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Posts by Lori Deschene

Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others to do the same. You can find her books, including Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal, here and learn more about her eCourse, Recreate Your Life Story, if you’re ready to transform your life and become the person you want to be.

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Tiny Wisdom: On Asking for Help

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“It’s not the load that breaks you down; it’s the way you carry it.” -Lena Horne

We often think that admitting struggle is a sign of weakness, but we all struggle sometimes. We all get overwhelmed sometimes. We all need help sometimes. Acknowledging this is not a sign of weakness, but struggling alone is a choice to grow weak.

We all need each other. No one is an island. The good news is that people really do care. Think about it. If someone you know was hurting, would you offer your support? If someone you know got into a tough …

Tiny Wisdom: On Being Honest

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“It pays to be honest, but it’s slow pay.” ~Proverb

There are two types of rewards we can enjoy in this life: the kind that appear to come immediately, and the kind that we generally don’t realize are accumulating over time.

When you say what people want to hear instead of speaking your mind, you  may receive their validation; but in the long run, it won’t be nearly as satisfying as knowing you’re a person who operates with integrity.

When you lie about who you are to avoid the discomfort of being rejected, you may receive other people’s approval; but …

Tiny Wisdom: On Prosperity

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“Prosperity depends more on wanting what you have than having what you want.” -Geoffrey F. Abert

No matter what you have, you can always identify something that is lacking. If you have a great relationship, you might ascertain that you’ve lost touch with a hobby you once loved. If you earn plenty of money, you can probably identify tons of people who earn more–and with less effort than you expel.

It’s just not possible to feel like you have it all because you can’t possibly have everything at once. And no matter how much you gain, there will always be …

Tiny Wisdom: On Being Honest with Yourself

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“Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people.” -Spencer Johnson

Only you know if you’ve been lying to yourself. Other people may think they know what’s going on in your head and what’s right for you. But only you know what you need to do and whether or not you’re doing it.

Only you know what you believe and whether or not you’re honoring it.

Only you know what your values are and whether or not you’re upholding  them.

Only you know if you’re projecting onto other people to avoid taking responsibility for …

How to Help Someone Who Won’t Help Themselves

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“We work on ourselves in order to help others, but also we help others in order to work on ourselves.” ~Pema Chodron

Recently I got into a hypothetical conversation with someone who very quickly turned hostile and accusatory. Let’s call her Jane. My first instinct was to get defensive, but then I realized this subject was quite raw for Jane, and there was likely something going on below the surface.

Usually when people are combative seemingly without cause, there’s some underlying pain fueling it.

As we got to the root of things, I learned that Jane was holding onto anger …

Tiny Wisdom: On Getting Un-stuck

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“What you are is what you have been. What you’ll be is what you do now.” -Buddha

We all have goals–things we’d like to accomplish and ideas of who we’d like to become through the process. But sometimes we get so bogged down in fears and self-doubt that it’s hard to commit to the changes we want to create and then work toward them consistently.

It’s not easy to do. When you’re faced with obstacles, you might get stuck. When you feel unmotivated or unsure, you might get stuck. When your goal seems too far out of reach, you might …

Tiny Wisdom: On Strangers

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“Strangers are friends you have yet to meet.” -Unknown

Since I live in LA and my family lives in Boston, I take long flights several times a year. During many of these flights, I read a book or watch a movie and disappear into my own little world of self-entertainment.

When I was returning from a recent visit, I found myself looking around at all the different people who I would likely not talk to during the flight, and then never see again.

We’d all share an experience together–and yet apart–and then move on with our lives, without …

Tiny Wisdom: On Constant Change

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“When you’re finished changing, you’re finished.” -Benjamin Franklin

A few years back, I reconnected with an old friend from high school. Years after we met, we both struggled with depression and dealt with messy, public recoveries.

He said that seeing me was disheartening because I seemed like an after picture, whereas he felt like he had so much more work to do.

While I recognized that I had come a long way, I knew he formed this conclusion partly because he wasn’t seeing a complete picture. He was seeing confidence and a smile within an isolated moment in time and …

Tiny Wisdom: On the Joy of Mistakes

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“Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.” -Einstein

Sometimes it’s more effective to track your progress in mistakes than it is to track it with successes.

There are days when I have tons of mini-victories, but they’re all things I have done before and knew I could do well. So while I may feel good about those accomplishments and they may propel me toward my goals, they have a minimal impact in terms of my long-term growth.

There are other days when I do things I’ve never done before, struggle, and in the process identify …

Giveaway and Interview: The Book of (Even More) Awesome

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Update: The winners have been chosen! If you didn’t win, you can purchase a copy of The Book of (Even More) Awesome on Amazon.

Last year, I posted a review of The Book of Awesome, by Neil Pasricha—a compilation of blog posts from his wildly popular website, 1000 Awesome Things.

I was so inspired by his ability to recognize simple pleasures where I never even thought to look that I decided to follow suit with a post I titled 50 Peaceful Things.

