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Posts tagged with “compare”

Why I Stopped Measuring My Pain Against Others’ Suffering

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“A history of trauma can give you a high tolerance for emotional pain. But just because you can take it doesn’t mean you have to.” ~Dr. Thema

I just returned from a walk with a dear friend—one of my favorite ways to catch up and socialize. This particular friend has endured significant challenges, especially over the past year. She faced the immense loss of her pets and many of her possessions in a devastating house fire.

The ensuing tsunami of grief and pain pushed her through a tumultuous year filled with deep suffering and intense healing efforts. All the while, …

How I Stopped Feeling Like There Was Something Wrong with Me

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“A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.” – Zen Shin

In the past, I often felt like I didn’t belong in groups of women.

Sometimes I felt like something was wrong with me, like I was othered in one way or another: too sporty, too quiet, too serious, too emotional, too dumb, too smart, too wild, too normal, too sexual, too prude.

Other times, I felt like something was wrong with all of them. Girls’ nights and bachelorette parties? The screeching voices, the loud laughs, the mundane conversations about makeup, …

5 Things to Do When You’re Tired of Pretending to Be Happy

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“Happiness is like being cool, the harder you try, the less it is going to happen. So stop trying. Start living.” ~Mark Manson

I am a lucky person. In this crazy pandemic, my entire family and I have made it through in one piece. My husband has been out of work for half of a year and my son’s school has been closed. But I still have a job that can support my family.

I am grateful.

Every day after dealing with crazy deadlines and pressure at work, I go home and see my son’s sweet, cute face.

I am …

Was I An Overachiever or Really Just Trying to Prove My Worth?

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“I spend an insane amount of time wondering if I’m doing it right. At some point I just remind myself that I’m doing my best. That is enough.” ~Myleik Teele

Just one more client. Just one more call. Just one more. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

Then, maybe, just maybe, I will feel validated. Worthy. Appreciated.

That’s how success works, right? Everyone has to like you, think you’re amazing, and recognize all of your hard work for you to be successful? I learned the hard way that this is the path to overwhelm, burnout, and a massive anxiety disorder. Because, you have …

5 Tips to Stop Comparing Yourself to Other People

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“No matter what you do, someone won’t be pleased. Someone will think your choices are wrong. And someone will tell you what you should do instead. No matter which path you take, someone will seem to be doing better. Someone will have more than you. And someone else’s life may look more impressive on paper. If you’re being true to yourself, none of that will matter because you’ll have something more satisfying than approval and the illusion of “success”: a life that feels right for you, based on your own wants, needs, values, and priorities.” ~Lori Deschene

Have you ever …

A Life-Changing Insight: You Are Not a Problem to Be Fixed

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“I decided that the single most subversive, revolutionary thing I could do was to show up for my life and not be ashamed.” ~Anne Lamott

I remember one particular clear, cold winter morning as I returned home from a walk. I suddenly realized that I had missed the whole experience.

The blue, clear sky.

The lake opening up before me.

The whisper of the trees that I love so much.

I was there in body but not embodied. I was totally, completely wrapped up in the thoughts running rampant in my mind. The worries about others, work, the future; about …

How to Enjoy Social Media and Stop Comparing Your Life to Others

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“You never know what someone is going through. Be kind, always.” ~Unknown

A few months back I was at the park and passed a family taking what looked like holiday photos.

The mom’s hair was perfectly coifed, dad was nicely shaven and looking quite dapper, and four kids stood smiling between them—all wearing matching khaki and surprisingly clean white shirts.

I watched the khaki family out of the corner of my eye as I pushed a stroller along the gravel trail, thinking of what their holiday post might say as my baby yodeled her displeasure at facing the sun.

“Kayden …

What Helps Me When I Feel Down About My Chronic Illness

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“Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.” ~Martin Luther King Jr.

A few months back, before the pandemic upended life for all of us, I went through one of those times when I could do nothing but sit at home and rest for my health’s sake.

I’d recently had another one of my surgeries; I was born with a genetic condition called vascular malformation, which grew and spread quite rapidly on my left cheek and into the mouth during my childhood. It’s the reason I’ve been paying visits to operation theaters for all …

The Key to Happiness: Compare Less, Be More

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“Happiness is found when you stop comparing yourself to other people.” ~Unknown

Stepping off the bus I was in shock.

This tiny thing? With no doors in the doorways and no glass in the windows?

This little place? With walls that looked like they were lone survivors of war?

I would’ve been sure it was abandoned if it wasn’t for the hundreds of little footprints on trampled soil making up the floor of the school. A giant field with two erect logs on either side served as goals for what was supposed to be a gym. I always thought these …

What Helps Me When I’m Tempted to Compare Myself to Others

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“A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.” ~Zen Shen

Wow, you’re a bit of a loser compared to this guy, aren’t you, Will?

