,

    Please let us know what the grounds for your depression is. How did you come to obtain it? What is it that makes you sad? Perhaps a small description of your life to this point may help us help you.

    in reply to: Hit rock bottom #58132
    Al
    Participant

    hmvg,

    I am sorry for your suffering. However, please know that peace and happiness are and will always attainable.

    While these experiences are difficult to handle, they exist in order to help develop our beings when we recognize the important lessons they have to offer us. I understand that it isn’t fair to be taught this way, however, the more and most difficult paths often are the ones that teach us the biggest, and sometimes, best lessons. And, in your case, don’t you believe it? Fifteen long and strenuous years have taught you much about what doesn’t make you happy and the on and off again relationship with your ex has taught you that happiness must derive from within.

    You now possess the chance to create a life to make you happy. Isn’t this wonderful? Isn’t this beautiful? And, of course it is going to be difficult. Is the path to peace and happiness supposed to be easy? Why, I only wish! However, I’ve come to enjoy the difficulties in my pursuit of these things. In the more challenging ones, I do my best to simply learn if I cannot smile. Once I calm my mind, I can then weigh upon what I believe is of worth in life and if these troubles possess the capacity of permanently halting my beliefs, my loves and my meaning of existence. If they do not, if I find that I can yet go forward, then they are of little consequence and I simply maintain my journey.

    I understand that this may not be as simple as it seems. However, similarly to when we first learned how to drive, it takes practice. And baby steps. There is no rush to find happiness. The journey is just as, and maybe more, important than the destination. What matters is not rushing to our goals but whether or not we’re satisfied in the end. Our lives are important and so we should be gentle with ourselves. And forgiving. We do not know all the answers and never will. The mistakes will continue to happen. It’s inevitable. This doesn’t mean, however, that we should yearn. One or a few drops of poison in the ocean will not entirely contaminate it. Our beings are the same. We should not allow a few difficult experiences ruin the rest of our lives because beauty will continue to exist and if we allow these few scabs to dominate our minds we will miss the view. Therefore, as my brother Matt often says, be gentle with yourself. Be loving and caring and compassionate and nurturing and slowly an even more beautiful being may emerge.

    I hope this helps and please excuse any grammatical errors I may have most likely made. Namaste to you.

    Al

Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 147 total)