February 15, 2020 at 4:55 am #338422
Hello Shelbs! Happy Valentine’s Day to you!!
I’m not doing too great, you can probably tell by my complete of lack of communication. That is throughout to be honest, my friends are wondering why I’ve gone awol again too but in all honesty life is just a little much sometimes.
The place I’m working at is extremely demanding and very exhausting mentally.. I found myself the other day having to lock myself in the toilet for a couple of mins at a time for a little breather. Although I couldn’t even get that as I was having terrible flashbacks – ah good old PTSD!!!!! I’ve never had it happen in the day, only at night which would keep me awake all night so this was news to me, I didn’t quite know how to deal with it in all honesty.
To be honest, I’m not good. I’m better than I was yes, but I am not good. I’m not happy. I have no purpose in life, I am floating from one day to the next with no idea where I am going. I’m incapable of making any real choices and decisions around my life. Ugh.
I am currently laying on my sofa watching Netflix with a banging headache whilst drinking a cup of coffee – nothing new this end unfortunately.
how are you? How is the job hunt going?February 16, 2020 at 1:30 pm #338594
Im so sorry you’re feeling this way. But remember the work we must always do (though exhausting)……this too shall pass. No feeling is permanent, everything is transient. Someone messaged me yesterday after hearing the tragic news about the tv personality who had died – she said to me ‘she musnt have understood that no matter how horrific things are…..that feeling would one day pass. Remember how you felt you couldn’t go on Shelby & each hour was a struggle but you made it through”. We have to believe we are more than how we feel now. We have to see our lives as becoming more….else what’s the point?
Honestly, I feel you are my spirit animal right now! I’ve just come out of the work project I took on for the past six weeks & the mental drain was unreal. It was sooooo demanding, so I feel you!
The flashbacks must be frightening & create such uncertainty. Could you consider the possibility of seeing an expert in that field to try and help you process or manage it? I just don’t feel you should be left to fend by yourself like that.
I’m the same as you also in terms of direction. I don’t know where I’m going or what I’m doing. I’ve thought about various options but none seem to really attract my interest, passion or desire. I often hope for an epiphany and it doesn’t come so then I try to create circumstances to bring a light bulb moment, but nothing.
Who are we, you and I, at our core? Are we any much further down the road than when we ‘met’ 18 months ago? In some ways…..so much…..in other ways, exactly the same. Thats just my musing though, I could be wrong but it’s how I feel.
I started this thread broken and sad and missing my ex. Today, I am broken and sad and missing my ex. I know it can be much more than that. I am still going to therapy, trying to do the work, trying to figure it out, but so far, not much has changed. But I know I’m tired. I’m choosing things – new jobs, new locations, new friends, even a new romance & still. Here I am. I’m tired & I’m tired of being tired.
On the job front, I start a part time job at a makeup counter in the next few weeks. While I’ve established I’m not passionate about sales, to say the least, it’s a good opportunity to work with a brand I admire & they give great experience & training. So I’ll give it a shot! Other bits and pieces of work opportunities are coming my way too, but again, I’m not sure if I’m that keen. I just don’t know.
I don’t know what will make me happy. Well done to the folk who have it figured out but it’s hard for me. I’m guessing you too @kkasxo? Are you still getting along with Mr.A?February 16, 2020 at 2:52 pm #338606
@adelaide so glad you had a good bday chick and you managed to make it about you. Keep going chick you are doing amazing
@shelby sorry to hear your feeling pretty much the same. I don’t think you see how far you come but as Michelle said only you can pull yourself out..you’re at a crossroad abd need to let go of this narrative your existence is nothing without your ex. If you really think that then go get him and go make your life about him and do something be proactive you won’t need to be sad or broken any longer.
Why you are so pessimistic I do not know. However I think maybe you didn’t like much of what I said in my last post so I’ll keep my beak out.
@sarah sorry to hear you are going through another heartbreak but be proud you Carried on and gave your heart to someone again. The right one will treasure and you give hope to me that even after 5 years of being consumed by my ex I will fall again and love again. I hope you are doing well xFebruary 17, 2020 at 2:02 am #338672
@shelby Thank you for the birthday wishes!! I hope you enjoyed your mini break. My heart goes out to you reading your latest post. I know that feeling of tiredness so well. Not just in regards to heartbreak but just trying to navigate life day in and day out, and feeling like I’m getting nowhere. I sure hope this latest blip passes and you are feeling more optimistic soon! How is it that every time we are in these mindsets it feels endless even though from experience it isn’t? The brain is such a fickle thing.
