thanks J… you’ve guessed right.. im too afraid to commit a mistake right now bcoz i cant afford to jeopardize my son’s future.. but as you’ve said i have to decide on one thing and do it… jumping off the cliff was just that.. a thought… nothing else..:)..you’re right too, respect was already absent in my relationship with my inlaws.. maybe that’s why it resulted to that embarrassing scene..well, at first i respected them, but their constant not so good treatment of me led me to lose that respect..i know i have to make peace with them if im going back together with my husband.. but for now, im honestly not ready for that..

hmmm.. thanks for asking J…:)
family to me for now is just the three of us… that’s selfish right?… i want to fix my marriage and my own family for now.. that’s why im thinking of my family first.. i know i have to make peace with my inlaws someday but im not so keen with the idea right now, to be honest..i believed once i get married, ill be starting my own family..
i take care of our baby day and night… that’s why i feel sleepy even during daytime.. nevertheless, i still make it an effort to help around the house whenever i can manage it.. but there would be times that i couldn’t so maybe that’s also one of the reasons why my husbands mother and sister got irritated with me.. but there came a time when his sister was not talking to me at all.. she acts as if im not around… and keeps on banging things whenever im within hearing distance… i got pissed off by that.. coz i dont know anything that ive done that might have offended her.. in turn i asked my husband to please find a way so we can live on our own… he still couldn’t afford it so we agreed to wait.. but as the days pass i also felt his mother growing distant with me.. then it just burst out one day… then a confrontation happened.. we were all shouting.. i talked back to his mom.. forgive me for that… then i found out what was bothering his sister.. she was accusing me of getting money from their store.. i snapped… never in my whole life was i ever accused of stealing.. heck i could even ask my mom the same amount of their capital on that store… if not for my husband who wwas holding me back i could have slapped her actually.. but she managed to pull my hair.. she asked me what im so proud of to act as if im rich.. (modesty aside, i grew up in a somewhat well-to-do family)..so maybe that’s why im no good when it comes to household chores.. i asked her back on what she was proud of since she’s only a mistresss… everything exploded after that… it was wrong of me.. i know… but she did that to me a lot of times already.. actually , when i think of it now, she was a bully.. she bullied everyone in the family actually… and deep inside i resented that.. maybe that also triggered it, why i snapped…
my husband on that day told me to pack my bags when he found out that his sister went out after our confrontation.. he told me he doesnt want me anymore.. even when iasked for his forgiveness, in talking back to his mother, and shouting at his sister..
honestly, i was brought up to control my temper at all times.. my outbursts could just be counted in one hand.. i usually stay silent when im angry… but im really full of it, although ittakes a while before that happens.. i burst out…and end up hurting everyone…
im regretting my outburst that day..but it already happened.. and there’s no going back…

ive already posted my story before here… and i keep on rereading the responses of matt and inky there…it’s just that this time i really have no one to open up too… my family doesn’t want me to mope for my husband.. my friends doesn’t want me to bother with him after what happened… they’re telling me that im better off without him….they said i was too submissive with him.. that this time i should think of myself and my son’s furture…
it’s hard in our country to have a stable job.. that’s why it will be a big help if my uncle will be able to secure me that job…but he’s angry at my husband too.. and he said i have to move on without him in my life..
maybe they are right..im too emotional…that im stupid when i fall inlove… we were married in the church.. and i vowed to god that ill be with my husband for forever… im a catholic by the way..and went to catholic schools until college.. so you can imagine the impact of my religion has on me…maybe im really stupid… my family is capable of helping me succeed.. they can even afford to finance my sons future without me.. to be honest, it will be a lot more easier to follow their advice and let go of my husband… and ill be much more successfull with all the opportunities that will come if i let him go… i tried following their advice.. i ceased my communication with my husband… but i felt myself really starting to lose it.. a professor once told me..”the diffrence between sanity and insanity is just a hairline”.. and i got scared.. i couldn’t afford to go crazy.. i dont want my son to grow up with an insane mother.. id better be dead if that’s the case.. so i reached out to my husband again… talked with him… and i felt the love that is still there…and i dont want to let go of that..