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What Happened When I Stopped Blaming and Embraced Radical Responsibility

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“I can respect any person who can put their ego aside and say, ‘I made a mistake, I apologize, and I’m correcting the behavior.’” ~Sylvester McNutt

I remember I was a teenager when I went through this horrible breakup. I had never experienced heartbreak before, and the pain was excruciating, impacting many areas of my life. For years, I blamed him for the end of our relationship and for not appreciating my love.

My friends told me it was his loss and that I deserved much better. I nursed that breakup for longer than necessary. I never took responsibility for …

Two Reasons We Sabotage Our Joy and Success and How to Stop

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“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” ~Rumi

Have you ever held yourself back from going after what you truly want, or from enjoying what you have, because of a lingering fear that it might be taken away from you, or because you felt guilty for having more than others?

For years, I found myself unintentionally sabotaging moments of pure joy and personal success without being able to embrace them fully.

For example, when my son was born, a rush of panic would flood me every time I even imagined the possibility of losing him, and I …

How to Forgive That Earlier Version of You

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“Forgiveness is an action, which your mind can never understand. Your mind’s sole intent is to balance the books. In issues of morality, it only wants to get even. Therefore, practice forgiveness every day if only in trivial matters. This is an excellent way of tempering the mind and empowering the heart.” ~Glenda Green

Recently, seemingly out of nowhere, I had thoughts about a relationship that ended many years ago. I started to remember some things I had said, emotions I had felt, and things I had done. I cringed.

What could suddenly make me think of those things now? …

How to End Problem Drinking: The First Steps

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“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.” ~Marcus Aurelius

It’s 3:00 a.m. I lie awake knowing I have a busy day ahead of me, but my mind is racing. I had a few drinks last night, and I know that this is why I am awake at this ungodly hour. “Why did I drink when I knew I had to work today? You are a fool. You are weak. You are useless.”

This is how I used to talk to myself most mornings, perhaps with riper language, and the process would repeat itself when …

Reframing My Job Rejections: A Beautiful Period of Growth

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“When we are kind to ourselves, we create inner conditions that make it possible to see clearly and respond wisely.” ~Dr. Kristin Neff

Searching for a job can feel like an unrelenting test of resilience—a labyrinth of rejection, silence, and self-doubt.

When I embarked on my journey to apply for 100 jobs in a single month, I wasn’t prepared for the emotional toll it would take. Each application felt like a precarious act of hope, sent into the void of an indifferent system. Every click of the “submit” button came with a flicker of anticipation, a brief moment of optimism …

Healing Childhood Wounds: A Journey to Love and Connection

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The drive on I-95 from the New England coast back home to Washington, D.C., was harrowing— construction zones, accidents, and rush-hour traffic. I was glad my husband was at the wheel.

After spending the weekend visiting our daughter at college in Connecticut, I was ready to check out, so I scrolled through social media on my phone to mindlessly pass the time. But when I paused on a post from my favorite self-help influencer, Cory Muscara, I got something very different from the relaxation I’d been craving.

I started following Cory several months before, after a friend had sent me …

The Magic of Mindfulness: It’s Never Too Late to Find Peace and Balance

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“If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath.” ~ Amit Ray

On December 12th, 2019, I found myself in a hospital undergoing an exploratory heart catheterization, a wake-up call I could no longer ignore. My health had reached a critical low. I was battling high blood pressure, high cholesterol, prediabetes, and obesity.

At just fifty-five years old, my long career in automotive manufacturing, with its relentless deadlines, high-pressure demands, and long hours, had caught up with me. The stressful grind had become unsustainable, and I had to make a choice: continue …

How to Reclaim Your Inner Gold

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“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” ~Joseph Campbell

“Our deepest calling is to grow into our own authentic self-hood, whether or not it conforms to some image of who we ought to be. As we do so, we will not only find the joy that every human being seeks—we will also find our path of authentic service in the world.” ~Parker Palmer

When I was young, I was creative, independent, and assertive. My days were spent climbing trees, building forts, and catching water striders in creek beds.

My best friend Rita and I were raised …

How My Ex and I Created a Beautiful Friendship

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When my ex-wife and I separated in 1999 and divorced two years later, I never imagined that we would one day spend a week together as friends.

Over the past quarter century, our lives had rarely crossed, except on the day our divorce was finalized and at our daughter’s wedding in 2012. Yet here we were, sitting across from each other, talking not just about the past but about the paths that had brought us here.

It wasn’t just nostalgia. It was an excavation. Over the course of our week together, I realized that my memories of our twenty-year relationship …

The Growth That Happens When You’re in Between Chapters

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“The most powerful thing you can do right now is be patient while things are unfolding for you.” ~Idil Ahmed

When one door closes, another one opens, or so the saying goes. From experience, I know that the new door doesn’t always open right away. Often you spend some time in the hallway, the state in between what has been and what will be.

About two years ago I decided to quit my job. While I was in the process of making big decisions, I decided to give up my apartment and go abroad for a period. I didn’t have …

How I Found Emotional Freedom and 3 Unexpected Benefits

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“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.” ~Maya Angelou

What if the person you’re trying hardest to please is you?

