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35 Simple Ways to Be Beautiful

Beautiful

“Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical.” ~Sophia Loren

Even though I got Joey McIntyre from The New Kids on the Block to sign my scoliosis back brace in the sixth grade, I still felt ugly wearing it.

I didn’t realize the irony back then, but in retrospect it seems a little funny I grew crooked considering I convinced myself I was wilting in my sister’s shadow. (I also had braces and headgear, but that’s another story.)

I was a kid who wanted to be beautiful, but more desperately wanted to feel loved. My self-esteem increased through the years, but I never quite shook the sneaking suspicion I’d be never be beautiful enough. Or maybe lovable enough.

It would be easy to blame it all on society and the Kate Moss era of modeling, but I think it’s more than that. I just never learned to notice and appreciate all the beautiful things about myself. The stuff that has nothing to do with my waistline, skin tone, or eye lashes and everything to do with who I am.

I never learned to give myself the credit for all the good I do in the world. I was too busy cataloging my weaknesses, mistakes, and flaws to recognize it.

It seems like such a cliche to say pretty is as pretty does, but the truth is physical beauty is subjective. And no matter how closely someone matches your ideal of physical perfection, that will eventually fade. What endures are the qualities, passions, and habits we nurture.

That’s what makes us beautiful–and believe me when I say there is something beautiful in everyone. If you’ve done any of the following lately, you are absolutely beautiful:

1. Smile. As the quote goes, “I’ve never seen a smiling face that was not beautiful.”

2. Be there for someone who needs you even if there’s nothing in it for you—give without expectations.

3. Make a sacrifice for someone you love.

4. Admit a mistake, even if it’s hard to say you’re wrong, and work to make amends.

5. Share your struggles, putting your ego aside, to make someone else feel less alone.

6. Create something that helps people. A song, a blog, a support group, a non-profit—anything that inspires.

7. Help a child feel good about him or herself.

8. Tell someone what you appreciate about them, even if you feel vulnerable.

9. Forgive someone without needing to hear the words, “I’m sorry.”

10. Create positive energy around you by thinking positive thoughts and acting with positive intentions.

11. Sit with reality without judging anyone or anything.

12. Accept someone for who they are instead of trying to change them to who you want them to be.

13. Treat people as they want to be treated.

14. Notice something simple but beautiful in the world around you.

15. Acknowledge the beauty in others instead of feeling threatened or competing with other people.

16. Be the change you want to see in the world, as per Gandhi’s suggestion.

17. Tap into your personal power and do something that makes a difference in the world.

18. Find strength in a challenging moment. It’s not easy to do, and you deserve credit for it.

19. Talk kindly about the world around you instead of gossiping or complaining.

20. Forget yourself for a minute and do nothing but listen to someone who needs it.

21. Measure a person by their best moments, not their worst.

22. Give yourself the same courtesy—focus on the good you’ve done, not the mistakes you’ve made.

23. Take the high road when someone hurts you instead if being cruel or catty.

24. Make someone laugh. A smile can literally melt stress and pain away. How beautiful of you to do that for someone else!

25. Make someone cry—tears of joy that is. People want to feel moved, inspired, motivated. Never underestimate the power of touching someone’s heart.

26. Keep an open mind instead of sticking with a judgment or assumption.

27. Love what you’re tempted to fear.

28. Be the voice of optimism when the people around you need it badly.

29. Show humility when your accomplishments would make it easy to stand above people.

30. Handle rejection or failure with grace. It’s far more easily said than done—and it sounds so cheesy and cliche—but accepting loss gracefully makes you a true winner.

31. Show unbridled enthusiasm for something that excites you. All children are beautiful, and I think their unadulterated joy has a lot to do with it.

32. Hear what someone means, not just what they say. Anyone can nitpick. Not everyone actively works to be understanding.

33. Imagine a world where people know peace, and do one small thing to create it.

34. Honor the values that matter to you. Showing integrity is the first step to feeling good about yourself.

35. Accept and love yourself, just as you are in this moment.

And now a disclaimer: some days you may not do anything written above—in fact, you might do the exact opposite. On those days you are still beautiful.

There are times when, like Alexander, I’m having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Times when it seems like I might get swept into the tornado of chaos around me. Times when the voice in my head is unkind, and I interpret everything that happens through a negative filter. When I think the worst of people and complain about it; when I expect the worst of my day and lament it.

This admission might seem like the biggest possible acknowledgment of hypocrisy, but I have nothing to give if not my honesty. And the reality is I am imperfect. We all are. We all have moments of weakness—but they’ll only define us if they far surpass moments of kindness, compassion, love, and strength.

Being beautiful doesn’t mean adhering to some picture-perfect fantasy, or living every moment that way. It means realizing this moment is a new opportunity to be who you want to be, and making the effort to seize it.

How will you be beautiful today?

Photo here. This was originally published in 2011.

Avatar of Lori Deschene

About Lori Deschene

Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She is the author of the Tiny Wisdom eBook series (which includes one free eBook) and Tiny Buddha's Guide to Loving Yourself. She's also the co-founder of the eCourse Recreate Your Life Story: Change the Script and Be the HeroFollow @tinybuddha for inspiring posts and wisdom quotes.

