fbpx
Menu

Self Trust and More

Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→Self Trust and More

New Reply
Viewing 15 posts - 286 through 300 (of 1,009 total)
1 2 3 … 19 20 21 … 66 67 68
  • Author
    Posts
  • July 31, 2019 at 9:09 am #305863
    Anonymous
    Guest

    (Dear Cali Chica: you are very tired, had a very tough morning, lack of sleep, so do what you can or we can do it later)

    – do you love your mother? Will you do anything for her?

    anita

    July 31, 2019 at 9:09 am #305865
    Cali Chica
    Participant

    (thanks, this is helpful, you are helpful)

    yes Anita, I do love her, I will do anything for her. yep i will

    July 31, 2019 at 9:14 am #305867
    Anonymous
    Guest

    – Tell me what happens when you love her and help her but..   she doesn’t say: thank you, my hero. Instead, she hurts you. Tell me what happens then.

    anita

    July 31, 2019 at 9:25 am #305871
    Cali Chica
    Participant

    then i feel really sad. i go in my room, but you know what. she quickly gets happy again and then says oh im the best daughter or something. and then we go out to eat and have fun.

    or sometimes then my dad comes to me and makes me happy and then i dont feel so sad that my mom wasnt that nice.  usually it goes away fast

    July 31, 2019 at 9:28 am #305873
    Anonymous
    Guest

    – what is it that “goes away fast”- take a few slow, deep breaths and tell me slowly what it is, before it goes away?

    anita

    July 31, 2019 at 9:49 am #305877
    Cali Chica
    Participant

    (okay closing my eyes, and slowly typing what comes)

    feel sad and confused, why is my mom upset and mad? i tried to help her. then i feel sad i cant help my poor mom

    sad and confused because i tried but maybe i need to do better, i guess maybe its true i don’t listen good, so i have to do better

    July 31, 2019 at 10:04 am #305885
    Anonymous
    Guest

    – when your mother is upset and mad at you, what does she look like, what does she say to you?

    anita

    July 31, 2019 at 10:19 am #305891
    Cali Chica
    Participant

    when she is upset and mad she looks like angry lady

    her eyes get small and mean, she speaks with her mouth a certain way, you can see all her teeth – she looks like maybe an actor ina movie when they get angry like maybe a cartoon

    she says lots of things. she says things like:

    she knows she shouldnt have trusted i was going to help her, because i always screw up

    she knows that i like my dad more anyway and she sees how i look at her, like im not on her side

    she says how im “shrewd” and that im smarter than i look, that im good at tricking people that im innocent, but im “smart” and i only care about myself

    she says im too “innocent’ and just listen to whoever and whatever without thinking, getting tricked easily, that im foolish

    that im a lamb outside but a lion at home, meek and foolish outside, but at home -ready to fight like a lion, roar

    July 31, 2019 at 10:35 am #305895
    Anonymous
    Guest

    – how scared is little Cali Chica, seeing her mother with small mean eyes, teeth exposed? How is little Cali Chica feeling when this angry mother says that she shouldn’t have trusted you, that you always screw up?

    anita

    July 31, 2019 at 10:38 am #305899
    Cali Chica
    Participant

    i feel scared when i see her look like that, mean.

    I feel she is right I think…that I didn’t do a good job – maybe I will learn better next time..

    July 31, 2019 at 10:46 am #305903
    Anonymous
    Guest

    – If she is right and you do “better next time” and you do better, for her. You do what you do for her, don’t you, doing what you think she wants you to do… but it is never enough, is it?

    If you didn’t have to try so hard for her, what would you be doing instead?

    anita

    July 31, 2019 at 10:54 am #305909
    Cali Chica
    Participant

    it is never enough. never.

    instead i would play with my friends, but I dont have that many friends like other people, my mom says its like that sometimes and we don’t always have company

    (i was at a standstill here because i thought wait – life IS TRYING for her – if it wasnt for that what would I do? – well blank..no concept of what that even means..blank)

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 3 months ago by Cali Chica.
    July 31, 2019 at 10:55 am #305911
    Cali Chica
    Participant

    reading above reply I just wrote brought tears to my eyes, how sad.

    how sad for young CC to think this way, poor little soul

    how sad for adult CC to suffer this way, to this day on July 31,2019 when she is more than 33 years old.  how sad

    July 31, 2019 at 11:09 am #305921
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Cali Chica:

    It is very sad. I was quite overwhelmed when I read a couple of posts back: “she says things like: she knows she shouldn’t have trusted I was going to help her, because I always screw up”-

    I felt what that girl that you were felt. There is a horror in that, in what she said, in just that one sentence.

    Obviously I am taking a break now from the exercise, I think it is a wise move because if it is overwhelming for me to experience what I think you experienced hearing that.

    I didn’t understand this part: “I thought wait-  life is trying so hard for her- if it wasn’t for that what would I do- well blank”- can you elaborate/ explain?

    anita

    July 31, 2019 at 11:17 am #305925
    Cali Chica
    Participant

    Hello Anita,

    I am sorry that you feel overwhelmed, but I do know it is a byproduct of your ability to have empathy.

    What I meant by that is the following:

    When you asked me what I would be doing instead, instead of helping my mother – I had a blank.  Total blank.  It occurred to me that life WAS helping her.  Everything was her.  everything.  Even when I thought it wasn’t – it sure was. her.

  • Author
    Posts
Viewing 15 posts - 286 through 300 (of 1,009 total)
1 2 3 … 19 20 21 … 66 67 68

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.