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Trying to deal with anxiety and loss after relationship break up

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This topic contains 1,328 replies, has 38 voices, and was last updated by  Shelbyville 1 day, 15 hours ago.

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  • #316197

    Shelbyville
    Participant

    Hi guys,

    Im alive!!! Reporting from Down Under!

    It’s been a whirlwind. The first week was great, but I ended up in hospital today with bad stomach problems. Thankfully the care I received was second to none so I’m on the mend.

    However it has dampened my spirit a little and increased my anxiety. I’m trying to breathe and just be, but it’s hard at times. Anxiety is not something I got to leave behind when I hopped on the plane.

    A lot of travelling so far so not much time to just sit and think or feel, so I’m going to try and make more space for that in the coming days when I’m (hopefully) fully better.

    Michelle,

    How is Cape Town? My friend just returned from there and says it’s incredible.

    Kkasxo,

    How are you? Are you still feeling rough? I know you have more gumption than you think you did. I have always viewed you as a stronger person that I…..and look what I just did!!! So I know you’ll make whatever decisions you need to make when you need to make them.

    X

    #316383

    Shelbyville
    Participant

    Greetings again from my travels. It’s morning here and I’m sitting by a pool in an idyllic location…..and I miss my ex. I wish he was here. I’ve not really stopped thinking about him since the start of the trip and now it’s just pissing me off!

    Because I can’t stop thinking about him and what we did or didn’t have, this kind of thinking leads you to believe it’s a whole situation – what I mean by that is that HE too must be thinking of you all the time and having similar conversations  in his head. I know that line of thinking is dangerous because it’s probably a far distance from the truth, but there it is.

    Realistically my ex could have moved on with someone new. It’s been over 4 months. But my heart is clinging on still. How in the hell do I let him go when I don’t want to? I quit my job, travelled to the other side of the world, kissed a new guy. Nothing is helping – as yet. I actually feel like I’m starting to feel more heart broken now than 4 months ago. Perhaps the loved up couples all around me are not helping!

    Hope to hear about what’s going on in your lives soon x

    #316519

    Michelle
    Participant

    Hey both.

    Yep, Cape Town was as awesome as ever. It’s also a huge culture shock even after your first trip, especially as we tend to explore outside the normal tourist areas too. Honestly, people in the UK have no clue what poor means in comparison, some of it is truly shocking – more so with the huge gulf to the wealth that is there too.  So I love it as much for opening my eyes to the reality of the worldas I do for it’s amazing natural beauty, food and ofcourse wine and beer!  We are now in the heart of the Winelands which is just a stunning place – a real treat to be able to stay here and enjoy everything the region has to offer. Hard to describe, just so generous and friendly and so alive.

     

    So Shelby, what’s been the highlight so far – best thing seen/done/eaten??  Glad to hear you were looked after well when you got sick, I know that was one of your fears and seeing how it turned out just fine must be a comfort.  But seriously, wasting your time and mental energy on missing your ex, not surprised it’s pissing you off – it would me!  What a waste.  Ofcourse he isn’t thinking about or pining for you in the same way but nobody ever wants to hear that I know. It was still a right slap in the face when I found out my ex was seeing someone else as I defn still had those romantic notions so I get where your head is at. Tbh, it was helpful finding it out – no more pretending and hoping for me then!!  But hey, you are who you are and as ever you have two choices, look forwards or backwards. Up to you as ever.  It’s not about what you do – as you know, you can’t simply run away from it. It’s about accepting that it’s gone, be it for good or bad reasons, it doesn’t actually matter – it’s not going to happen how you want it to happen.  Look forwards to hearing more of your adventures and hope you manage to enjoy yourself a little at least.

    Kkasxo – how goes it?? Did the seratonin help shift it all this time around? Hope the job search et al isn’t getting on top of you totally and that Mr A is doing his bit to be strong for you this time around at least. Take care eh, still here if you need us.

    #316681

    Shelbyville
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: left;”>Michelle,</p>
    I know exactly what you mean about the different realities in Africa and elsewhere. That was one of the hardest things for me to reconcile when I went to Africa- having so little against the backdrop of having so much. But like you said- it’s such an invigorating country and I found it almost gets into your soul if you think in that kind of way!

    Most definitely enjoy the vineyards – must be so special to drink wine in a region from that very region!

    The highlight of my trip is……I don’t know! I’ve had so many incredible pinch me moments that it’s kind of washing over me and not sinking in really. I loved the Whitsunday Islands- and I really felt a sense of achievement and pride in myself for always dreaming about this magical place and now I actually stopped dreaming and made it a reality for myself, by myself. I feel all kinds of emotion tonight. Upset thinking of what you said about leaving my ex in the past, happy that I achieved a life goal, sad that it was alone, proud that it was alone. I don’t know, emotion is seeping out of me at the moment and I don’t seem to have any frame of reference.

    I dont know how to let go. I could easily say tomorrow morning- ok Shelby, it’s done, he’s gone, move on. But it’s never that easy. I do that all the time and yet I still think about him incessantly. He would have been really proud of me for ticking this off my bucket list. I’m mad and sad and I don’t know what else right now! It’s a mish mash!

    Tbh, a bit of homesickness is probably setting in too. Maybe if I wasn’t doing so much travelling around, but it’s definitely taking its toll. Four flights out of eleven done!!!! Dearie me!!!!

    Kkasxo, how you doing? You hanging in there?

     

     

    #316709

    Michelle
    Participant

    Hey both.

    Absolutely I know what you mean about it gets in your soul – it’s inspirational stuff in all kinds of ways.