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  • Brittany Turner

    Thanks Lori. This is a beautiful blog and so very true.

  • http://twitter.com/BenReyna80 Ben Reyna

    I love this. Its little things like these that make everyone life so much better. Thanks again for showing how beautiful we all have the potential to be.

  • Nick Kirkes

    Great tips, Lori. I think your disclaimer that beauty exists even when one doesn't feel so is incredibly important.

  • http://mmaaggnnaa.wordpress.com/ Marie

    Thank you for sharing these thoughts . . . after reading this, it was easy to give myself credit for having a beautiful spirit!

    - Marie (Coming Out of the Trees)

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  • http://MyLifeDesignStudio.com Maja

    Beautiful post! Thank you…

    “Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart.” ~Kahlil Gibran

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  • http://axelg.com/learning-to-trust.html axel g

    That was a truly heartwarming post!

    “I’ve never seen a smiling face that was not beautiful”

    How true +_+

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Thank you for the comments everyone. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Hope you had a beautiful weekend =)

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  • Amara

    Thank you..i love this blog and everytime i read it..it makes my day!

  • http://uzma7.wordpress.com/ Uzma

    WOW. this is so beautiful. Its a list of a creating a beautiful soul. Am going to share with all my friends. Thank u .

  • http://twitter.com/Tree_Spirit Tree_Spirit

    Wow great post tinybuhhda..<3<3..I really love this blog and wisdom i get from it!!

  • http://twitter.com/hannahbee_xo Hannah Uzelac

    Retweeted this.. such a great message. Thanks =)

  • JeffC050309

    re-tweeted this – what a simple and fantastic message wrapped into one.

  • Fail Post

    Sorry but major FAIL! you can do any of that nonsense it still won’t make you beautiful let alone remotely pretty. I mean will it give you a nose job? will it color your eyelids? will it straighten your teeth? Will it slim your waist? No. So MAJOR FAIL. It might be a valid post in another category. idk how to make ugly insecure people feel better about themselves and forget about being loved and beautiful. Let’s face it if you live in USA and you’re ugly, you fail at being loved and in business. That’s why there’s plastic surgery. use it.
    oh and thanks for the sob story at the beginning. Consider CHANGING YOUR NAME from tinybuddha to BIG FAT BORE!

  • Nikhil

    Thanks a lot.Really inspiring.

  • Fail Post

    Sorry but major FAIL! you can do any of that nonsense it still won't make you beautiful let alone remotely pretty. I mean will it give you a nose job? will it color your eyelids? will it straighten your teeth? Will it slim your waist? No. So MAJOR FAIL. It might be a valid post in another category. idk how to make ugly insecure people feel better about themselves and forget about being loved and beautiful. Let's face it if you live in USA and you're ugly, you fail at being loved and in business. That's why there's plastic surgery. use it.
    oh and thanks for the sob story at the beginning. Consider CHANGING YOUR NAME from tinybuddha to BIG FAT BORE!

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  • http://www.missstellasblog.com Stella

    I really enjoyed these tips ~ thank you for always posting such wonderful messages… they really remind all of us that our happiness really is in our own hands!! It's also great to know special ways to spread the happiness to others as well!!

  • http://twitter.com/allashi shirley malla

    I discovered Tiny Buddha just a few days ago and now I am following you on Facebook. Your messages are wonderful and so full of insight.

  • http://twitter.com/allashi shirley malla

    I follow you on Twitter(not Facebook ) as in last comment. Will be watching for you regularly

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    You're most welcome! I'm glad you enjoyed this post. Nothing makes me happier than writing here. =)

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Hi Shirley. Welcome to the Tiny Buddha family =) There are some amazing people reading and chatting on Facebook. I'm happy that you've joined in the fun!

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  • Piacguerrero

    Would love to cross post this on our site: http://www.adiosbarbie.com. We would definitely link back to your site and give you and the site credit. We are a non-profit site whose mission is to promote healthy and powerful self and body image for folks of all races, sizes, ages and abilities. – Pia (Founder and Editor) Email me: teamadiosbarbieatgmail.com
    :)

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  • Lisa Marie11

    I love this!!!!! Really beautiful!

  • Rachel

    Wow. That is truly amazing and I know it will stick with me forever. I will never again relook the meaning of beauty. It’s great that you have written these posts, Lori. I have showed this to many of my friends and they’ve all been inspired by your words. I think you have just changed my life. :)

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Wow that’s awesome Rachel! I’m so glad this post affected you in such a positive way.

  • Lindyv321

    Thank you

  • http://twitter.com/JoyelleBrandt Joyelle Brandt

    I love this! It is such a good reminder that we can all use. I am always looking for new sources of inspiration, and your site is going on my list!

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Fantastic! I’m so glad you enjoy Tiny Buddha =)

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  • rashmi thapa

    i really enjoyed your tips that really makes me feel all are beautiful and so is our world…thank you for ur messages dear lori deschene.

  • Sicarmen_ito

    I love this post. Can I share this to my blog and direct them to your website?

