Anita,

makes total sense. That’s why I think I have made so many new connections and friends here.  Speaking of- I’ll be meeting a new girl tonight at a wine bar. She lives one street away from me and has two dogs. Let’s see how it goes! I’m looking for more local friends to do spontaneous things with. My closest friends I see often but live a bit too far to go on a random walk etc.

yes. Wow. One week. I wonder how they are doing. Or what they are doing. I wonder if my dad has been ok to go to work. It’s interesting. What I remember most about him is – his clothes , smell, and way of speaking. But I don’t feel so bad about it or miss it per se. It is just what comes to mind when I think about it.

I believe your explanation of when you will look at the email made me want to clarify that it is for fun and not something you have to look at by a certain time. That I will be sending you many things, so I do not expect a response for every picture etc.- But, I think I felt the need to clarify because of how my sister has treated me.

Yes of course. Look when you can. I was just mentioning it!

speaking of crush, I do hope that in the near future something romantic can come for me. It would be nice to be taken care of. And to experience love. Because of all this trauma, I have never actually really liked someone. It’s always been for the wrong reasons- mostly to escape from my parents home etc.

that is why this crush is so special to me.

Hello anita,

Just got my flu shot! I’m glad you enjoyed the little pumpkin – I had a silly dream that the pumpkin was eaten by a sea creature ha! The reason this pumpkin is so important is that – for me seasons and holiday decor is so very important to me and close to my heart. I’ve always loved it – however, parrot looked down on me for it. Told me it was juvenile to focus on it and a waste of money. She said she was too busy for it. Robbed the joy of celebration.

Yesterday was a nice day.In my job, I am a preceptor/mentor to trainees. (I was once a trainee). They are called residents. Right now I have a resident with me – and I had one last month as well. During my training, with all of this family stuff, my preceptors were so supportive. I was so excited to give back to my residents – and it has been a success. I have received such great feedback that I am a great mentor for them and it is just so sweet. It feels good that I am able to mentor people although I am going through so much on my own. It shows growth and the ability to function.

My resident right now, for the past 3 weeks I’ve noticed seems a little down. Yesterday, I asked him to close the door and I told him that he doesn’t have to answer my question unless he feels comfortable. I then proceeded to simply ask him if he is ok. He ended up opening up to me etc and it was really nice. 6 days ago I went NC, and here I was helping someone else with their mental health. I felt mature and great.

I will write to you about my crush through email because I am just so SHY AND EMBARRASSED about it. I’m like a giddy girl about this, as if I am 14! Even as I type I blush!

With regards to what you said about the dog – YES YES YES. This is what it is. How interesting. I think I must remind myself of what you said and also remind myself that he is a dog – so he will innately be fine, because he as a dog is just happy baseline. More to this is – how to have it affect my anxiety less when I am at home. I struggle with figuring out how to give myself and healing enough time and then also give him enough time. Remember, this dog was literally dropped into my lap by my parents – I was not ready for a dog at all. So I must admit it was a very hard adjustment for me when he came into my life. I think that I am still struggling with the adjustment.

• This reply was modified 5 years, 1 month ago by cali sister.

Anita,

yes we will meet in person. And – it’s interesting because it’s something that will just not go away.

The main anxiety is that I never feel like I have enough time. And I never know if I give him enough attention. Or focus on him enough. I feel very confused by it. I never have known love. And I have learned love with him. Parrot taught me a false- completely fake love. So a lot of the anxiety rooted from trying to have that fake lobe with pup (which does not exist. Because it is fake)

But yes I have severe anxiety about it – because I feel conflicted on how to focus on myself and heal and also give him enough attention.

I would LOVE to see your photos in Indian clothes!!!

Anita,

today has been a nice day. I can’t wait to tell you about it.

i would love to talk about Maria. But first – can we talk about my crush at work? (Ohhhh la la)

anita,

How wonderfully written. Yes very weird love story with Maria. I wonder why she was so obsessed with these people.

Have my sister or I ever told you about her affair with the landscaper from Mexico? His name, Nick.