    Whitsunday Islands look absolutely stunning in pictures so I can only imagine how good the reality must be!  You should be incredibly proud you have made it there by yourself – I know it isn’t how you wanted it to be but instead of regretting never making it in twenty years time, you now know you’ve done it, achieved one of your dreams and made it happen yourself – that’s awesome powerful stuff to know you can do.

    I think everyone gets a little homesick when travelling around – it’s one of the big reasons why I stay a long time in each one – I like getting to know people there, having them recognise me and chat like friends. It’s funny – we’ve (re)met by accident several people that we befriended on previous visits entirely by accident and it really helps feel like you fit in like a proper local.  It’s not too surprising you started having stronger regrets on your ex when feeling low from being ill, a bit homesick and then rushing around whilst amazing is also incredibly tiring. It’s pretty natural to want your go-to comforter (in your case, your ex) when you are feeling a little less than awesome, a bit like the grown-up equivalent of a teddy bear for lack of a better way to describe it!  But knowing you are still having moments you are loving the experiences, where you are proud of yourself for making it happen – they’re the ones to cling to and let sink in. And just do what you need to recharge those batteries so you don’t feel quite so lost and tired and therefore needy.  A big hug from here in South Africa anyways to help you along the way to enjoying your next place!

    #316711

    Michelle
    Participant

    And Kkasxo – hope we’re entertaining you with travel tales and not making you feel worse. Let us know how you are doing when you get a chance eh?

    #317217

    Shelbyville
    Participant

    Another day, another flight! I’m tired but it’s good! I’m doing it- by myself- even if I’m homesick, even if I fell ill, even if I miss my ex, I’m doing it, by myself. So I’m trying to focus on that and not trigger myself.

    @kkasxo just checking in to see how you are doing? Soon coming up on one year pact for Tiny Buddha- can you believe it?!

    #318917

    Shelbyville
    Participant

    Hi all,

    Well I’m back in Oz after my trip to NZ. It was incredible, I’m proud of myself for doing it.

    The whole trip has been a rollercoaster of emotions – a huge amount of my headspace is given to thoughts of my ex. I thought while travelling, thoughts of him would be minimal but I guess I have a lot of time on my own here, which means no distractions like I would have at home, so maybe that’s it?

    At the start of the trip, especially when I felt unwell I just wanted to be at home. Now I’m in my last wk, I really really don’t want to go back to reality! How the tables can turn!

    Michelle- how are your travels going?

    Kkasxo, still hanging in there??

    #318921

    Kkasxo
    Participant

    Morning ladies,

    Shelby, I’m so so so proud of you!!!! Look at you! Thoughts of the ex or not you are on the other side of the world, living, breathing, creating lifelong memories, it’s incredible! So so pleased for you!

    I’m meh haha, is the best way to describe it.
    I’m looking for a new job, recently celebrated my birthday and now feeling the extreme pressure of the ‘ticking clock’. I KNOW maybe it’s not necessary yet but nonetheless it is real. I think getting older puts into perspective how much I am completely not where I want to be in my life at all, and what makes it worse is that I am not actually even actively working towards that? Or so it feels like anyway. Myself & Mr A then celebrated our non-existent 4 year anniversary (I’ve got to laugh at this one, what’s there to celebrate?!) I kind of fell back into my deeply depressive modes and only slowly dragging myself back out. The up and down of it all is definitely a process. But I won’t bore you with my stuffs! Same old over here! Tell me about your travels 🙂

    #319081

    Shelbyville
    Participant

    So good to hear from you Kkasxo and belated happy birthday! I hope you at least got some nice surprises from those closest to you, I think everyone deserves to be spoiled on their birthday.

    The travel has been intense, I’ve gotten so used to living out of a suitcase now that I can’t imagine what stability used to feel like! As each days passes, I’m getting more confident in my ability to be able to travel alone. Which I’m proud of, but it doesn’t mean I don’t miss having someone with me- it just means that despite that, I am physically capable of doing it alone.

    I am starting to feel a tick tock clock in the back of my mind now- to go back to reality- THIS SATURDAY- can you believe it?!!! But I don’t want to. Not because I love travelling the world too much to go home but because reality has been suspended during this trip. And not having to deal with reality is nice, I’m not gonna lie. So I’m trying to live in the moment and catch myself anytime my mind wanders off to the future, so that I can appreciate these last few days.

    How are you doing? I hope you’re okay- and only cos I feel like I’ve gotten to know you somewhat over the past year- do I get the sense that you seem less than happy. Even re-read your posts the past few months yourself- it sounds like you’re not fulfilled or happy- I’m not sure exactly – but has that been two birthdays now in less than amazing circumstances? I think you deserve to be a queen on your birthday- not sad, or depressed. Would you consider another stint of counselling if it were feasible? I have to say, my anxiety was through the roof after my hospital stint at the start of my holiday and my therapist emailed and texted me with advice and it honestly profoundly calmed me! Amazing!

    If the relationship/job/whatever it is- is not contributing to you being a happy human, maybe the time is approaching to make decisions. Stand up for you and your boundaries/needs/goals. I don’t know how to do it- I’m no expert on that front – I just decided one day to pack in my job because when I took a step back and looked at it from a more distant point of view- I realised I was wasting my life on a dead end, because it was comfortable and familiar. As for the man- well I never had the strength to end that- and even now I wish he would change his mind and come back- so I’m zero help to you there- but I’ve always had the sense that you’re a stronger person that I Kkasxo, so I think you would absolutely succeed where I didn’t.

    Can you believe it’s been almost a year since we first communicated?! I’m very grateful we crossed paths. X

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