Dear Bradley,

There is not much point in a relationship, if both parties “compete” about how much the other has hurt him or her. A relationship is supposed to be about love, not negativity.

Dear Kalleid,

I don”t know either – I am not on Facebook.

People usually don”t want to interfere, which is a pity. His show has been like that before and no one has complained! This is your chance to make a difference! 🙂

• This reply was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by Susannah.

Dear Kylee,

you have the opportunity to let your boyfriend show his caring and warmth. It takes a little courage, though. If you “play” and try with the thought that he does not want to judge you (like you don”t want to judge  him either) even though you let him see your insecurity and anxiety, you probably will get such proof! That will deepen the trust and closeness between you two and in time your anxiety will diminish and your feeling of worthiness will grow. It is possible to let the relationship heal you by itself without too much effort! 🙂

Dear Hailey,

sorry to hear about the situation. I have no experience of such a situation, but hopefully I can say something that will help you.

It seems that the loss of a close person  (which has nothing to do whether the person was a family member or not) has an immense impact on your boyfriend. Maybe for the first time in his life he has really begun to think about the meaning of life and relationships.  His loss has made him realize that nothing is forever and that is what makes everything very valuable and fragile.

The last thing he needs right now is any pressure. If you tell him “but we had plans about moving together” is like a child complaining “I want to have my candy right now.” (Sorry to sound harsh.) You never know what kind of surprises life will bring and that is why you need to be able to adjust.

He needs your comforting, understanding and care. There are no rules how long it takes anyone to get back to normal after such a loss – even though things will never be the same again. If the person feels that he is accepted and loved the way he is right now, it may speed the process.

Why the hurry? If you share a special connection, it should be no problem to wait for a while to continue with the plans which were made before the dramatic loss. In this situation he needs to FEEL your love so that he can be sure that he – at some point – wants to take the next step with you, having a home together with you. It is said that home is where the heart is and you can have it right here and right now in these circumstances – the rest is just walls and floors, which is secondary.

Dear Kylee,

the fact that you were friends before is good, but you mentioned something about his previous relationships. Is there something about the relationships or the way he told about them that makes you feel uncomfortable?

You said that you share interests and hobbies. That to me is not as important as having the same values and approach to life.

It is easier for you than for him to talk. It is good that he is affectionate! Maybe the next time he holds you and you feel very good you could open up about something that is in your mind even though it may feel a little scary. When a woman shows her vulnerability, it gives the man the option to comfort her and they become emotionally closer to each other – that to me is the essence of the relationship. In time he will feel safe enough to express his deepest thoughts and feelings and the relationship deepens further. If you cannot create intimacy, the relationship will come to an end and it is ok. Who needs a distant relationship? 😉 The good news is that it seems that you have the opportunity to get to know each other better and create something beautiful together! 🙂

Dear Kindness,

taking it easy sometimes does not make you lazy! And you could even be lazy doing nothing – it is ok to be lazy. There are no rules about life; life is not about performing but living and sometimes in life you can do a lot, sometimes less and sometimes just be and smell the roses (or not even that – breathing is enough.)

You probably have people in your life, who make themselves very busy all the time. That is ok for them, if it makes them happy. There is no one in the position to tell you how you should live your life, it is up to you. For many variety of rhytmn has proved to be good; too much to do makes you stressed and tight (both mentally and physically) and too little may make you apathetich. Many of us were raised in families, where parents were busy all the time. If that is not the best option for you, you may feel guilty taking free time for yourself  (like you told), but there is nothing to feel guilty about! It is your life and your choices, which you need not “explain” to anyone! You are the expert about yourself and your life, not anybody else! 🙂

• This reply was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by Susannah.
• This reply was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by Susannah.

Dear Smile,

we all need love and most of us find love most fulfilling, when satisfying sex is part of it. Sex cannot substitute love, though. Maybe part of your difficulty to let go of her is that you wanted to create intimacy and connectedness between you with sex. It just does not happen like that. And there can also be mindblowing sex without love; that is probably the case here. This particular relationship has a lot more negative than positive so it is truly better that you look for sex (and love) from someone else. You do not want to mess your mind and life even for great sex, do you?