  • Shanni127

    I was an “ugly duckling” as a kid/teenager, and all I wanted was to fit in. But at 5’9″ in the 7th grade, I stood out like a sore thumb, literally. Not to mention the lack of hips, boobs, headgear (indeed, I had it, too!) bad perm, acne…oh, my!
    But I became grateful for these “defects” once I matured a bit. It taught me how to be beautiful in the true sense, and now that I am approaching 40 and battling the dreaded “middle age spread”along with other physical maladies, I miss and honor that young girl. As I reflect on my life, I have true gratitude for my life, and the beauty that I experience, in every sense of the word, as I live in today. Thank you for writing “my” story.

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Hi Shanni,

    What a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing your experience!

    Lori

  • guest

    that was lovely, thank you :)

  • guest

    that was lovely, thank you :)

  • EyesthatSee

    This is a lovely post.

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  • Mandypandy336

    This was amazing!

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    I’m so glad you enjoyed it! =)

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  • Allison

    I love this post!

    God bless! :)

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  • heather garzel

    is it bad to sleep late

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    I don’t think so–but I think a better question might be: do you? And why?

  • Brallaqueen

    this is all bull s##t. all this you can be beautiful stuff- crap. Beauty is a measurable thing and some people just don’t have it – same as people just don’t have charm or wit or intelligence

  • Yourstillyou

    this is 36 ways! you have 10 twice :) even more ways to be beautiful!

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Oh wow I hadn’t noticed and no one else has pointed that out! Thank you =)

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  • vithusha

    its very interesting

  • sue

    This is not helpful what so ever, its just the same things a mother would tell you, not what works in the real world.

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Hi Sue,

    I think that somewhat depends on your perspective. These types of thoughts have been very helpful to me because I feel beautiful when I am proud of the person I am being from day to day, but I understand that not everyone feels that way.

    I hope that you have found what works for you–and if you’d like to share any of that here, I would love to read it!

    Love and light,
    Lori

  • demi

    i used to think i was not beautiful, i did not have many friends at school and was feeling a bit depressed. that, all of a sudden, changed after i started thinkin more positive, and kind thoughts. still today, i try my best not to gossip or say/do anything bad or unkind. now i am living a much better happy life with many friends:) 

  • demi

    i used to think i was not beautiful, i did not have many friends at school and was feeling a bit depressed. that, all of a sudden, changed after i started thinkin more positive, and kind thoughts. still today, i try my best not to gossip or say/do anything bad or unkind. now i am living a much better happy life with many friends:) 

  • demi

    i used to think i was not beautiful, i did not have many friends at school and was feeling a bit depressed. that, all of a sudden, changed after i started thinkin more positive, and kind thoughts. still today, i try my best not to gossip or say/do anything bad or unkind. now i am living a much better happy life with many friends:) 

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    That’s great Demi! I’ve been in that place, too. When I was younger, I went through a long phase where I felt down, alone, and empty. I think when we like ourselves more, we’re naturally more apt to attract friends.

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  • Honey_zahra_1998

    i always thought i was ugly and i was lonely and very different from the others my thoughts was bigger than my age i wasnt a geek but i didnt like to be like the other girls just thinking about boys, clothes and makeup and being mean to others and just thinking that u r better then other but i tryed to be like them i always try to make myself fit in but after few months after i had my operation done i had to stay at home for long time but i did realize lots things i realized i was stupid for being like them and its okay to be different and weird and its good to be different the world will be boring for sure but the hard thing is thinking how people judged u before they even know u just cuz of ur looks or who u r and where u from i admit its hard  to be different cuz people just think u too weird and different its hard to be lonely and empty its even more hard if ur parents wouldnt listen to u and understand u i know not everyone can understand others but ur parents ahs to try its really hard to keep it to ur self and just pretend to laugh and smile when u really are crying and its even harder when ur bestfriend betrayed u and left u cuz everyone is saying ur weird and that but its hard to ignore what they really saying anyone might come and say to u ur ugly and someone else come and say just ignore them but when think about its hard to ignore it i always said i have to change and i did but its hard to be lonely i am just thinking why is people like this they say stuff and do without thinking or regreting it sometimes i dont feel they humans with hearts people are changing to the worst they becoming really cold hearted even when u try to make them listen u and make them a bit change they just wont listen i know u have to accept people for who they are but they not doing that i just wish everyone could read this page and understand cuz what they doing is horrible well not all of them just some there is quite alot specially childern/teenagers  i have wrote alot but i know but people need to start to grow abit   

  • Sherry

    hey tori,
    so u had scoliosis? i have it now. not doin surgery. i’m 16. black jamaican. sigh. i dont know what to say actually but here goes: my mum tells me i’m ugly everyday..i make her sick, shit is better than me, etc..she’s my mum. i’m startin to believe her. iknow that’s not good but i cant help it. my freinds now are extemely pretty. their pics on Fb r so amazing. iknw itz photoshop but their beauty is still there. i go through their pics n then mine. them? beautiful. me? ugh. ugly. i cant help but feel down..the scoliosis stresses me n i stress terribly otherwise and i just feel so out of place. they can wear ANYTHING and get away wit it. i dont have a lot of options. sometimes i wanna b free n darin n jus wear what i want but people tlk. i try not to listen n get down but i’m human. and a 16yr old teen girl. i cant go bikinis or tight tops. another prob is that i ave no idea hw to take care of myself or even knw wat is right for me. havin my mum downgrade me jus left me not carin. but now i want to care. i want to do something about me now. i dont have the resources or whatever but i want to.
    i recently signed the body peace treaty at 17magazine.com. i feel happy about it but i’m afraid i’m still in the dark. i’m trying but idk. i’m not so sure anymore. :(. help?

