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February 14, 2024 at 10:43 am in reply to: Telling the difference between gut and fear in relationships #427826
anitaParticipantDear Seaturtle:
“What is the right balance in a relationship/friendship where the conversations brings you lower or higher… For example my friend P, the one in the destructive relationship… then she comes and tells me about it and I just do not want to hear it, but then I feel like I am being a bad friend“- when she tells you about him and you notice that you are feeling low as a result, give her five minutes to vent, say something empathetic to her, and change the subject. If she resists the change of subject, politely excuse yourself from the phone, or from the visit with her.
“And this authentic self is created by his upbringing?“- created by his reactions to his upbringing, and anyone in his place, given his exact upbringing (and the genetics he was born with), would have reacted identically, as a child.
“If he has so much, why is it so hard for him to help me financially do you think?“- I am guessing that he amassed his financial fortune by not giving money to others, or by giving as little as he could get away with and still keep a positive public image.
“Just the other day I was telling M about my financial situation with my medical absence from work… but an argument that we may have had in the past could have been me saying ‘I needed your help then’ and he responds ‘Yea I offered it to you.’“- he is trying to minimize his accounts payable(money going out) and keep his public image positive with his daughter.. for him, you are one of the public out there, makes sense in light of how superficial your youngest sister (and you) said about the relationship with him.
(I will read and reply to the rest later, in a few hours from now).
anita
anitaParticipantDear Stephanie:
I need a bit of Taoism this morning, so I looked up quotes from Wayne Dyer’s Taoism:
“Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be”
“The state of your life is nothing more than a reflection of your mind”.
“You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with”.
“You leave old habits behind by starting out with the thought: I release the need for this in my life”.
“If all you do is follow the herd, you’ll just be stepping in poop all day”.
“Every thought impacts you. Shift from a thought that weakens to one that strengthens you”.
“Wisdom is avoiding all thoughts that weaken you”
“Attitude is everything, so pick a good one”
“Giving is replacing my demand for more”
“I resist any brokenness by being flexible and bending when storms appear”.
Thank you, Stephanie!
anita
anitaParticipantDear Peace:
It’s a pleasure (!!!) to read your short post (if I was able to insert emojis here, I would choose a very happy face.. but I am technologically challenged..)
anita
anitaParticipantDear Ssleeping:
You are welcome, good to read from you again. I re-read your previous two posts. In your first post (Feb 5), you wrote: “He’s had a tough time recently with work and depression“, and indeed from what you shared about what he said to you, he sounds depressed.
The way I understand depression is that when a person is too anxious for too long, the anxiety (a negative excitable emotional state), turns into depression (a negative but calmer emotional state) because the brain/ body can’t endure excitability for too long.
He felt anxious (“He then started feeling anxious when thinking about it, he felt anxious when just thinking about things he loved related to me“), and then over several days, his anxiety turned into depression (“He felt like this for days and eventually broke down and told me, over the coming days he said he doesn’t want this anymore and needs to be alone“).
A hallmark of depression is the loss of interest or pleasure in things previously enjoyed, as well as indecisiveness, and so, he lost a significant amount of the interest he had to be with you, and he wanted to be alone, and he is indecisive.
From the DSM-5 (the American diagnostic guide for mental disorders), two of the symptoms of major depression are: “Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day”, and “Diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness, nearly every day”.
You wrote: “I don’t know what happened… Could this be caused by avoidant attachment style?” (Feb 5)- I think that what happened is that he sank into depression, and that his current state of mind and behaviors are caused by depression.
“He doesn’t wear his bracelet and has changed his Lock Screen photos on his phone. I can feel how much he loves me when he looks at me, I can feel the affection and the want but I think he stops himself“- back to the DSM-5, “Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt..” is another symptom of major depression. Maybe he feels unworthy of you and that’s why he doesn’t wear the bracelet, and why he stops himself from expressing love for you (when he feels it)…?
