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Posts by Lori Deschene

Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others do the same. She recently created the Breaking Barriers to Self-Care eCourse to help people overcome internal blocks to meeting their needs—so they can feel their best, be their best, and live their best possible life. If you’re ready to start thriving instead of merely surviving, you can learn more and get instant access here.

Lori Deschene's Website

Tiny Wisdom: On Simple Confidence

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“Confidence is preparation. Everything else is beyond your control.” -Richard Kline

People often think confidence means knowing you can create the outcome you desire. To some extent it does, but this idea isn’t universally true for anyone. No matter how talented, smart, or capable you are, you cannot predict or control everything that happens in your life.

Even confident people lose jobs, relationships, and even their health.

Confidence comes from knowing your competence but acknowledging it’s not solely responsible for creating your world. When you take that weight off your shoulders and realize that sometimes the twists and turns have …

Tiny Wisdom: On Creating Happiness

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“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” -Dalai Lama

I’d be happy if I had a boyfriend. I’d be happy if my boss promoted me. I’d be happy if I had a larger house. It’s not uncommon for people to make these assumptions–to believe happiness exists in some alternate reality where people and conditions are different.

In a way that’s comforting. It absolves you of responsibility, and puts the blame neatly on other people’s shoulders. But it also gives them the power.

You create your own happiness through the choices you make day to day. …

Tiny Wisdom: On Conflict

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“Peace of mind is not the absence of conflict from life, but the ability to cope with it.” -Unknown

There are some days when I want everything to stop.

I want the calls to stop, the emails to stop, the requests to stop, the expectations to stop, the confrontations to stop, and the struggles to stop. Essentially, I want everything to feel quiet and easy.

Then I realize that if everything stopped, life would be boring, uneventful, and static.

If everything stopped, I wouldn’t have any opportunities to create, grow, learn from other people, or share what I’ve learned with …

Interview and Book Giveaway: And I Shall Have Some Peace There, Margaret Roach

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Update: The winners have been chosen! If you didn’t win, you can purchase a copy of And I Shall Have Some Peace There: Trading in the Fast Lane for My Own Dirt Road on Amazon.

I recently received a copy of Margaret Roach’sbook And I Shall Have Some Peace There.

I was not previously familiar with Margaret’s wildly popular garden blog, A Way to Garden, but I was fascinated to learn about her transition from editorial director of Martha Stewart Omnimedia to full-time gardener at her country house in upstate New York.

I know a lot of people …

Tiny Wisdom: On Strength

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“Some people think it’s holding that makes one strong—sometimes it’s letting go.” -Unknown

Sometimes admitting that something is over can feel like defeat. After all, we hear a lot of messages that tell us to never give up–to hold on and keep fighting at all costs.

But if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll know when it’s time to move on.

You’ll know when a relationship no longer serves you, and you’re just staying because you’re too scared to leave. You’ll know when a job no longer makes you happy, but you’re staying because you think it will be hard to …

Tiny Wisdom: On Getting

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“In the long run we get no more than we have been willing to risk giving.” -Sheldon Kopp

Fear tells us to hold on for dear life or else something bad might happen.

Fear tells us to cling to the people we love so that we will not lose them. Fear tells us not to share what we have or else we might not have enough. Fear tells us not to spend any money because we might need what we give up.

Fear is the voice that says, “Don’t let go,” but it’s only when we release and free our …

Tiny Wisdom: On Enjoying the Light

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“If you spend your whole life waiting for the storm, you’ll never enjoy the sunshine.” -Morris West

Today I watched Finding Nemo, one of my absolute favorite Disney movies. When Dory and Marlin are searching for his lost son Nemo and it seems like they’re doomed to fail, Marlin says, “I promised I’d never let anything happen to him.”

Dory responds, “Hmm. That’s a funny thing to promise. You can’t never let anything happen to him. Then nothing would ever happen to him. Not much fun for little Harpo.”

As someone who has often worried about people I love, …

Tiny Wisdom: On Turning the Dark into Light

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“We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world.” -Helen Keller

This is the kind of statement that I used to find incredibly annoying. I thought it was an overly simplified way of condoning a lot of the hurtful things other people had done. If someone suggested that a hardship was a gift, I assumed they were saying it because they couldn’t relate to my pain.

Then I realized that my stubborn commitment to being right and bitter was causing me just as much pain as I felt other people caused. I …

Tiny Wisdom: On Moving Forward

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“Doing your best means never stop trying.” -Unknown

For years, I stressed over the possibility that my best was not good enough. I realized that I couldn’t possibly do better than my best, but as a type-A overachiever, this logic wasn’t sufficient permission to feel proud when I put all my heart into something.

I didn’t want to do my best–I wanted to do the best that anyone could do. I wanted to achieve greatness, as recognized by lots of people. I wanted it to be undeniably true that I was someone worth admiring and respecting.

What I have since …

Tiny Wisdom: On Insurmountable Obstacles

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“A hard fall means a high bounce…if you’re made of the right material.” -Unknown

I recently saw the movie Soul Surfer about Bethany Hamilton, the professional surfer who lost an arm in a shark attack in 2003 when she was just 13 years old. This would be difficult for anyone, but especially someone so young.

