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Posts by Lori Deschene

Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others to do the same. You can find her books, including Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal, here and learn more about her eCourse, Recreate Your Life Story, if you’re ready to transform your life and become the person you want to be.

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Tiny Wisdom: On the Power of Trusting

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“You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don’t trust enough.” -Frank Crane

I had one of the most disheartening experiences of my life when I was 24. Some people I trusted conned me out of a huge chunk of my savings and then dropped off the face of the earth.

Later, I  questioned if I was being naive whenever an incident looked slightly similar. I instinctively mistrusted a lot of people, projecting past hurts onto them before they even had a chance to show their good intentions.

It was like …

Tiny Wisdom: On Being Seen

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“Enthusiasm is the greatest asset in the world. It beats money, power, and influence.” ~Henry Chester

Influence has become a huge buzz word, particularly now that social media has taken the world by storm. There are sites to measure it. Blog posts that dissect it. Books that analyze the psychology of it. Collectively, we’re obsessed with the ability to persuade other people.

It’s not just about driving consumer behavior, although clearly that’s a big part of it–everyone needs to earn a living. It’s also not all about the ego–having the most followers, the most retweets, or the most influential friends. …

Tiny Wisdom: On Loving Life

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“If we look at the world with a love of life, the world will reveal its beauty to us.” -Daisaku Ikeda

Whenever I visit my family in Massachusetts, I notice changes all around me. Sometimes it’s something major, like a Rite Aid where a Mom and Pop shop used to be. Sometimes it’s something less noticeable, like a new door on my parents’ neighbor’s house.

Other times, these changes take place in my family. My mother’s changed her hair color, or my sister looks completely different after weeks on a new diet, or my father’s decided to embrace bright-colored clothes–despite …

How to Enjoy Food More: 7 Tips to Savor Meals

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“We are indeed much more than what we eat, but what we eat can nevertheless help us to be much more than what we are.” –Adelle Davis

As I mentioned before in my blog post about needing less money, I recently decided to offer barter advertising through Tiny Buddha—meaning I plan to promote products and services I support in exchange for things I need.

This week I started my first barter arrangement with L.O.V.E. Delivery, a company here in Los Angeles that delivers organic produce right to your door.

Before my first shipment arrived two days ago, …

Tiny Wisdom: On Being Hard on Yourself

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“When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.” -African Proverb

Sometimes we judge ourselves pretty harshly. We blame ourselves for things we have absolutely no control over. We criticize, berate, and even disparage ourselves, treating ourselves far worse than we’d ever treat other people.

It’s just all too easy to hold ourselves to high standards, and then get frustrated if we fail to meet them. I know I have done this before, and, at the risk of sounding defeatist, I know I will do it at some point again.

I believe that in much the same …

Tiny Wisdom: On Playing

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“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” -George Bernard Shaw

Playfulness becomes difficult when we get bogged in worries. Worrying sucks the joy out of everything. I know, because I’ve been there many times before.

You start a new project focused on your passions, and shortly after starting, you stress about where it’s going. Or you set aside some time to do something you enjoy, and before you know it you’re fixating on everything you have to complete on your to-do list.

We don’t stop playing because we no longer enjoy it. …

Tiny Wisdom: On Discovering the Best in People

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“When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves.” -William Arthur Ward

I read somewhere once that we tend to judge ourselves by our intentions and other people by their actions. In other words, we give ourselves the benefit of the doubt, whereas we’re more apt to assume other people mean to be cruel, inconsiderate, or hurtful when they make poor choices.

I suspect this is a survival strategy: We need to believe that we are good people in order to live with ourselves, and we want to quickly assess which other …

Tiny Wisdom: On Dropping Excuses

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“We are all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations.” -Charles R. Swindoll

Joshua Denney, who designed this site and does a ton behind the scenes, found this video and posted it on Facebook yesterday with the heading, “No excuses.”

What could you accomplish if you stopped making excuses and started focusing on making a difference?

Tiny Wisdom: On Everyday Teachers

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“If we learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who drive us crazy, can be our teacher.” -Pema Chodron

Many people go through their days collecting moments that annoyed them. How another driver turns without signaling. How your coffee barista moves at a glacial pace—so slow she has to ask twice what you ordered. The way a coworker talks loudly on her cell phone, even though you practically share the same cubicle.

Things like this happen all the time. We live, work, and play on top of each other—people we know, don’t know, want to know, and don’t …

Tiny Wisdom: On Connecting

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“Don’t wait for people to be friendly. Show them how.” -Unknown

From what I can tell, my next door neighbor doesn’t make eye contact with anyone. For a while I thought she was just avoiding me, but I’ve observed that she’s like this with all of our neighbors. By keeping her eyes fixed on her feet, she never has to exchange pleasantries or smiles, let alone get into full-fledged conversations.

