“All the wonders you seek are within yourself.” ~Sir Thomas Browne
Anyone who has ever gone through some sort of heartbreak knows what awful pain it can cause, both physically and mentally. It can be devastating, shattering, and overwhelming for your spirit.
In the beginning of 2012 I had my heart broken by a person who I thought was “the one.”
Between tears and desperate calls, I found myself searching the Internet for remedies to get over an ex. I knew I was a strong person, but I just couldn’t see anything becoming brighter or better ever.
I constantly needed family and friends to reassure me that I was going to be okay. It even came to a point where I started worrying about the physical agony, as I felt intense aching in my heart and around the chest area. I worried that this would be something I had to learn to live with.
One day I realized that I couldn’t let heartache and depression destroy my life, and then found some helpful ways to heal and become happy again, even finding a sort of joy and self-worth I hadn’t experienced before the break-up.
I also had the amazing opportunity to share these tips with Tiny Buddha readers in my first post “10 Tips to Help Relieve Depression and Heartache.”
During my healing period I often found myself questioning the idea of “Mr. Right” or “the one”—that special someone to sweep us off our feet and make us feel complete.
People in my life would tell me that once I found someone new I would get over my ex. This sounded comforting, but when you feel like your life is crushed, a new love interest isn’t really a top priority, even though a rebound-partner can feel like the right solution at times.
Also, I wondered what I could possibly offer someone with my wounded spirit. I knew I had to find another type of “Mr. Right,” and to my surprise, I did. More precisely, I found “Miss Right”—and that is me.
For little more than a year I have been dating me. I’ve been in a loving relationship with myself that has had its ups and downs, just like any other relationship.
I strongly believe something good always comes out of something bad. So, if you are at sitting at home with a broken heart searching the web for any kind of hope of recovering, these tips may help.
1. Be your own sweetheart.
Just like in a romantic relationship, where you do kind things for your significant other, you should do kind things for yourself.
Take yourself out to the places you’ve always wanted to go. Write yourself loving notes and practice daily affirmations where you tell yourself the things you formerly wanted your partner to tell you.
I buy myself flowers and I lovingly wrap my arms around myself while I sit in stillness to embrace self-love. Try it!
2. Laugh out loud whenever possible.
There is no better medicine for your spirit than a good laugh. Yes, the heartbreak will remind you of your suffering, but I’ve noticed that the human body and mind are so wonderful that they allow you to smile, even during dark times.
Find reasons to smile and laugh whenever you can, even if it’s just for short-lived moments. (A great post to read on this topic: Why It’s Essential to Find Humor During Your Darkest Hours.)
3. Practice self-compassion.
When you feel sad or lonely, tell yourself the caring things you would tell a friend in need—for example, that it’s perfectly okay to feel distress and anxiety, but that this too shall pass.
You are still a good, strong, and lovely person. The truth is, even if you are single, you are never alone. You are always surrounded by loving energy from friends and/or family, and the universe/higher power.
4. Consider yourself single and ready to mingle—with yourself!
Know that you don’t need a romantic partner to be complete. Be your own soul mate and strive to feel whole from within, and you will find that sense of completeness.
When you are ready to love again, you will meet that special person to share a beautiful love story with. But for now, focus on yourself. That way, when you eventually meet someone, you’ll come to the relationship whole, not someone who feels lacking.
5. Know that it’s okay to be angry as long as you are gentle with yourself and willing to forgive.
You’ve probably read a lot about the importance of forgiveness. I agree that forgiveness is essential to move on, but we also need to know that it’s okay not to be able to forgive in an instant moment, weeks, or even months.
Don’t stress out when people around you encourage you to forgive. All you need to do is have patience with yourself for not being capable of forgiving just yet. Let the emotions of anger, hurt, and disappointment be released first.
It took me a long time to learn how to forgive myself and my ex, but I finally did and it has set me free. I now understand his reasons for breaking up with me, even though I may not agree with them.
The key is to be gentle and keep your anger at a healthy level. Don’t punish or attack yourself for what has already happened. Instead, try to grow and learn from the experience.
Do I still look for the romantic version of ”the one”? I am not searching; I feel confident that he will show when the time is right, and when I’m ready to share my new wonderful me with someone. But for the time being, I enjoy being with myself.
Photo by William Terra