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Hi Sherry,

    I am so sorry to hear about what you have to deal with. I am going to send you an email because this is going to be a little long…

    Much love,
    Lori

  • Betsyf823

    #27 really stuck out to me; what a simple way to enjoy life a little bit more. Thanks!

  • Laura

    Same here!!! :’( Lori i need help too

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Hi Laura,

    How can I help?

    Lori

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  • Amy

    I know this might sound cheesy, but I finally know now that physical beauty isn’t anything at all, but the beauty that comes within and these tips are very useful:)

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    It’s not cheesy–it’s beautiful. =)

  • Choll

    I want to be beautiful cuz i like someone many people around tell me that im pretty but i don’t have much confident at all!!! please guve me advice

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Hi Choll,

    Why do *you* think you don’t have confidence? Is it your looks that you’re not confident about, or is it something else?

    Lori

  • Choll

    My look cuz maybe i’m a little fat and not too white

  • Choll

    And the most is i  think that i’m not eautifuil as someone he like :(

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Hi Choll,

    I’m not really sure how to respond to you in a way that won’t sound trite, because I understand from what you wrote that you really want to change your physical appearance. I have been there before, and I know it can be challenging to truly love what you see in the mirror.

    If this person likes someone else, it likely has to do with more than just her looks–he probably likes her personality, her sense of humor, and everything that comes together to make up who she is. When you meet someone who likes you, that will also be true. It won’t just be about your looks.

    I know from experience that I feel better on the inside when I feel healthy and happy in my skin. If you feel you’re a little overweight, could you start getting a little more exercise? As for not being “too white” I don’t think that’s a bad thing! I have beautiful friends of all nationalities. The ones who appear the most beautiful are the ones who realize they don’t need to change who they are.

    Do you have people in your life who make you feel beautiful on the inside–friends and family members who value who you are? I think it would help a great deal to talk to them about your feelings on this!

    Much love,
    Lori

  • Choll

    Thank  a lot for your answer it is very helpful to me i makes me think very clearly of all those things :) I better not change myself i should have been loving what i have and what i look…the most beautiful is your heart is beautiful XD thank Lori

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    You are most welcome. =)

  • Laddu619

    this is really awsome its really very impressive and i do only one good thing from the above list that is smiling thats it

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    I’m sure you do more of these things that just smile. Most of us are far more beautiful than we give ourselves credit for. =)

  • Rana Elkozah

    i’d love to learn more from you ,you are genious

  • Ruthroxx1717

    I am a really nice person but some times people (love ones) make you feel ugly and unappreciated and takes advantage of me… and i cant take it any more.some times i feel like punching them and make them suffer but i cant…. i just don’t want to hurt them but they hurt me.. what can i do?

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Hi Ruth,

    I’m so sorry to hear about what you’re going through. No one deserves to feel ugly and unappreciated. If there are people in your life who you feel are taking advantage of you, then you may want to consider either expressing your feelings clearly and setting some boundaries with them, or ending those relationships. It’s not about hurting them–it’s about taking care of yourself. As a “nice girl” myself I know it can be challenging to tell people when they’re crossing a line, but we’re the only ones who can teach people how to treat us.

    Much love,
    Lori

  • sanu angel

    this is a perfect web page! i think this can really work for me , thanks lori Deschene!!!!!

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    You are most welcome!

  • Shibangi ghosh

    wow the that was something which we really needed to feel good

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    I’m glad you enjoyed it! =)

  • Noelle

    Wow, that was exactly what I needed right now. Almost everything you’ve written describes the person I want to be. I’m on my way to become someone like this. I believe in positive energy, because having positive energy and sharing it with people makes me feel happy, confident and beautiful. But there are days of mental crisis, when my confidence is leaving me on my own, and that are the worst days of my life. i wish i could feel beautiful all the time and have no break downs. Your text gave me back my confidence today. Your words are so true and comforting. Thank you:)

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    You’re most welcome Noelle. I know what you mean about wishing you could always feel beautiful. Sometimes when I make big mistakes, I start to feel that familiar wallowing in shame feeling–and I wish I didn’t have to have those days. It helps me to remember that those days come and those days pass. And oftentimes, it’s on those days when I learn the most and write the most helpful pieces. Those days aren’t always comfortable, but they can be useful!

  • Panditneha Sharmalic1896

    smiling is the the best to win everysituation

  • Donna Belle

    : THANK YOU for INSPIRING ME. Today, I’ve decided to follow your ways and be beautiful. Not 35 though but 36 ways! Thank you!