Did he seek medical help for depression, recently or in the past?
anita
anitaParticipantDear Ada:
Your first post in this thread was back on Feb 28, 2022 (page 3), almost 2 years ago. You shared on that first post (paraphrased) that you used to love and feel very close to your long-distance boyfriend of 11 months, but randomly and suddenly you fell out of love with him (also the words in the title of this thread), feeling distant from him, and even revolted by him. You felt guilty for feeling distant from him and revolted by him.
On March 2, 2023, after some communication, I wrote to you: “… These are my closing thoughts: I think that it will be best for you to… break up with him. You have your own mental health challenges, and your LD boyfriend has his own. It is possible for two people to help each other and be better for it, individually and together. But in this case, his impulsivity and severe carelessness are harming you. By impulsivity, I mean that he says whatever comes to his mind without thinking how it would affect you, and by severe carelessness, I am referring to him talking about the other girl… he went on and on about her and did so repeatedly, on different occasions. This is not… normal carelessness. It is severe carelessness, and such would harm any woman who’d be in a relationship with him…
“You shared that you are “like an observer” in your life, that you don’t make the choices that you want to make. I figure it’s your fear/ anxiety that keeps you from being a participant in your own life, making the choices that you want to make, choices that are right for you. This is something for you to work on in quality psychotherapy: to shift from an observant to a participant“.
Seventeen days later, on March 19, you posted next and shared that you broke up with him, and that you missed him and were obsessed with him.
A day later, on March 20, 2022, I wrote to you in regard to your obsessive thinking at the time: “you’ve been obsessed with this man for 11 months (“The man I was genuinely obsessed with for all 11 months now… extremely obsessed with him“). After you broke up with him, you found yourself “struck with obsessive thoughts and actions. I can’t stop thinking about what is he doing? Is he even upset?..’ – obsessed with him during the 11 months of the relationship, obsessed with him after the breakup, obsessed in general (“I am an obsessive person I’m always hyper fixated on something“), possibly OCD?..” (page 4).
Two pages later, and close to a year and 9 months after my last post (above quoted), you posted again. You shared that you have come a long way since you posted here, that posting here helped you with insight into your actions and motivations, and it helped you to move forward. You shared that your ex-boyfriend and you are currently casual friends, that your love for him is purely platonic, and that you are still a little repulsed with him.
You wrote yesterday: “The best advice I got on here was to break up with him! it was extremely toxic because I tried so hard not to be toxic. We weren’t a great fit for one another we did more damage than good. All and all, everything fell into its right place with my story and I believe everyone in here will find their way“- thank you, Ada, for your update, for your expressed appreciation and for encouraging other members in a similar struggle. It is very kind of you to have done this!
“A lot of issues resided within ourselves. He has been seeing a psychotherapist and I can tell a difference in how he acts and for me, I never eventually got to it but I understand myself a lot more now and I’ve learned to feel a lot less guilty for my feelings and the actions that come along with them“- like I suggested to you back in 2022, we are never guilty for how we feel, so better peel the guilt off from what we feel. I am glad that you no longer feeling guilty!
Anytime you’d like to post again with your further progress and struggles (there’s never a linear- nothing but progress when it comes to these things, so there’re always struggles), please do and I will be glad to read from you and reply further.
anita
anitaParticipantDear Nichole:
“Very true, the stability from my job and consistency of where I have been living have helped get me back in a better place. I had not recently thought about the correlation between the moving around I was doing and my childhood. Growing up we moved around quite a bit. Finances were not stable. I can still get really anxious when something unexpected happens. I fear the worse. I’ll be homeless and unable to provide for myself“- this is an excellent testimony to how important STABILITY and CONSISTENCY are for a person’s mental (and physical) health. Experiencing instability and inconsistency as a child translates to excess anxiety in childhood and in adulthood.
C o N g R a T u L a T i O n S for creating stability and consistency in your life!
“With the work I have been doing I know this to be untrue. I have, even at my most fearful, always provided for myself. In the future I would like to better my relationship with money. I would like to thrive. Nonetheless, I am grateful for what I do have“- I remember that I was concerned, in the past, about you giving your money away to family members, such as to your younger brother. I wanted you to take better care of yourself!