@genie thanks for your continued encouragement! I hope you are doing well yourself?
Today is one of those days I wish I didn’t know what love – and heartbreak- was like. Woke up with a ball of anxiety in my stomach and had to give myself a pep talk of sorts just to get out of bed.
While it’s true I didn’t feel the need to engage as much with my ex last time we talked,it’s the classic pattern where she has not replied to my latest message for a week now and it’s made me feel very bad. I don’t even know why I care, after all I have already committed to not reach out to her (as in send the first message). I guess I just don’t understand why she would not reply when she prompted the conversation.
But it was like this in our relationship too… she just wouldn’t reply while we were in the middle of a conversation and sometimes it was really hurtful. Like one time I sent her a very heartfelt message at the start of a week long trip, after we’d had quite a deep conversation the night before, and she saw it and didn’t reply for several hours. I got so anxious I messaged her again and said I was sorry if the message was too full on. She eventually replied and didn’t even address most of the message which was hurtful to me cos I had made myself quite vulnerable in sending it. It used to drive me crazy, really. Now I have looked into attachment styles, she definitely has avoidant tendencies – and me anxious (quite obviously!!). Anyway, I have been trying to tell myself that I deserve someone who is responsive when I am vulnerable, but mostly I am just angry at myself cos I have got myself into this pattern AGAIN, and I have to wonder why it’s taking my brain so long to learn that no, it won’t be different this time. Chemicals, I guess?!
Anyway, on the plus side I got up and put on a new dress and got heaps of compliments about it, so I felt good about that, and as my therapist says, sometimes you just have to put yourself to bed early… so bring on the sleep!
Take care all. xxFebruary 17, 2020 at 12:26 pm #338730
@adelaide you’re welcome chick. I’m ok I have my low days too where I feel the same.. .why did i fall for him and i was happier person before “love” but one thing that changed within me was I refuse to let him define my future because there is better out there and I’m determined to experience it. Can you imagine what being with the right person will feel like if the wrong person made us think we found real love? It will be much more amazing. I want to be happy and only I can make myself happy so I have continued to push through. My new boyfriend is away on holiday and I’m finding it harder than I thought. I’m scared of falling too deep again but he has the patience of a saint. The more understanding he is the more it motivates me to be better. My ex was toxic I just couldn’t see it. The whole avoidant thing I get completely. It wears thin. You end up despising yourself and destroying your own self esteem. It is toxic and what my ex used to do. One day be very affectionate and next day disappear or go cold. You dont need “love” like that in your life. It is purely selfish. Real love is the opposite a person will meet you halfway at the minimum.
I’m sure you looked beautiful in your dress! Keep going chick. You deserve better. We all do otherwise we our hearts wouldn’t be breaking the person we love would have loved us better too.February 18, 2020 at 9:37 am #338860
@genie Thanks, lovely! I am so glad that things are working out with your new boyfriend. He sounds like the security you need and you deserve it!
“Can you imagine what being with the right person will feel like if the wrong person made us think we found real love? It will be much more amazing. I want to be happy and only I can make myself happy so I have continued to push through.”
This is so true. I clearly have some more work to do before I get to that point but it will be worth it.
Your reflections on having an avoidant partner rang true too. I distinctly remember one time, being awake crying while she slept next to me because she was so cold after being affectionate the last time she stayed over and thinking “a relationship shouldn’t feel like this”. Yet, instead of cutting my losses it only made me try harder, as us anxious types do! It makes me sad that I allowed a relationship to make me feel that way, but like you, determined to learn from it and try harder.
I found this article insightful and others may too:https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-change-your-attachment-style/ Especially this part:
“Moreover, anxious types tend to bond quickly and don’t take time to assess whether their partner can or wants to meet their needs. They tend to see things they share in common with each new, idealized partner and overlook potential problems. In trying to make the relationship work, they suppress their needs, sending the wrong signals to their partner in the long run. All of this behavior makes attaching to an avoider more probable. When he or she withdraws, their anxiety is aroused. Pursuers confuse their longing and anxiety for love rather than realizing it’s their partner’s unavailability that is the problem. It’s not themselves or anything they did or could do to change that. They hang in and try harder, instead of facing the truth and cutting their losses.”