For years, I wore a mask—a professional, composed, always-on version of myself that I thought everyone expected.

My need to please and perform was deeply rooted in my earliest experiences. I was born three months premature, and doctors called my survival a miracle. Separated from my mother and placed in an incubator for weeks, I was surrounded by love but deprived of touch and connection.

Though …

How to Embrace Elective (not Mandatory) Forgiveness After Trauma

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Do I need to forgive my abusive mother to let go of the past?

This is the question I found myself grappling with when I started to recover from the pain of childhood neglect. For most of my childhood, I did not have access to a consistent adult who valued me. As a result, I believed that I had no value, and I lived my life according to this belief.

I treated myself as an invaluable being by denying my needs, catering to everyone else’s, and engaging in relationships with people who sought to benefit from my low self-worth. …

How to Live a Joy-Filled Life with Chronic Illness

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“Living with chronic illness isn’t a life half-lived; it’s an opportunity to redefine what it means to be truly alive, resilient, and whole.” ~Christopher Reynolds

I have spent the past eleven years of my life in chronic pain. While this journey has been long, excruciatingly difficult, and deeply lonely, I am beginning to come to peace with my body. After seven long years of intense physical pain, anxiety, and depression, my mindset shifted.

Ironically, this shift began the moment that I got a diagnosis. In February 2020, I was diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. After seven years, I stopped searching and …

When Unhappiness Is the Soul Crying Out for Nourishment

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“Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.” ~Dalai Lama

I had been caught in a web of unhappiness for several months some time ago.

During those months, each morning looked the same. I would open my eyes, sigh in misery, and sit at the edge of the bed for a few minutes to mentally prepare myself for yet another day. It took all the energy within me, which was little, to stand up and go about the day.

Although I was unhappy for many months, I had come a long way in healing from severe anxiety. …

4 Reasons to Appreciate Hard Times and How to Cultivate Gratitude

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“Thank you for all the challenges that built my character. Thank you for all the hard times that made me appreciate the good times.” ~Unknown

Gratitude is often associated with joy, blessings, and moments that bring us happiness. But what about the times when life feels hard? Can we still find gratitude in the pain and struggles that challenge us?

A good friend went through a difficult experience this year, and she taught me that the answer is yes. Her story left a profound impact on me.

Last month, my friend finished her final round of chemotherapy, and as we …

Tai Chi: A Strange and Powerful Dance of Freedom

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“The key is to be in a state of permanent connectedness with your inner body—to feel it at all times. This will rapidly deepen and transform your life.” ~Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now

“Relax your shoulders, keep your head high, stay grounded,” I cue myself as I walk through my morning Tai Chi. It’s still dark, but I know my moves, and my arms and legs move with confidence and ease.

Most of my life, I was a person with anxiety. I didn’t know I had anxiety, even though it was trying to speak to me as tension in …

Releasing Self-Sabotage: 3 Simple Ways to Catch Yourself and Redirect

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“The greater part of human pain is unnecessary. It is self-created as long as the unobserved mind runs your life.” ~Eckhart Tolle

“Holy shirtballs!” I yelped and leapt out of the ice-cold water stream, gasping for air.

There I was in an Argentina hotel at 5:30 a.m., bleary-eyed and sleep-deprived, with no chances of hot water and a back that felt like the surface of the sun.

I had gotten the worst sunburn of my LIFE the day before from laying on my belly, deeply absorbed in my first self-help book. I couldn’t believe that other people out there were …

Stop Chasing: Finding What You Need in the Here and Now

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“Life is what happens while we’re busy worrying about everything we need to change or accomplish. Slow down, get mindful, and try to enjoy the moment. This moment is your life.” ~Lori Deschene

Are you living life in a constant pursuit—chasing happiness, freedom, comfort, or success? What if the thing you’re so desperately looking for isn’t at the finish line? What if life isn’t a race to be won? These were the questions I asked myself not long ago.

I won’t lie; answering them didn’t completely change my life overnight. I didn’t have any major breakthrough when realizing what I’m …

The Monumental Trap of Overworking Yourself for Recognition

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“Expectations are premeditated resentments.” ~Unknown

Yesterday, I found myself sitting across from my boss, fighting back tears as I voiced something that had been eating away at me for three years: “I don’t feel valued enough.”

The words felt heavy in my throat. As a law professor, I’d always prided myself on being composed and professional. But in that moment, all my carefully constructed walls came crumbling down.

“I put in extra hours. I mentor people. I’m always available when someone needs help,” I continued, my voice barely above a whisper. “But it feels like nobody really appreciates it. Like …

If You’re Afraid of Making a Big Life Change

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“The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.” ~Alan Watts

I used to think that stability was the key to happiness. Stay in one place, build a career, nurture long-term relationships—these were the pillars of a successful life, or so I believed.

My life was a carefully constructed fortress of routine and familiarity. Wake up at 6 a.m., commute to the same office I’d worked at for a decade, come home to the same apartment I’d lived in since college, rinse and repeat. It was safe. …