“Yes, past relationships and even the most recent one created turmoil. This last man was really just a distraction from dealing with where my life was. But I was also craving male attention as I still do… I still believe in my heart that I was born to be a Mom and wife. My lifelong dream! I am 35 now, will it ever be? I have juggled with maybe it won’t. and I will have to live with that. I really just struggle to make friends or relationships. It is the trust issue. I hide myself a lot“- like I wrote above, instability and inconsistency in childhood translate to excess anxiety in adulthood, and with that excess anxiety, we are afraid to trust, we struggle to maintain relationships… and we hide.
I hope that within the next few years, you will manage to be a good wife to a good husband and a good Mom!
“I also attract similar patterns in people, but now, more than ever I feel so much more self aware about this“- awareness makes changes possible in what and who you attract and .. what and whom you are attracted to.
“Last week I started back into my new role after my voluntary demotion. It has been peaceful. I learned so much in leadership. I learned that I lead well. I lead with my heart and soul. My team loved me and I loved them… Most times I gave way too much of myself. I look forward to spending the rest of this year treating work as just work and creating a life outside of it“- imagine giving more to yourself, and then, to the right man.. and then, to your child, creating stability and consistency in your family of choice!
“Bringing me to my family.. You’re always spot on Anita! I can easily go into a nostalgic place with family. I do believe we had some wonderful times. My Father came in June, and it was great! We spent five days together. I knew better than to get attached. He struggles with alcohol and drug addiction. I know too well. He loves me when he can but he will most likely always return to his ways. I am coming to peace with this“- you knew better than to get attached to him because he loves you when he can, you wrote, meaning that his love is not stable and not consistent: it’s there at times, gone at other times.
“As for my brother, it is just simple texts. I just want peace with them. I know they cannot provide the family environment I craved for so long“- you craved for stable consistent love in your family of origin, a craving unsatisfied.
“But with my niece, this relationship is important to me. I know that she will need me in her life. She is 15 now. She will soon be heading for life’s ups and downs, as well all do as we grow up, and I want to be a wise person in her life. I love her so much. I am so happy to be in touch with her. I would love to go see her this summer“- true love of an aunt for her niece, the love of a woman for the girl you once were..?
“Yes, I wish I would have been able to apply your wonderful advice on relationships in a better way back then. I do believe I can function this way now. Mindfulness can be hard for me some times but I am starting to slow down more. I really would like to create connections that are stimulating and balanced. I know that it begins with me. If I give/offer to much of me too fast I will likely attract people that will take quicker than I give. I look forward to slowing down. Paying attention to people and just having fun if I can. I just need the motivation to do it. I think talking about it is a start!“- you express yourself so well, I am positively impressed with your state of mind, awareness, insight and maturity!
And again, thank you for your kind words.. You are an amazing person, Nichole, thank you for being you!!!
anita
February 13, 2024 at 9:47 am in reply to: He Left me after 7 years together for Conservative Parents.. Help me Please! #427799anitaParticipantDear Sushmita:
Yes, I am here, Sushmita. Your first post here was on July 13, 2022 (page 4). I replied to you on the same day and we communicated through this page (page 9). Your last post was on Nov 28, 2022, following which I replied on the same day and inquired about you twice, last being on Dec 17, 2022.
How are you???
anita
February 13, 2024 at 9:32 am in reply to: Telling the difference between gut and fear in relationships #427797anitaParticipantLet’s see if I can change the format of the above:
Dear Seaturtle:
“And it was this moment my mom revealed to me that she had slept that that guy a year ago that was suppose to meet me for a date..“- this is giving my saying a literal meaning (a blushing and sad face emoji
“Family really has the power to bring you higher or lower and why they choose lower, I have no idea“- so to bring themselves higher. In the above example, I am guessing that your mother told you because she was afraid at the time that someone else will tell you, she felt anxious about it, and so to feel better herself, to feel calmer, she told you. The result: she felt calmer (higher) and you felt somewhat distressed (lower), I imagine.
