Anita,

no. This is a different man.  This relationship is it for me.  I know it seems like I jump from relationship to relationship quickly.  But … this man is my true soulmate.  I was not expecting anything quite like this.   Compared to all the  others.  I do appreciate your tough love and advice .   It’s hard for me  at times to read them cause they are so true.  I come here because I have no where else to turn to and my family and friends don’t seem to understand.

Right now I am having a hard time .   He seems quite distant   His mom is ill  His family keeps bothering him.   He works long hours   We barely see each other   Leaving me here home alone . He doesn’t know when to come home at times .  Like tonight for example   He told me earlier he was going fishing with his friend   Which he did and sent me pics   That was 2pm  it is now 9pm  and he is on his way home   He had to drop his friend off at home   When he does come home it’s only maybe an hour or 2 we spend with each other then we go to bed   I cry every day  .   I’m not happy to be honest   This isn’t a relationship to me    And he seems to put me last instead of making me a priority.   We talked about it several times and nothing has changed .   We are engaged .  We do love each other very much  and ge tells me that I’m his love and his everything.   I’m beginning not to even believe him anymore   All I want from him is his time.  I don’t ask for much

Anita

He left me.  Yesterday morning everything seemed fine when I was leaving for work. He was still asleep.  We kissed and hugged them I left for work.  I texted him when I got to work good morning and I love you.  2 hours went by. No response. He is usually good at responding.  So I called him.  He was at Starbucks getting a coffee and told me he would call me back.  I said ok I love you.  He  didn’t even say it back and hung up on me.  Then later he texted me Hi can you talk.  I said sure babe. He was at his cousins house.  He texted me he couldn’t live with me any more. My heart stopped.   I got all sweaty and hot.   I called him. He said he couldn’t be with me anymore.   He told me to keep my engagement ring.  He packed all his stuff up and left me.   His cousin told me when we got married through Islam (nikah) I refused to convert.  He is from Azerbaijan.   His cousin proceeded to tell me I treated him like a child which isn’t true.   The cousin proceeded to tell me that he wanted kids and since we were 17 years apart I can’t risk a pregnancy. I’m 48 and he’s 31.  He told me in the beginning age didn’t matter and he did not want kids at all .   And now his cousin told me he wants kids and his family over seas do not approve of us being together and he wants a family.  Cousin said he tried to tell me that but said I didn’t understand.   I told the cousin that I was not aware I had to convert and he told me I didn’t have to.   Cousin said that he isn’t used to someone like me being pushy and standing up for myself against an Azerbaijan man. They like to provide for their family and are not used to women like me .   He said he loves me but he wants more than just love.   I told his cousin he told me he didn’t care what anyone said about us as long as we were happy with each other and if wanted to get married we can.   He wouldn’t even talk to me.  He said he wants nothing to do with me and for me not to text or call him .   I told his cousin to please talk to him and that we need to work this ouT.  We were engaged!!!!!  I am so hurt !    I don’t understand how he could do this to me.   I tried calling and texting and I am blocked. He unfriended me on face book and changed his status to single.  I feel some of this is my fault.  I was upset with him about his job and him being with his friends more than me.  He is living at his cousins house. I have no way of contact him or his cousin.  His friend reached out to me and asked me if I was ok I said no. I explained everything and she said her and her husband will talk to him.  Sue tried to call him but he wouldn’t answer her call either.   I don’t understand how he can do this to me .  We were going to get married.  He was so happy. He said I was his everything and his first real relationship.  He said he never was in a serious relationship like this.  He was so happy with me.  I don’t understand.   I’m  devastated.   I miss him and want him back. I sent him a lengthy message on instagram but I don’t know if he saw it .   I love him so much.  I just want him back.

Hi Pink24,

He is from Azerbaijan.  He moved here 5 years ago on a sports visa.  We met on facebook dating. I am an american.  We dated for 2-3 weeks and had a Nikah ceremony.  He loved me dearly.  He worked long hours trying to help provide for us. I work full time also.  My family loved him.   And he loved my family.  He talked about us going to his country to visit next year so i could meet his family.  I met his family via face time. And they absolutely loved me and could not wait to meet me.   They told him they were happy he finally met someone normal and he absolutely adored and loved .   Things were going great until recently.   His mom fell ill.  Needs surgery.  Family kept calling and fighting with him to come back or send money over for her surgery.  He just started getting distant and not coming home til late and we argued about him coming home late several times.   Then that Thursday morning he left me while i was at work .  He no longer wants any form of contact with me and now has blocked me on every social media platform we both were on, including texting and whatsapp, and fb messenger.   I am and still in complete shock.   I had a conversation with his one friend who is married to his friend.  We became close.   She told me she thinks it was not his family telling him that they did not like me and did not approve.  She strongly feels it was his friends.

He tried to subject me to his culture. Which i loved.  I loved learning about him and his family and his culture.  I loved it.  I learned their dance and everything.  Except I did not convert to muslim.

What are the womens expectations?  I was there for him , I cooked for him, we did things together even with my family and his friends.   He made me happy except when he would come home late and he would tell me he was with friends earlier in the day. The night before I expressed how i felt he was treating me and i had every right to be upset and felt that i was forgotten about , and how he was putting me last and not a priority and that actions spoke louder than words. Well he didnt’ like what i said.  I felt maybe if i didn’t lash out at him and tried to be more supportive he would have stayed.   I dont know.

I have a serious question tho.  Our nikah ceremony -we were give a written paper with wittneses signatures on it including ours and the date.  I had it on my fridge and he took it.   Are we still married?  And how does that work since we are no longer together.   Do i need to do anything?  Technically we are still married?

Hi Anita,

Im still not doing good.  I miss him terribly.  Everyday I wish he will unblock me and contact me and come back.   I dont understand how he can just walk out of my life like this.  He has been trying to date other women from what i heard since he left me and too me he sounds desperate.  I have lost 10 pounds in the past 2 weeks.  I have not been sleeping well or eating much. I  feel empty and my heart is very heavy and i feel kinda anxious.   I think its because we were in love and engaged .   But he chose his friends, family and his job over me because he didn’t like being “pushed” to come home to me when he was out late and his friends may have persuaded him into finding someone else.   I pray everyday for him to come back.  Im just an empty shell trying to survive.  This is the most hardest relationship i have ever had in my entire adult life to try to get over.   i just dont know what to do anymore.

I met him April 1 2022.  Then everything went quickly leading to the nikah marriage and then engaged and now him being gone.  We did the nikah 2 weeks after meeting because we both felt right about each other.  We were planning on getting legally married in august.  We were going to get our marriage license last Saturday.   We planned on going to New York in July.  And I almost got my passport so we can go visit his family in Azerbaijan next spring.   Now he’s gone. Now I don’t know what to do about our nikah ceremony we did.  Are we still married under Islamic law or not ?