Dear HoneyBlossom:

I indeed missed your post of about 13 hours ago. I am reading it right now for the first time: you wrote that all went well, that the tumor was larger than what showed up on the scan, you had 3 tubes going into you plus oxygen, lots of narcotics, so you were uncomfortable but not in pain, and you have a scheduled visit with the surgeon in about 2 weeks. Rosemarie collected you from the hospital and brought you back, and at home, you are still on narcotics.

It is Wednesday morning your time, I hope that you are resting well, that your sleep pattern resumes, that your headache goes away, that stomach heals, and that you can have your dogs with you soon, when you are strong enough. No hard physical work until you are strong enough and hugs back to you. And thank you for being supportive of me!

anita

• This reply was modified 2 years ago by .

Dear HoneyBlossom:

You are welcome. I hope you slept by the time you read this, dogs snuggling against you. You wrote that you have to take 5 tablets every day, but you are so “slaphappt” about it, must be a typo?

anita

Thank you for the note, Helcat, I wish you well at your interview tomorrow!!!

anita

@anita

Thank you for your patience Anita!

It’s strange in a good way, someone sharing their similar experiences from another side of the world. I enjoy sharing things with you as I feel there is a deep level of understanding. When I was younger I believed that no one understood what I was going through. As an adult, I see that many people experience many painful experiences. By the time that we are adults, very few of us have no experience with trauma. I am always surprised when I meet a rare person with no traumatic experiences.

Apologies for misunderstanding. It’s hard for me to comprehend because I’m not at that stage.

This love for her does not mean that she deserves it from me, or that she is not who she is. This love means that I was a loving girl in the very beginning of my life.

It’s wonderful to see you speak about yourself so compassionately. You are indeed a loving compassionate woman.

My mother also spoke badly about men. Sometimes, I think that can set up a frame for expecting and accepting poor behaviour while we’re in relationships? What do you think?

• This reply was modified 2 years ago by Helcat.

This is a story that is familiar to me. The guy is psychopathic and a pathological liar to be able to pull it off. I was in a 6-month relationship with a guy who I fell madly in love with and then another 6-month on-and-off relationship. He is very charming, charismatic, confident, smart and fun. The latter part of the relationship he would go away for a few weeks and came back declaring he wanted to get back with me to try because the beginning of us was the most amazing relationship anyone could ever have. The frequency of his hot and cold behavior shortened to weekly the last two months. Finally I couldn’t take it anymore. He said he decided he couldn’t be in a relationship because he is too busy with work, the lingering divorce problems and his kids issues etc. I was heart broken.

A week later, a friend suddenly showed me a photo of him with another woman and said he is the boyfriend of this girl Gina for 1.5 years, they have never broken up and he has taken her to chicago to meet his family /kids. She is very happy and thought they will get married. I was in shock and called him. This is the first time he admitted he has been “trying” to have a good relationship with her and there was no overlaps between us. Then it was he broke up with her last week. yet the same day Gina posted a couple’s pic to social media for the first time.

The next day, I found Gina’s details from my firm’s intranet. – He had shared all the details of his “ex-girlfriends” with me after we started dating. Including the first name and role of the latest “ex”. I told him I will speak to her as she deserves to know who he truly is. He freaked out and started saying why hurt an innocent person. Suddenly he called me to tell me he just broke up with her so I have no reason to reach out. I told him no, she still deserves to know who she has been in love with and the breakup is his desperate attempt to stop me. On the call, she said it was the most stable relationship and he was the best boyfriend possible. I told her I met him on a dating site 4 months after they met or after she thought they were in a relationship. Took us two months to meet in person and then it was “love at first sight”. Intense relationship where he stayed with 2-3 times a week for 4-5 months. I asked her how that is possible/anyone would have two girlfriends. He did broke up with me when I was joining the same firm as her. Twice. Now that explains why.

Once I ran into them in a cheap restaurant, i said hi to him and she didnt see me. he didnt acknowledge just looked at me. My friend said you should disclose him. I loved him so I chose to think it was not a date. He later told me that was a platonic friend who was going through a divorce. They dated a couple of times before and she wanted him but he didnt feel same way. Therefore he didnt want to hurt her feelings. He then quickly ran off with her. – She said she thought it was strange on that day.

He brought her to meet his family and kids in Chicago week before Labor Day. Yet I remember now and shared with her that while they were in Chicago, he texted me he missed me and he came to take me to dinner the day they returned. On the way to the restaurant he told me at this stage of our relationship, he just wants to see me and would want to spend 4-5 nights with me. We had an amazing time and he slept over. He then broke up with a few days later. Then tried to get back.

In January he took me out to a fancy bar for celebration of a holiday. Then claimed he was in chicago that weekend for family business. Yet my friends showed me he was at Gina’s house party kissing making out with her. Yet two days later he’d say he felt bad about hurting me /being stupid about us, we would have an amazing one-year anniversary at his place.

Gina asked if he broke up with her that morning, was it because he wants to be back with me. I felt sorry and bad about this poor innocent woman’s heart. For 1.5 years, she was love bombed and manupulated by this guy just like how he used me. I said to be fair, he did say he wanted a relationship with you. But what would a normal decent guy do in this situation? They would confess before I get the chance to speak and beg for your forgiveness. Not dumping you to avoid the fall out and perhaps to soften the blow for him. Then may trying to get back when the storm passed. She said she has told her daughter about the breakup and felt numb. How can anyone lead such a double life.

It is such a sad story with psychopathic narcissist and a pathological liar. Looking back there had been numerous lies he told. he told me he “broke up” with Gina because she just works too hard, sleeps, eats and nothing else. Not active and too boring. yet he decided that was the long term wifey material and would keep hot girlfriends on the side. Gina is very senior at the firm and makes quite a fortune. Successful, well established and wife material. It’s a New York society cliche where two strangers from out of time with limited means cant have a great life (think the Gilded Age Ep 8 Miss Marian and her fiancé). There is no love /respect /honor for Gina or me. If he can lie and cheat on two women, why stop there?

This type of guys are not a prize. I didnt say to Gina this, but in my heart/mind, I said he is all YOURS. I blocked him on everything and would love to forget every moment of the past year.

@anita

Apologies for the delayed reply and for not letting you know when I’d be available. My life is a quite chaotic at the moment. I will do my best to estimate what is going on when I can. It won’t always be accurate. I will always do my best to return when I’m able.

My heart goes out to you dealing with those triggers on a daily basis. I understand what it is like to need a break from an abusive person. Thank you for clarifying the various factors that adversely affected your ability to maintain your boundaries.

For me, whilst I instinctively emotionally felt harmful behaviours were wrong. I was falsely conditioned to believe that certain behaviours were normal and accept them. For a large part of my life I accepted verbal abuse, simply because it wasn’t physical or sexual abuse.

I am only now beginning to connect to anger that I had repressed for decades. It was not safe for me to feel anger as a child, any attempt to defend myself worsened the abuse so I often “converted” those emotions to sadness. Even in therapy, I was unable to talk to a chair while imagining my mother was in it.

I think the memory of my mother from when I was young is very different from the reality of how she is now. I managed to confront her once in my late teens, but she was a shadow of her former self. I only confronted her because she stole from another family member.

Thank you for your patience and kindness, it is much appreciated.

@anita. I am new to tiny buddha therefore unfamiliar with the practice of checking if a tread owner is still active. Does that matter to the slightest. My own “venting” spread would be most appropriate? Seems petty to me. – Regardless, I wanted to let people know terrible people exist in this world.