Hi SereneWolf,

I have good news. I finally got a full-time job. Fully remote. as I wanted. In my field. Finally, so many months of stress and anxiety is no more, and I feel like I can actually breath.

Wow, such great news! Fully remote job, in your field – exactly what you wanted. Congratulations, SereneWolf, this is a big achievement!
How is it now, a bit over a month since you’ve got the job? Do you still like it? 🙂

I can resonate with that. How’s your heath now?

Ahh, it’s always a struggle. Some of my health problems got worse, some got a tiny bit better. But those are chronic issues, they’re not going away, I’m afraid. The only thing I can do it try to manage them, do whatever is in my power to help myself, and leave the rest to God, or the universe…

No. She always used to say that I won’t suffer before my death. and that’s what happened. She didn’t suffer. cardiac arrest in sleep.

Oh, that’s tough for those who stay behind. It must have been a pretty big shock for all of you… I’m sorry, SereneWolf 🙁 So you didn’t have time to say goodbye or anything like that?

I’m pretty sure its active. Like you know even though now I got a job now I still feel like that’s complex. it’s bigger company now role is lil bit more complex you have to do this and that? would you even be able to handle? and I feel like not competent enough and feel overwhelmed, I didn’t even start yet I feel like that. and I don’t know why but this sometimes out of nowhere this feeling of “don’t mess this one” So instead actually be in the present and start learning and unfold with time I sometimes feel that fear and anxiety.

And another thing because of job stress I wasn’t even thinking about relationship side but now I suddenly this feeling, wave of loneliness. it’s make me doomscroll for hours just so I can distract myself

I hear you… I’m very familiar with the situation where one acute problem is gone, but another one quickly replaces it, and so I start worrying about that one.

What I’ve learned in the past few years is that anxiety is almost like an entity, a state of the nervous system that we’re accustomed to, that we’re familiar with (fight-or-flight). And because of that, we’ll always find something to worry about.

Even if things seem fine at the moment, we might start worrying that it won’t last, like you’re now worrying that you better not mess this up. I think it’s because anxiety is your “baseline”, and unfortunately your mind (and your nervous system) immediately go there.

Also, it could be that since your main worry (finding a proper job) has been alleviated, a space has opened up for other worries to come in, such as you starting worrying about the relationship. It’s like the level of anxiety in your system stays the same, but the theme changes: now it’s not primarily about the job, but it includes other topics, such as romantic relationship.

Do you think this could be the case?

Yes I’ve been resting. Its much better now I think.

Happy to hear about that! I hope it was a one-time issue and won’t return!

Btw, this is my new account. I felt it was time to freshen things up and do an upgrade 🙂 But all my posts are still visible and no part of our conversation is lost. So I hope it won’t cause you any trouble!