Neil’s blog has been one of my favorites since he first launched three years back, …

Tiny Wisdom: On Seeing

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“What we see is mainly what we look for.” -Unknown

Whatever you believe about people and the world, you will likely find proof to support it.

If you look for selfishness, you’ll find it. If you look for animosity you’ll find it. If you look for injustice, you’ll find it. If you’re invested in seeing the world this way, you can probably explain a lot of what you see with negative interpretations.

Conversely, if you look for good intentions, you’ll find them. If you look for loving gestures, you’ll find them. If you look for possibilities, you’ll find them.

Much …

Tiny Wisdom: On Simple Confidence

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“Confidence is preparation. Everything else is beyond your control.” -Richard Kline

People often think confidence means knowing you can create the outcome you desire. To some extent it does, but this idea isn’t universally true for anyone. No matter how talented, smart, or capable you are, you cannot predict or control everything that happens in your life.

Even confident people lose jobs, relationships, and even their health.

Confidence comes from knowing your competence but acknowledging it’s not solely responsible for creating your world. When you take that weight off your shoulders and realize that sometimes the twists and turns have …

Tiny Wisdom: On Creating Happiness

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“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” -Dalai Lama

I’d be happy if I had a boyfriend. I’d be happy if my boss promoted me. I’d be happy if I had a larger house. It’s not uncommon for people to make these assumptions–to believe happiness exists in some alternate reality where people and conditions are different.

In a way that’s comforting. It absolves you of responsibility, and puts the blame neatly on other people’s shoulders. But it also gives them the power.

You create your own happiness through the choices you make day to day. …

Tiny Wisdom: On Conflict

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“Peace of mind is not the absence of conflict from life, but the ability to cope with it.” -Unknown

There are some days when I want everything to stop.

I want the calls to stop, the emails to stop, the requests to stop, the expectations to stop, the confrontations to stop, and the struggles to stop. Essentially, I want everything to feel quiet and easy.

Then I realize that if everything stopped, life would be boring, uneventful, and static.

If everything stopped, I wouldn’t have any opportunities to create, grow, learn from other people, or share what I’ve learned with …

Interview and Book Giveaway: And I Shall Have Some Peace There, Margaret Roach

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Update: The winners have been chosen! If you didn’t win, you can purchase a copy of And I Shall Have Some Peace There: Trading in the Fast Lane for My Own Dirt Road on Amazon.

I recently received a copy of Margaret Roach’sbook And I Shall Have Some Peace There.

I was not previously familiar with Margaret’s wildly popular garden blog, A Way to Garden, but I was fascinated to learn about her transition from editorial director of Martha Stewart Omnimedia to full-time gardener at her country house in upstate New York.

I know a lot of people …

Tiny Wisdom: On Strength

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“Some people think it’s holding that makes one strong—sometimes it’s letting go.” -Unknown

Sometimes admitting that something is over can feel like defeat. After all, we hear a lot of messages that tell us to never give up–to hold on and keep fighting at all costs.

But if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll know when it’s time to move on.

You’ll know when a relationship no longer serves you, and you’re just staying because you’re too scared to leave. You’ll know when a job no longer makes you happy, but you’re staying because you think it will be hard to …

Tiny Wisdom: On Getting

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“In the long run we get no more than we have been willing to risk giving.” -Sheldon Kopp

Fear tells us to hold on for dear life or else something bad might happen.

Fear tells us to cling to the people we love so that we will not lose them. Fear tells us not to share what we have or else we might not have enough. Fear tells us not to spend any money because we might need what we give up.

Fear is the voice that says, “Don’t let go,” but it’s only when we release and free our …

Tiny Wisdom: On Enjoying the Light

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“If you spend your whole life waiting for the storm, you’ll never enjoy the sunshine.” -Morris West

Today I watched Finding Nemo, one of my absolute favorite Disney movies. When Dory and Marlin are searching for his lost son Nemo and it seems like they’re doomed to fail, Marlin says, “I promised I’d never let anything happen to him.”

Dory responds, “Hmm. That’s a funny thing to promise. You can’t never let anything happen to him. Then nothing would ever happen to him. Not much fun for little Harpo.”

As someone who has often worried about people I love, …

Tiny Wisdom: On Turning the Dark into Light

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“We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world.” -Helen Keller

This is the kind of statement that I used to find incredibly annoying. I thought it was an overly simplified way of condoning a lot of the hurtful things other people had done. If someone suggested that a hardship was a gift, I assumed they were saying it because they couldn’t relate to my pain.

Then I realized that my stubborn commitment to being right and bitter was causing me just as much pain as I felt other people caused. I …

Tiny Wisdom: On Moving Forward

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“Doing your best means never stop trying.” -Unknown

For years, I stressed over the possibility that my best was not good enough. I realized that I couldn’t possibly do better than my best, but as a type-A overachiever, this logic wasn’t sufficient permission to feel proud when I put all my heart into something.

I didn’t want to do my best–I wanted to do the best that anyone could do. I wanted to achieve greatness, as recognized by lots of people. I wanted it to be undeniably true that I was someone worth admiring and respecting.

What I have since …