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Al

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Viewing 15 posts - 121 through 135 (of 147 total)
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  • in reply to: Long Recovery #46380
    Al
    Participant

    What is socially awkward? What is trying too hard? What is normal? Everything that you’ve stated is subjective. It’s similar to asking who is right and who is wrong. Are rebel forces wrong for wanting to usurp a dictatorial government or is a dictatorial government right for wanting to eliminate a chaotic element of their country? The answer is both and neither. It is only what you believe. It’s the same in social environments. A conversation takes the form of whatever you wish it to be. Normal and abnormal are illusionary. What matters only is if the conversation holds for you any meaning (which can translate to a lot of things). However, I understand what you mean. If you find it difficult to make conversation, think of the well being of the other party when doing so and you’ll find that words will come out easily and also with compassion on your end. However, if you feel you must speak ‘pretend’ then its probably best to not initiate or milk a conversation out. It’s perfectly fine not to feel that you must make a conversation in order to break silence nor for appearance’s sake. You will only harm yourself in doing so and continue the cycle of feeling false.

    Be at ease in feeling feeling detached because the truth is actually the opposite. You are taking steps to better understand yourself which will result in you feeling closer to other human beings. Through this assertion you become connected.

    As far as your situation with your mother, to feel that you can only begin to live when she passes is the wrong way of thinking. If she could, your mother would not want to burden you in such a way and also would only wish for you to start living. Continue to care for her well being but do not let it dominate your mind nor your life. Your happiness is just as important. If she is at an age where it is time for her to leave, do not overly wallow. Feel joy that she had to experience life, both the good and bad, that you are there to care for her in her remaining days and that she was one of the fortunate ones to reach such a wonderful age. It may be more difficult done than said but you must always try to see everything in a positive light. If it helps, know that I am in a similar situation with both parents and still plan on pursuing my dreams. Anything can be done if you learn to balance it all and it is THE key in the success of our every day dealings. Making a constant practice of it you will greatly benefit your life. Work both on your happiness while caring for your mother. You can do it. It can be done. Have faith in yourself and if you need strength come seek it on here. We’ll be here to help you! 😉

    in reply to: Long Recovery #46371
    Al
    Participant

    Kinny,

    In dealing with gossipers and old friends: grasp the fact that they, too, are imperfect beings who, too, are trying the best they can to make sense of their lives. Find this commonality they share with you and forgive their behavior. They do not know any better, same as you, same as me. Wish only for their well beings and that they may live a life full of happiness. A difficult thing to do but it will bring you much peace, I promise.

    In dealing with your ex and the suffering he caused you: the above can also be applied though much harder to do since the connection you had with him was much stronger. If anything, try your best to see things in a positive light. For example: better for this to have happened now instead of if you were to have been married and perhaps with children. Also, be glad that you did not go further into a relationship with such an individual. And, this experience may have given you more insight on the type of person you’d like to share your life with. In addition, do not hold any further bitterness towards him for none of it will benefit you. Holding negativity will only halt your growth. Don’t let it, you’re stronger than that.

    In moving on: recognize that there are other grand things to aspire to. Relationships/Partnership can be a beautiful thing, however, they’re not the only beautiful things in this world. If you paused to sense everything around you, you will come to see that you’re constantly surrounded by beauty so don’t let one event ruin the rest of your life.

    I’ll leave you with a great quote that’s traveling around on the internet: most people die at 25 and aren’t buried until they’re 75. I’m sure you can translate it. Don’t let this be you! Live, don’t just survive! 🙂

    Al

    in reply to: I just need help. Thanks #46350
    Al
    Participant

    In your case, I would say it’s not passion that you need to seek. Instead, I believe that you need to find what makes life worth living. At least it’s what I sense that you lack from your post. Unless you find the value in life, trying to find a passion will be meaningless.

    It isn’t uncommon that you have no guidance at this early stage of your life. Sadly, we are a society, and perhaps even world, that focuses more on making us efficient employees rather than capable human beings. We come to learn what truly matters later in life, sometimes even too late, and it becomes difficult to learn ‘how’ to think when all our adolescence we’ve been taught to learn ‘what’ to think. This isn’t the case for everyone but through my own observations I would say it is definitely the case for the majority.

    I will tell you what I’ve told other members in similar posts: take it slow, don’t rush, life is too important to do it poorly. Continue to explore, experience, experiment and discover. Eventually you will find something ‘worthy’ to dedicate your life to so don’t give up.

    Lastly, I do not wish to spoil it all for you but I do believe that in your case this may help: you’re still at the beginning. It will continue to be tough but understand that it will all be for your own personal growth. When such difficulties happen, observe and examine them carefully in order to obtain an answer. Don’t feel that you need to immediately find an answer for them either. Also, do remember that not all answers will be correct. In fact, all answers will be subjective. In the end, there is only what’s right ‘for you’ though that, too, can mean a lot of thing. I’m sorry if this sounds confusing but eventually you’ll come to understand.

