Get stuffed.

Hello Terence,

First of all, thank you for being genuinely interested in this strange phenomenon, what some people are calling ‘compressed evolution’.

1. The energy can descend at any time. I don’t have to be doing anything when it happens. It just does what it wants when it wants.

2. Before the energy comes, I feel like a ‘normal human being’ (whatever that means). I feel mentally stable. How I feel during and after the energy descends depends on how strong it is. For example, this week the energies were so strong and heavy I seriously contemplated suicide on two occasions: by that I mean I was ready to put my plan into action. The energy basically fucks with your mind, leaving you essentially like a zombie. It also causes intense fatigue, and sometimes intense anger, and you lose interest in practically everything until it lifts. Today I have felt normal and able to pursue my usual interests because there were no energies entering me. Tomorrow might be different again.

3. The energy comes in through the very top of my head (the scalp/crown), and flows down my spine and out through the palms of my hands and the soles of my feet. Most times I have to take my shoes off or the energies will back up, leaving me feeling very uncomfortable indeed. The pain is very heavy and extensive. It starts out as bone pain and migrates to muscular, fibromyalgic type pain. It feels like every single cell in my body is in intense pain. It can also feel like my body is being crushed into the ground under an immense weight. The pain most often lasts all day, from the moment I wake until I go to sleep. This is why I take painkillers or I would have to resign myself to being in bed all day.

Best wishes,

Tannhauser

@Mark: I have seen my doctor and am on anti-depressants. This is the second time since this thing started. Bear in mind, I have been through some very traumatic times in the past and wound up on dialysis for five years; however, I never needed anti-depressants during those times. I coped.

@Terence: I wasn’t doing any spiritual practices other than attending church. I never did yoga or anything like that, and I didn’t invite this thing. I didn’t even know what Kundalini was.

@Michelle: Religion let me down by not honouring my experiences. I felt that if I discussed it openly, I would be demonised. I did, however, consult my parish priest on three occasions about the ‘beings’ that are with me constantly, and which I can feel rather than see or hear. He and his exorcist colleague weren’t much use. They didn’t know what to do, and the exorcist chap I spoke to on the phone told me to see my GP. (I think he just fobbed me off because it was his day off and he couldn’t be bothered.) There is also the fact that there is truth in all religions, and the concept we call ‘God’ is not just confined to one of them. The Catholic Church simply will not accept this: more dichotomy for my tired mind to deal with. The Virgin Mary is actually a very ancient elemental being who created the earth, and she was known as Hathor and Isis amongst other names. Again, the Church won’t have this, but it seems that from my experience, (and the experience of someone in 1930’s Germany) that the Virgin Mary does not want to be known by that name any more. It seems she prefers the name Artemis. It would seem to make sense, since her apparitions mostly occur in wild places.

I can deal with the dissonance, and the dichotomies and the beings, but what really freaks me out is when the process periodically tries to crack open my mind. It is terrifying. It makes me feel frightened I’ll lose it big time and end up in a mental hospital. I am trying to live with this thing, but quite honestly, I don’t know if I can.

Best wishes,

Tannhauser

Jesus Christ, where the fuck do I start?

Since this thing started six years ago, my whole outlook on life has changed, leaving me feeling totally isolated. The vast majority of people do not realise that they are living in a waking nightmare of their own making. They love watching sex and violence on TV whilst filling their faces with junk food and drink. On the whole, they love what is base and what charms the dullest intelligence, though there are rare exceptions. They ridicule most forms of spirituality, and cannot understand why people try to cope with life by meditating, praying, doing yoga or creative things, preferring instead to cope with the stresses of life by drowning their sorrows with alcohol, sex or drugs. I stated yesterday that I do not believe in an actual God, simply because I do not believe a highly intelligent enlightened deity could fuck things up so badly. I mean, it is really, really sad to see people effectively living on auto-pilot, waiting for the weekend, waiting for the factory to close, waiting for death….

Before August 2013, I was as comatose as everyone else. And believe me, if someone  gave me the chance to go back to sleep, I would take it. But once you’ve had the red pill, there’s no going back, ever. It started with a mental vision of Jesus Christ, and got weirder and weirder. It gave me depression and suicidal ideation, and I ultimately think that suicide is the only answer to a world as screwed up and slanted towards materialism as this one. I am growing distant from my parents, who would rather I said very little. About anything. But I am trying to form stronger relationships with younger members of my family, so there might be some hope there. I am basically trying to avoid facing the true horror of my situation, and I will do anything to distract myself or  I’ll tip over the edge.

What this is, isn’t spirituality. It is enforced evolution. And either I will learn to adapt, or I’ll die.

Best wishes,

Tannhauser

It’s nearly a full moon and I’m going through some weird shit again. Today has been fucking AWFUL. Jesus Fucking Christ WHAT is all this shit about? When is it going to end? Why is it happening to me? My whole fucking body is absolutely exhausted; every cell of my body is screaming in pain, and my mind feels like it is being trepanned. WHERE IS THE FUCKING SUPPORT?!!

I NEED HELP, and I DON’T need new age speak or psychobabble. Or are you too busy doling out relationship advice?

There is NO God. I know some of you don’t like to hear this, but it is absolutely true. God was just a load of man-made shit. If you think there’s a God, you just haven’t suffered enough yet. There is only a cold, merciless Universe.

I am at the end of my rope.

Suicidal Tannhauser

‘She’ is destroying me. ‘She’ is causing the most terrible feelings. ‘She’ is utterly demonic. Today I feel very violent and could easily stab someone. Earlier, I felt lost and burst into tears like a baby. I don’t know who I really am anymore and it is very frightening. I am trying to grab on to anything to avoid a full blown breakdown. It feels like this isn’t my reality anymore. It isn’t my world. I can’t believe this is happening to me after everything I have gone through. And you know what? No one gives a fuck, and they will only finally give a fuck after I’ve dropped myself off a local railway viaduct.

This is my last word on this subject. There is no support out there for this. But I cannot stress to people how totally evil and sick Kundalini really is. It is EVIL!!!!!! I have ‘something’ which comes in through my head and blows my stomach up so much it becomes uncomfortable, and there is also another force which is trying to push itself into my head. It is all just too much.

Goodbye,

Tannhauser.