Tiny Wisdom: Receiving without a Sense of Obligation

“The best things in life are unexpected, because there were no expectations.” -Eli Khamarov

There was a time when I hesitated to accept unsolicited offers of support. If someone suggested a way they could help me, I assumed they were looking for something specific in return. This made me somewhat defensive, because there were and are a lot of things I don’t want to do.

I don’t want to personally recommend products I haven’t tried myself. I don’t want to tweet promotional links of any kind. I don’t want to send dedicated email blasts about books, or seminars, or teleconferences.

Because I never want to treat this community as a commodity, I instinctively limit how and when I share products and services. For this reason, I used to resist when someone offered to help me, to avoid creating expectations or taking more than I was prepared to give.

I’ve realized, however, that I limit how other people can teach, enrich, and support me when I assume they have ulterior motives. I also limit my ability to discover their unique talents and contributions, and how I may want to support them in a way that aligns with my values.

We all hope to form relationships defined by mutual respect and reciprocal support, and of course we all want opportunities to expand our reach and better pursue our dreams.

But sometimes the best thing we can do is allow ourselves to receive, without needing to qualify it with a return offer. If we stay open-minded and open-hearted, we will inevitably help other people—maybe not the ones who help us, and maybe not exactly as they did it, but when we recognize a need that we can meet.

That’s not to say people won’t occasionally have expectations—we all do it from time to time. It just means it’s not our job to anticipate them and worry about our ability to meet them.

I am a huge fan of asking the question: “How can I support you?” We can do a lot more, individually and collectively when we work with—not against—each other. But we never need to offer things we don’t want to give out of obligation.

Sometimes all we need to do is say is “Thank you for supporting me.”

Photo by Wonderlane

About Lori Deschene

Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others do the same. She recently created the Breaking Barriers to Self-Care eCourse to help people honor their needs—so they can feel their best, be their best, and live their best possible life. If you’re ready to start thriving instead of merely surviving, you can learn more and get instant access here.

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