She always seems withdrawn and lethargic, and this makes me feel sad for her. I’ve been in that place before–and if she’s feeling anything like I did then, I know …

Tiny Wisdom: On Being Openly You

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“What I am is good enough if I would only be it openly.” -Carl Rogers

When I was in high school, it was trendy to be “alternative.” It was a time of Green Day, grunge, and wallet chains, and everyone and their brother did their best to blend in by pledging nonconformity.

It was an ironic time for self-expression–we were unified by our mutual declaration of individuality, underscored by an unspoken need to belong.

Though it’s been a long time since I wore a thermal shirt with self-cut thumb holes, I still feel tempted on occasion to shapeshift to please …

Tiny Wisdom: On Forgiveness

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“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” ~Mahatma Gandhi

Someone wronged you. Maybe they treated you thoughtlessly without your feelings or best interests in mind. Or maybe they hurt you with full awareness in a moment of anger orfrustration.

Your pride’s bruised, and your expectations destroyed. Why should you extend compassion to them when they didn’t offer you the same? Why should you reach out to them when you’re not the one who was wrong?

You could easily come up with a laundry list of excuses to stay righteous and unyielding. Unfortunately, no one benefits …

Tiny Wisdom: On What We Envision

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“We are limited, not by our abilities, but by our vision.” -Unknown

Have you ever cut yourself off right in the middle of imagining a possibility? I did it to myself earlier today. As I wrote in my recent blog post about needing less money, I am happiest when I have enough, but don’t devote countless hours to the pursuit of abundance.

Today I was thinking about a world where I could take care of all of my needs through barter, when suddenly I stopped short and thought, “All is a little unrealistic.” I then started making a …

Tiny Wisdom: On the Power of Dreams

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“The poor man is not he who is without a cent, but he who is without a dream.” -Harry Kemp

A while back, I found a research study that revealed a lot of trust fund babies end up struggling with depression. Since they don’t need to work to earn a living, many of them feel a sense of emptiness and purposelessness.

Even with all the money they could ever need, they often feel that their lives are lacking.

I’m sure most of us wouldn’t mind a little extra money to play with, but there is no wealth like the joy …

Tiny Wisdom: On Being Part of the Solution

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“Never look down on anybody unless you’re helping him up.” -Jesse Jackson

I’ve always believed that there is a fundamental difference between compassion and pity: Compassion stands beside someone; pity stands above.

Sometimes it’s tempting to stand in that place, and not just because we’re being judgmental or cruel. Oftentimes, it feels safer up there. You don’t need to understand that person, or what they’re dealing with.

You also don’t need to get too close. You can simply remove yourself without getting too invested or involved, knowing that you feel bad, but there’s nothing you can do.

Compassion suggests a …

Tiny Wisdom: On the Power of a Smile

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“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.” -Thich Nhat Hanh

Last weekend, I had a difficult day. My brother had just flown 3,000 miles across the country after visiting me, which reignited an internal conflict about living so far from my family.

I always feel a familiar emptiness when I deal with that conflict. It’s my instinctive resistance to the undeniable truth that everything in life is a trade off. I can’t simultaneously follow my instinct to be in LA and my instinct to be near my …

Tiny Wisdom: On Choosing Optimism

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“I am a pessimist because of intelligence, but an optimist because of will.” -Antonio Gramsci

They say that ignorance is bliss, and there’s a really good reason for it. There are a lot of things we learn as we get older that can get us down if we dwell on them.

The world feels a lot safer when you believe in Santa Claus and magic, and haven’t yet learned about the tragedies and injustices that happen every day, all over the world.

It’s a lot easier to feel happy when you believe that everyone has pure intentions, and don’t yet …

Tiny Wisdom: On Feeling Good

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“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” -Eleanor Roosevelt

My boyfriend makes me feel unworthy. My mother makes me feel inadequate. My sister makes me inferior. My boss makes me feel incompetent.

Have you said something like this recently? We all do it sometimes–give our power away to other people as if they have complete control over what we feel.

For a long time, I believed it was impossible to change how I responded to certain events. If someone said something hurtful, I had no choice but to feel sad and rejected–and it was all their fault. …

20 Things to Do When You’re Feeling Angry with Someone

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“If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.” ~Chinese proverb

As Tiny Buddha grows larger, I find there are a lot more people emailing me with requests. The people-pleaser in me wants to say yes to everyone, but the reality is that there is only so much time in the day—and we all have a right to allocate our time as best supports our intentions, needs, and goals.

Recently someone contacted me with a request that I was unable to honor. After I communicated that, he made a sweeping judgment about …

Tiny Wisdom: On Committing and Achieving

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“Continuous effort—not strength or intelligence—is the key to unlocking our potential.” -Winston Churchill

If you’re anything like me, you probably noticed at some point in your life that you’re not the best at everything.

Maybe it was when you were pushing yourself to accomplish something, or maybe you noticed someone else’s achievements and started making comparisons. However it looked in your experience, you probably recognized that there are people who are smarter, better educated, and more talented than you are.

Maybe this slowed you down in pursuing the things that matter to you. If other smarter, more knowledgeable, more gifted …