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New and Improved: the journey, rebirth, a new world

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Viewing 15 posts - 121 through 135 (of 298 total)
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  • October 9, 2019 at 10:32 am #316959
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Okay, cali sister. Also, if you find it worthwhile to look into  it, regarding Maria- tell me more about that relationship, with Maria.

    anita

    October 9, 2019 at 3:50 pm #317001
    cali sister
    Participant

    Anita,

    today has been a nice day. I can’t wait to tell you about it.

    i would love to talk about Maria. But first – can we talk about my crush at work? (Ohhhh la la)

    October 9, 2019 at 4:26 pm #317003
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear cali sister:

    I just came back from my walk and was thinking about taking photos for you on next walk (it’s the same 3.5 mile loop per day) so that you will see what I see every day (will send same to cali chica). And I was thinking about wearing my authentic made and purchased in India clothes for a couple of photos as well.

    Yes, do tell me about your crush (and who do the men share tell about their crush on cali sister, I wonder).

    anita

    October 9, 2019 at 4:29 pm #317005
    cali sister
    Participant

    Anita,

    I cannot wait for your photos. Just so you know – I love photography/fashion/artsy things. So that’s a common thing you will see in my photos.

    And what does your last sentence mean about men. I think I read it wrong. But I want to understand it. I’m not as amazing of a writer as you.

    October 9, 2019 at 4:29 pm #317007
    cali sister
    Participant

    I would LOVE to see your photos in Indian clothes!!!

    October 9, 2019 at 5:08 pm #317013
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear cali sister:

    I did a few chores so I was away from the computer and about to be away for an hour. The comment about men- I meant I cannot imagine men at work and elsewhere not having a crush on you, or being very attracted to you, knowing how you look, how very pretty/ beautiful you are.

    Yes, I am looking forward to get your critic on my Indian clothes!

    Be back in an hour. And tell me anything you want, crush, Nick, Maria, anything.

    anita

    October 9, 2019 at 6:07 pm #317017
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear cali sister:

    I am back. I regretted mentioning Nick and Maria in the recent post because I don’t want you to write about distressing topics, especially not at this time of the evening/night. You accomplished such a huge thing (NC) that you should take it easy and slow for a long while.

    There was hardly any communication between your sister and I today. I will tell her what I said I will (that you deserve respect for this huge step you took Oct 3) tomorrow, assuming she and I do communicate tomorrow.

    I will leave the computer on for a while.

    anita

    October 9, 2019 at 6:11 pm #317019
    cali sister
    Participant

    Anita,

    do not worry at all. I can handle it. Thank you, though. Idk if this is appropriate to say- but I am so thankful for you. You are almost like a mentor … almost like a mother voice. I hope that’s not too much. I am so thrilled that I have you.

    I just returned home not too long ago – and I am blasting some dance music and dancing around. Something I really do struggle with is “loving dog and giving dog enough attention”- it is a concept that distressed me on the regular. As in the anxiety of it.  And perhaps we can explore that together so it can be one less thing. (I didn’t type his real name here)

    October 9, 2019 at 6:21 pm #317025
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear cali sister:

    It is not too much for me. I am okay with you thinking of me as a mentor or a mother’s voice and I am thrilled to reconnect with you myself! I want to always be here for you and one day meet you in person.

    I remember you sharing about your canine anxiety, even re-read it recently. But your dog is so fortunate to have you, I am sure of it. But yes, I remember. Do you want to talk about it now, at this time?

    anita

    October 9, 2019 at 6:37 pm #317029
    cali sister
    Participant

    Anita,

    yes we will meet in person. And – it’s interesting because it’s something that will just not go away.

    The main anxiety is that I never feel like I have enough time. And I never know if I give him enough attention. Or focus on him enough. I feel very confused by it. I never have known love. And I have learned love with him. Parrot taught me a false- completely fake love. So a lot of the anxiety rooted from trying to have that fake lobe with pup (which does not exist. Because it is fake)

    But yes I have severe anxiety about it – because I feel conflicted on how to focus on myself and heal and also give him enough attention.

    October 9, 2019 at 6:38 pm #317031
    cali sister
    Participant

    ^above being said – it can all be false thoughts clouding my brain. But the key is figuring out a way to help and decrease those thoughts.

    October 9, 2019 at 6:48 pm #317033
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear cali sister:

    I think that what is happening is that you see yourself (the child cali sister) in your dog. And you are afraid that he is hurting like you did, that he is alone and lonely like you were, like you still feel inside. You don’t want him to experience what you experienced for so long. Is this the case, you projecting yourself into him this way?

    anita

    October 9, 2019 at 7:20 pm #317035
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear cali sister:

    I need to shut down the computer for the night. Regarding what I wrote above, reads to me that the anxiety is about projecting your real life childhood experience into your dog. What can be helpful is that when you notice having a thought about not giving him enough attention and such, say to yourself: it is I who didn’t get positive attention as a child. It is I who was alone, lonely and scared. Say that and hug yourself, put your arms around you, empathetically.

    This way you bring what you project to your dog- back to where it belongs: yourself.

    I hope you rest well tonight and hope to read from you in the morning. Good night courageous, strong and beautiful cali sister.

    anita

    October 10, 2019 at 6:16 am #317083
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Good Morning cali sister:

    What a lovely treat this morning, your photo in my email, and what a tiny pumpkin that is! Write here when you have the time, your job is the highest priority to attend to, ( along with your physical health and safety).

    anita

    October 10, 2019 at 8:24 am #317115
    cali sister
    Participant

    Hello anita,

    Just got my flu shot! I’m glad you enjoyed the little pumpkin – I had a silly dream that the pumpkin was eaten by a sea creature ha! The reason this pumpkin is so important is that – for me seasons and holiday decor is so very important to me and close to my heart. I’ve always loved it – however, parrot looked down on me for it. Told me it was juvenile to focus on it and a waste of money. She said she was too busy for it. Robbed the joy of celebration.

    Yesterday was a nice day.In my job, I am a preceptor/mentor to trainees. (I was once a trainee). They are called residents. Right now I have a resident with me – and I had one last month as well. During my training, with all of this family stuff, my preceptors were so supportive. I was so excited to give back to my residents – and it has been a success. I have received such great feedback that I am a great mentor for them and it is just so sweet. It feels good that I am able to mentor people although I am going through so much on my own. It shows growth and the ability to function.

    My resident right now, for the past 3 weeks I’ve noticed seems a little down. Yesterday, I asked him to close the door and I told him that he doesn’t have to answer my question unless he feels comfortable. I then proceeded to simply ask him if he is ok. He ended up opening up to me etc and it was really nice. 6 days ago I went NC, and here I was helping someone else with their mental health. I felt mature and great.

    I will write to you about my crush through email because I am just so SHY AND EMBARRASSED about it. I’m like a giddy girl about this, as if I am 14! Even as I type I blush!

    With regards to what you said about the dog – YES YES YES. This is what it is. How interesting. I think I must remind myself of what you said and also remind myself that he is a dog – so he will innately be fine, because he as a dog is just happy baseline. More to this is – how to have it affect my anxiety less when I am at home. I struggle with figuring out how to give myself and healing enough time and then also give him enough time. Remember, this dog was literally dropped into my lap by my parents – I was not ready for a dog at all. So I must admit it was a very hard adjustment for me when he came into my life. I think that I am still struggling with the adjustment.

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 6 months ago by cali sister.
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