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Posts tagged with “fail”

Pushing Yourself to Try When You’re Afraid of Failing

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“You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don’t try.” ~Beverly Sills

Before I became a teenager, I developed a characteristic and a disease that went hand-in-hand: I was a perfectionist, and I had an eating disorder.

While my perfectionism was helpful in succeeding at things such as school and sports, the same perfectionism helped to fuel a dangerous relationship with my own body.

Fortunately, I received treatment in high school, and I learned to handle my issues related to anorexia and bulimia in healthy ways. This process was neither easy nor simple, but …

How to Stop Beating Yourself Up Over the Little Things

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“You are perfect just as you are and you could use a little improvement.” ~Shunryu Suzuki-roshi

A few weeks ago, I had a day that I felt like an utter failure.

I had eaten junk food even though I was trying to get healthy. I’d skipped out on going to the gym for no good reason. I forgot to call my parents even though I promised them I would. I didn’t meet my daily writing goals and ended up watching two movies I’d already seen.

In other words, I slid into a lot of bad habits all at once.

I …

When Following Your Dreams Results in Failure After Failure

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“Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Everyone tells you to chase your dreams and follow your passion. At some point, you’re brave and full of hope and decide to do it—quit your job, become an artist, apply for that dream job, and change your lifestyle.

It’s wonderful and empowering and exciting and all those things that make living worthwhile.

But what happens when you fail? When quitting your job left you broke, no one wants to publish your work, and your dream job …

The Truth About Failure: How Hitting Hurdles Makes You Successful

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“There are no failures. Just experiences and your reactions to them.” ~Tom Krause

I had spent years training for this race. This was the big one. If I won and made the qualifying time, I would go on to compete in the Canadian National Track and Field Championships.

I was burning to win. Only the winner of this race would qualify. Second place wouldn’t cut it.

Competing at the national level could lead to all kinds of opportunities: sponsorship, athletic scholarships, and a career in athletics.

My favorite form of self-torture was the 110-meter hurdles. I lived and breathed sprinting …

Why People Who Embrace Their Imperfections Go Far

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“A beautiful thing is never perfect.” ~Proverb

I was having a conversation with a group of friends that I meet up with occasionally, and my friend—let’s call her Sarah—started talking about perfectionism.

She said that people used to describe her as a perfectionist and she’d wonder what they were talking about because, according to Sarah, she couldn’t do anything right.

And then one day it dawned on her that her perfectionism was rooted within the idea that if she couldn’t do something perfectly, she wasn’t doing it right. So she had best not do it at all.

I …

Moving On Isn’t Failure: 5 Lessons On Changing Paths

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“Letting go isn’t the end of the world. It’s the beginning of a new life.” ~Unknown

Ever since I was young, I have been intensely driven and very goal-focused. I have never been the type to flip-flop and I have never been the type to start something I do not intend to finish.

Recently, I was faced with the incredibly difficult decision to leave the career path I had committed myself to. In the process, I learned quite a lot about my definition of “failure” and what happens when we allow ourselves to move on.

About three months after …

Taking the Shame and Fear Out of Mistakes

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“The greatest mistake you can make in life is continually fearing that you’ll make one.” ~Elbert Hubbard

There have been times in my life when I knew I was stuck, but instead of dealing with it I chose to backpedal to the “safest bet” for me at the time, whether it was the steady paycheck from a soul-crushing job or an abusive relationship.

Then, one day, I suddenly realized that I had spent precious years just going through the motions.

One reason I had gotten so stuck was because I had been trained from early childhood to avoid making …

How Taking a Step Backward Can Be the Way Forward

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“Your dream doesn’t have an expiration date. Take a deep breath and try again.” ~KT Witten

As I said goodbye on my last day of work, I couldn’t help feeling smug. When my colleagues turned up for work on Monday morning, I’d be at home, free to do whatever I wanted with my day.

I’d resigned to explore the possibilities of a career in writing. With no clear idea of what the immediate future held, I was both nervous and excited.

I imagined myself in a few years’ time, happily making a fortune from all my creative endeavors, living a …

You Don’t Have to Let Your Anxious Thoughts Control You

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“Don’t wait for your feelings to change to take the action. Take the action and your feelings will change.” ~Barbara Baron

As a child, anxious thoughts stopped me from doing a lot of stuff, so I missed out on sleepovers, parties, and scout camps some of the time.

Anxiety whispered in my ear that it was always better to avoid, and so it became easy to convince myself I didn’t really want to do whatever was on offer. I now recognize those thoughts and don’t let them influence my choices.

I remember as a teenager I went to a carvery …

How to Stop Stressing About Being Perfect (So You Can Enjoy Life)

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“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” ~Anna Quindlen

I finally learned I wasn’t Superman.

It was a hard concept for me to grasp. You see, I was always the good child. The one that did everything without complaint or supervision. I was the one who didn’t need help in school, who knew how to plan, who did the chores without having to be asked twice.

