Posts by Lori Deschene

Tiny Wisdom: When Relationships Are Messy

“Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That’s why it’s a comfort to go hand in hand.” ~Emily Kimbrough

I just finished my second family visit for the year, and I have three more planned.

For years after I first moved away a decade ago, I only came home around the holidays.

I’d caused and dealt with so much drama that it felt easiest to hide with my pain and shame where I couldn’t hurt people or be hurt by them. I felt safest seeing my family in small doses, because there would be less time for me …

Tiny Wisdom: Set Your Mind Free

“Would you rather be right or free?” ~Byron Katie

Several months back, I saw a live taping of Oprah’s Life Class, which she hosted with Iyanla Vanzant, author of Peace from Broken Pieces and other self-help books.

At one point during the episode, Iyanla discussed an exchange she’d had the week prior with a viewer who’d Skyped in. The young woman had called her family crazy, referencing Iyanla’s oft-quoted advice, “If you see crazy coming, cross the street.”

But in this instance, Iyanla had scolded the woman for disrespecting her parents, regardless of how dysfunctional they may have been, because, …

Tiny Wisdom: What Stuff Are You Holding on to and Why?

“Renew yourself. Release that attachment. Today is a new day!” ~Steve Mariboli

While preparing today’s reader-submitted post about Spring-cleaning, I started to think about my collection of old journals, which I wrote from age twelve through twenty-one.

Many of these are depressing. They paint a picture of a sad, lost little girl who struggled with self-esteem and chose a number of self-destructive habits to cope with overwhelming pain.

On many occasions, I’ve considered burning these to symbolize transformation, but a part of me always resists.

On some level, I see these as badges of honor. They’re reminders of who …

Tiny Wisdom: When We Hurt People Because We’re Hurting

“There is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you take nothing personally.” ~Don Miguel Ruiz 

The other day I received a comment on an old blog post that started with, “You’re full of crap,” and ended with, “I don’t know, and idiots like you don’t help us figure it out.”

Shortly after, I received an email from a new blogger who recently contributed to the site. She mentioned she’d received her first harsh comment, and she wanted to know if this is normal, and how she should deal with it.

I told her she will likely …

Tiny Wisdom: We Are Here, We Are Loved

“Hem your blessings with thankfulness so they don’t unravel.” ~Unknown

The other night I flew home to Massachusetts, after visiting just a couple months back to spend time with my sick grandmother.

Since she was released from the hospital in February, she’s been staying with my parents, which means I’ll have plenty of opportunities to simply be with her during this trip—not for lunch or a specific activity, but simply to share space.

Though I enjoy seeing her because I love her, I also appreciate how being in her company reminds me of what matters in life.

As I …

Tiny Wisdom: Follow Your Bliss

“Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.” ~Joseph Campbell

Recently I’ve been feeling this need to grow and expand. I’ve been doing the same thing here for about three years now, and I’ve identified a long list of things I know I don’t want to do—but aside from writing my next book, I haven’t felt a strong pull in any other direction.

Then this weekend I had an idea for a new creative project—something that has absolutely nothing to do with Tiny Buddha. In fact, it’s geared …

Tiny Wisdom: Choose to Enjoy Your Choices

“Enjoy your own life without comparing it with that of another.” -Marquis de Condorcet

Last Saturday I decided to take a mid-day bath, just because I felt like it. I’d been working from home (since Monday starts my “weekend”) and I felt like I needed to take a break and recharge.

Not two minutes into my relaxing soak, I heard loud fiesta music coming from somewhere outside.

There’s a little park close to my apartment, and families frequently reserve the space for birthday parties, complete with barbecues and blow-up bouncy houses.

Whenever I walk by one of these events, I …

Tiny Wisdom: This Moment is a Chance to Be Free

“Dwelling on the negative simply contributes to its power.” ~Shirley Maclaine

Have you ever felt like you were drowning in negativity?

Maybe you were feeling down on yourself, but instead of pulling yourself up, you made yourself feel bad for struggling with yourself in this way.