I know that the solution lies in making myself more secure, and seeking secure relationships. Easier said than done but I want to really try. My next partner deserves a better version of myself. Pats on the back to all of us, for continuing to put in the work and strive for better even when sometimes it feels like nothing changes, and the path to happiness seems insurmountable. Being a human is hard, but we’re trying! Appreciate the encouragement and chance to get my thoughts down here as usual.February 18, 2020 at 8:07 pm #338806
I’ve been reading this forum and although I haven’t had chance to read the full thread, I feel like you still haven’t found the hope you’re looking for ! I just want to share my story with you.
I’m 29 and I met my ex boyfriend 3 years ago, and in comparison to the other men I had previously been in relationships with, I thought he was amazing. He was funny, handsome, emotionally available (to an extent), caring & generous. I thought I had finally hit the jack pot! Within a few months we were completely in love….
After approx. 1 year, I started to feel anxious, and had a sense of dread most days. I was unsure what triggered it but my anxiety seemed to be based around my boyfriend leaving me. Perhaps I had intuitively picked up on him distancing himself from me? We were arguing regularly about him going out too often with his female friends, and me being uncomfortable with how close he was to them (it was a bit ridiculous).
Anyway, after coming home with me to meet my parents, he broke up with me several days later. This had been my only experience of men so far, that they break your heart, but I had convinced myself that he was different and wouldn’t do that. I was devastated. Much like how you describe your pain in your initial post. The feeling went on for weeks. I would wake up in the middle of the night and cry, or at the weekend I would find my own company intolerable. Great friends helped, working helped, running helped. Not much feeling the void in my heart, apart from time to heal and acceptance. I would say it took 6 weeks for the pain to subside even slightly, and a full year for it to go away. You begin to realise your greatness and worth without the other person, and you build a life for yourself. You see other men around and start to notice them. You realise that everything seems to happen for a reason, and a break up is a blessing in disguise.
I am now two years down the line, have been single up until very recently when I met a new guy who is absolutely lovely. Who knows, maybe this won’t last either, but I have way more faith in myself go cope, and the universe to keep me on the right track. Chin up, keep doing what you’re doing and it will pass.
P.S a journal really helps too!February 20, 2020 at 4:14 am #339098
Thanks for the detail of your own experience. I am definitely glad to hear you were able to move on….eventually. I’m also glad to hear that you have started seeing someone else who is lovely and I hope it does indeed work out.
It’s been 9 months since my final breakup, so maybe it will take some more time. I’m not actively delaying the moving on process, I’m doing my personal best to not have the feelings I have, but it’s going slower than I anticipated. For whatever reason. We all exist in this world with our own unique conditioning, values, thoughts, feelings etc.
I’ve gotten some great advice on this thread from others who had not dissimilar situations to me and they have moved on, which is wonderful. Maybe one day I’ll be one of those people. Right now, I’m not. I’m about to start a new part time job, I’m going to therapy regularly, I’m exploring further travel, I go out regularly with friends, I’m not being a hermit wallowing away in a corner. But it’s just taking its damn sweet time for my heart to catch up and tell me to move on.
I regularly check in with every thought of my ex by countering it with a negative memory to try and offset the rose-tinted glasses. I’m trying to imagine having a different life to the one I know have and I try to picture that and get specific about what that would look at. And yet……here I am.
Anyway, thanks for your input and sending good thoughts and wishes to you for the future! xFebruary 21, 2020 at 8:08 am #339316
I’m having a very weak day . My friend / mew boyfriend (we haven’t defined it yet or imay well not even get the chance now.) He came back from his holiday. He was tired and I went round uninvited to see him but he wasn’t very enthusiastic. So I let my anxiety and mind go into over drive and started accusing him of being cold and having another person in the picture from holiday maybe. He is normally so patient but snapped and said he has tired and insulted i had accused him of cheating and that he has always been there for me working hard and taking it slow for me ( I have been slow to get too physical because bonding like that is a vital part of a relationship so it frightens me as I worry what if I fall and lose him) he said he didn’t want to get into a barney and it would better if I left. So I left.
