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The Pressure to Excel: When Success Feels Like Survival

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“To tie your worth to achievements is a recipe for suffering.” ~Brad Bizjack

Children don’t just learn mathematics, science, and languages in school. They also learn what success feels like, what failure means, who they believe they are, and sometimes, whether they think they belong.

When I was in primary school, my school introduced academic streaming. If there were four grade seven classes, the highest-performing students were placed in the first stream, followed by the second, third, and fourth streams based on academic performance.

On paper, it made perfect sense. Students would learn alongside peers of similar academic ability, and …

How “Missing the Boat” Led Me Somewhere Better

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A few months ago, I found myself wondering whether I had made a mistake.

It is not a question I expected to be asking in my seventies.

Like many people my age, I sometimes think about retirement, savings, and financial security. I look around and see friends who spent decades building stable careers and preparing for the future. Some seem to have arrived exactly where they planned.

Meanwhile, my own life feels harder to explain.

I have spent much of it following opportunities that interested me rather than opportunities that promised security. Looking back, I sometimes wonder whether I should …

The Power of Waiting When You Don’t Know What to Do

By in Blog, happiness & fun, meaning & passion

“Waiting is not mere empty hoping. It has the inner certainty of reaching the goal.” ~I Ching 

Waiting has a bad rap in modern Western society. It’s not surprising that I had to look to an ancient Chinese text (the I Ching) in order to find a suitable quote to begin this article. We don’t like to wait! It’s far easier to find quotes on the Internet about “seizing the day” and making something happen.

I’ve been an impatient person for much of my life. I wanted things to happen to me! I had a definite agenda in my …

Once You See the Relationship Pattern, You Can’t Unsee It

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“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” ~Maya Angelou

The weekend started like any other family visit. Our family was in town, and it began with real excitement. Kids running everywhere, chocolate chip muffins in the oven, homemade ice cream for our guests, the ordinary, happy chaos of everyone existing in the same space.

On the second day we noticed one of the visiting kids had a runny nose and was rubbing her snot all over herself as she was grabbing our toddler to hold her. She loves babies, and we adore that about her. …

How a Chronic Illness Changed My Life for the Better

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“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” ~Viktor Frankl

I smiled when the doctor told me I had a disease I would carry for the rest of my life.

He was calling with my biopsy results, and the word he used was “Crohn’s.” I had no idea what it meant. But after months of pain that no one could explain, hearing an actual name for it felt like someone had finally turned on a light in a dark room. I wasn’t scared. I was relieved.

To understand why, I have to …

Why It’s So Hard to Just Rest and Why We Need to Do It

By in Blog, healthy habits

“If you don’t give your mind and body a break, you’ll break. Stop pushing yourself through pain and exhaustion and take care of your needs.” ~Lori Deschene

In November of 2021, my autoimmune issues flared up. My doctor and I are still unsure which of my conditions—rheumatoid arthritis or fibromyalgia—was the culprit, or if they were acting in cahoots, but the overall achiness and debilitating fatigue were a solid indication that something was more active than usual.

I woke up tired, needed naps, and often ran out of spoons—a phrase familiar to many with chronic conditions, based on a gorgeous …

The Most Helpful Thing Someone Did During My Panic Attack

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“Better than a thousand useless words is one useful word, upon hearing which one attains peace.” ~Buddha, Dhammapada

Did he just cut the side of my head open? Am I bleeding out everywhere? Is there blood rushing down my face and onto the floor?

It was the middle of my standard biweekly haircut when my mind suddenly began to spiral.

I felt a slight sting on the side of my head, and my anxiety took over, using its vivid imagination to pivot to the worst-case scenario.

Moments before, my barber and I were laughing about Disneyland. Seconds later, I was …

The Day I Realized Love Couldn’t Save Someone

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“When it comes down to it, that’s what life is all about: showing up for the people you love, again and again, until you can’t show up anymore.” ~Rebecca Walker

The first time my dad admitted he was scared, I felt something shift inside me.

Not uncomfortable. Not worried. Scared.

He had recently been diagnosed with Stage IV colorectal cancer, and we were standing together when he quietly asked, “Is this what takes me out?”

I wish I could tell you I responded with wisdom or grace. Instead, I did what many people do when confronted with something they cannot …

How I Learned to Be More Present Without Meditating

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“The present moment is filled with joy and happiness. If you are attentive, you will see it.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

A few years ago, I moved to a new country with two children under two.

The idea had felt exciting at first—a fresh start, a new place, a life by the sea. But excitement fades quickly when you realize you don’t know a single person. No friends to call. No family nearby. No one to sit with you on a hard day and just listen.

I wasn’t prepared for that kind of loneliness. The deep, quiet kind that creeps in

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Healing Is Happening Even When You Can’t See It

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“One never notices what has been done; one can only see what remains to be done.” ~Marie Curie

I almost didn’t go to my cousin’s wedding.

Not because I didn’t want to celebrate her. I did. But the thought of walking into a room full of people who knew the version of me from two years ago felt unbearable.

They knew that version well.