“and hope I do not do that to them..“- keep your 3rd eye chakra open and your crown chakra working (with approved breaks and sleep time, of course), and you will continue to not elevate/ help yourself by lowering/ hurting them.
“Once on vacation, my little sister was hungry, so I texted the family group chat if we could make a reservation, my dad said ok and we all met up. Once we made it there, my little sister decided she only wanted ice cream…haha but me and my other sister ordered a meal… my dad accused me, in front of everyone ‘wow you are so selfish you just organized this whole reservation and all of us meeting so you could eat dinner?‘… Later I said that I did not like how he accused me of something I did not do, and was not, and his response ‘I didn’t make you feel anything other peoples words don’t make you do anything, your interpretation is why you feel.‘ My sister and I looked at each other like what did he just say?? reminds me of N’s exact words“- a moment before in read that it reminds you of N’s words, I thought to myself: sounds just like what N said.
As far as the what-did-he-just-say, I figure he said to himself (in a condensed way, not actually articulating all these words in his mind): she (Seaturtle) accused me of something I did (of accusing her of something she didn’t do), and so to Win this particular argument (and I am good at winning arguments!), let me look at my Strategies to Win Arguments when Winning is ALL that Matters (SWAWAM) document.. hmmm.. can’t use #1 in this case… #2.. no, doesn’t fit.. #3 seems fitting: tell her that how she feels about what I said has nothing to do with what I said, but with her WRONG interpretation of what I said.
“Exactly, yes literally his ‘PR agent,’ that is funny! What I find interesting is that I am getting more skilled at spotting his PR self, versus his authentic self, and when I confront him he sort of glitches… looks up with their eyes…calculating“- looking at his SWAWAM doc. His authentic self (at this point, he wasn’t born this way) is one who cares about Winning at all costs (to the Loser), one who cares about Power at the expense of Justice.
“I mean like I would do or say something to flatter him, I had to do this in order to get him to send me my tuition money for college.. I had to show appreciation how he wanted it… he wouldn’t respond love bomby then, he responded much more mild with a simple I love you or thank you/ you’re welcome. Now that I don’t rely on him financially it is like he is more exaggerating his appreciation of my flattery“- when you lived with him, and needed his money, he didn’t want to encourage you to ask for more money by being love-bomby with you. Now that you don’t live with him and do not ask him for money, he .. is encouraging you to continue to not ask him for money.
The words of exaggerated appreciation do not cost him money, and in one of his docs, it says: words do not cost you money and are so easy to say, so if they serve you, say them.
“It was the needing of him that he wanted but also didn’t like.. like he wants me to need him but he also thought I was using him. This is similar to N! they are flattered when I need them, but they also feel taken advantage of when I need them“- F wants you to need him and he wants to pay the least for that which he wants, similarly to him wanting to buy a particular house but negotiating so to pay the least for it.
“Thank you for pointing this out. I wonder why I feel the need to make sure I don’t bring someone down, maybe it is because of what I wrote above, how my mom has done that to me and I know how it feels“- you are welcome. I think that the reason you didn’t want to bring me down/ don’t want to bring others down is because of your Empathy/ open heart chakra.
“I am finding myself wondering why I was attracted to N, or understand why I still may be. So that when I go to get my things I am aware of what attracted me in the first place and be cautious of it showing up again. Do you think he was narcissistic? Today my roommates boyfriend played a similar game that reminded me of N. It is her birthday today and he did not message her this morning… she hated that he had power over her and was disappointing. It was sad to hear and also incredibly relatable. I had this power dynamic with N and it was emotional torture. Why do we withstand this and also why do they do it? I know people are complex but this is such a similar behavior and reaction it caused in both her and I“-
– People with a conscience are complex, people who care about doing what’s right and just, and in that caring, they struggle with getting their needs and wants satisfied, many struggle to identify what they need and want.