    In the meantime, keep your head up. The first step is always to seek help, which you did. It means that in your heart you want to experience what life has to offer and I respect and admire you very much for that. Those that want to live life and fight for it always find a meaning. You’ll find yours, don’t worry!

    Al

    in reply to: Off the market #46348
    Al
    Participant

    My indulging belief: live with absolute pursuit of what makes you happy. For me, however, it is fortunately and unfortunately ALL of life. I absolutely love all of it; the entire experience. I am excited to be exposed to something new each and every day and I find joy and bliss in all that I am allowed to leisurely pursue (which is EVERYTHING and ANYTHING!). I apologize for my excessive enthusiasm (if it can be sensed through this writing,at least) but I get overjoyed when talking about life.

    And another apology for my deviation. To answer you I will share a quote you’ve probably read on the internet: Don’t find love, let love find you. That’s why it’s called ‘falling’ in love because you don’t force yourself to fall, you just fall. A bit corny but I believe in these words. Live your life out simply and if love is supposed to be part of your life then it will find you. 🙂

    With Love,
    Al

    in reply to: How to Deal with Daddy Issues? #46347
    Al
    Participant

    Matt said everything I want albeit 1000 times better. 🙂 Understanding that we are all raised in different environments helps garner compassion about one’s behavior. And, ultimately, compassion is all that you can give your father. Though not the figure you wished you had had growing up please continue to love him for the suffering that he has endured. One day, perhaps, with the influence from your compassionate actions you may trigger within him a change where he may want to atone for his past actions. However, even then do not hope for such a thing. Wish only for his well being always. This will help in bringing you the peace you need.

    Regards,
    Al

    in reply to: I could really use some help, im totally lost. #46346
    Al
    Participant

    Having given up on all those endeavors at your young age, some which you cannot be proficient at unless you give them a good chunk of years, presumes that you give up easily and definitely too early to establish any sort of satisfiable results. And, perhaps that is why you have not learned to enjoy them. Like most, it is easy to compare your work to others and find it dismal, as is proved in your insinuation of ‘ i was either completly useless at it, or mediocre at best’, which is definitely the wrong way to see anything. Though the end results are of significance do not forget that the in-between is what really of matter. The journey may be arduous and slow going, so slow that sometimes it feels like we are not progressing, but it is better than not having attempted and regretting it all when it’s too late. Additionally, understand that everyone learns at different rates. If you and I both decided to learn to play the guitar at the same time you would find that we would be at different levels after 3 years. So give yourself more time in your endeavors. Regardless of the outcome you will have gained something from it. And, it’s definitely possible to discover another passion while currently pursuing one.

    As far as finding WHAT to pursue I will say: you are still young, do not feel discouraged. Most importantly, do not feel rushed. We live our lives as it’s meant to; nothing more, nothing less. I do, however, highly admire your sense of exploration. I believe whole-heartedly that you will eventually come to find something you will fall in love with if you continue on that path. Try recognize and garner all the beauty around you every single day. It may help invigorate you.

    Best of luck to you,
    Al

    in reply to: how much is too much? #46291
    Al
    Participant

    The best way to help anyone is to help yourself. Your behavior may trigger responses in others that may result in them taking action. In your case (and even everyone’s), continue on your path to self-peace and happiness and perhaps one day he may take witness of the beauty in you and want the same for himself; finally taking action. As far as how long this will take will be up to him. Just be ready to be there for him as best you can when he finally seeks help/support.

    Best of luck to you.

    in reply to: Long distanct relationship with tough decision. Please help #46115
    Al
    Participant

    You have quite the extreme case. When relationships involve one party having to leave behind their entire life to be with the other it is always a difficult matter. As you’ve stated, there are too many unknowns. My opinion: have an honest talk with him about how you both feel of your entire situation. Also, do mention that you worry of his ‘outbursts’. They are definitely not favorable signs this early in a relationship. Perhaps even write down a list of pros and cons. If you feel there are too many challenges to overcome then parting may be your best option. If that is to be the case, I hope you will both part amicably. Best of luck to you.

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by Al.
    in reply to: My Loveless life. #46111
    Al
    Participant

    Love is a grand thing. However, it’s not all there is to life. There are many other beautiful things to devote your life to. Go explore and find yourself a passion and on your journey I promise that the one you’re supposed to be with will eventually appear. Keep your head up!

