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You Are Good Enough and You Deserve the Best

“What other people think of me is none of my business.” ~Wayne Dyer

We sometimes make excuses as to why we don’t deserve the best.

We say that our relationship with our partner is good enough and that other people have much worse relationships. We don’t reach for our dreams because doing so would make us feel too selfish.

Isn’t it time you stopped letting fear run your life? That you stopped making excuses for why things aren’t better in your life?

Fear is an ugly word. It keeps us from true happiness because it prevents us from taking risks. We avoid anything slightly painful, even though staying in the current situation hurts more.

When I was younger I was afraid of being myself. I constantly wanted to conform to others in order to be liked and appreciated.

 I just wanted to be liked for myself, but I wasn’t letting people see that person.

I’ve learned that if you show the real you, not everyone will like you, and that’s okay. The people who are worth your time will appreciate you for who you are. And you will have deeper, more meaningful relationships as a result.

I was afraid to think for myself, was not confident in my decisions, and let others decide what I should be doing according to their beliefs. I felt like a toy boat being tossed about in the ocean, and it was exhausting.

In high school we aren’t taught what healthy relationships look like and what is and isn’t acceptable.  We make excuses for other people’s behavior, even though it is hurtful to us. We hope that they will change and think that perhaps we can mold them into better people.

In my first relationship I changed completely for the guy. I desperately wanted someone to love me, so I went from a suburban girl to a country girl—complete with the cowboy boots and belt buckle. But inside I felt empty because I was playing a role.

Deep down, I was afraid of being rejected. I didn’t think I was worthy of being loved, just as I was.

After that, I got into an abusive relationship. I reasoned that he would change into the person he used to be—that maybe I could help him be a better person. Nothing changed. Things just got worse.

I let him have control over me, and ultimately I became depressed and fearful.

Love isn’t supposed to be fearful. Love means accepting a person, flaws and all. But it’s also about mutual respect for each other. It’s about fully appreciating a person without trying to change them. It’s about free will.

I got pregnant in college, and I lost a whole group of friends who judged me for it. But looking back, I realize this experience weeded out friends who weren’t truly there for me.

My true friends, on the other hand, threw a surprise baby shower for me and loved me unconditionally. This is what people do when they see and accept you for who you are. This is what we open up to when we do the same for ourselves.

I finished college with the help from my parents and am now obtaining my master’s degree.

Many people asked if I was quitting college. They doubted that I could do it. But I had faith in myself. For the first time I felt confident, whether everyone liked me or not.

As I grew into a stronger woman, I realized that who I am is wonderful, and that no one was going to convince me otherwise or try to change me. I also decided to stop hoping I could change other people.

I took things one day at a time, because looking at the big picture was too daunting and overwhelming. I knew that one day I would meet someone who loved me for me and that I would love them for them—when the time was right.

Having a child helped me appreciate the present moment and beauty around me. She doesn’t get stressed out about the past or future. She doesn’t worry about what others think of her.

She simply dances around the living room, plays with her toys, and laughs without worries or cares. She appreciates flowers and sunlight. Seeing her live reminds me of who and how I want to be.

The present moment is all we have, and we deserve to enjoy it.

Worrying is exhausting. It drains you mentally and physically. And in the end, nothing gets accomplished except worrying.

So why do we do it? Because we feel that if we are worrying, we are taking a positive action. We feel as if doing so can change the situation, when in reality it cannot.

One time while pregnant, I was at the grocery store and I thought this old woman was giving me dirty looks. She was glaring at my empty ring finger. I felt certain I knew what she was thinking.

Look at the unmarried pregnant woman; she’s such a sinner and a drain on society. I ended up getting nervous and hurried to leave. Upon going out the door, I realized that I had left my milk in the store.

At that point I realized how ridiculous it was. So what if she was judging me? Why should I let someone else get me that frazzled?

I realize now that I can only open up to all the good I deserve in life if I stop obsessing about what people think of me and fully realize that, just as I am, I am good enough.

We are all good enough, and we all deserve the best. We just have to believe it.

Email subscribers: This was meant to go out yesterday, but due to an error on my part it did not go out–hence the long email today!

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Avatar of Alesha Chilton

About Alesha Chilton

Alesha is an MBA graduate who enjoys writing to help others! Her recent book about relationships can be found on the Amazon Kindle store, titled The System For Women: Find and Keep the Man of Your Dreams Online! She also has a craft website titled www.chicandcraftydiva.com.