As I grew older this idea that I was “the good child/person” grew. My grades had to be perfect. …

5 Questions to Discover Who You Are and What Will Make You Happy

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“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” ~E.E. Cummings

At twenty-five I was happily married and had a great career, many friends, and lots of money. During that time I also became deeply depressed, was put on medication for anxiety, and entered what would be a very long relationship with psychotherapy.

It was a real struggle for me to understand why I wasn’t happy when I had everything that I thought was important in life. Was I selfish? Were my expectations too high? I honestly couldn’t understand what was missing and …

It’s Not Over: Failure Is Success in the Making

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“A man’s errors are his portals of discovery.” ~James Joyce

Everyone has a story of failure and disadvantage—those things we wish were done differently, better, or not at all. Take these stories for instance:

A speaker intending to be unifying and encouraging onstage leaves the audience disappointed and bored instead.

A lone manuscript is rejected by publishing houses over twenty-seven times, dismissed as too fanciful, fake, and “never gonna sell.”

A poor eleven-year-old boy, deprived of toys his entire childhood, trudges through sleet and snow on his newspaper route in order to help support his family.

An author struggles to …

The Power of Failure: We Get to Decide What It Means

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“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.” ~Elbert Hubbard

Why does this affect me so? What am I feeling? Sheer Anger! Total disgust with myself. Hatred and disappointment in my life stain my thoughts. Why? Because in my ego’s opinion, I should already be who I am meant to be, and I am not there! Not by a mile.

I feel so much disgust. My fears and resentment have grown into hatred and pain. I am at a loss for who I never became. Full of shame, I see that …

Scared to Try: Moving Beyond the Paralysis of Perfectionism

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“Fear is inevitable, I have to accept that, but I cannot allow it to paralyze me.” ~Isabel Allende

I am a recovering perfectionist.

Up until now, this is the only way I’ve known how to live. The thrilling burn of perfection invaded every aspect of my life to the point that I became paralyzed by fear. If I couldn’t do it right, I didn’t want to do it at all.

When I was younger, I allowed the desire for perfection to control all of my actions. In music, if I couldn’t sit first chair, I didn’t want to play …

The Story So Far: Your Life Is How You Interpret It

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“Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.” ~Carl Bard

My life has been a long string of failures.

The earliest I can remember is having my teeth knocked out when my grandpa braked too hard at a stoplight on our way to a church Easter pageant. I was supposed to be singing a solo, the part of the “little gray lamb,” and I did it—performing while clutching a bloodstained washcloth wrapped around ice cubes to hold to my front gums in between verses.

Dumb …

5 Lessons on Bringing Your Dream to Life

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“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

I grew up with a stepdad who was a dreamer. He lived in a world where positive affirmations created a positive life. He believed that going after your heart’s desire was as important as anything else. He lived in the clouds and in his designs and in his visions.

I used to wake up and find that he had left post-it notes on my bathroom mirror with quotes about reaching my dreams such as, “You can if you think you can,” and “Quitters never win, …

Why Quitting Is Sometimes the Right Thing to Do

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“Celebrate endings, for they precede new beginnings.” ~Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We often think of quitting as failure. We commend people for carrying on when times get rough. The heroes in our action movies don’t just give up when things get difficult. When was the last time you saw Steven Seagal walk away from a fight?

As the saying goes, “When the going gets tough, the tough get going.” Society expects us to fight back and battle on.

But sometimes, quitting is most definitely the right thing to do.

Sometimes, it’s the best option. A lot of people assume that it’s …

20 Ways Life is Amazing (Even When it Hurts)

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“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” ~Anne Frank

I have a confession to make: The last few weeks have been some of the hardest I’ve lived through in my entire life—but not for the reasons you’d think.

Thankfully, all of my family is safe and sound. Today is actually my grandmother’s 80th birthday, and we’re having a wonderful dinner to celebrate her life.

My husband and I have just moved into a beautiful new home and are ecstatic to finally have a little nest of our own. I …

Gaining Strength, Courage, and Confidence from Failure

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“He is able who thinks he is able.” ~Buddha

At any point of time, every person has:

  • A set of things s/he wants to change but cannot (plans)
  • A set of things s/he tried to change but could not (helplessness)
  • A set of things s/he could have changed and did not (guilt)
  • A fear of the unknown, anxiety about the future, and worry about decisions to be taken (fear)
  • Too many plans and associated what-ifs (anxiety)

I have experienced all of the feelings listed above and have tried hard to ease myself from what I went through. Many times, I …

Why We Need Mistakes and Failures

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“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.” ~Elbert Hubbard 

A while back, I was invited to attend the Asian Chamber of Commerce’s 22nd Annual Awards Gala. Focused on “The Spirit of Entrepreneurship,” the Asian Chamber of Commerce celebrated individuals who exemplified great leadership skills in the Houston community.

The keynote speaker, Dr. Lynda Chin, surprised me by talking about failure. A scientist, Dr. Chin is the first to admit medical mistakes. She talked about cancer-related pharmaceuticals having a 95% failure rate, because the medication needs to be tailor-made to …