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What It Cost Me to Always Be the Easy One

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“When you say yes to others, make sure you are not saying no to yourself.” ~Paulo Coelho

I grew up as the first-born daughter—the responsible one, the helper, the one who didn’t want to cause trouble. I learned early how to be “good.” Good meant quiet. Good meant easy. Good meant not needing much.

What I didn’t realize then was that I was learning how to abandon myself.

School was hard for me in ways I didn’t know how to explain. I struggled with reading. I struggled with focus. I struggled with keeping up—especially compared to my younger sister, …

How Old Traumas Can Cause Self-Doubt in Destructive Relationships

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“Sometimes people wound us because they’re wounded and tell us we’re broken because that’s how they feel, but we don’t have to believe them.” ~Lori Deschene

Age and healing don’t make you invulnerable to moments that can bring you back to the kind of trauma you experienced as a child. It doesn’t mean that you’re broken, but that there is still an opportunity for more healing to take place. Nothing is inherently “wrong” with you.

I experienced a great deal of trauma in my twenties, actively reliving sexual abuse I had gone through in my childhood, and found myself in …

How to Know When You’re Truly Ready to Forgive

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“Forgiveness is a painful and difficult process. It’s not something that happens overnight. It’s an evolution of the heart.” ~Sue Monk Kidd

Sometimes I hear the word “forgiveness” and I cringe.

I’ve been wrestling with this all year because I realized something really uncomfortable: When I look back at those moments where I felt betrayed, in most instances, I wasn’t a victim of other people’s bad behavior—I was a willing participant.

For years, I stayed in one-sided relationships and situations that asked me to shrink and conform to other people’s expectations. I gave everything and got crumbs (and this includes …

30 Reminders for Sensitive People Who Feel Drained, Ashamed, or Judged

By in Blog, change & challenges, love & relationships

“Highly sensitive people are too often perceived as weaklings or damaged goods. To feel intensely is not a symptom of weakness, it is the trademark of the truly alive and compassionate.” ~Anthon St. Maarten

There are some words that get painfully etched into our memories as if with a red-hot poker. For me, growing up, those words were “you’re too sensitive.”

I often caught this phrase in the fumbling hands of my shame after someone chucked it at me with callousness and superiority as a means to justify their cruelty.

They may have said something vicious or condescending in private …

How I Live My Life Now, After 10 Days of Silence

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“If there is no peace in the minds of individuals, how can there be peace in the world? Make peace in your own mind first.” ~S. N. Goenka 

I recently completed my third Vipassana meditation course.

There is a moment at the beginning of the course when you surrender your phone (and receive it back at the end). That transition feels deeply symbolic. The outer world goes quiet, not all at once, but unmistakably. And only then do you realize how much static you’ve been carrying.

I never want it back at the end. Never.

Ten days with no phone. …

Why Protecting Your Energy Isn’t Selfish or Shameful

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“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” ~Ian Maclaren

A friend recently told me a story about her mother that stayed with me.

They walk together some evenings around her mom’s apartment building—part exercise, part ritual. Her mom doesn’t enjoy small talk. When they pass people in the building, she usually keeps her eyes forward. There’s one woman in particular who always says, “How are you?” Years ago, her mom would respond. Now she doesn’t. She keeps walking.

My friend felt conflicted. Part of her understood. Another part felt uncomfortable. She said, “Sometimes saying ‘I’m fine’ …

It’s Okay to Have No Purpose Beyond Being and Enjoying This Moment

By in Blog, meaning & passion, mindfulness & peace

“I don’t believe people are looking for the meaning of life as much as they are looking for the experience of being alive.” ~Joseph Campbell

I was sitting on my yoga mat with my legs stretched out in front of me. I bent forward into a fold, puffing and clenching my jaw as I extended my fingertips toward my toes. I was growing angrier by the second.

A slew of sour thoughts marched through my brain.

This is stupid. I thought yoga was supposed to be relaxing. I’m so out of shape. Other people have no trouble with this pose. …

Why Trying to Be Good Enough Kept Me Feeling Empty

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“The opposite of belonging is not isolation—it’s fitting in.” ~Brené Brown

One of my earliest memories comes from kindergarten.

My mom had bought me a new pair of navy-blue corduroy pants for an event at school. We didn’t get new clothes often, so this felt important. But what stayed with me wasn’t the pants themselves or the event—it was the way I felt wearing them.

I remember standing there, already tense, afraid that the other kids would think I looked stupid. Afraid they wouldn’t want to play with me. Afraid that being different, even in something small, would mean I …

The Betrayal of Expectations: Coping When Life Doesn’t Go to Plan

By in Blog, change & challenges, letting go

“What will mess you up most in life is the picture in your head of how it is supposed to be.” ~Unknown

I expected to get into college. I expected to have a career after a lot of hard work, and that one day I’d meet a nice man and we would get married. We would buy our first house together and start a family, picking out a crib and the baby’s “going home” outfit and organizing a drawer full of diapers. We’d have more babies and go on vacations and grow old together.

I expected that one day I’d …

When Being Helpful Hurts: A Guide to Better Boundaries When You’re Feeling Drained

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“You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce.” ~Tony Gaskins

It was a Tuesday afternoon when I said the word that saved my sanity: “No.”

Just two letters. But the weight I’d been carrying for twenty-eight years finally lifted.