Announcement: Wish you could change your past? Learn to let go and create a life you love with the Tiny Buddha course!
  • http://tehk.org tehk

    Brilliant Quote! I will try as hard as I can to remember it as long as possible! I often find myself asking the question… what will other people think of me? and you are right… it is none of my god damn business! If it was, they would simply tell me! There’s really no need to incessantly worry about it all the time.

    One other thing… typo in the footer section about the Author? “She is currently obtaining my MBA.” Shouldn’t that read “She is currently obtaining her MBA.” ? Just a suggestion :)

  • Tweety31705

    Sounds like my life! I used to fret over what others thought and I just put in out in the Universe that I will be myself without fear. I am so proud of who I am now!

  • David

    Thanks Alesha, I loved this because it’s deeply human to want to fit in and be liked, and when we don’t fit in it and we’re not liked it can be unsettling – but as you point out… It’s ridiculous to let other people’s judgements have power over us. Thanks again.

  • http://www.facebook.com/tayylin Yi Lin T

    this is lovely. I agree :)

  • Anonymous

    AMEN, girl! Nicely put — and nicely lived!

  • http://ownyourlifecoaching.com/ An

    Love this post, Alesha!  There’s so many inspiring nuggets of wisdom in there!  Beautiful!

  • http://www.PrettyThingsBlog.com Lori Anderson

    You could have been writing about me.  Wow.

  • Alesha Chilton

    Thanks everyone! Yes, worrying is like a rocking chair…it doesn’t do a lot of good and it doesn’t get you anywhere (not my original quote but I like it). :) Living without fear is scary because it makes us vulnerable…but living life in fear means we really aren’t living at all! I’m glad this has touched others and am glad to know that I’m not alone in these feelings! :)

  • Brandie

    I feel like you just wrote my life story;) Thanks for sharing! Such an awesome read.

  • Lv2terp

    This is fantastic!!!!!!! :)

  • Fina Monroe

    This is very helpful and inspiring :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Elizabeth-Brown-Thums/652441809 Elizabeth Brown Thums

    I can definitely relate to this beautiful post… I’m learning to overcome caring what others think of me and really letting myself go, be free about being me. It’s tough. But, with some patience, I think it will eventually happen. I am also in the process of losing people who don’t accept me for who I am as I’m coming out of my cocoon to be true to myself. Hopefully in that process I will start attracting people who will accept me for who I am!

  • http://www.jewelocean.com/ draniqa

    full of positivity. thanks for sharing this with the world. no one is superior or inferior. confidence in oneself is the key to reach sky high.

  • Sarahliz1624

    I think it’s good to have friends who will be there for you through anything and love you no matter what, but accepting people’s flaws doesn’t mean you have to like them, and part of being a good friend is telling your friend when they screw up and need to fix what they broke. You can’t be unconditionally accepting of bad behavior, there’s no good friend who would stand by someone without telling them the truth.

  • Pingback: Loving Ourselves and Each Other, Imperfections and All | Tiny Buddha: Wisdom Quotes, Letting Go, Letting Happiness In

  • Rdavids

    Thank you! This is an amazing message that I needed desperately today. THANK YOU!

  • Milly Taylor

    Thank you for your beautiful words…..I found them on a day when I really needed to feel them in my soul. You are an Earth Angel! <3

  • Ally

    This was very insightful. Thank you!

  • Mia

    Amazing post. it was exactly what i needed. Thank you. you are amazing! xx

  • http://twitter.com/an_prita prita

    Thank you for sharing your stories, i give me strength ^^

  • Radi Georgieva

    wisdom, how obvious that is and how difficult for may of us is to believe it to use the power of just being yourself . Thanks very uplifting . I also think your daughter will be a great person you have done so much already for her shows her what is reality and how to love yourself

  • Colby

    Alesha I am talking to this girl and she sometimes think’s that she doesn’t deserve the best for her self and I want her to realize that. Can I please get help. I really care about her.

  • ella

    Thanks for such amazing articles

  • Puffy

    Hey
    Thanks for this, it really helped me figure out the common mentality which I should develop and encourage others to develop to enjoy life instead of wasting it.
    Thank You so much.