Forum Replies Created
thanks guys…. appreciate it so much… im learning everyday to let go and gain peace of mind…..
hi S!.. thank you..:)
they are just angry after whaat happened that he chose to stay with his family instead of coming with us…they said it seems that he doesn’t respect me.. actually, that day that i had a fight with my inlaws, he told me to pack my bags and leave… he said he was sorry.. but my family and friends cant really accept what he did.. they’re really angry at him.. im confused too.. why they are so angry.. but i was able to forgive my husband after we talked about it..
wow.. you amaze me.. to manage all that on your own..:).. a friend of mine told me that maybe i tend to be bullied much coz im not used to rude people in my life..i grew up as a pampered kid with almost all my wants and needs given to me immediately..im not used being around people who doesn’t like me.. :).. well.. that’s what she said..so i guess, this job that im applying for… this is my first step on my own…and i really want to do it right this time..i guess you’re right.. my family still sees me as their little girl.. to be protected always..
hi Anyone!!… finally i did what you said… “figure out what you want and learn how to ask for it..” and matt, my thank you for openning up my mind and telling me to find out what i want .. i want to really have a job on my own.. i talked with my uncle, thanked him for helping me, and asked if i could look for my own job.. he said it’s ok.. asked my parents about it and they said its ok… they’re willing to take care of my baby for now, as i still have to find a room and a trusted babysitter before they trust me with their precious grandchild..:).. all is well… but.. there’s this one tiny thing.. Inky, i hope you read this.. :(.. they made me promise not to get back with my husband once i started working.. coz if that’s what would happen then they’ll not allow me to leave in the first place.. but i really want to have a job already.. start my own life.. so i can decide for myself again.r. my husband is starting to act distant already.. i dont know why.. he keeps tellng me he just misses us too much.. that he’s nearly going crazy from all the wait.. since i told him to wait to have a job first before the both of us start to fix our relationship… im confused actually…
hi Sat Nam…:)
i dont know why but i feel comfortable to open up to you than with anybody in my life right now…and i hope u wont get irritated with me who keeps on cropping up in your blog.. a friend of mine keeps budgering me on the latest in my life, but i dont feel like telling her yet.. im wondering why..so here goes… on my other blog, i think it was Anonymous who told me to figure out to do what i want and learn how to ask for it..well , i did exactly that with my family.. well just a little bit of what i want.. you see i want to work again, by doing that i have to leave my son for a while on their care.. i trust them completely.. my son is treated as a prince here actually.. tsktsk..grandparents really spoil kids..:).. since i have to start from scratch with my new job..(hopefully)..my board and lodging and all that.. and since i still couldn’t afford a babysitter on my own for now.. my parents especially my mom just wanted me to promise that i wont go back to my husband immediately once i start working there, coz my workplace will be near him but far from family…she said she’ll let me borrow money so i could start with my new job..but i have to promise her that i wont get back with my husband.. i felt a bit guilty.. so i stated half truths.. well actually it’s really true that i have my misgivings right now.. coz my husband could only afford a house near his family right now.. but he promised its just a temporary arrangement.. he asked me to stay there with him for just a year.. then by that time he can already afford to get a place for our own.. that time it will already be away from everybody else.. here in our place, its so hard to have a home. especially in the city, so you really have to save first and rent for a while.. that place near them we wont be renting coz its his father’s apartment.. we just have to take care of the bills… so you see, its really a practical choice..although dont know how ill face my inlaws again…
im just bothered with what my own family would react if the time will come that i have to tell them the truth.. that i still want my husband…im scared of hurtng them further, after everything that they have done for me..August 2, 2014 at 7:04 am in reply to: Despite the pain, are you happy your first wasn't your forever love? #62449
first love.. first heartbreak…painful… beyond words..
he was my bestfriend in highschool.. had a secret crush on him… we went to different universities and he just vanished into thin air.. but i held on.. still cherished all our memories, and desperately hoped that he’ll come back someday.. and he did… he courted me.. said he was so stupid not to notice me before… answered prayers.. blissful moments.. but suddenly he changed his mind.. 3rd party..i asked him if he still loved me, he said he was no longer sure about it.. he said he’ll find himself first and get back to me.. i said no.. if this is goodbye, then we end it all here.. bcoz i knew it would be too painful to hope again.. a clean cut…:).. it hurt like hell.. wouldn’t wish anyone to go through that… i was nearly going insane…but thank God i managed to pull through that..
now i could honestly say that ive already moved on.. already closed that chapter of him in my life.. i can even smile now remmbering our times together..our story was a good one after all.. it just wasnt meant to be for forever..
