Posts tagged with “empathy”
How I Stopped Dismissing Praise and Started Believing Compliments
“I’ve met people who are embattled and dismissive, but when you get to know them, you find that they’re vulnerable—that hauteur or standoffishness is because they’re pedaling furiously underneath.” ~Matthew Macfadyen
It was impossible to miss the dismissive hand gesture and distasteful look on her face in response to my comment.
“You ooze empathy,” I had said in all sincerity to my therapist.
“And what’s it like if I blow off or disregard that compliment?” she countered. Then, as usual, she waited.
“Ah, it feels terrible,” I sputtered as the lights of insight began to flicker. I was acutely …
The Signs of a Strong Friendship (and an Unhealthy One)
“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” ~Oprah Winfrey
“How on earth am I supposed to survive? I have no friends whatsoever!”
These were the thoughts that ran through my mind then when I first set foot in London five years ago. I felt raw and vulnerable in the beautiful new city that I had to make my new home, alone, with my two kids, while my husband was overseas. I wondered how I was supposed to do …
Learning to Honor My Grief When the World Has Become Desensitized to Loss
“The answer to the pain of grief is not how to get yourself out of it, but how to support yourself inside it.” ~Unknown
Since losing my husband Matt over eight months ago to cancer at the age of just thirty-nine, I have noticed so many changes happening within me, and one of those changes is a fierce sense of protectiveness that I have over my grief.
We are living in a unique time in history. The world has turned upside down due to the coronavirus pandemic, and at the time of writing this the UK had just passed 100,000 …
Why I Now Love That I’m Different After Hating It for Years
“Only recently have I realized that being different is not something you want to hide or squelch or suppress.” ~Amy Gerstler
I grew up during the traditional times of the sixties and seventies. Dad went out to work and earned the family income, while Mom worked at home raising their children. We were a family of seven. My brother was the first-born and he was followed by four sisters. I was the middle child.
I did not quite know where I belonged. I oscillated between my older two and younger two siblings, feeling like the third wheel no matter where …
How Embracing Your Sensitivity Can Benefit Your Relationship
“Today I want you to think about all that you are instead of all that you are not.” ~Unknown
If you are a sensitive person like me, you may think being sensitive is problematic. Especially when it comes to love and relationships.
Maybe you’ve been called “too sensitive” by your partner or a parent. Maybe you feel overly emotional or have strong reactions to things or take things personally that don’t bother your partner, or you are easily irritated or get cranky all too often, or you feel the urge to be alone a lot more than you …
Why I Now Believe Everyone Is Doing the Best They Can
“You just never know what someone is dealing with behind closed doors. No matter how happy someone looks, how loud their laugh is, how big their smile is, there can still be a level of hurt that is indescribable. So be kind. Even when others are not, choose to be kind.” ~Andrea Russett
Everyone is doing the best they can. When they can do better, they will.
“I disagree,” you say. “I see people who are not doing their best all the time!”
Before the year 2006, I had a ton of complaints about the world and the people around …
The Unexpected Impact of Growing Up with a Difficult Mother
“Difficulties in your life do not come to destroy you, but to help you realise your hidden potential and power, let difficulties know that you too are difficult.” ~Abdul Kalam
Do you sometimes daydream that your mom is gone, and all your troubles disappear along with her?
I used to imagine that, too.
When Mom was in intensive care, swaying between life and death, I sat outside, shell-shocked, trembling all over my body, trying to comprehend the doctor’s words: “Her condition is critical, and only time will show if she will make it. I’m sorry.”
For a moment, I …
What We Need to Do Before Asking “Are You OK?”
“Connection gives purpose and meaning to our lives.” ~Brené Brown
R U OK Day is a crucial campaign to address mental health problems in our community. Even prior to the pandemic, isolation, loneliness, and disconnection from each other meant that the simple act of asking “Are you OK?” needed to be prompted.
We may go days, weeks without seeing each other in person, instead relying on sporadic whatsapp messages, emojis, or comments on each other’s social media posts. We may spend all our time at our work places, but not make time to see our friends and family.
So, …
How to Love a Lying, Cheating Heart
Brett’s name flits onto my screen with an incoming email.
“Call you right back,” I say, hanging up on a friend.
Last time I talked to Brett, the Obama family lived in the White House. Last time I thought of him? Last year, as Melania took her third crack at presidential Christmas décor, and I failed to muster enough spirit to fetch our pre-lit tree from the garage.
Brett’s message came in through the contact form on my website. He invited me to meet for coffee; full respect if I decline.
Four years ago, it was me who reached out …
3 Practices That Help Ease the Pain of Being Highly Empathetic
“I do not ask the wounded person how he feels, I myself become the wounded person.” ~Walt Whitman
Empathy is the ability to put yourself in another’s experience and understand with depth the gravity of their situation. In general, I believe the world needs more empathy.
But I’ve learned over the course of my twenty-nine years that sometimes being a highly empathetic person is incredibly painful. And sometimes too much of a good thing is a bad thing.
Hearing stories of the pain that people experience can be extra painful when your mind tries to carry their pain around …
I Hear You: A Must-Read Book for Stronger, Happier Relationships
Have you ever felt like someone was listening to you but not really hearing you—or worse, not even fully listening?
Maybe they were more looking through you than at you, just kind of zoning out, all the while nodding, as if taking in what you were saying, but not. Or even worse still, maybe they weren’t giving you any signs of engagement, but rather alternating between glances up at you and glimpses down at their phone.
It’s rare these days to get someone’s full attention, and even more difficult to end a conversation feeling truly heard and understood—as if the …
It’s Not Either/Or: The Power of Opening Your Mind and Seeing Both Sides
“Compassionate listening is to help the other side suffer less.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh
In late 2017 my husband and I were both getting ready for work one morning when I casually said, “Hey, I think I’m going to start teaching yoga in the jail.”
Without missing a beat my husband said, “Well, that’s a terrible idea. Why would you do that?”
He gave this comment as a statement, flat and decisive. I had suspected I would get this type of response, so I tried to play it cool, like it didn’t bother me. But it still stung a bit, since …
Our Shame Does Not Have to Silence Us Unless We Let It
“Empathy’s the antidote to shame. The two most powerful words when we’re in struggle: me too.” ~ Brené Brown
There is so much power in giving yourself a voice, in choosing to use that voice for truth, in giving life to the secrets, judgment, and shame you keep hidden away. “Me too” can change someone’s life.
I learned this firsthand almost a decade ago. It changed my life, and it’s changed countless others around me.
I gave my shame a voice, and she was loud, strong, and bold. She brought light to a secret others would have preferred I kept. …
“You’re Too Sensitive” Is a Lie
“I used to dislike being sensitive. I thought it made me weak. But take away that single trait, and you take away the very essence of who I am. You take away my conscience, my ability to empathize, my intuition, my creativity, my deep appreciation of the little things, my vivid inner life, my keen awareness of others pain and my passion for it all. ~Unknown
My phone rang and it was my boyfriend. I slipped out into the hall. “Hey you,” I answered. We’d been texting about getting together that night.
“Why don’t you just come over to my …
Understanding the Cycle of Pain: How to Transmute Anger into Empathy
“When we get angry, we suffer. If you really understand that, you also will be able to understand that when the other person is angry, it means that she is suffering. When someone insults you or behaves violently towards you, you have to be intelligent enough to see that the person suffers from his own violence and anger. But we tend to forget … When we see that our suffering and anger are no different from their suffering and anger, we will behave more compassionately.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh
There is so much to be angry about every day because life …
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