Bethany lost 60% of her blood that day, and after turning down a lifelike but non-functional prosthetic arm, soon realized she had to relearn almost everything.

What kept her going was knowing she didn’t lose everything. Lots of things were different, but lots of things …

Tiny Wisdom: On Being Kind

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“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” -Plato

Sometimes it can seem like everyone’s out to get you. There’s the person in traffic who refuses to let you into his lane. The customer service representative who rushes you off the phone without helping even a little. The friend who didn’t tell you the whole story, which left you feeling hurt.

We’ve all met these people. We’ve also been these people. We all have days when we’re not as considerate, helpful, or honest as we’d like to be.

Sometimes it’s because we’re rushed. Other times it’s because …

Tiny Wisdom: On Living

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“It is not uncommon for people to spend their whole life waiting to start living.” -Eckhart Tolle

You might not think to compare beloved children’s writer Dr. Seuss to spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle, but there’s a common message about happiness in both their works: We can only experience joy through action in the now, not by waiting to get it some day, when everything works out and makes sense.

From Seuss’ Oh the Places You Will Go:

The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.

Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go …

Tiny Wisdom: On Suffering

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“It isn’t what happens to us that causes us to suffer; it’s what we say to ourselves about what happens.” -Pema Chodron

We all have stories we tell ourselves about the events in our lives. Many of them are negative: My boyfriend left me because I’m not good enough. I didn’t get that job because people think I’m incompetent. My parents were too hard on me because they don’t really love me.

We often give far more meaning to events than they actually had, allowing them to control us and our actions.

Your stories can either leave you feeling helpless …

Tiny Wisdom: On Happiness

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“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” ~Gandhi

It’s awfully difficult to be happy when you don’t love or respect yourself, and let’s face it: A big part of self love has to do with operating with integrity.

When you commit to making a positive change–like meditating or cutting back on work–but don’t follow through, you’re basically telling yourself that your commitments to yourself aren’t valuable enough to keep.

When you decide you believe in something strongly, like honesty, and then contradict it in your actions by lying, you’re telling yourself …

20 Ways to Overcome Doubts

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“To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest.” ~ Pema Chodron

Nine out of ten times when I feel paralyzed, it’s because I doubt myself.

Sometimes I doubt my knowledge—whether I truly know enough to move forward. Sometimes I doubt the choices I’ve already made, as if I can somehow find a sense of control in rehashing what I’ve done and deciding how to do it better in the future.

Other times I doubt my instincts. I think I know what’s right for me, but my mind decides to split …

Tiny Wisdom: On Doubts

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“When you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt.” -Honore de Balzac

When you think that you don’t know, know that somewhere inside you, you do. When you think you can’t go on, know that you absolutely can and will. When you aren’t sure that you can make a difference, know that you already do, and you will continue to if you just keep going.

It’s not about having all the answers. It’s about how boldly you’re willing to act, knowing full there’s a lot you don’t know.

Today if you doubt yourself, remember: You are far more …

Tiny Wisdom: On Using Freedom

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“We must be free not because we claim freedom, but because we practice it.”  ~William Faulkner

Let’s face it: In a world where work is a requirement, a lot of us will end up spending at least some time doing things we wouldn’t choose to do. If we’re passionate and determined, we can create a world where we work is enjoyable, and maybe even create the conditions to work fewer hours.

But what’s important is what we do with the time we have on any given day.

You might not be able to travel internationally right now, but you can …

Tiny Wisdom: On Fear-Based Decisions

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“Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.” ~Marianne Williamson

Sometimes I look at people who appear to be confident, successful, and happy and imagine that they always feel that way—that they never feel insecure or afraid, and they always operate from a place of trusting love.

Then I remember that every person who has a pulse deals with human emotions. What confident, successful, happy people have going for them is that they feel fears, but they make decisions from a place underneath them.

They push through discomfort, fully aware that it’s impermanent, and …

Tiny Wisdom: On Winning

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“An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind.” ~Gandhi

When I was younger, I thought of winning in terms of revenge. I thought that if I felt hurt by bullies, they won. Or if I sat around feeling sad about an ex-boyfriend, he won. On the flip side, if I grew up to be successful, that would be the best revenge against anyone who hurt me.

In being happy, confident, and successful, I would have won.

What a sad way to think, that it’s all one giant score card of them against us. That we’re …

Be Part of the First Tiny Buddha YouTube Video

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As you may have noticed, there’s been a Tiny Buddha YouTube channel up for months now. There have been nearly 3,000 views on the page but, thus far, there aren’t any videos on there.

Today is the day that changes!

Since I launched this website in the fall of 2009, Tiny Buddha has been all about community.

Each week, I publish 4 blog posts from Tiny Buddha readers. I’ve published nearly a dozen posts that incorporated wisdom from members of the Tiny Buddha Facebook page. I even included tweets from Tiny Buddha Twitter followers in my upcoming book (available …