Dear Murtaza:

“I don’t think there is freewill therefore we are all the same”- I don’t understand this sentence.

When I refer to human equal worth (vs superiority and inferiority), I don’t mean that every person is the same. Some people are taller than others, stronger than others, wealthier than others, etc., etc., etc. What I mean is that every person has the same human value, that every person (regardless of physical look, physical strength, skin color, race, ethnicity, gender, wealth, etc.) should be treated respectfully and fairly,  and not as a person being worth less than another/ deserving less than another.

You wrote that in your fantasy you need to see a woman who is stronger than you, superior to you in strength, “a strong independent woman” while you are “just pathetic and weak in her hands”, and she cares for you, gives you “more love and attention”, and guides you in this life.

You wrote that you are an atheist and that maybe you long for that strong and independent woman as a god, needing her to guide you in this life because you need to be guided. You want to do what she says, and be a “good boy”.

You wrote earlier: “even if I find the woman (which in the middle east gonna be really hard).. there is 100 things that will come between me and the fantasy”, and yesterday you wrote about your fantasy woman, “this is really hard to find especially in a place like the middle east”-

– you mean that it is very difficult to find a strong and independent woman in the middle east, that all young women where you live are weak and dependent?

There is  nothing wrong, Murtaza, for a boy or a man to feel weak. Boys and men are not different from women: they feel fear just the same, they feel weak just the same. It’s just that society disapproves of boys and men showing fear and weakness. But approved or disapproved, every boy and man on the face of the earth feels fear and weakness.

anita

• This reply was modified 4 years, 6 months ago by .

Dear Murtaza:

You believe, if I understand correctly, that we people do not have free will, that what happens in our lives is determined only by our genes, the parents we happen to be born to, the environment, etc., and not at all by our choices.

“no one is better than the other”, means that we are all automatic reactions to our environment, we choose nothing, and therefore we are all worth the same as automations, automatically reacting to circumstances outside our control.

And because we are all automations, no one is at fault for anything (“I was just unlucky to have such life, it’s not either my fault or my parents or anyone really”).

You wrote that you like yourself, that you think that you are a good person, that you are okay with being weak, that you even  like being weak. What you dont like, and even hate, is that other people think of you as an inadequate man because you dont have a job, and women think of you as an inadequate man because you like (the idea of) being weak and acting weak in the company of a woman.

Am I understanding you correctly?

anita

Dear Murtaza:

The topic of free will is not boring to me. We can talk about it, and you can ask me questions about myself. I do have .. the free will or free choice to answer your questions or not.

And you have the free will and choice whether to ask me or not, whether to answer my questions or not.

Isn’t this proof that indeed we have free will?

(I will be back to the computer in a few hours from now).

anita

Dear Murtaza:

You wrote: “why do you think I like to act weak and pathetic around a woman? I asked myself that and the only answer was because it’s lovely”-

– if I understand correctly what you mean by “lovely”, then you like to act weak an pathetic around a woman because if feels good to you. You wrote earlier that your fantasy (cuddling with a strong woman) makes it possible for you to sleep at night, meaning the fantasy relaxes you and makes you feel good enough to go to sleep.

I wish you felt relaxed and good more often than you do; I wish you believed that you have some freedom of choice (not all the freedom because, like you suggested, there is a whole lot about our lives that we don’t choose).

anita

Dear Murtaza:

“I feel bad because I’m wasting your time to be honest. I  know I’m not gonna do anything about these stuff and I’m just taking your time and energy”.

Yes, is quite evident to me that you don’t plan on doing anything about anything. You expressed it before: “I’m 20, I live with my family… I have no job and I was student and dropped out. I actually dropped out living as a whole.. cause I simply don’t like life. I lived it and saw nothing worth living or fighting for.. I got my father’s retirement, so I don’t need money.. I don’t think I will ever change my mind about life.. I don’t care about myself to try to ‘fix it’.. either way I’m going to die so why  not make it an easy life for myself.. to suffer less till the end.. not doing anything”.

You also wrote: “what woman will ever love a person like me?.. I can’t make people love me… they (women) would feel Disgust when they know me”.

About your fantasy, you wrote: “I feel like.. I  need her just as the child needs his mother, to nurture me, and give me her love and affection and to cuddle me.. I’m just someone who she cares for and likes”.

Here is a very telling sentence that you wrote earlier: “I don’t think I will ever change my mind about life, unless I see something worth living”-

– it is clear that the “something worth living”, for you, is to be loved, that’s what your fantasy is about. Yes, it is also about shame and vulnerability and whatnot, but in its core, your fantasy is about “love.. affection.. someone who cares for” you, just as you worded it yourself.

So, are you wasting my time? I don’t know. Lots and lots of my time was wasted, most of my life was wasted, really. We have that in common: you are wasting your life now, at 20, and I wasted way more than 20 years of my life!

anita