Rebecca,

I don’t understand.  Why is your older brother financially responsible for you?  Is it because you two lost your parents and he agreed that he will do so?  How old are you and him?

Mark

Sherly,

After 1.5 yrs you have stated that your fiance’ is:

1. Not the same caring person – does not text or call as much

2. Admits fault and keeps quiet

3. Keeps saying sorry for all the mistakes

4. Got drunk and missed the party that was planned a month in advance

5. Forgot that it was your father’s birthday and he did not wish him a happy birthday

I’m not sure whether that constitutes a reason to call off a wedding.  Maybe delay the wedding to work on your relationship.

I really don’t see what makes any of this a major concern.

#1 I see as a natural settling down from the romantic phase.

#2  & #3 are not issues in my opinion.

#4 May or may not be a one time thing.

#5 Is not a big deal in my opinion.

Am I missing something?  Regardless, I would not throw the baby out with the bath water.  Just find ways of communicating and resolving issues.  I don’t see any of this as major character or behavior flaws.

Mark

What anita said.

Arvandor,

You see a pattern, or as you put it your karma.  Dig into your upbringing to figure out why you choose women who gaslight you.  Or there may be another pattern from your relationships that you have not mentioned here.

Regardless, your work is to uncover what underlies your pattern of choosing such women.  It usually comes from our caregivers who exhibit the same behavior.

The first step is to understand our unconscious behavior in order to be aware of it and then address it.

Mark

Phil,

I’d take the generalizations off the table with your wife.  Deal with specifics.  It is the quality of time in addition to the quantity of time that matters.

What does your wife want in terms of time; how much and in doing what with her and the family?  Time together for dinner every night?  Time doing weekend activities?  Time for .. what?

What requests and wants does she have that you give in to?  If both of you need to make a list to discuss and agree on then do so.  Else everything is perception which can vary widely.

Even if you get out the Google calendar to schedule your joint and separate activities then do so.

Do you know what your Love Language is?  Your wife’s?  I suspect her’s is Quality Time and your’s is Acts of Service.  That would be another basis of understanding where each of you is coming from.

Mark

I googled “free marriage counseling”

https://www.opencounseling.com/nevada/reno

Some churches have minimally trained counselors as well.

BTW I like that you told her that you will report her behavior to her work.

Adding her mother to FB was brilliant!

So sorry about your situation Mary.  It is hard to think of options when you feel trapped.

I encourage you to start your mindfulness and meditation practice again.  That is a starting place.  I find that in order to access our inner resources, meditation and mindfulness are great tools to get there.

Sit with your feelings, breath into it.  Rinse and repeat.

Mark

Helen,

Do you know about Attachment Styles?  It sounds like your boyfriend is an Avoidant and you are Anxious attachment style.

You might want to check the internet for ways of dealing with that.  See this website for a start.

5 Tips For An Anxious-Avoidant Relationship

I hope that this will give you a better understanding, tools to use, and some comfort.

Mark