Or maybe you made a mistake, but instead of forgiving yourself, you beat yourself up over it, rehashing everything you should have done.

It’s all too easy to get stuck in a cycle of negativity. Even if we practice yoga, meditate, or start our mornings with positive affirmations, we can fall down, and find …

Tiny Wisdom: Do You Let Advice Cloud Your Judgment?

“A wise man makes his own decisions; an ignorant man follows public opinion.” –Chinese Proverb

As you may remember from a recent post, I’m planning to have surgery soon to remove benign uterine tumors, known as fibroids.

Although I felt certain then that this is the right thing to do, I’ve vacillated quite a bit—mostly because I’ve been listening to too many other people.

Some have advised me to try alternative methods to shrink the fibroids, including herbs and positive thinking. Others have reminded me this surgery could have undesirable complications and a rough recovery. And then there have been …

Tiny Wisdom: Creating Time for Fun

“It’s not enough to be busy; so are the ants. The question is: what are we busy about?” ~Henry David Thoreau

Last week my younger brother visited me for five days. To ensure I could spend as much time with as possible, I worked extra hard during the weekend before he arrived.

It amazed me to realize how much I could accomplish when I had a strong motivation to be efficient.

During the week, I put in a couple of hours in the mornings to handle pressing issues, and then spent the afternoons and evenings going out with him. Once …

Tiny Wisdom: The Most Powerful Words for Healing

“The practice of forgiveness is our most important contribution to the healing of the world.” -Marianne Williamson

Did you ever feel like there was a conversation you really wanted to have with someone, and yet a part of you felt it was unwise?

This is a feeling I know all too well.

When I was younger, I spent years fighting for an apology. It wasn’t until my whole world crashed down on me that I realized I’d become a tornado of anger and bitterness, destroying everything in my wake.

I eventually realized I needed to let go of the victim …

Tiny Wisdom: Just Breathe

“Our way to practice is one step at a time, one breath at a time.” -Shunryu Suzuki

When I was younger I frequently had mini panic attacks and feared that I might suffocate. It literally felt difficult to catch my breath; it almost felt like I was being smothered.

When I felt this type of anxiety, people often told me, “Just breathe.” But that was the problem—it didn’t feel like I could. The missing piece of their advice was how.

When we’re feeling frustrated, or panicked, or stressed, or scared, we tend to breathe rapid, shallow breaths, allowing minimal …

Tiny Wisdom: How We Miss Out When We Judge

“Judgments prevent us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances.” -Wayne Dyer

The other day I was writing at a community table at Starbucks when an older man asked if he could sit next to me. Since our chairs were backed up against a wall, I had to get up to facilitate this.

I thought he was looking at me in a slightly strange way, but I put this out of my mind. We were sitting side by side in a confined space, not walking down a dark alley together—there was no reason to be alarmed.

Several hours after …

Tiny Wisdom: What Are You Feeding Your Heart and Mind?

“Nurture your mind with great thoughts; to believe in the heroic makes heroes.” -Benjamin Disraeli

The other day I read about an insightful Native American myth. A tribal elder tells his grandson that inside each of us, there is a black dog and a white dog doing battle.

The black dog possesses qualities typically understood as negative, including envy, greed, sorrow, anger, resentment, and arrogance. The white dog possesses qualities understood as positive, including love, joy, kindness, empathy, compassion, humility, and peace.

The grandson asks, “Which dog will win the fight?” And the elder responds, “Whichever one we feed.”

What …

Tiny Wisdom: Who Do You Think You Are?

“It’s not who you are that holds you back; it’s who you think you’re not.” -Unknown

I know this may seem obvious, but I recently realized I have the most confidence in the things that I do most frequently.

For example, I write every day—and I have a lot of confidence in my ability to help people through my words. I identify myself as a writer, which goes a long way in motivating me to do this consistently and passionately.

I feel less confident when it comes to the business side of things—negotiating the contract for my next book, for …