He’s winning at life—great job, great house, obviously making better money than you.

I sigh deeply and continue scrolling.

He takes care of himself, no Buddha belly, unlike you.

It’s true. I begin to feel like a useless lump. I keep scrolling.

No yellow and crooked teeth, either.

“His teeth are pretty straight,” I think to myself, staring at the guy’s mouth on the screen.

Damn right, they’re …

The One Question You Need to Ask Yourself When Deciding What to Do

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“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” ~Mary Oliver

I’ve recently discovered that for fifty-odd years I’ve been asking myself the wrong questions. Uh-oh.

Maybe you are too.

The questions we ask ourselves habitually—even when the process is totally unconscious—guide our lives in a very profound way. For me, the two questions that dominated my thinking had very different, but equally pernicious results. They are: What am I supposed to be doing? And What do I feel like doing?

The first question is all about hitting the numbers. What looks good …

13 Things to Do Instead of Comparing Yourself to Others

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“Personality begins where comparison leaves off. Be unique. Be memorable. Be confident. Be proud.” ~Shannon L. Alder

You know it already.

You know you shouldn’t compare yourself to others. Yet, that’s often easier said than done.

Job title, income, grades, house, and Facebook likes—the number of categories in which we can compare ourselves to others are infinite. So is the number of people we can compare ourselves to.

Comparison is generally the fast track to unhappiness. It’s a recipe for misery. All it does is keeping you focused on what you don’t like about yourself and your life.

Ever …

Our Differences Make Us Unique and Beautiful

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Why We Don’t Need to Worry About What’s Missing in Our Lives

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“Don’t compare your struggles to anyone else’s. Don’t get discouraged by the success of others. Make your own path and never give up.” ~Unknown

My recent breakup was the most painful experience of my life. More painful maybe than it should have been, as it came at a time when a lot of things weren’t going as I hoped they would.

The road to healing seemed so much steeper and longer when all of these things also needed to be ‘fixed.’

As I approached my thirtieth birthday, I found myself back living at home with my parents and at a …

5 Reasons You Feel Alone (And How to Change That)

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“Two possibilities exist: either we are alone in the Universe or we are not. Both are equally terrifying.” ~Arthur C. Clarke

“You are not alone” is a phrase we speak, hear, and read over and over again.

Testimony and statistics prove that others have lived our types of misfortune. Given that evidence, why is it that so many of us feel as if we are somehow different than all the others who have triumphed over tragedy or are climbing those proverbial mountains?

The seed was first planted ages ago when I was having a conversation with a loved one during …

The Only Person You Should Compare Yourself To

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How to Stop Envying Other People’s Seemingly Perfect Lives

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“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.” ~Steve Furtick

It’s in our nature to compare ourselves with others. The ability to weigh one situation up against another helps us make decisions and live our lives productively.

The downside is that when you constantly compare your own life with those of other people, you will always come up short.

Over-comparing causes envy. Envy is the feeling or sensation we have when we want to get something that someone else has and we can’t be happy for them when they have it.…

5 Ways to Deal With Envy So It Doesn’t Steal Your Happiness

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“Happiness is found when you stop comparing yourself to other people.” ~Unknown

Throughout this year I’ve noticed myself feeling envious of other people. Particularly, I would feel envious of the famous people that I would see on television, read about in magazines, and follow on social media.

I wouldn’t even be envious of them for the things one might expect. It wasn’t because they were famous or wealthy. It wasn’t because they had millions of followers on social media. And it wasn’t because they were good looking.

Still, I would find myself feeling envious of an actress if she had …

The Key to Freedom: Minding Your Own Business

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“The day you stop racing is the day you win the race.” ~Bob Marley

Let me take you back to the beginning of my day, how I used to do it.

Flicking through my Facebook newsfeed, clicking on profiles, scrolling through comments, monitoring social interactions, checking how many likes my last post or profile picture got. Then I’m going to my therapist, to talk about how worthless my own life is, how inadequate I feel.

I’m not saving the world, pursuing my passion, making friends, or traveling. Neither am I getting married or engaged nor having children—and I do …

How to Stop Shaming and Start Loving Yourself

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“Never bend your head. Always hold it high. Look the world straight in the face.” ~Helen Keller

It’s discouraging, isn’t it?

Walking around every day feeling as if you’re never enough?

Comparing yourself to others and continually coming up short?

You feel as if you’re not smart enough, talented enough, organized enough, or disciplined enough. You’ve made mistakes, some small and some big but all of them embarrassing.

Fortunately, you and I are gloriously human and perfectly imperfect. We falter and fly, fall and triumph, cry, laugh, forget, remember, hurt, heal, dream, and love. Our one-of-a-kind uniqueness is amazing, really.…