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    You are most welcome Donna. =)

  • Inner beauty

    Thank you very much for the article. It really inspired me :) I always worry about my outer appearance but i realised inner beauty is more important. Thank u once again Lori Deschene

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    You’re welcome. I’m so glad this inspired you! =)

  • Dom

    I have only now come across this website; only now even vaguely looked into the Buddhist school of thought. I am a 18 year-old who loves writing, but I have consistently found that everything I write is fueled by melancholy thoughts. I became a misanthrope, envisioned myself as some sort of tortured writer like Poe and penned stories of the horror of man, the evil that environs us all and Dystopian sci-fi. And yet, my life is comfortable; my problems meagre. A close friend of mine died last year, which certainly didn’t help, but I became incredibly interested in philosophy. Stoicism appealed to me, but as much as I loved the idea of being able to accept all events that came to be, I couldn’t put it into practice. 

    Right now, this speaks volumes to me. You have certainly achieved many points on this list – it is the small acts of beauty and love that are most important in a person’s life, and I believe this is one of them. I hope this comment is not too sickly-sweet to digest, but I cannot express my thanks enough through text. Even if this feeling is temporary, currently I am happy and at peace. Thankyou so very, very much.

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    You are most welcome Dom. I went through a phase when my writing was quite dark, as well–right around your age, actually. I’m so glad that my tiny post made a positive difference in your day. =)

  • Ari

    you saved me lori!

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    I’m glad my post was helpful! =)

  • JohnLennonFreak

    Inspiring (: 

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  • Michelle

    The most ‘beautiful’ people I know radiate a kind of peace and harmony, a oneness within, and when they share with you, the feeling lingers on. I have had the pleasure of working with wonderful woman who radiate a kind of ‘spiritual’ beauty that I am to aspire to. Firstly I am forgiving myself.

  • Madysonwest

    I hope it works because I’m leagly bling were glasses and hope for the best after reading it I started smiling thank you:) <3

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    You’re most welcome! =)

  • Simona

    i totally understand u because even i have scoliosis and even i have a back brace :’(

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    You know I’ve never met anyone else who wears or wore a back brace. I remember I could only take it off for a certain number of hours every day. Is that the same for you?

  • 17yearoldchicka.

    Some of the things you have written as side notes (not in bold) are reflective of generalisation. I’m all for being a positive person and not making things harder in life for others but ‘Be there for someone who needs you even if there’s nothing in it for you’ isnt that what people are already brought up to do? 
    Why do you think people feel vulnerable to expose their feelings? 
    There is also no way in hell that i would “Forgive someone without needing to hear the words, “I’m sorry.”   if this person needs forgiveness from me they better damn well say sorry, theres no use in promoting that people can get away with hurting others or getting into a situation where they need forgiveness and will get it easily without even needing to be sorry. 
    Theres so much wrong in the world and so much need for change that I will probably never get to see the time where I can talk “kindly” of the world around me. 
    “Measure a person by their best moments, not their worst.” 
    This is not the best advice I’ve ever heard, I was talking to a friend the other day and we got into a discussion similar to this, and what I find is that the worst part of a person is still part of them even if you choose to ignore it. 
    Take the high road when someone hurts you instead if being cruel or catty.       How can you tell people to just run away from things? If someone hurts you go to the damn police and get that person locked away or sued some sort of action. Theres no use in simply forgetting. 

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    I understand your thoughts–that the ideas are generalizations. I intended for these to be simple reminders of the ways we can be kind to each other. Some of them are things we were (hopefully!) brought up to do.

    I think ultimately we need to use our own good judgment. So if someone is treating you harshly or disrespectfully–and you recognize they do not feel any remorse or want to change that–then it might not be wise to simply forgive them and focus on their good qualities. In that case, it’s probably a good idea to reconsider the relationship.

    As for the last one, I wasn’t referring to physical violence or anything that would require a police report. If someone is violated or victimized in that way, I would agree with your assessment about pursuing legal action!

  • Dina_hafeez

    Hi Lori , I really appericaite what you have posted ,it is very helpful
    But as I thought of those steps , I found that nowadays people don’t even look on who you are or how do you treat them ,all what concern them is how physically you look ,so how can I be an ideal girl ?

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Hi Dina,

    I understand the pressure to create an ideal physical appearance. But I’m curious: What makes you think people don’t concern themselves with how you treat them?

    I think we feel a lot better about ourselves if we take of ourselves, both physically and mentally. So my advice to you is to focus less on being an ideal girl, and focus on doing what you can to feel good about yourself, whether that means exercising, expressing yourself through your clothes, or generally being kind to yourself. If *you* feel good about you, that will naturally show to other people.

    I hope this helps!

    Lori

  • Sarita kushwaha

    These are such a great  tips for making a pleasant personality to everyone.

  • http://freebeautysecrets.org/ Jennifer

    Great post. I really enjoyed reading it and know have about what to think :)

  • WaRlPC.Njpk.GR njpk

    i realy try it all of them, but 3 times of 4 the say to me i am suck and go away from they lifes. As for the 4 time she just ignore me and never tlk to me again.

    I don’t know why i am always good with everyone end make them feel good but they don’t care about me and my feeling :’(

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Who says those things to you? Your family? You definitely don’t deserve to be treated that way!

