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Posts tagged with “wisdom”

Determine What Will Make You Happy by Identifying Your Values

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“Happiness is that state of consciousness which proceeds from the achievement of one’s values.” ~Ayn Rand

For too many years, I played the part of the perfect little southern girl: I kept my mouth shut and my opinions to myself. I dressed properly, including panty hose, slips, and girdles. I didn’t laugh too loudly in public. I did what I was told.

You see, I learned at an early age that I had to do this in order to always be seen as a “good little girl” (and avoid getting punished). I continued the same behavior after I got …

Surviving and Thriving: 3 Lessons About Dealing with Hard Times

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“Your current safe boundaries were once unknown frontiers.” ~Unknown

Lying in a hospital bed, hooked up to an IV and massive machines, I seriously considered the possibility that I was having a nightmare. Everything felt so surreal.

At 22 years old, my life was full of promise and potential. I had recently graduated from college and it was a time of beginnings. I was living in Manhattan and had begun working in music publishing.

I had no idea that a late night trip to the emergency room due to a rapid heart rate would result in a weeklong hospitalization.

When …

Getting Back Up After You Fall & Healing from Depression

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“The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem.” ~Theodore Rubin

Growing up I was a thoughtful and happy kid—carefree, easy going, not afraid to make mistakes and take on challenges.

Just before I turned thirteen, my parents moved our family halfway across the world where we knew no one.

I adjusted well, made friends, and felt content and successful in my pursuit of whatever I decided was worth pursuing. I was strong and confident. I worked hard, laughed easily and often, and felt as if I …

You Are Lovable Whether You Are in a Relationship or Not

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“To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

I began this New Year as a single woman, something I had not experienced for the past five.

Last June my boyfriend of nearly three years dropped this bomb on my world:

“Carmen, I know you want to spend the rest of your life with me, but I can’t give that to you, because I’m gay.”

The future I’d created for us in my mind disappeared all at once.

I was sure I was getting an engagement …

Dealing with Disagreements with Loved Ones: 5 Helpful Tips

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“We find comfort among those who agree with us—growth among those who don’t.” ~Frank A. Clark

This post is for anyone who has ever disagreed with the people they love the most, to remind them that these disagreements do not have to lead to regret.

Indeed, they can lead to our deepest growth if we so choose.

But I’m getting ahead of myself…

Hi. My name is Sabrina, and despite my best intentions, I don’t always have the most harmonious conversations.

When it comes to my family, especially my parents, my ego struggles with second-guessing their words, choices, and actions, …

How Mindfulness Can Help You Discover What You Want to Do in Life

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“Nothing is a waste of time if you use the experience wisely.” ~Rodin

When I was in college, I knew what to do and everything clicked along.

But as graduation approached, I got nervous.

I’d always assumed that some “good job” would turn up when I got out of school. But now it was in my face that I had no idea where I was going.

I took a career workshop where we figured out our favorite interests and best skills. What the class didn’t provide was any follow-up to help me actually find the dream job.

I didn’t know …

7 Tips to Challenge Perfectionism: Enjoy More and Worry Less

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“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor.” ~Anne Lamott

I originally planned to write this post a month ago. The topic was interesting, and it was one that I was sure most people could relate to. I mean, who hasn’t wrestled with the issue of perfectionism at some point?

One after another, notions and examples of perfectionism flowed steadily from my mind onto my notepad. And when I ran those ideas by a few friends, each of them shared their own stories about how the need to be perfect at something had negatively affected their lives.

Simply put, there was …

When You Feel Terrified: Come Out of the Panic Zone

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“Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” ~Pema Chodron

Are you as scared as I am?

I’m terrified.

I’m not talking horror movie terrified either. This isn’t the kind of scared where you jump, but then realize it’s just your friend who’s surprised you. This isn’t even the kind of scared when you realize you left your iPhone in a public bathroom.

This is the kind of scared where your gut churns and churns. You feel shaky, hungry, and out of sorts. It’s a visceral, palpable fear.

Who’s Afraid Of the Big Bad… ?

You’re probably …

4 Ways to Remain Centered Amid All of Life’s Chaos

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“Every day brings a choice: to practice stress or to practice peace.” ~Joan Borysenko

Right now I’m in a tight squeeze. I’m in the process of making some big changes, and it’s bringing a lot of chaos, uncertainty, insecurities, and fears into my life, as changes will do.

One of my deepest desires is to be able to look chaos in any form, of any magnitude, square in the eye, and levitate up to the next level of not letting any of the anarchy affect my inner homeostasis. Whatever the drama—work, family, friends, worldly, financial, school, natural disasters—I don’t …

We Need Compassion the Most When We Seem to Deserve it the Least

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“Our sorrows and wounds are healed only when we touch them with compassion.” ~Buddha

When babies cry everyone rushes to find what’s wrong and alleviate their stress. It’s a bit of an instinct to do this in our culture.

We understand that the only way that a baby can communicate a need to us, whether it’s hunger, a necessary diaper change, fatigue, or discomfort, is to cry out. No one wants to hear a baby cry, so we respond quickly.