He left a message saying being in his position was so hard and he was trying. Then he hasn’t been in touch. He has switched off his phone. I’m scared now I ruined it. I ruined something good for me. I’m angry because my ex has a hold of my life still. He couldn’t make me happy and now I’m ruining everything for myself due to baggage from that relationship. I have taken my new friend/ boyfriend for granted. His love for granted. I’ve ruined it. Now he might not even want to try anymore. What shall I do? My anxiety is at sky high I feel like I’m going to be physically sick. Why couldn’t I have appreciated his efforts before I opened my big fat mouth. I’m selfish maybe I dont even deserved to be loved by someone like him.February 21, 2020 at 8:11 am #339318February 21, 2020 at 9:06 am #339326
I’m sorry to hear your anxiety is in full flight, there is nothing worse than feeling like you physically might throw up with upset and anxiety. It really gets a grip on us.
Reading your last post seems to read like your self criticism is at an all time high. I’m so glad your new romantic interest has been patient this far, it shows that he has a lot of respect for you and really appreciates you and wants to make it work. However, it might be a case of you needing to do more work by yourself first. As Michelle would often mention on here, when you find the next relationship that is healthy for you, and you have really done the work on yourself, it won’t cause anxiety or upset or uncertainty. We will know we are fine with or without that person and that means that we’re whole by ourselves. They add to our happiness is all.
I completely empathise with how you feel right now. Perhaps some space and time might be a good idea now…..I know I know…..the anxiety will be tough in the meantime. But maybe he just needs space. He has been there for you up to now but no-one knows how much they are willing to give until they’re tested and maybe he could help and support to a point, and there is nothing wrong with that either. We are all unique and have different capacity for growth or support or patience.
I don’t think you have done anything wrong. Really, please don’t beat yourself up. I promise it serves ABSOLUTELY no purpose, it will succeed in only making you feel worse. You don’t want to feel worse. You want to start feeling better. So deep breaths. Anxiety will want you to act on a knee jerk fashion, but step back, deep breaths, calm your heart and mind as much as you can, and you might get some clarity.
Appreciate your guy’s feelings too, he has struggled and he needs to figure out his stuff. You can’t figure out his stuff aswell as your stuff. We each have to work on ourselves. Obviously he will need to communicate with you and get your input if it surrounds your current relationship, but anxiety may make you try to cling and I understand completely that you don’t want to lose anything, but take a breath. If it’s as strong as you have believed it to be, you will be able to have a calm conversation again soon with him.
Im trying not to think of it lately as my ex still having a hold on me, or my ex stopping me from moving on. I’m not trying to make it specific to a person, I’ve been trying to say it was my own stuff coming up, as a result of that relationship, my own stuff I have to deal with regarding attachment, that became apparent in and after that relationship, that is now stalling me somewhat. So maybe continue on trying to work on that and hopefully bit by bit, growth will come and you will feel better. XFebruary 21, 2020 at 12:36 pm #339354
@genie sorry to hear you are having such a rough day. I know the exact feeling you are describing and it is sooo gripping. Shelby has given some good advice. We are all human, we all make mistakes, but anxiety makes us think that they are irreversible and that the way we are feeling is how we will always feel. This isn’t true, even though it feels like it is.
For now, I would just work on acknowledging and accepting what you are feeling. It is so tempting to want to reach out and try to ‘fix’ things when we are in this state but I agree with Shelby that that it may be best to just focus on yourself for now.Remember that a lot of what the intensity of what you are feeling is chemically driven and will decrease naturally over time. You just have to be kind to yourself in the meantime. Do you have any self care rituals that make you feel better – a bath, a favourite tv show, a favourite food?
Like Shelby said, try not to beat yourself up. Even though it may feel like this is a massive step back, it doesn’t detract from all the progress you’ve made til this point; progress isn’t linear. The fact that you are even trying in a new relationship is something to be admired. And regardless of what happens, you are such a kind and encouraging person and nothing can take that from you. You have been so lovely to me throughout this thread – so I think you’re great even if you don’t right now!
Hoping things get better from here. As you’d say to me ‘keep going chick, you’re doing amazing!’February 22, 2020 at 1:41 am #339422
Yesterday I was overwhelmed to the point I just felt overcome by my emotions i couldn’t breathe but now even though I’m feeling anger towards myself i also am calmer to at least collect or try to make sense of my thoughts.
