It’s the worst, isn’t it? The feelings of shame that it’s over, the sting of being SO SURE of something, then…. whomp :/

I find that if I spend a lot of time on Facebook or Twitter, the problem of feeling inadequate in my own life compared to everyone else’s is magnified substantially. I agree avoid friends on text or email, but is there any way you could get more face-to-face time with people? That always helps me, anyway.

Today, okay, you can’t cope 🙂 That’s okay. Maybe tomorrow you will. Count your victories and measure your progress. Okay, you may not be were you were before this whole whirlwind hit, but I’ll bet the farm you’re further on than you were 3 months ago 🙂 I can relate very strongly to the frustration. My “victories” went from “Yay, got the project in 3 weeks early and under budget!” to “Yay, I got up before noon, AND brushed my teeth!” It’s hard. But it gets better. Your emotional resilience will grow again, promise. Slowly, but it’ll get there.

I’ve been where you are quite recently, lovely lady. What I’m hearing from you, is that you’re now at the stage where you’re ready to stop grieving and stop being in pain. This, although it doesn’t feel like it right now, is VERY good progress. There would’ve most likely been a time in your recent past when letting go of the hurt would’ve felt like letting go of a connection, and seemed unbearable. Now you’re ready to start getting “you” back, and getting your life back.

Unfortunately, it takes a little bit of time from “I want ME back” to “I HAVE me back”. This period is intensely frustrating, but it’s important to be kind and encouraging to yourself. You’re doing great. It’s okay to be “not okay” for a while.

This was a factor in what happened to my husband and me, too (20 years together, 12 married)

Write the letter, but don’t send it. I agree with Maggie above – anything like that from my husband pushes me further away, makes me feel like he doesn’t respect that I’ve told him what I need – he just cares about his own need to have me back.

I am sorry that you’re going through this. It gets better, I promise

It’s hard to be the one who walks away, even when it’s the right thing to do There will be people who view you as the “bad guy” because of the timing, but you absolutely did the right thing. There was no choice here that would make everyone happy, sadly, but you made the right call. It takes time to get over a marriage breakdown, be kind to yourself while you heal.

Whatever she decides

Maybe shift the focus a bit? Instead of looking for a connection, just meet people and see if something develops organically. Maybe the kind of woman you want to date is the kind who wouldn’t want to feel that there’s a plan straightaway?

Ouch

Yep, it always hurts when an ex gets a new someone. Meg Ryan tells it best in When Harry Met Sally 🙂

Everyone is selfish when they’re in the initial “headrush” stages of love, Cindy. Please understand that yes, you played a part in what happened to Tim and his wife, but it was only a PART. They played their part too. And given the state of their marriage, if it hadn’t been you Tim cheated with, it probably would’ve been someone else.

Tim and his wife are responsible for their own lives and their own happiness from here on in. You are responsible for yours.