My phone was ringing. Again. It was my cousin, and I already knew what she wanted before I answered. Could I watch her kids this Saturday? I know it’s your only day off, but it would really help me out.

I sat in my car in the grocery store parking lot, …

How to Stop Feeling Overwhelmed by Other People’s Strong Emotions

By in Blog, love & relationships

“It is not your responsibility to figure out what someone else is feeling and why. Let go of the illusion that ‘fixing’ their bad mood will make you feel better.” ~Sarah Crosby

Some years ago, I was talking to my husband on the phone. He sounded annoyed about something to do with his work, but I noticed an intense emotional reaction in myself. Immediately, my heart contracted and my stomach lurched. I could feel a runaway train of emotions activate within me.

My whole body was awash with nausea, and I felt so very uncomfortable. 

This was a familiar and …

The Hidden Cost of Trusting the Universe More Than Yourself

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“You are not a drop in the ocean. You are the entire ocean in a drop.” —Rumi

The last days of the year felt like the right time to let go. I stood in my backyard with twenty-five years of journals—thick notebooks filled with prayers, confessions, and late-night spirals—ready to release them to the flames.

I wasn’t being dramatic. I was being deliberate. I stopped daily journaling several years ago.

For years, I’d used these journals as a kind of inner courtroom, constantly building a case against myself or others. Every page held evidence of failures, proof of my profoundly …

Letting Go of the “Good Person” Identity and Spiritual Expectations

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“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” ~Lao Tzu

For many years, I was deeply involved in spiritual communities—satsangs, meditation centers, ashrams, and groups focused on positivity, service, and personal growth. These places gave me comfort, community, and a sense of purpose. But they also shaped something inside me that I didn’t fully recognize until much later:

I had built my self-worth around being a “good person.”

On the surface, it sounds harmless. Who doesn’t want to be good, kind, and helpful? But looking back, I see how the pressure I put …

Staying Present in a Life That Isn’t What You Expected

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“To live without arriving is to learn how to stay.” ~attributed to the Buddha

For most of my life, I assumed that arriving was the point. Like many people, I believed adulthood would eventually deliver a clear role, a measure of security, and a sense of belonging I could point to and say, This is it. This is who I am. I trusted that if I worked honestly, followed what mattered, and stayed true to my values, that moment would come.

Now, much later, I’m facing the possibility that it never will.

I know I’m not alone in this, even …

When Love Feels Like Pain: Lessons I Learned the Hard Way

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“Sometimes the person you love the most is the one who teaches you the hardest lesson about yourself.” ~Unknown

I once thought that being in a relationship meant sacrificing parts of myself for the sake of “love.”

I stayed when I should have left.

I forgave when I hadn’t healed.

I silenced myself when I needed to speak. I gave up my voice, my boundaries, and my sense of emotional safety. I stopped expressing my needs to avoid conflict. I minimized my feelings so I wouldn’t be “too much.” I slowly disconnected from the parts of me that felt confident, …

The Simple Words That Reshaped How I See Myself

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“Only say good words to your child. Even if it looks like they’re not listening, if you repeat those kind words a hundred or a thousand times, they will eventually become the child’s own thoughts.” ~My grandmother

When I think about my childhood, the first word that comes to mind is “night.”

The nights were always the hardest.

My father struggled with alcohol and sometimes turned that pain into violence at home.

As a kid, I felt like danger could appear at any time after the sun went down.

I was afraid to sleep deeply. I kept the light on …

What Losing My Brother Taught Me About Addiction, Shame, and Love

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“Protest any labels that turn people into things. Words are important. If you want to care for something, you call it a ‘flower’; if you want to kill something, you call it a ‘weed.’” ~Don Coyhis

Losing my brother to a substance use disorder taught me things I never wanted to learn. Things nobody prepares you for. Things that will change you in ways you never thought possible.

It taught me that you can love someone so much it physically hurts—and still not be able to save them. It taught me that you can mourn someone you love long before …

Breaking the Cycle of “There’s Something Wrong with Me”

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“The wound is where the light enters you.” ~Rumi

“I can’t do anything right. There’s something wrong with me.”

My daughter said these words quietly, almost as if she didn’t want me to hear them. But I did. And the moment I did, something in my chest cracked open.

I knew that feeling. I’d carried it my entire childhood.

We were in the kitchen; I sat on the floor and pulled her next to me. My mind racing while I tried to keep my focus on her, eyes full of compassion, as if I could pull her inside me to …

Want to Eat Healthier and Feel Better in Your Skin?

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Would you say you’re a healthy eater? If not, is this a goal for you?

For years, people thought of me as healthy because I rarely ate meat or desserts. But it was more that I was desperate to stay thin, and I consumed tons of processed food and sugary candy because I could eat them without gaining weight.

Now that I’m older, and especially since I have children, I’m much more conscious of what I eat. I want to actually nourish my body so I can keep up with them for years to come, and I hope to make

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What Happened When I Stopped Making Rigid Rules for Myself

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“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” ~Viktor E. Frankl

I stood in my kitchen, staring at the leftover red velvet cake from my birthday party the night before. It was beautiful: layers of deep red with cream cheese frosting that I knew tasted incredible. And for the first time in years, I heard something different than the voice that had ruled my life.

For so long, there had been this other voice. Dominating. Controlling. It told me exactly what

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