  • WaRlPC.Njpk.GR njpk

    I don’t know what to say. Sometimes i just want to disapear. My family always was in my side. I just She her ( the girl i love with all of my heart) to walk and i am happy and she was kind with me until i say her about my feelings and now she igniring me :(.

  • Brb_Scrappy

    That isnt true…my friend says shes ugly anad she tried these tips and it didnt make her na more attractive she still doesnt attract boys, they make fun of her and tease her. you failed ;/

  • Pickle2332

    I think that this is a great way to learn to be yourself in a way. I like how in the writing i could feel positive feelings as i read it. I will consider this in the future.

  • Kimberleysluvinit

    eat healthy more ebergy feel better lose waight at the same tme

  • Kimberleysluvinit

    its nice to read but wen u see buetty like moddels or famous or singers there all stunnin to look at ans that what i want to look like ppl say magazines are just asigneture look but thats what i want i wanna be looked at i want to be able to walk round in a bikinie with people say wow look how fit she is i wan all tha but its not tha easy wen ya born with out any looks just pure fat an bobeyedand peoplelook not coz ya sexy but just to laugh

  • Mark

    The world is imperfect. Just to read/write this, we are using electricity which is created with deals that cause harm to others. However, I don’t think any of us has the power to change the world individually, even the super rich only have so much power. Therefore your principles allow us to make the world a slightly better place, but it’s a start, so thanks for publishing and promoting a better way of life.

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    You’re most welcome Mark. Thanks for your comment! i was actually having a similar conversation with a friend recently. He felt overwhelmed by everything he can’t do, and I mentioned maybe we don’t have to do everything; we just have to do our part.

  • VINEE

    hello i like your post ALL THE BEST &THANK U FOR GIVING ME SUCH A POST

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    You’re most welcome!

  • malory

    hi lori thx a lot but every one ralk about me and says im a worthless piece of trash

  • jason molaine

    Check out this link for more details
    http://bebeautifulwithus.blogspot.com/

  • Lori Deschene

    Who says that about you? I know I dont know you but i know you don’t deserve that!

  • Katty Johnson

    A lot of people say that true beauty is on the inside,but that’s just ugly people who say that,and beauty is all about your appearance and great personality.
    For more info check out http://bebeautifulwithus.blogspot.com

  • shefali pandey

    these are golden words.i will apply all the above written things in my life.

  • nikki

    You are such a talented writer:)

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Thanks so much =)

  • justme

    It’s easy to write articles like these but the world isn’t as idealistic as it should be. Feeling beautiful from the inside won’t make you erase the everyday scars that you face by the way other people behave around you and around someone who looks gorgeous. I know that I am a beautiful person from the inside and I do all of the things that you’re mentioned in this article and even more. I don’t do it to make me feel good about myself but because my nature itself forces me to do it without expecting any form of reward in return.

    But, every time you compare yourself to someone who looks smashing and see that being beautiful from the inside isn’t enough to stop tears from streaming down your eyes coz you will be never have anyone feel that “YOU” are the most gorgeous woman in the world for them: is a completely different feeling.

    I’m not a pessimistic person but I just feel that “tips” like these can never mend the wound that seems to get even worse with every passing year coz trust me- when you have two women that are both beautiful from the inside and one of them also happens to be beautiful from the outside- the whole world would be lured towards the pretty face and not the other one.

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    I understand what you mean–that not everyone adheres to this type of thinking. And I know we live in a culture where physical beauty is celebrated. One thing in what you wrote really jumped out at me–about having one person believe you are the most gorgeous woman in the world. If someone (or many someones) saw you for all your beauty, but never made the comparison to other women in the world, how would you feel about that?

  • andrea

    I sometimes feel like a bad person on the inside because I work so hard every day of my life to make sure i show compassion. i constantly am making baby hats and blankets to donate, holding doors for people, etc. But it all feels like a setback when my bipolar disorder makes me snappy, or have a panic attack. Can people who don’t want to be zombies from medication still be beautiful on the inside if they have a mental illness that sometimes makes them the opposite? (I fight every day to ignore mood swings and make sure I am doing things that have more positive than negative)

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Hi Andrea,

    It sounds like you are doing many wonderful things in the world. It’s not your fault that you have bipolar disorder. I understand the fear of taking medication, as I spent many years overmedicated when I was younger. Still, you could experience some relief if you sought some type of treatment. Have you consulted a doctor to suggest alternative/holistic options? I’m not suggesting this to say you’re a bad person now; just that you deserve some peace!

    Lori

  • Samantha

    I was the skinny kid, I still did not feel beautiful. Beauty is so much deeper than physical appearances. . . .and I too got Joey McIntyre’s autograph :D

  • Jeet

    You’re beautiful, Lori, both inside and outside, and we’re all thankful that you’re here with us, sharing your life and experiences.

  • http://www.madlabpost.com/ Nicole/TheMadlabPost

    It would be nice to absorb all of these great points about various ways to define beauty. Unfortunately, physical beauty is a huge part of how one feels on the inside, especially women. Yes, if we feel good, then chances are we’ll look good but it also works the other way around: If we look good, we’ll feel great, even if we still have inner battles to work on.

