Shelby,

Yes I’m still going to therapy, it’s the one routine thing aside from work that I’m actually managing to stick to, although I wouldn’t be lying if I said I tried to come up with several excuses not to go!

The lack of energy or interest in anything is exhausting!

I reckon that you are at a point now where contacting your ex is not even to rekindle anything, more so it’s just to see if you’ve still got some kind of access to him should a situation arise where you need him. Sort of like me & my ex, I don’t necessarily want him around but I NEED to know that he’d be around if I needed him. It’s a load of sh**e if you ask me!

I don’t know with the house hunting again. I’m so up and down with everything. I know I need itnlw more than ever but financially it terrifies me. I spoke with one of my seniors at work today and it appears we’ll be starting a new contract a little drive out of London for about a year/two in the oncoming months.. if so and I get allocated to that contract i’ll be moving up there and away from everyone here. It’ll be cheaper financially and maybe good for my mental space. So who knows.

Shelby,

No worries at all, I myself have been up and down and taking longer than usual to respond due to lack of energy so completely no need to apologise! I check back here everyday, even if I don’t have the energy to respond! Sometimes it’s good to take some time out.

The first part of your response is so accurate, you have hit the nail on the head, I feel the same, exactly the same although less to do with heartbreaks as I just don’t think it has anything to do with that anymore (maybe it never did, who knows?) I think mine is more to do with just the confusion of life in general at the moment. I too am not making any conclusions, completely unable to figure myself out, I have no idea who I am and as a result I just continue ‘being’ getting on with my day sort of thing. I can relate and believe me, I know it is very very exhausting and I’m so sorry that you’re feeling this way. As I keep saying, something needs to shift…

I thought about your question and I honestly couldn’t tell you. I’m like 100 ideas per second nowadays most of which I’m too terrified to do anything with if I’m honest. I want to move because I feel I need that privacy and personal space to aid me in my healing journey and at the same time I don’t want to take away from myself the comfort of being able to be on my own (in my room) but not completely on my own as there are other people in the house. I think a part of me is also scared that once I do move I will completely shut myself off to the world and away from everyone because I have done that already to a major extent and don’t get me wrong although I feel it’s needed right now maybe it’s not the best thing for me in the long run? I honestly do not know, I have no answers Shelby. It’s almost like I am waiting for some big epiphany like AHA!!! THIS IS IT! THIS IS THE ANSWER!!!

Let me ask you the same question, what do YOU think is the best way to deal with your situation?

Shelby,

I’m crossing my fingers for you and I hope today goes as well as it possibly could.

I look forward to hearing from you x

Evening Everyone,

I apologise for my absence again, I really need to start to be consistent again because you all keep me on track. I am afraid that this month I have emotionally relapsed, and I was doing SO well.

Firstly, with my ex we have barely really talked the past two weeks its just been comforting to know he’s there if I need him. However, a user on here pointed out that this was toxic and that I am stringing him along, which I can see where that point of view is coming from. Even though I partially agree with that, I still can’t help but hope. But in the past 24 hours it has come to my attention that he went on a night out with a girl I was rather insecure about and always had an off feeling about, he didn’t tell me until the next morning and well hiding things from someone, isn’t that a red flag of a toxic relationship?

You see it isn’t just the case that he is friends with her, I am not going to control who someone see’s, but I feel like they had a questionable relationship and in my opinion it was morally wrong and I decided it would be ok if he could just see my point of view and admit that he crossed a line. He said he was remorseful but also says he hasnt done anything wrong, which is infuriating. I am desperate to go into detail but its his business and I don’t know weather you trust me, but multiple women in my shoes would’ve walked out the door as soon as they heard about the relationship when it came up. It’s just the way it was just both of them and he insisted that they weren’t a couple etc when they went out. At first I convinced myself I was the one that was overthinking, but then I saw a couple-esque photo and it just sent me into a spiral of a sleepless night.

Now, I do feel like I am coming across as if im saying everything’s his fault, I acknowledge that I’m not perfect either but it just lead me to a spiral of thinking have I been that much of an awful girlfriend that I’ve pushed him into the arms of someone else!?

To add to this, he is also participating in a lifestyle that isn’t necessary in the context that he is attending events that well you can watch for free on your computer. I hope someone can read between the lines here and that is notorious for couples to go to. It was okay at first, but he has now stated he’s going to another event that is like a level-up from the last one and on top of this he hasn’t got the funds to do this.

You see couples who attend these events are secure, ideally, the women there know that their husband or boyfriend adores them whilst I am sat their feeling uncomfortable and like a piece of meat, if I’m being completely honest.

So emotionally I have relapsed but I am aware that I do not want to continue in this relationship and I am fully ready to accept that as fucking terrifying and upsetting it is to leave someone I cherish beyond words I don’t feel heard, respected and I don’t deserve to have anymore sleepless nights unless its the good kind.

In addition to all that, I had a relapse with my family. I have not spoken to them for a month and a half, they have cut me off out of the will, have barely helped with university and overly-criticised me but at 1am I just broke down crying cause I just wanted a hug from my mum, regardless of whats happened in the past and I just got so wrapped up that I am completely on my own, or feel like it, and that if I don’t speak to them at all one day I won’t get to.

So I rang them and apologised for being mean to them, we chatted and I genuinely felt better. However, instantly the next day my mum goes “can we have lunch?”, they live 2 1/2 hours away so I was a bit taken aback. I can’t allow myself to just ignore past issues so I need to develop boundaries that I will actually stick to.

Overall,  I feel like I have come along leaps and bounds in terms of feeling peace with not engaging in these relationships and now I feel as though I have gone back 1000 steps.

I will catch up on the thread now.

– V

Hi Kkasxo,

It took me about 10 months to get out of my comfort zone, so take as long as you need. However, the fact that you know that you would like to make changes is a start to actually taking action. However, sometimes you just need to make a decision in a robotic state and try to not get too emotionally involved then hopefully down the line you will realise the benefits of that decision.

It is normal to feel like you don’t know who you are after a relationship, I feel like a lot of people start off as themselves then end up becoming more like what they think their partner wants, even if its just in small ways. I would say just start off doing small things that you enjoy, like going for more walks or taking more photos or something.

– V