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Posts tagged with “happy”

Change Your Life by Turning Shame into Courage

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“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.” ~Nelson Mandela

Shame. A word that conjures up all kinds of emotions while equally keeping you silent.

Some have even said that shame should be classified as a deadly disease because of how it deeply affects the soul.

Then, there are researchers like Brené Brown who study it.

It wasn’t until I started working with my first speaking coach that I realized it was actually shame that had kept me “hiding out” and playing small earlier in life.  

Which is typical of women who have …

The Secret to Staying Motivated (and Motivating Other People)

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“Don’t be pushed by your problems; be led by your dreams.” ~Unknown

As the founder and owner of Samovar Tea Lounge in San Francisco, I’ve gone through my share of ups and downs over the past twelve years.

One of the hardest challenges I face every day is how to create motivation. How to motivate myself to keep going, even when things get hard. How to motivate staff to serve and lead with enthusiasm. How to motivate vendors to work with me. And the list goes on.

No matter who you are, everyone is trying to motivate someone. Parents try …

Discover Your True Joy: 5 Ways To Find What You’re Really Chasing

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“Above all, be true to yourself, and if you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out of it.” ~Unknown

When my last relationship ended, I found myself suddenly questioning what my goals honestly meant to me. I had focused my past five years steadily chasing a very specific dream with this woman (creating joy, art, and a community in NYC, adopting some dogs, and eventually moving back to California to start a family together).

At least that’s what we thought we were chasing.

When we realized that our lives together had become static, that we lacked engaging …

Dealing with Loneliness: Hold onto Patience, Not the Past

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“Patience is not passive; on the contrary, it is active; it is concentrated strength.” ~Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton

Last night, I discovered the tiniest of creatures in my shower: a minute scorpion, no larger than the average human fingernail.

I could not for the life of me work out how it had ended up here because I live on the third floor of an apartment building in a busy South African city. Nonetheless, there it was—a little fellow in the corner of the tiles, receiving ricocheted water droplets on his tiny little carapace.

My main personal learning theme for this year …

Stop Being Hard on Yourself: 5 Tips for Learning Life Lessons

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“When we can no longer change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” ~Viktor Frankl

I learned a big lesson this week. It’s been a lingering challenge that has popped up in many ways recently. Mostly it’s presented itself in other people, or rather, in the qualities of other people.

Over the last few months, I’ve been introduced to quite a few new acquaintances, and I’ve continuously come up against traits that I considered ugly, like arrogance, materialism, insecurity, and ignorance.

It really riled me up to the point that I felt a physical change in myself.

I interpreted …

Be the Hero of Your Story: Make Your Life Count

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“Bad things do happen; how I respond to them defines my character and the quality of my life. I can choose to sit in perpetual sadness, immobilized by the gravity of my loss, or I can choose to rise from the pain and treasure the most precious gift I have—life itself.” ~Walter Anderson

Flying. I love flying.

No, I’m not some sick person who likes getting strip-searched by TSA, or waiting several hours to board a flight that should have arrived at my destination already. I hate that part, but I love the part when the plane …

Becoming Alive Again: Find Happiness Right Where You Are

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“Letting go of the past means that you can enjoy the dream that is happening right now” ~Don Miguel Ruiz

For many of us, life spits out the very real scenario of “one day to the next.” As we go through the motions, our daily routine, whatever that entails, our life becomes predictable. We feel like it’s Groundhog Day. As we land our feet on the ground when we wake each morning, we feel like we are back on the merry-go-round of life.

For me, as I woke every morning, I questioned myself: “Is this it? Am I to feel …

Why We Don’t Always Get What We Want

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“Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.” ~Dalai Lama

It’s probably happened to you. In all likelihood, it has happened multiple times in your life thus far.

You don’t understand why it happens. And when it does, it can throw you into the deepest valleys of despair.

Perhaps you cry out to a higher power to make things better. Maybe you just stare into the cosmos, wondering what the meaning of life is and why things get tough.

I’ve been there. Many times. For all sorts of reasons.

Breakups, career problems, dealing …

6 Thought-Provoking Realizations to Make You Feel Better About Life

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“Turn your face toward the sun and the shadows will fall behind you.” ~Māori Proverb

It’s easy to get caught up in our own lives and forget what makes life so beautiful in the first place. Isn’t that true? I know for me, I end up living life through autopilot, lacking a conscious thought until I snap out of it and remind myself that life is great.

When I get like this, it’s nice to remind myself of the realizations I’ve come across over the years and stored in my memory bank.

Every time you forget what you’re living for …

Improve Any Relationship by Challenging Your Perceptions

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“You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” ~Friedrich Nietzsche

This morning, I found my wife desperately trying to make her printer work after having set herself one hour to get some good work done. I told her she should use my printer and concentrate on more important things. Surely her printing goal was to get the document in hand, not to spend her one precious hour fighting the machine?