People without much conscience, people who are not concerned with doing what’s right and just for others (the SWAWAM/ Spider/ Narcissistic People) are not complex at all, just like spiders who are solitary animals, not social animals. If you see complexity in them it’s either your own complexity erroneously projected into them, and/ or you see a leftover bit of authenticity here and there, a leftover from the time before they moved away from their social-animal part, the part that cares to share power with others and have Win-Win interactions and relationships.
If you are attracted to N because he is a SWAWAM/ Spider Person, it may be because like everyone, you are attracted to Power. Thing is, are you also attracted to what being a social animal is about: the honest caring for another, the sharing of power for each other’s benefit?
anita
February 13, 2024 at 9:29 am in reply to: Telling the difference between gut and fear in relationships #427796anitaParticipantDear Seaturtle:
“And it was this moment my mom revealed to me that she had slept that that guy a year ago that was suppose to meet me for a date..“- this is giving my saying a literal meaning (a blushing and sad face emoji
“Family really has the power to bring you higher or lower and why they choose lower, I have no idea“- so to bring themselves higher. In the above example, I am guessing that your mother told you because she was afraid at the time that someone else will tell you, she felt anxious about it, and so to feel better herself, to feel calmer, she told you. The result: she felt calmer (higher) and you felt somewhat distressed (lower), I imagine.
“and hope I do not do that to them..“- keep your 3rd eye chakra open and your crown chakra working (with approved breaks and sleep time, of course), and you will continue to not elevate/ help yourself by lowering/ hurting them.
“Once on vacation, my little sister was hungry, so I texted the family group chat if we could make a reservation, my dad said ok and we all met up. Once we made it there, my little sister decided she only wanted ice cream…haha but me and my other sister ordered a meal… my dad accused me, in front of everyone ‘wow you are so selfish you just organized this whole reservation and all of us meeting so you could eat dinner?‘… Later I said that I did not like how he accused me of something I did not do, and was not, and his response ‘I didn’t make you feel anything other peoples words don’t make you do anything, your interpretation is why you feel.‘ My sister and I looked at each other like what did he just say?? reminds me of N’s exact words“- a moment before in read that it reminds you of N’s words, I thought to myself: sounds just like what N said.
As far as the what-did-he-just-say, I figure he said to himself (in a condensed way, not actually articulating all these words in his mind): she (Seaturtle) accused me of something I did (of accusing her of something she didn’t do), and so to Win this particular argument (and I am good at winning arguments!), let me look at my Strategies to Win Arguments when Winning is ALL that Matters (SWAWAM) document.. hmmm.. can’t use #1 in this case… #2.. no, doesn’t fit.. #3 seems fitting: tell her that how she feels about what I said has nothing to do with what I said, but with her WRONG interpretation of what I said.
“Exactly, yes literally his ‘PR agent,’ that is funny! What I find interesting is that I am getting more skilled at spotting his PR self, versus his authentic self, and when I confront him he sort of glitches… looks up with their eyes…calculating“- looking at his SWAWAM doc. His authentic self (at this point, he wasn’t born this way) is one who cares about Winning at all costs (to the Loser), one who cares about Power at the expense of Justice.
“I mean like I would do or say something to flatter him, I had to do this in order to get him to send me my tuition money for college.. I had to show appreciation how he wanted it… he wouldn’t respond love bomby then, he responded much more mild with a simple I love you or thank you/ you’re welcome. Now that I don’t rely on him financially it is like he is more exaggerating his appreciation of my flattery“- when you lived with him, and needed his money, he didn’t want to encourage you to ask for more money by being love-bomby with you. Now that you don’t live with him and do not ask him for money, he .. is encouraging you to continue to not ask him for money.
The words of exaggerated appreciation do not cost him money, and in one of his docs, it says: words do not cost you money and are so easy to say, so if they serve you, say them.
