Hi Connie,

i appreciate anyone who can say something like “though we are both scared I’m willing to try it out/move forward.” Etc thats a whole love language in my book. So good for you.

i messaged that to someone I was interested in and who was pursuing me on Instagram and they never responded so I was hurt by that . Lol

Like why do people pursue people then shut down or not communicate. I find it very disrespectful & immature. Like you’re messing with real people with real hearts and feelings , the least you could do is communicate in turn.

Besides my biases. He may just need some time or whatever. All you can do is be patient . Or set some type of boundaries around time.

People with effective communication skills would say and sound like this. “Hi, I understand you would like to talk about this now, but I need some time to do (x). Can we talk about this on (date).”

So moving forward I would open up communication around communication and time boundaries.

Dissatisfaction *

psychologically *

I do think that’s a pretty big deal that he’s talking to other women on the side and sending pictures while he’s married . Bored or not, those things need to be worked through .

thats not something for her to internalize as her fault because he’s bored. But they do need to talk about some boundaries and expectations .

Hi,

just randomly reading posts posts that I can relate to. Popping in sharing my two cents .

I used to isolate myself and then tell myself that I was so different that no one could relate to me. And this would become a cycle of isolation and I wouldn’t open up because “no one would understand.” And though I am very unique and complex, and have a complex set of experiences , mindsets, traumas etc – even in that there are people who can relate. And to go a step further , relationships are about learning and so for people who don’t have my exact experiences, people can learn a lot from them. I just had to learn how to find people who appreciated them and learn how not to judge myself when others didn’t .

I was bullied in school and didn’t realize until later in life how much it impacted how I would isolate or my tolerance for people. So I’d isolate from people who hurt me once and kind of have this black and white thinking. Instead of thinking about life and people as a giant playground. You know ? On playgrounds when we are toddlers we get exposed to everything so we can learn. Dirt, obstacle courses, and other children. And we get dirty, fall off swings , bump into other kids and we just pick ourselves up and learn from the mistakes or how to adjust to the obstacles on the playground and try again.. I’m very sensitive and always in my mind, picking apart my actions and replaying situations. I fantasize a lot to , to get away from things I don’t want to think about or feel. But I also know my fantasizing is just apart of my nature. I am a dream and nothing is wrong with that. I create . I can even tell from your writing , you’re a really good writer. I bet you’d be amazing at writing poetry. Youre a very deep thinker and the other side of that may be that you feel things so deeply and then the ocd makes you pick it apart maybe and it makes you feel weird for being so conscious of these thoughts.

But we all think about weird shit. A lot of people have a lot of stuff going on in their heads that they just don’t share with people or they are not as aware or conscious of. I too sometimes get caught in the cycle of over thinking what I’m over thinking.

In terms of sexuality . I’m lgbt woman so, I had to learn to accept myself and the things I like without much judgment. And the more I surrounded myself with information and people who also had different sexualities and interests I realized I wasn’t so weird for my “kink” or likes or thoughts .  And even if they were weird, I had to just accept that. I’m different and that’s okay . People who are different add value to this world . I liked reading what you had to share , you seem very deep so. Yea don’t beat yourself up.

take care  . That’s my two cents that nobody asked for lol

Hi Luke,

thats hard. It never feels good to feel trashed , locked apart or being left during hard times .

Ive been there before… when you love someone and your life becomes entangled with them. But they are like somewhere else the whole time.. sometimes when we are in love we only see the positive. We don’t see everything else. Sometimes we only see and hear what we want to and hold on to that, and ignore everything else..

Im sorry you are going through this. I know it feels like having a ton of shit on your back and you feel lonely and sometimes like you can’t go on because the one thing you loves and attached to has like left you in the dark (well it feels that way).

But this too shall pass. Life goes on. You can rebuild and you don’t need her to do it. You can find someone who appreciates you and someone who’s not afraid to be authentic so that when you build with them, you’re building on a stable foundation.

I know it’s challenging to move forward , especially because of all the memories you share with this person. Especially taking a leap to move etc. all those points are valid & again, those moments were very real. That doesn’t go away just because she left .

I read somewhere that relationships don’t end. They complete. Relationships are important, we are communal beings. Relationships teach us things and are relevant for specific time periods in our life. Some are life long others are for a moment. The ones for a moment are what we’d call “purposeful relationships.” These relationships end or “complete” when the purpose is fulfilled. Thank it for the lessons it’s right you. I know that’s hard to do now. But over time as you start to rise up , you’ll start figuring out that purpose. As you start to learn how to rebuild yourself you’ll start to learn about certain wounds that- maybe you put bandaids on before but now you’re having to face and heal to have the life and relationships you want.

What you both shared was meaningful that doesn’t go away. But like you said , if she can just “throw it all away,” something was being built on a false premise… something was missing , or something was happening on the side that maybe you both turned a blind eye to and.. she’s not who you truly thought she was. And that’s okay. You’re allowed to be upset about that , again, that was her own confusion.

All you can do is, take accountability for your end. Work on growth , and acceptance . And be peaceful in the fact that, at the end of the day, you’ll be in a way better place to build what you truly desire than ever before.

in the meantime , find family or close friends to lean on. Ask for support , love & help. I know reaching out is scary. But do it. It’s worth while. Shouldn’t have to go through this alone .

Hi Ivey,

finally a lgbt question! Lol im a woman who dates women so I totally understand what you’re going through.

Break ups are hard no matter what. But staying in a relationship because you don’t want the other to be sad will do long term damage. It sacrifices your own happiness and it makes things harder to let go further down the line.

It seems you definitely want to explore & that’s an important part of life & development, exploring. He can either support it or not, but that shouldn’t stop you from doing what you need to do for your individual growth.

Have you considered an open relationship? Or polyamory? Or are you just like, ready to move on completely and date a woman?

Hi,

dont beat yourself up about R.

There’s not much detail to go on but all I can say is. There are many reasons people turn down bids for relationships..

One way to navigate it is for both people to be clear about their intentions and boundaries. If you can have a clear talk about that, maybe you have a shot. But if they don’t want to work it out. That’s their choice. And you can always make new friends .

Seems like you got a bit of self reflection to do there . Is there some accountability on something that needs to be taken that someone’s over looking ? Idk