Unfortunately, as a child begins to grow and learns the language, we assume that they know how to communicate their …

5 Tips to Forgive Instead of Letting Anger Control Your Life

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“If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.” ~Ajahn Chah

I made it my New Year’s resolution to forgive someone for his past actions. Unfortunately, he’s not here to know.

My dad passed away from cancer last September. There are times I miss him a lot; other times, it’s nice to have peace in my life.

We never got along. My mother and others told me it was because we were too much alike, but I knew that was not the case.

That’s …

You Are Worthy of Receiving: 10 Things to Let into Your Life

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“Happiness is really a deep inner satisfaction and approval” ~Francis Wiltshire

At the start of the year many of us make resolutions about what we want to give up, what we need to let go—from quitting smoking (did that 20+ years ago), to cutting back on alcohol (a work in progress), to cutting back on not-so-healthy foods (also in progress), to letting go of past “demons.”

There’s a lot to be gained by letting go of past pain, by breaking bad habits. But what if we thought more in terms of what we might welcome into our lives—what we …

Recovering from a Difficult Childhood: How to Reclaim Yourself

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“Our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world as being able to remake ourselves.” ~Mahatma Gandhi

Recently, I had one of those flashes of insight that burn away the illusions I learned as a child in a dysfunctional family and help me see myself in a new light. I saw through an invisible belief that I’ve held for a very long time—the belief that I am not in control of my life.

Standing in line in the grocery store and twiddling my thumbs, my monkey mind ran through the list of what I could be …

How Are You Using Your 86,400 Seconds?

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“Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.” ~Theophrastus

Don’t we all wish we had more time? Time to spend with loved ones. Time to finish solving a problem. Time to eat, pray, love. Time to exercise more. Time to travel to all the continents on the globe.

Time to finish that project. Time to take that diving course, yoga class, or self-improvement seminar. Time to chat with our grandparents. Time to visit an old friend.

Time to aid the poor. Time to listen to the news. Time to challenge yourself. Time to meditate. Time to do volunteer …

Changing Direction: It’s Not Too Late to Be Who You Want to Be

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“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” ~C.S. Lewis

Growing up, people always saw me as the over-achiever and said, “That girl is really going to make something of herself one day.”

I often felt the pressure of having to live up to these expectations.

I recently turned 30 and it was a day of reflection for me. I always had this idea that by the time I turned 30, I’d be one of the top celebrities in South Africa, living the life of a talented singer, a self-made millionaire, driving a …

3 Simple Steps To Stop Worry In Its Tracks

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“Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow.  It only saps today of its joy.” ~Leo Buscaglia

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been the worrywart extraordinaire.

Worry: verb: To give way to anxiety or unease; allow one’s mind to dwell on difficulty or troubles.

Fret, be anxious, brood, stress, panic.

If worry came with a degree, mine would be a PhD.

As a child I worried about my schoolwork. I worried if other kids would laugh, or not, as the case may be. I worried if I’d pass the test, miss the bus, make the team, or fall …

How Accepting Your Pain Can Help You Heal

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“Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always work with it, not against it.” ~Eckhart Tolle

My partner, Ruth, and I were not happy.

The inside of her mouth was covered in sores, she couldn’t swallow well, and she was exhausted. The chemotherapy was ravaging her body. Something had to be done.

When her oncologist, Dr. Patel, came into the room, he perched on his little rolling stool and looked up at her Ruth where she sat on the exam table with her legs dangling.

She railed against the chemotherapy and what it was …

Feeling Lost and How It Can Help You Find Yourself

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“Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.” ~Henry David Thoreau

Another day, another class missed, another alarm turned off. No motivation but to turn the pillow over to its colder side and lay there half asleep, unanswered questions gliding in and out of my mind.

This was how most of my mornings went in my last days of college. I had never been too motivated by the promise of college, even in high school, but it had always been set in my head that a college degree was my goal, my path to that elusive happiness …

4 Lessons on Embracing a Major Life Change

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“If you’re not terrified of the next step, you eyes are still closed. A caged bird in a boundless sky.” ~Jed McKenna

It was day two of living at the Zen Center. Sitting on the side of the dirt path, I had my head buried in my knees.

“I can’t do this babe,” I cried to my husband.

Just 12 days prior to this, I was a corporate banker and real estate agent in Phoenix. Now, I was a full-time Zen student deep in the mountains of Carmel Valley, working in the dining room and serving summer resort guests.

“I’ve …

Start Building Confidence in Yourself Without Trying to Be Perfect

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“The outer conditions of a person’s life will always be found to reflect their inner beliefs.” ~James Allen

I know now that I don’t have to be perfect. I don’t even have to try to be perfect. I used to think that things did not come to me because I did not try hard enough. Not true!

The truth was, I was sabotaging myself.

In college in Switzerland, instead of going to that school event or even answering the people who tried to talk to me, I shut myself down and ignored people.

I was afraid of being rejected …