“It was the needing of him that he wanted but also didn’t like.. like he wants me to need him but he also thought I was using him. This is similar to N! they are flattered when I need them, but they also feel taken advantage of when I need them“- F wants you to need him and he wants to pay the least for that which he wants, similarly to him wanting to buy a particular house but negotiating so to pay the least for it.
“Thank you for pointing this out. I wonder why I feel the need to make sure I don’t bring someone down, maybe it is because of what I wrote above, how my mom has done that to me and I know how it feels“- you are welcome. I think that the reason you didn’t want to bring me down/ don’t want to bring others down is because of your Empathy/ open heart chakra.
“I am finding myself wondering why I was attracted to N, or understand why I still may be. So that when I go to get my things I am aware of what attracted me in the first place and be cautious of it showing up again. Do you think he was narcissistic? Today my roommates boyfriend played a similar game that reminded me of N. It is her birthday today and he did not message her this morning… she hated that he had power over her and was disappointing. It was sad to hear and also incredibly relatable. I had this power dynamic with N and it was emotional torture. Why do we withstand this and also why do they do it? I know people are complex but this is such a similar behavior and reaction it caused in both her and I“-
– People with a conscience are complex, people who care about doing what’s right and just, and in that caring, they struggle with getting their needs and wants satisfied, many struggle to identify what they need and want.
People without much conscience, people who are not concerned with doing what’s right and just for others (the SWAWAM/ Spider/ Narcissistic People) are not complex at all, just like spiders who are solitary animals, not social animals. If you see complexity in them it’s either your own complexity erroneously projected into them, and/ or you see a leftover bit of authenticity here and there, a leftover from the time before they moved away from their social-animal part, the part that cares to share power with others and have Win-Win interactions and relationships.
If you are attracted to N because he is a SWAWAM/ Spider Person, it may be because like everyone, you are attracted to Power. Thing is, are you also attracted to what being a social animal is about: the honest caring for another, the sharing of power for each other’s benefit?
anita
February 13, 2024 at 7:50 am in reply to: Recently broke up with my boyfriend, feeling guilty and sad #427794anitaParticipantDear alette:
So good to read that you feel better (at least, you did 5 hours ago, when you submitted your recent post)! There will be ups and downs, but as long as there is an overall progress in how you feel, that’s a good thing. You are welcome to post again anytime you feel like it, and I will continue to give you feedback.
anita
anitaParticipantDear Lunaryogini:
You are very welcome and thank you fore your kindness and grace. Indeed we all have work to do on ourselves. Anytime you’d like to post again, please do, and I too wish you the very best!
anita
anitaParticipantDear Ada:
I am thrilled to read from you and thank you for your appreciation and kind words, it made my evening reading from you! I want to re-read our communication and reply to you further in the morning.
anita
February 12, 2024 at 1:32 pm in reply to: Telling the difference between gut and fear in relationships #427766anitaParticipantDear Seaturtle:
I am looking forward to replying to you when I am bright eyed and bushy tailed, hoping this would be my condition tomorrow morning. Continue to heal and recover this afternoon, evening and night!
anita
anitaParticipantDear Nichole:
Thank you so much for your kind words, means a lot to me! I want to attentively read and reply to you Tues morning (it is now 1:27 pm here, 4:27 pm your time).
anita
February 12, 2024 at 11:44 am in reply to: Telling the difference between gut and fear in relationships #427759anitaParticipantDear Seaturtle:
Thank you for the warning. I doubt that your rant will bring me down, but we’ll see (I am reading and replying to one part before reading the next)
“no complications, I am resting and healing” this and the funny face emoji are bringing me up, at this point.