Anxiety will always be a part of my life in some form. I’ve suffered since a child with anxiety. It only occurred in a heightened or really destructive way after my last relationship
Those around me who I’m close to and I trust say I am in the wrong for the way I have been treating him and have pointed out something which if I am brave enough to acknowledge will determine exactly what path I take.
l know they are right and being honest for my own good. I’ve never appreciated bias and I often feel therapists or some people (with no bad intention) can sugar coat things or say what we want to hear in that moment to make what we are doing appear not so bad. When really the cold hard truth is what is needed to progress because when you remove your own blinkered glasses facts are facts.
I could ease my own guilt or be kinder to myself by explaining my silly behaviour or actions as a result of my past circumstances but truth is like my close ones have said I am still doing wrong by Jay (my nn for him I dont want to call him friend or boyfriend because he is more than that he’s a human an amazing one too)
The hardest or frustrating part is I don’t want to be doing that to him. I really don’t. Yet I find myself here acting out 🙁 but why? the consensus amongst my close ones is I’m actually falling in love with him unconsciously even if I chose not to acknowledge it properly and I actually think there’s truth in it..
@shelbyville you said the right relationship will not give anxiety but I feel most of my anxiety arises or is rooted in me being scared to acknowledge my actual feelings whereas before I would have allowed it to happen. This is all because the prev man who I thought I’d loved and would never hurt me, did hurt me. I’ve gone past the stage where I pined for him and what I thought was my happy ever after. If someone was to ask me do you still love your ex. I’d say yes a part of me always will. I gave so much of me to him. But I don’t want what we had anymore it wasn’t enough and because it took so long to realise that it has ripple effect on my current life.
When I stop feeding this fear and be rational like I’m trying to right now I see as clear as day.
When I met first met Jay i was in the get under someone to get over someone phase. I thought that would heal my broken heart. Then he walked in and was just different, a breath of fresh air. I wasn’t ready for anything real but at the same time I found I couldn’t not have him around. I was in a very bad place and would pull him in and then push him away. At Christmas when I was at my lowest and at a point I questioned my existence I realised enough was enough I wanted to be happy me again. The time away from him made me still want to reach out to him and my feelings made no sense I thought at the time is this because he filled a void. But today as i type this up and think about him with clearness and time goes on I realise how he adds to my life not takes. He brings me warmth and makes me happy . He supports me. He encourages me to be a better person because he could do so much better than me but he still chose me so I want to be better for him. He is the most patient man I’ve ever met, he makes me laugh and most of all healthy for me, when I don’t give into my insecurities and into my critical thoughts.
You say it’s my own issues, yes they are . I’ve tried working on them. But in life you can’t stop and do things in order. Chaos is something that is often needed to push you or else you miss the opportunity. I know I will regret it if I don’t see sense and let go of being selfish because I want to protect myself. I wasn’t a selfish person in matters of love before I met my ex. I fell for my ex wholeheartedly. It angers me that I allow myself to be overcome by the aftershocks of my ex relationship and everyone sane can see I’m ruining something good. I just don’t know how to face it without anxiety winning.
Jay is more of man than my ex will ever be because in our current state he has shown me more than my ex did over 5 years, he pulled me out of my depths of despair when he could have easily walked away. He stayed when he so easily could have left at such an early stage of our relationship.
I’m tired of the “work on myself” it isn’t moving me towards him I feel it’s hindering me. I just want to enjoy him. I have a person who is emotionally fully available and the way he treats me he deserves the same Genie who fell hard without fear like before. Whether it works or not is another story but to sabatoge it before it’s even begun is foolish of me. I have been selfish and not acknowledged my behaviour.
I give him him crumbs to stick around then end up pulling stunts like the above. You say I shouldn’t be scared of losing him and if I am it means it’s not healthy but are we not scared of losing anyone we care about aren’t all humans like that? If I end up losing him now..will that mean he was toxic for me too? I don’t think so it would mean I let my demons win.
I miss the old me but I can never be her again as part of her died in the 5 year relationship. I don’t know what to do. If Jay decides he has had enough I have to accept it was my selfish actions in trying to protect myself that pushed someone I actually love away. Right now I just want him to hold me but I can’t because I’ve ruined it. I pushed too far.February 22, 2020 at 2:16 am #339428
I’m FALLING IN LOVE. Omg I’m falling. The insecurity the uncertainty it’s been fear of allowing myself to fall all along. I’m doing something I thought would never happen again. What do I do though? How do I win his heart again? How do I stop the feelings of will I be good enough, will he hurt me? How do I stop the fear of the unknown ?