    While I don’t believe it’s healthy to compare ourselves to the likes of Kate Moss or Megan Fox or Angelina for beauty or Paula Dean for cooking skills or Martha Stewart for entertaining skills or Oprah, etc. for whatever it is that we value in defining our own beauty, I do believe we all have a personal standard for whatever it is that we want for ourselves with regards to beauty and if we do not meet that personal standard, then we won’t feel beautiful no matter how many points we’re able to check off of the list.

    The personal standards that I’ve had for myself has been pretty simple enough to meet but my body has undergone some changes within the last two years that has caused me to not be able to meet that standard and I can do (and have done some) almost everything on this list of 35 things but that won’t change the fact that I’ve fallen short for my definition of the term…and that’s a hell of a battle.

  • Princess

    “I miss and honor that young girl.” Wow. Brought tears to my eyes because I am that young girl now, and I just realized how much I’l miss this version of me once I grow older. I have issues with my weight, but I love myself. Thank you. Maybe you won’t understand the fuss I am making out of that sentence, but I will never forget it for the rest of my life. Thank you

  • http://www.facebook.com/joy.c.holland.9 Joy Christin Detor Holland

    I love this message, thank you! In my family, our physical looks were ultra-important. At family gatherings, I wasn’t asked about my dreams, or details about my life, I was appreciated (or criticized) for my complexion or my hair, and I felt such distance, because I wanted to be loved for my essence. I began to resent my physical appearance (instead of appreciate it); it took many years for me to love my body as much as my essence. I also had the hardest time accepting compliments (since that was a barrier to connection in my family). I think this is why whole-body wellness and full presence has become so important to me. When I read your words, and some of the other comments, I feel heartened, because perfection truly is a myth; when we share, we dissolve the myth :)

  • http://optimalternative.com/ Mark B Hoover

    36. Be Lori Deschene.

    Of course, you can’t. She is already taken. In that light, we often feel less because we compare our everyday lives with others’ sparkling moments. “Beauty” is a perception, not a cosmic reality. We see what we want to see, and are far happier seeing through our own eyes than through those of others. We are the only ones in complete accord with our own hearts.

    From my heart to yours…have a Beautiful Christmas.

    Thanks, Lori, for sharing your beauty every day.

    ~ Mark

  • Sarah

    Thank you, Lori! Merry Christmas and may love, joy, peace, good health and great abundance be yours … always! With love, Sarah

  • http://twitter.com/michelle_deco Michelle Deco

    This is so beautiful. I am posting this on my bedroom wall. There are times I feel horrible, but I have to remember that we are all beautiful, no matter what. Thank you for sharing this. I cannot express my gratitude with this article, you really helped me. =]

  • felicity

    This reminded me of the quote “Beauty is not in the face, but is a light in the heart”
    Kahil Gibran

  • Lola

    Lori, this is such a beautiful blog… what beautiful insights! Thank you so much for opening your heart and being bold enough to share this wisdom. I cannot tell you how much this blog has “clicked” some things into place for me, and has helped me to see the truth about myself and others. Thank you. Blessings to you and your family for this holiday season and a prosperous new year! <3

  • Destinationunkown

    I’ve really enjoyed reading this article and the comments with it. For the most part of my life I have been considered an attractive woman and conversely this made me feel ugly having to deal with jealousy and resentment and insincere behaviour. Coming from an unhappy family I grew up with a very low self esteem and no amount of physically beauty was going to change that. So I totally agree with what you say. When we fall in love do we fall in love with someone’s hair colour or the tone of their voice, facial expressions, gestures and qwirks?

  • Jessica deCsesznak

    Absolutely LOVE this!!! Great post :) I have struggled with low self-esteem and self-confidence and finally feel like I am on the other side! I love how you talk about beauty not just being on the outside, but on the inside too. Completely true :)

    Jessica

    findyourinspiration.net

  • http://twitter.com/ThinkIntuition Work In Progress

    Lori, your honesty here moved me. You took such painful experiences and used them to transform your life.

    Many people who are physically beautiful must wonder if others treat them as special because of their looks or because of who they are. And as we age and physical beauty changes, do they wonder if they still have things to offer?

    When our beauty is based on loving actions we’re not only gorgeous but make others feel that way, too.

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Thanks so much! I think you bring up a great point. If we define ourselves based on something that will change, we inevitably lose ourselves. And beauty is definitely contagious :)

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Thanks so much! That’s wonderful, that you feel on the other side. :)

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    So true…and what a coincidence! That autograph was a big score back then. :)

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Thank you so much Jeet. That’s so kind of you!

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    I remember really believing physical beauty would change things, but I’m sure it wouldn’t have. You’re absolutely right–love is about what’s behind the eyes, not what’s around it.

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    You’re most welcome and thank you! I’m so glad thus resonated with you. Happy Holidays to you and yours!

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    What a beautiful quote :)

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    You’re most welcome Michelle. Happy holidays :)

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Thank you Sarah. And Happy Holidays!

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Thank you so much Mark! That put a big smile on my face. I love what you wrote about beauty being a perception. It reminds me of that quote…that we struggle with self esteem because we compare our behind the scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel. It’s so true. We often forget we’re all human, doing the best we can.