so hang in there.. do you know the song ‘better in time”? it helped me..:)
hi..:).. a little bit more okay now… had a serious talk with my hubby and reached a compromise.. i asked him to wait for me to have a job..he agreed.. after that we will save for our future… one thing we didnt do before getting married… then start over again..:)… im hoping for the best… i still havent told my family yet though.. i plan to tell them once i already have a job.. so they’ll also see that i can already stand on my own, that ill be ok now..
yeah.. ive been like that with my first love for some time, missing everything about him……. thankfully i got over it already..:)… before i scorned the saying “time heals all wounds”,but now,i got to admit that it’s true..:).. eventually everything pass us by..:).. i even could no longer remember when i ceased on longing for him.. matt is right.. sometimes we tend to see a guy as our prince charming when in reality he isn’t…
but you know what sat nam?.. it matters not. what others think about… no offense intended…:)…what matters is you.. how best do you know can you cope with the pain… it’s all upto you… nikki is right.. give yourself time.. people who cares about you would understand… recover at your own pace…
lots of hugs,
hmmmm.. what to say?… you see, ive been like that before..well not exactly that way but close enough.. when i watch the news there would be about rebels killing innocent families including a 3 yr old kid.. corruption in the government while the poor die with no means to even see a doctor or buy medicine.. the depressing sight of patients in government hospitals… beggars in the street carrying babies with them…its so depressing…ive also come across people very opinionated about their religion… my motto with them is, i respect ur beliefs, you respect mine… im a catholic, but i have nothing against other religions.. its ur right to choose what religion to practice..just dont go around forcing it to everybody else.. do your own thing.. some of my friends would remind me for the nth time to let go.. let go of those things i have no control with.. :).. it takes practice though… do what you can.. then let go of the results… what will happen will happen…. here’s what i did, whenever i go out and i know id be walking along the streets, i buy food… whenever i see a beggar, i give them that… i rarely watch the news..and when i go to work i help those patients as much as i can…it helped ease my mind on things that i felt was so unfair.. when you’ve done your part you have to learn to let go.. ruminant is right, focus on things you can change… like what you feel for instance… ive been so full of anger before.. but the day came that i realized the only one suffering from it is me…. people i hate dont skip their meals bcoz im angry at them, i do… so why bother? so i learned to let it all go…
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm… the warmest hug i could give..:)
lots of hugs,
hi.. i was browsing the articles and saw yours… i just wanted to drop by and see how you are doing.. you’re a great person and im happy to know you’re hanging in there..:)…
when i was so down i read on articles on moving on.. one line stucked with me.. let the tears fall… let it cleanse you… gradually the pain subsides….
dont apologize for going on and on..:)… it helps lighten the load when you let it out…
hang in there…:)
lots of hugs,
thanks J… yeah..i see your point.. the golden rule… do unto others what you want you want do unto you.. correct?..:)… i know it may sound bizarre right now.. but after opening up here at tiny buddha i found myself gradually being at peace.. thank you..
yes.. i must admit, that was weakness on my part.. wishing to end it all… in the past i would even cut myself on my inner arm just so i can distract myself with physical pain instead of the numbing pain in my chest that seems to be paralyzing me…i just make sure no one sees it for fear of being called disturbed.. i ceased on doing that.. with my present situation i was able to face the pain.. and let the tears cleanse me of it all…
thanks for understanding..:)..and yes, back then i always wanted to be in control of things.. but now, i learned to juust let it be.. things i have no control of.. other people.. circumstances.. i learned to let go of all those.. im still learning though… :)..
finding peace at last.. for all the responses i had received of my two posts here at tiny buddha.. it helped me a lot to finally make a decision… thank you all for enlightening my path… you’re all God sent.. and im really gratefull… may He bless you for always…
thanks J… you’ve guessed right.. im too afraid to commit a mistake right now bcoz i cant afford to jeopardize my son’s future.. but as you’ve said i have to decide on one thing and do it… jumping off the cliff was just that.. a thought… nothing else..:)..you’re right too, respect was already absent in my relationship with my inlaws.. maybe that’s why it resulted to that embarrassing scene..well, at first i respected them, but their constant not so good treatment of me led me to lose that respect..i know i have to make peace with them if im going back together with my husband.. but for now, im honestly not ready for that..
thanks A.. just read my other post and you were there too.. thanks so much.. to everyone here at tiny buddha… it means a lot to me.. people i dont personally know but finds time to read my posts.. shares what they know and helps me decide on things in an unbiased way… it means a lot… so thank you.. really..:)
hmmm.. thanks for asking J…:)
family to me for now is just the three of us… that’s selfish right?… i want to fix my marriage and my own family for now.. that’s why im thinking of my family first.. i know i have to make peace with my inlaws someday but im not so keen with the idea right now, to be honest..i believed once i get married, ill be starting my own family..