“My time in the hospital was a little traumatizing… I had my first of many panic attacks, just tried to control my breathe but couldn’t stop tears. 24 hrs. no food and blood being drawn from someone who didn’t seem to know what she was doing, I felt exposed and alone, the other nurse was kinder and attempted to comfort me (the only comforting nurse I would see my whole visit). They did not tell me they were administering me the anesthesia… I was jarred awake form the anesthesia by loud noises around me, I was in the hallway for 2 hours as my post-surgery room was not ready. By the time I made it to my room I was awake, feeling the pain and pressing my call button as instructed, for pain medicine, my nurse kept saying she was on her way and it took 1 1/2 hrs. for someone to get to me with the pain medication, at that point I was crying of the pain and the nurse just had this very smug face. She was smiling…which I thought was so weird cause I was crying and she told me ‘you don’t have to cry, stop crying ok?’ this made me feel worse, I felt she had no empathy…“- wow! Poor medical care, makes me think it’s to a large extent a result of overcrowded hospitals and the severe shortage of nurses in the U.S., which leads to unskilled nurses working, as well as all nurses being overworked and not afraid to lose their jobs because there’s this shortage.. so, poor quality care for poor Seaturtle.
Happy belated birthday to Seaturtle’s roommate!
“My morning began with my brother in a manic state, texting me that he wanted to text N!… Within 24hrs I had a surgery and 3 family members cause me un-needed pain, my dad calling me self absorbed, my brother sympathizing with my emotional abuser, and my grandma being completely emotion-less (typical of her). Then I told my mom about my dad saying I was self absorbed and she thought this was the right timing to bring up a time when she thought I was“- this makes me think fondly of a saying I came up with.. all by myself (proud of it): sometimes (often, really) Family is just another F word.
“Personally, I have always admired people who were able to go take moments to themselves, be independent and present. So to me, I want to be that way, I like that about myself. I used to be such a people pleaser and I don’t want to live my life for other people“- I support you in this, absolutely!
“I just feel like I am misunderstood, but that worries me that something is wrong with how I am doing things when so many people are saying the same thing“- by “so many people”, you mean your family members? If so, consider that families are quickly to label individuals within as this or that, and the label persists within the family, and so, individuals are discouraged from growing and becoming more than a label.
“To me, I need to love me to love others, and keep my crown chakra open. I think the people in my family don’t love themselves, they are judgmental and self righteous”- like I said, Family is … (I would have inserted an emoji here if I knew how)
“Seaturtle who wants to hide in her shell“- she is too magnificent to hide in her shell for long!
To your next post: pick up your things from N when the time is right for you, your things, your ex, your timing.
“He (F) is very skilled at this, which is why for so long I thought I was wrong, because he ‘sounded’ so fair. He would call himself ‘fair’ too, he calls himself ‘easy to approach and reason with,’ but we all know it is not true“- he has a very skillful Public Relations agent working for him (himself), skillfully misrepresenting him.
“I want to be able to spot his adjustments, and with an open third eye I will continue to. Even his last message, to agree to disagree, I rolled my eyes to myself, but just let the conversation end there, so that right there was an ‘adjustment,’ that I spotted“- good job spotting! He exits conflicts on equal ground (lets agree to disagree) when he fails to exit on superior ground (I am right, you are wrong!).. but never humbly, as in saying: you are right, Seaturtle. I was wrong… unless his PR agent thinks it will serve him well to fake the latter approach, is what I am thinking.
“Something I am curious about, so on his birthday last week I texted him happy birthday, and that I was thankful to have an entrepreneurial dad to watch, it gave me confidence that one day I can start my own thing and don’t necessarily need to work for someone. His response was very love-bomby at 8pm, so possibly very intoxicated he responded: ‘I’m soooo proud of you… now and forever (another kissing emoji)’ He wasn’t like this before, when I lived with him, this love bombing is a new thing and I wonder why? Curious Seaturtle“-
– I guess he was very flattered by what you said and rewarded you for flattering him (this is in line with his PR agent’s policy). Do you mean that when you lived with him, you used to flatter him but he did not respond similarly to the above?
By the way, your posts did not bring me down because I know that even when you are going through a difficult time, you are resourceful and your 3rd eye chakra is open. Notice this: the Seaturtle who wanted to hide in her shell in the closing of your first post today, was out of her shell, curious to see/ learn new things only 18 minutes later, closing your second post with Curious Seaturle!
anita
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