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    I can see how that would be disheartening, to have so much emphasis placed. on your physical appearance. That’s wonderful that you’ve learned what’s truly important regardless. I’m glad we can dissolve the myth together. :)

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    I understand your thoughts. I think when we take care of ourselves we feel more comfortable in our own skin, whether we’re beautiful by society’s standards of not. Before I had my surgery this year, I frequently felt unattractive because I has a soccer ball sized growth in my uterus. On days I put in sweatpants and did nothing to my hair, I felt worse. On days I put effort into my appearance, I felt better. My body was the same; the attention I gave myself was different.

  • lv2terp

    Fantastic list, and wonderful disclainer! Honesty is precious :-) Thank you for this list, and i love this “ It means realizing this moment is a new opportunity to be who you want to be, and making the effort to seize it.” !!!!!!!! :-) :-)

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    You are most welcome. =)

  • http://www.facebook.com/anshul.biserya Anshul Biserya

    You need to be really really compassionate towards yourself for that.love yourself as much as you can love :)..meditate because it will help you to be happy and remain strong despite everything:)

  • http://www.facebook.com/donnabayers1961 Donna Wheeler Bayers

    Lori, this is so awesome! Thank you for sharing YOUR beauty with others. God bless you!!! ;)))

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    You’re most welcome, and thank you for being part of the Tiny Buddha community! =)

  • Agnes

    I have been that kind of girl too who have lot’s of insecurities and I’m trying not to be pathetic about my physical appearance. But it hurts me being ignored as if i don’t exists. I don’t get it really when some guy appreciate me that I’m pretty but I could not justify it and I don’t believe it. I guess I just need that guy who could say I’m beautiful and could make me feel beautiful inside. I have been single until now and doesn’t have any past relationship. In my experience, people will always treat you best when you are beautiful or socialite. Society just crave for human perfection of beauty and all seems tv stars and models that’s what media’s claiming what’s with beauty: with make-up, curly long hair, sexy limbs, small waist,a fashionista and other eye grabbing looks. So beauty is being cloned,,everybody wanted to be like any other hot matinee idols and sexy or a skinny models. Yeah beauty inside which most people says that counts but neither most of people won’t recognize it. It’s reality! But a true person who loves you will see you as a beautiful woman…an amazing girl. And it’s amazing to hear those words from someone you truly love. Contentment is happiness inside but you cannot hide it from the fact everyone of us would love to be beautiful and admired by people. Well, maybe not all but I guess most of us.

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    I know what you mean Agnes–everyone wants approval, and it can seem like we get more of that if a lot of people consider us physically beautiful. I know there’s no denying that our culture values outward appearances, but I also know that everything physical changes in time. In fact, most of us will live many more years without our youth than with it. In the end, we all learn to value qualities that are more meaningful than the superficial things that fade, because what relationships are built on: who we are inside.

  • Ugly duckling forever

    I just want to say that was a lovely read, and thank you. You’ve lifted my spirits. <3

  • Bri

    I was the teenager who was the awkward/weird/nerdy glasses girl with acne who was a stick and didn’t have a clue on how to dress “cute”. However I was lucky to be surrounded by people who could careless about my appearance and knew I was cool because of my personality. I had my little insecurities of course but they weren’t a big deal. I’ve grown up a bit and now all of sudden in college I’m “beautiful” and people tell me that all the time and honestly I hate it. It makes me feel isolated and I honestly think I’m having a harder time getting to know people. I also feel more insecure because suddenly it’s like people are judging me a lot more. I’m pretty shy as well and now people take that as being conceited if I don’t respond well. I miss the days where I weren’t judged by my looks and I’m just confused now.

  • Vanessa

    Thank You! I was having a terrible day and this made me feel much better about myself and gave me a whole new outlook on beauty.

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    You’re most welcome! I hope you have a great night. =)

  • jing of Lucena

    Hi Lorie,
    Thank you for your article. All the concepts are wonderfully written. At times we may tend to think that beauty solely depends on by the way a person looks. I am a teacher and I teach personality development. I find your write up very useful next trimester. We can always be the change we want to see in the world if we keep that beauty inside our hearts =) God bless your heart…stay beautiful.

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    You’re most welcome, and thanks so much for taking the time to write. =)

  • Jacqueline Baker

    “Show unbridled enthusiasm for something that excites you”
    oh may I? I’m often afraid I’m too loud

  • Sama

    Hello .i am a Iranian person and my name is Sama and I really love your beautiful tips

  • http://twitter.com/lori_deschene Lori Deschene

    Thanks so much Sama. I’m glad you enjoyed them!

  • The FreeBird Project

    Lori, I truly loved every word you wrote. It is such a good reminder that we are all valuable and beautiful. Thank you for what have done with this website, I just came across it recently, and I am amazed at the community you have built. Thanks you very much for all of the resources you have made available.

  • Darling

    What an amazing story! People sometimes don’t see how thin girls get made fun of. I grew up being called every name in the book for being thin, my boobs didn’t quite blossom and I had no curves! 98lbs my whole life up until I had two kids and still I look like a little girl with two kids. My best friend and I actually started a blog because of this…. people just don’t see it! Love your story! It’s one to tell!

    xoxo, Darling

  • shells

    what a wonder full story