    • This reply was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by Al.
    in reply to: The 2 year engagement and counting….and wondering… #46073
    Al
    Participant

    Personally, I would only ever speak to my partner with kindness. If I had to resort to name calling and making demeaning comments then I would recognize that the fault is with me and try to change. Your feelings for him may be strong but if your relationship with him leads to the deterioration of your mental and spiritual health then perhaps separation may be the answer. However, do proceed with Monk’s advice first.

    in reply to: Don't know if I should end relationship…I'm not ready? #46004
    Al
    Participant

    Perhaps you should make a list of ‘What you’re looking for in a partner’ instead and see if any of her qualities appear. If not, then perhaps the indications may be clear. However, don’t take my word for it. I am an idiot when it comes to relationships. lol

    As for breaking up, if you’ve fully decided to part ways, that is, then the longer you wait the more you will suffer. However, I would say that most importantly is not the ‘when’ but the ‘how’. I hope you will do your best to part in a loving way as to help ease her pain in the transition, if any. Good luck.

    in reply to: shell shocked #46003
    Al
    Participant

    Do not let go of your love for her. Instead, use it to want the best for her, which in this case is parting for loving someone means to care more for them than for yourself. Be happy for what she once gave you, for the experience you’ve had and for the memories you’ve created. Thank her in your heart and wish her a wonderful rest of her life.

    If, however, you find it too difficult then I would advise on seeking separate housing, if possible. This may help in you good byes. Best of luck to you.

    in reply to: I need help, how to deal with severe depression and anxiety? #46001
    Al
    Participant

    You have no idea who you are? Perfect! You have the chance to create a beautiful being! 😉

    Hannah, ask yourself this: who truly knows themselves? 😉 It was a trick question. No one. No one will fully know themselves. Why? Because every new discovery leads to a new belief thereby leading to a constant self-altering state. Today, you may not enjoy strawberries with a firm belief that you never will but in your older (and even more beautiful) years you may come to learn to love them hence discovering something new about yourself proving that you never truly knew yourself afterall. 🙂

    As for your anxieties and your fears, do not let them hold power over you. What’s there to fear when you’ve nothing to lose and everything to gain? 😉 You’re unsure where to start which in my opinion is the best place to be. This only means that you can start from anywhere. How I envy you! 😉 A fresh beginning should be exciting. In fact, do add excitement to the task you will undertake for life is an adventure! But I’m deviating here. I will answer your question with what I tell others in other posts: You must go out and discover yourself. You did not come into this world knowing what you’re supposed to do. Not knowing where to start is always the first step. Now, you must explore, experiment, discover and experience in order to find a path worth dedicating your life to.

    Understand that all make such a journey therefore find peace in your social anxieties. Knowing that we are all ‘traveling’ will bring you more comfort in interacting with others. Keep this in mind and you will find that your words will reach not only ears but hearts as well. Eventually you will be able to ‘connect’ with others instinctively and perhaps with surprising relative ease. 🙂

    So keep your head up! Find the joy in the journey and believe that you’ll make it!

    Al

    in reply to: Dying inside #45999
    Al
    Participant

    Do not hate yourself over things you have very little control of. In fact, take your entire notion of ‘control’ out. ‘Control’ is an illusion. At any given moment and time your life may be dramatically altered or taken. In this sense, let go of your vow and belief that you must take care of her. She, too, must recognize her own suffering(s) and take her own action(s) if she wishes better for herself. The fault is not entirely yours therefore come to some peace with this.

    Most importantly, believe that you will come out okay. Without belief, there is no point in trying. You will find an answer though do not be surprised if it’s not one you’ve envisioned. As I’ve said, work on your own being, on how to better it. Smile with love, care and happiness when you see her and through your own dealings she may find that she wants the exact happiness you portray, leading her to finally take action(s). 😉

    Don’t worry, you’ll make it!

    Al

    in reply to: Reaching for a hand out. #45997
    Al
    Participant

    You feel false, empty, distant, unable to relate to anyone or anything because you haven’t yet ‘created’ yourself yet. 😉 Like everyone, you’ve tried to ‘find’ yourself but how can anyone if they haven’t created themselves yet? My advice is one that I’ve posted numerously on these forums: explore, discover, experiment and experience. Do not fear any of it. Life is meant to be experienced, none of us know what we’re supposed to do in this life and aren’t meant to. We make meanings for ourselves through the experiences we encounter. If you’re unsure what it is you love, find interest in, are curious about, holds significance and such in your life then take that first step through the door.

    Don’t rush. Never rush. When it comes to important things you take your time to do them right, correct? Isn’t your life one? 🙂 Remove any anxiety through the joy that you are able to wake up everyday with the power to create a life of your own worth living because not everyone is sadly allowed that. That’s not to say things will be easy but do retain that every ‘trying’ moments will be there to learn from. And, please, make yourself dwell on those moments especially. They will give you the experience necessary to overcome all similar future obstacles.

    And before I forget, to help ease your longing for your ex, in your heart, simply earnestly wish for his well being. Thank him for the beautiful times, the wonderful memories and for showing you that great men do exist (thank goodness lol). I hope this will bring you peace.

    Al

    ps: remember that after a storm clears a rainbow always appears. 🙂

Viewing 15 posts - 121 through 135 (of 147 total)