Hey 👋 again, confused:

I an wondering if you going over the ten pages communication between us in this thread, including AI input based on what you shared, and you taking notes- can help being Clarity into the Condused.

Doing so in calm times, maybe first thing in the mornings, or at another time of the day or evening 🤔

??? Anita

Hey 👋 Confused:

You never intended to hurt her, Confused.

You care about hhaving hurt her because you are a good person.

I know you’re a good person because we’ve been communicating in these 11 pages, I think (just passed the 10th page)

I accept your feelings and I know you’re a good 👍 person.

I too hurt people unintentionally. It’s about gaining clarity and doing better, one hour, one day at a time.

May you find some peace in my words and within yourself.

🤍✨️✌️ Anita

Thank you for your words anita, they are comforting 🙂

I appreciate what you’re saying, but i still blame myself for all this..it could have gone so much better if i only knew how to handle things and not just confess everything to her the day it happened.

I guess in time i will make peace with myself but its gonna take a long while.

Oops, the middle messed up part- all of us can do better, even she can do better.

<cite> @Alessa said:</cite>
Hi Confused

Thanks so much! 😊 🩵

That’s understandable to not be up to much during the holidays. It’s important to take care of yourself when you are feeling rough. 🩵

It’s good that you let yourself grieve. It’s still not easy though. I can see the weight of what you’ve been through in the numbness. 🩵

Family is supposed to be this tremendous pillar of support and strength for people. Being without that is hard. 🩵

It’s good to hear that you have some friends. Are you close with them? 🩵

I don’t have a family. I think that put a lot of pressure on romantic relationships. It’s putting a whole onto one person to be your everything. Other relationships are important too and also your biggest cheerleader has to be yourself.

When I was a kid, I experienced emotional numbing. It helped me to cope with my trauma. A therapist taught me to connect deeply with my feelings and overcome the numbness. I still have habits of it today particularly with stress. Oh gosh, I had just under 10 years of therapy.

A good therapist will treat you with care and show you what a truly healthy relationship is like. 🩵

I don’t think you messed things up. Long distance relationships often fail. Very rarely do they succeed to the point of someone settling in the others country. It is inherently stressful by its nature. It’s a lot of blind hope.

Things will unfold the way they are supposed to and it is neither of your faults. 🩵

Perhaps you haven’t cut her off? But are just noticing the nature of long distance for the first time? I think if you had cut her off you wouldn’t care so much or be in as much pain over it. 🩵

You are definitely not a bad person. Please don’t talk about yourself that way! 🩵

Tbh, i’ve felt that only in some occasions (the family-pillar support).

Yeah we are close but i started worrying i burden them..

I do that too. When i like a girl, she becomes my world, but not in a bad way. I dont stop enjoying my hobbies and stuff, i just feel life more colorful and its amazing, gives me an extra purpose.

I cant remember much of my coping mechanisms when i was a kid, definitely avoiding would be one of them.I hope the new therapist does that to me too.
I think i know what a healthy relationship is like, i just might need to work on my boundaries a bit.

I know but i kinda vowed to myself to make this one work, i had such plans 🙁 I wasnt put off by the thought of moving to her country,ive been there again plenty of times, i think it was how she phrased things that put me off in a way, also it was too soon.

What do u mean the nature of long distance? No we havent cut each other off, i dont want that i just want our connection back, but it feels like something is blocking it hard and i cant figure it out. I would be in pain of regrets for sure 🙁

<cite> @a1b2c3d4 said:</cite>
Hey Confused:

I read, in your recent post, that you were not put off by the idea of locating to her country, and that you visited it plenty of times.

Hmm, I was just wondering, out of curiosity, why you visited her, in her country, only once during the 8-months LDR?

Curious Anita

Hello anita

I was serving 10 years ago in her country, been there for 7 months.
I visited her once in the country she is studying (not her home country)

Yes indeed, i served there.

No no, i started talking to her a year ago, didnt know her prior.

Talking to therapist didnt really help, well it was the first time. She only listened but pointed out about our conversation (for the moving countries part), she said “from what you’re telling me, it sounds like the girl was more committed to you than you were to her, because she imagined a future with you, while you only wanted to get to know her (for starters). And i hadn’t thought of it like that. Maybe i have a fear of commmitment?