How do I navigate this..I want him I really do. I was fighting my inner conflict but I want to get my happiness. I deserve to be happy.February 25, 2020 at 1:20 am #339888
Checking in from KL. Last day in Malaysia, fly out to Vietnam tomorrow. Georgetown was fantastic, loved every second of it. Awesome food, comical art, gorgeous buildings, our week flew by. Now in KL which is, well, a city. So it’s fun to see the famous sights but I’m fine to be moving on after three nights.
Seems like everyone has been up/down whilst I’ve been ‘away’. If it helps;
@genie. First up – breathe! Get outside, get running, whatever it takes to calm down. At the moment all your actions are coming from anxiety and fear. If it’s as good as a relationship as you believe, this one argument is not going to be the end. Nor do you want to go jumping into bed with him or declaring your undying love just because you are scared of losing him now. You guys sounded like you were on a good slow path, have faith in yourself and him and the relationship. There’s always risk involved in anything we do – what’s important is choosing what risks we think are worth taking. It does sound like you owe the guy an apology for turning up unexpectedly and then accusing him of cheating on you. That’s just your fear and lack of self-confidence talking – no evidence/facts. Where are you guys at now – have you contacted him to talk?
I do tend to disagree with Shelby – all relationships can cause anxiety if you let them. So it isn’t a case of finding the right person who doesn’t you make you anxious but understanding your own triggers. Then instead of reacting and responding out of fear when you are triggered, you can sit with it, knowing it’s ‘just’ your fear and wait for it to pass. Then you can choose how to act, not simply react. A huge difference. So no, you shouldn’t wait until you are completely fine and have finished working on yourself – because that is never going to happen for any of us – life is an never-ending learning curve, that’s what makes it interesting! But likewise – don’t jump in just because you are now scared of losing this guy – that’s just reacting out of a different fear. Reach out for him from a position of hope, of making the relationship even better. Think about what you can offer him emotionally/for support too. Be ready to be a partner, not a dependent.
@adelaide. I’m glad your day went ok. It sounds like you have come a long way still – the piece you mentioned about the anxious types is spot on. As above, the more you understand about what triggers you, what you want – the easier it gets to find it – and as importantly – to say no when it isn’t what you want. This is why it’s so powerful you understand that not continuing with your ex is the best thing for you, even when it makes you sad. Absolutely, if you were in a more secure emotional position yourself, it’s amazing the difference it makes to how you perceive the same situation. So keep it up! I admit, I’m a bit skeptical of some approaches suggested. For me, it’s always been the combination of learning and action. One without the other makes no sense. It’d be like training for a marathon by “thinking yourself fit” or vice versa “running around bare-footed and starving hungry and wondering why I can only do a few miles”!! You get the point 🙂 It’s by learning how to see things differently and then acting on it by stretching ourselves outside our comfort zones, that we grow as people.
@shelby Hey m’dear – sounds like you are doing pretty well to me! I know you think you haven’t progressed but if you read back over these you truly have. The Shelby I ‘met’ at the start would never have had the courage to do some of the things you have now done. I think the approach you are taking to make it less about the ex sounds right – mostly as I remember that eventually it became less about missing my ex specifically but being aware that I was lonely without a partner. If it helps, it was over a year before I was vaguely interested in the idea of trying to date anyone else and the first couple of those were disasters, in that I quickly realised I wasn’t interested in that way! Bit like you and your current guy/friend I guess. So absolutely – stop with the “I’m still sad, broken and missing my ex”. You are much more in the “I’m sad and lonely at times but capable of doing much more than I thought which gives me confidence to work on the next step”. If you have managed to get back to your therapist I’m guessing at some point they will encourage you to revisit the idea of talking about your Mum & best friend, which I hope helps you come to better terms with attachments and accepting the lack of security that goes with them, regardless how good they are.
@kkasxo. You sound like you are struggling and withdrawing – I hope you are finding support from your family and if possible from a referral back to the therapist who at least helped a little before. You know we are always here for you but I know how hard it is to have the energy to reach out when you are down. So we’re reaching out to you instead and hoping you are doing ok. I can see you also avoid replying about Mr A, so I am guessing you know deep down he isn’t helping your situation but it’s just something else that’s too much to deal with on top of everything else right now. And that’s ok – it’s whatever you can deal with, one step at a time. Take care.