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very confused-new girlfriend, ex-girlfrend. Help me please

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This topic contains 181 replies, has 10 voices, and was last updated by  anita 1 day, 16 hours ago.

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  • #216459

    Brandy
    Participant

    The things you do to keep certain people in your life seem to actually drive them away, and you're totally aware of it all. What's the cure for rejection anxiety? Anyone know?

    And I'm having a sickly case of deja vu reading this last post of yours. Didn't you start this thread 12 pages ago after she texted you a “thank you” for sending her a personal item? Banging my head against the wall now.

    #216627

    anita
    Participant

    * Dear Brandy:

    “What's the cure for rejection anxiety? Anyone know?”- I will take the challenge, referring to the content of this thread: rejection is scary, naturally. So are heights, therefore most people will not engage in rock climbing by choice, or jump out of an airplane with a parachute. But some people do these things, stimulated by the fear of climbing a steep rock, stimulated by the fear of falling to their death if they make the wrong move. It excites them.

    Some people are excited by rejection, it stimulates them, it excites them in much the same way others are excited by rock climbing. And just like a person excited by climbing steep rocks is not interested in no longer climbing, so is a person excited by rejection, not interested in … no longer being rejected.

    When John waited for his mother to pick him up, 4th grade, Christmas time, that was the most exciting time of his life. It was going to be the best Christmas ever, followed by a happily-ever-life in Oregon with his mother who finally, he was told, was okay and capable to be the mother he needed for so long.

    It didn't happen that way. There was no happily-ever-after. She didn't attend to him, didn't come to see him at school sporting events, late to pick him up, had a series of boyfriends, one who was abusive to John for years. The close, loving relationship he longed for with his mother did not happen.

    And so, it was that waiting at Christmas time for his mother to pick him up, that was the highlight of his childhood, the exciting time. It is this excitement that he is trying to recreate and relive now. He is not trying to re-experience a loving, close relationship: he doesn't have that experience and he gave up on having it long ago.

    He is trying to re-experience that which he did experience before, and that is the excitement of waiting.

    anita

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