i take care of our baby day and night… that’s why i feel sleepy even during daytime.. nevertheless, i still make it an effort to help around the house whenever i can manage it.. but there would be times that i couldn’t so maybe that’s also one of the reasons why my husbands mother and sister got irritated with me.. but there came a time when his sister was not talking to me at all.. she acts as if im not around… and keeps on banging things whenever im within hearing distance… i got pissed off by that.. coz i dont know anything that ive done that might have offended her.. in turn i asked my husband to please find a way so we can live on our own… he still couldn’t afford it so we agreed to wait.. but as the days pass i also felt his mother growing distant with me.. then it just burst out one day… then a confrontation happened.. we were all shouting.. i talked back to his mom.. forgive me for that… then i found out what was bothering his sister.. she was accusing me of getting money from their store.. i snapped… never in my whole life was i ever accused of stealing.. heck i could even ask my mom the same amount of their capital on that store… if not for my husband who wwas holding me back i could have slapped her actually.. but she managed to pull my hair.. she asked me what im so proud of to act as if im rich.. (modesty aside, i grew up in a somewhat well-to-do family)..so maybe that’s why im no good when it comes to household chores.. i asked her back on what she was proud of since she’s only a mistresss… everything exploded after that… it was wrong of me.. i know… but she did that to me a lot of times already.. actually , when i think of it now, she was a bully.. she bullied everyone in the family actually… and deep inside i resented that.. maybe that also triggered it, why i snapped…
my husband on that day told me to pack my bags when he found out that his sister went out after our confrontation.. he told me he doesnt want me anymore.. even when iasked for his forgiveness, in talking back to his mother, and shouting at his sister..
honestly, i was brought up to control my temper at all times.. my outbursts could just be counted in one hand.. i usually stay silent when im angry… but im really full of it, although ittakes a while before that happens.. i burst out…and end up hurting everyone…
im regretting my outburst that day..but it already happened.. and there’s no going back…
thank you A.. no.. im not offended.. actually you made me smile.. that’s a rare occurence for me.. and no im not from india.. but close enough.. haha.. im asian… and a catholic.. so i guess that would explain everything..right? :)… i love my husband.. thats why i got pregnant.. my mom doesnt want me to be married to him in the first place.. she wanted me home.. but i stood my ground that time.. that i wanted him in my life.. and a family.. they didnt want me to give birth without getting married.. its a mortal sin in our culture.. so they reluctantly held the marriage.. but i was so happy that time…coz i really love my husband..so you can imagine just how mad they are right now at my husband for doing those things to me..coz in the first place they didnt like him… yes.. i know what you mean.. i also feel the same way now that im back in my parents house.. im not free here… heck i cant even apply for a job without first consulting them…saying i have a lot of mistakes before and they always end up picking me up.. and how much it would cost them..
ive already posted my story before here… and i keep on rereading the responses of matt and inky there…it’s just that this time i really have no one to open up too… my family doesn’t want me to mope for my husband.. my friends doesn’t want me to bother with him after what happened… they’re telling me that im better off without him….they said i was too submissive with him.. that this time i should think of myself and my son’s furture…
it’s hard in our country to have a stable job.. that’s why it will be a big help if my uncle will be able to secure me that job…but he’s angry at my husband too.. and he said i have to move on without him in my life..
maybe they are right..im too emotional…that im stupid when i fall inlove… we were married in the church.. and i vowed to god that ill be with my husband for forever… im a catholic by the way..and went to catholic schools until college.. so you can imagine the impact of my religion has on me…maybe im really stupid… my family is capable of helping me succeed.. they can even afford to finance my sons future without me.. to be honest, it will be a lot more easier to follow their advice and let go of my husband… and ill be much more successfull with all the opportunities that will come if i let him go… i tried following their advice.. i ceased my communication with my husband… but i felt myself really starting to lose it.. a professor once told me..”the diffrence between sanity and insanity is just a hairline”.. and i got scared.. i couldn’t afford to go crazy.. i dont want my son to grow up with an insane mother.. id better be dead if that’s the case.. so i reached out to my husband again… talked with him… and i felt the love that is still there…and i dont want to let go of that..
hi jasmine.. thank you.. for taking the time.. im asian.. family means a lot to me.. presently im arguing with my husband.. he wants us back, but we’ll live near his family.. and i dont want to.. i want us to have a new start. away from eveerybody…