The one who cried in bathroom stalls at family gatherings. Who smiled through dinners while silently replaying an argument from three days earlier. Who drank a little too much at Christmas because it was easier than …

The Best Thing to Say to Someone Who Won’t Try to Understand You

By in Blog, letting go, love & relationships

“True love is born from understanding.” ~Buddha

I believe one of our strongest desires in life is to feel understood.

We want to know that people see our good intentions and not only get where we’re coming from but get us.

We want to know they see us. They recognize the thoughts, feelings, and struggles that underlie our choices, and they not only empathize but maybe even relate. And maybe they’d do the same thing if they were in our shoes.

Maybe, if they’d been where we’ve been, if they’d seen what we’ve seen, they’d stand right where we …

Sometimes Love Needs to Move

By in Blog

“It may be that when we no longer know what to do, we have come to our real work, and when we no longer know which way to go, we have begun our real journey.” ~Wendell Berry

I was watching television one night when something on the screen made me set everything aside and go still. It was a scene where the main character, a man who loved his daughter dearly, couldn’t change what was happening to her. So, he went out into the wilderness as a kind of prayer.

I put the remote down and didn’t pick it back …

The 7 Types of Overthinking That Drain Your Energy

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Many years ago, I clearly remember celebrating a strange victory. I had only spent one day overthinking a problem.

I was triggered by the end of another situationship. I could feel them pulling away. Something had changed, but I didn’t have the answers. I was stuck in that painful limbo space.

For that day, I had done what I always did. I replayed conversations in my head, searched for hidden meanings, imagined different scenarios, and mentally rehearsed what I would say if I could turn back time. I checked my phone more times than I could count and searched YouTube …

Why You’re Drawn to the Wrong People (And It Feels Like Love)

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“The heart that’s been through the most can sometimes mistake chaos for connection.” ~Unknown

I remember the exact moment I knew something was wrong.

We had been talking for three weeks. Every conversation left me either floating or deflated, never just… okay. Either he said something that made me feel like the most understood person on earth or he went quiet for two days, and I spent those two days mentally replaying everything I’d said, looking for what I’d done wrong.

And yet, when he came back, I felt relief. That rush of “he’s back, everything is fine” was …

Why I Stopped Expecting People to Love Me Like I Love Them

By in Blog

“Expectation is the root of all heartache.” ~Unknown

I turned forty this year. And I am only now figuring out something I wish someone had told me at twenty.

Most of my pain—the kind that sat in my chest for days, the kind that made me replay conversations at 2 a.m., the kind that made me wonder what was wrong with me—was not really coming from other people.

It was coming from what I expected them to do.

I know. That is not an easy thing to hear. It wasn’t easy for me either.

My Mother Never Knew She Taught

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How a Toxic Workplace Made Me Doubt Myself

By in Blog

I used to think I was just bad at coping with stress.

Every Sunday evening, I felt anxious about the week ahead. My chest would tighten when certain emails appeared in my inbox. Before meetings, I’d rehearse what I wanted to say over and over, trying to avoid saying the wrong thing.

At the time, I blamed myself.

I told myself I needed to be tougher, calmer, better, more resilient. Everyone else seemed to be managing, so I assumed the problem must be me.

What I didn’t understand then was how deeply a toxic workplace can affect your sense of

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Overcoming Codependency: Breaking the Cycle of Unhealthy Relationships

By in Blog, love & relationships

“A codependent person is one who has let another person’s behavior affect him or her and who is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior.” ~Melody Beattie

From a young age, I felt insecure in my own skin. I was a highly sensitive child and, subsequently, struggled with low self-worth for most of my life.

Although I had many friends and a good family, I consistently looked for approval outside of myself. I grew up believing that the opinions of others were the only accurate representations of my core worth.

As a teenager, I witnessed the crumbling and eventual demise of …

The Problem with Being the Easy One

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“We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others, that in the end we become disguised to ourselves.” ~François de La Rochefoucauld

“So, in your relationship, do your partner’s needs always dictate how things go?”

My therapist looked at me quizzically after I’d just shared with him that our dinner plans had suddenly changed the night before because my partner was tired from a long day at work, and I just went along with what he needed.

He had initiated a night out, I had dressed up and prepared for a restaurant meal, and when I arrived at his place, …

Learning How to Live Life to the Fullest with Mental Illness

By in Blog

There is a famous Latin phrase that I absolutely love: Carpe diem. It means “Seize the day.” Younger people might be more familiar with the phrase “You only live once,” or YOLO. Both phrases encourage people to live their lives to the fullest.

I have struggled with depression and anxiety since my childhood, making it difficult to live by these phrases and enjoy life. I’ve missed out on a lot of precious moments with loved ones.

Recently, however, my mental health has been taking a turn for the better, and I’ve been doing my best to make up for all

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What I Learned from a Lifetime of Feeling Different

By in Blog

“Not until we are lost do we begin to find ourselves.” ~Henry David Thoreau

I’ve spent most of my life feeling like I was standing just outside the circle.

Not always, but whenever I stepped back and looked at the whole of my life, the thread running through has been a sense of being on the outside looking in.

I think that feeling drove me for a long time. I wanted to prove something, to earn my place through effort and excellence. I wanted to be the kind of person people were glad to know.

I pushed myself in sports, …