When our argument had died down (yes, it really did get that far!) …

5 Ways to Deal with Emotional Oversensitivity

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“It isn’t what happens to us that causes us to suffer; it’s what we say to ourselves about what happens.” ~Pema Chodron

I’ve never been much of a sun worshipper. I’m a pale blend of Irish, Scottish, and English, so my skin goes from alabaster to boiled lobster in about twenty minutes.

Once when I was a teenager, someone accidentally smacked me on my sunburned back.  I was in tears. She was genuinely sorry and I said I was all right, but secretly I was angry.

Couldn’t she see how red I was? How slowly I moved? Someone with …

Why We Need Disconnected Alone Time (Without Social Media)

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“Do not rely completely on any other human being, however dear. We meet all life’s greatest tests alone.” ~Agnes Macphail 

I have found that the more time I spend alone, the more comfortable I become in my own skin because I can truly get to know myself. This provides me with more patience to accept myself as I am, wherever I am in my journey, on a daily basis.

This lesson was something I learned after spending a summer alone in Italy with a family friend.

I embarked on the journey, turning off my phone for the first time, …

You Don’t Need to Fix Yourself to Be Healed

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“Growth begins when we begin to accept our weaknesses.” -Jean Vanier

I used to believe the word “healed” had a very specific meaning. In my mind, it described a state of perfection that always looked very different from the chronic health challenges I endured.

Being born with VACTERL Association, a birth disorder that causes malformations in six of the body’s systems, meant that I entered the world needing a lot of fixes. There were surgeries, hospitalizations, treatments, and medications aimed at perfecting something inherently imperfect.

The Search

I grew up searching. To be like everyone else. For a cure. For …

Transforming Panic Into Peace: 3 Steps to Relieve Anxiety

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“No matter how hard the past, you can always begin again.” ~Buddha

Growing up, I was one of those people much more concerned about what you thought of me than what I thought of me.

With my focus being on how I was being perceived by those around me, it left me feeling extremely unsettled.

I was desperate to be liked and accepted.

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind” was a nice idea for the fortunate, but certainly not for me.

I was convinced that …

When Things Fall Apart: Breakdowns Can Create Breakthroughs

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“Breakdowns can create breakthroughs. Things fall apart so things can fall together.” ~Unknown

“I’m sorry,” the email said, “but our phone call left me feeling uncomfortable, and we’ve decided to work with someone else.”

I felt like I’d been punched in the gut. Even though I saw it coming. Even though I’d brought it on myself.

It was February 2010, and I didn’t have the money to pay my mortgage. My savings were gone, burned through in a misguided attempt to breathe life back into my ailing business by “throwing money at the problem.”

As a ketubah artist—a maker of …

5 Ways to Thrive When Life Feels Chaotic and Uncertain

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“All great changes are preceded by chaos.” ~Deepak Chopra

A personal tempest blew through the doors and windows of my life, and I am forever changed. Think major upheaval in every area of your life. Conjure Dorothy Gale, Robinson Crusoe, Job, yeah them.

In the process, I’ve learned that the disorienting storms of life are not just about survival but of learning to thrive. It is not in spite of daunting circumstances that we grow but because of them.

For three years, painful and unexpected events descended all at once. My long-term marriage, often filled with anger, hurt, mistrust, …

Become Open-Minded: The Benefits of Embracing New People and Ideas

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“You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.” ~Friedrich Nietzsche

Toward the end of last spring I was feeling a little restless in Los Angeles, so I decided to take some time in the summer to live on a yoga retreat in Hawaii. I was set on recharging and finding comfort in like-minded people who valued slowing down and mindfulness.

Learning was not at the top of my list; I was there to unwind from a tough semester and recharge for the semester …

The Time to Act Is Now: Get Out There and Seize the Moment

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“Until you value yourself, you won’t value your time. Until you value your time, you won’t do anything with it.” ~M. Scott Peck

For most of my life, I thought I had no ambition.

To be fair, I thought it because it was true. Don’t get me wrong. I had ambition to keep living, to shower daily, and to seek out entertainment at the end of my miserable days working in customer service. Still, regardless of how miserable those days were, I wasn’t motivated to change my life path.

I used to wish for ambition, in that vague sense that …

5 Steps to Overcome Fear and Meet Your Goals

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“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it.” ~Nelson Mandela

The world can be a scary place.

As we go through our daily lives, we face many challenges, and often these challenges can bring about fear. We may fear the loss of something, or perhaps the lack of fulfillment. We may experience fear when going on a job interview or a first date.

The greatest challenge with fear is that it can hold us back from achieving our goals, but it doesn’t have to.

Over the past six months I have let one …

5 Steps to Learn from Anger

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“Don’t wait for your feelings to change to take the action. Take the action and your feelings will change.” ~Barbara Baron

How do you feel about anger? Growing up, I always felt that anger was “bad.” In school and at home I learned that anger made people do “bad” things, and anger was a source of “evil” in the world.

I didn’t want any part of that! So, when things happened that made me angry (for example, getting bullied at school), I’d ignore the feelings of anger until they “went away.” I’d go home and cry, feeling these emotions …