Dear Lisa

I am sorry that you had such a bad start to your life. Until we become adults we are at the whims and fancies of the adults who make up our immediate surroundings and this impacts on our adulthood unless we take conscious steps to rectify the mistakes that our carers made (Romanian Orphanage Scandal).As adults we can explore what buddhists call the 8 worldly concerns and their antidotes that help relieve our suffering. As we relieve our suffering using wisdom, compassion & skillful means it naturally expands out into the world in general.

Dear Tricia

It is so hard when you get mixed messages. Our mind likes to hang on to any little sign of hope  and also does not like not having answers/closure. Mindfulness and meditation help you see these mind tendencies as they arrive and help you step back from them so that they eventually lessen in intensity and frequency.

Some may say when you meet your ex imagine him as fat & old!

Are you close to anyone at work who will be at is event as well? if so maybe you could ask them to hold your hand metaphorically. The best way thru is to appear cool calm & confident, look your best without it look like you are trying too hard, so clothing that is comfortable & that you feel makes you look good ie dont were ultra high heals when you are used to wearing flats. If alcohol is on offer,  remember that it hinders our judgement and interferes with the control of our emotions.

Your Ex has not acted honorably and you do not have to be his friend especially since you are living in different locations. polite cordial indifference is the best that he deserves from you.

I wish you all the best

Roberta

Dear Madina

How are you?

I have just read thru this thread & I apologise in advance if I don’t talk about your post sequentially.

Instead of thinking of fixing yourself think that you are nourishing, nurturing & befriending yourself.

Part of meditating is seeing your thoughts for what they really are – thoughts – this is not dismissing them or the power that they can hold over us. I have also noticed that when in deep meditation I am ageless and without gender or sexual orientation.

I remember a conversation I had with a woman I worked with she said she had always been in hetrosexual relationships but when she met her spouse ( a female) it was the person not the gender that she fell in love with.

I hope that you can access therapy that helps you address the issues that surround your childhood and maybe the other stuff around your orientation will fall easier into place.

Roberta

Dear Jill

I have been in a similar position to you basically being a single parent on & off and having to work 2 & 3 jobs often low paid because I did not want to work for a betting company (ethical decision) but it meant that I had to work longer hours and consequently my children saw less of me.  When my youngest about 19 we became estranged after 18 months I wrote to him basically saying that I have apologized  enough for my past decisions and trying to second guess what to do and now it is up to him to tell me what kind of mother he wants me to be. Some time later he did let me back into his life.

We now have an adult relationship where it is ok to say no to suggestions and it is also ok to ask for help.

We both I think have both grown up a lot in this last decade and even when either of us have been disappointed something that the other has done we do not store it up with resentment and add it to the past hurts this means our hearts always stay open to each other.

So I hope that your on going therapy helps with your present situation and that in the future you will become reconciled with your family

Dear A

How about flipping your perspective. Your life at the moment is a blank canvas, how do you want to live your life? who or what is important to you?  Many people find volunteering brings about a sense of worthiness & companionship. At the moment you have one luxury that many people do not have and that is time…..you can choose to bring peace & beauty into your life & others. When visiting my son in London I would pick up the trash on my way around the park or popping to the shop.  Befriending an elderly person can be rewarding for both parties and these options does not cost you anything.

Dear Lost 1Flow

Just this morning I came across this beautiful book “present moment, wonderful moment” by thich nhat hanh and just reading a few pages on  lifting the most mundane of actions to something sacred. This book will no longer languish on my bookshelf but will become my companion throughout the day. My current bedtime reading is sacred rest which I am also finding immensely helpful.

I hope you find something to uplift you.

Dear Dana

Your situation is not an uncommon one, but it does feel like everyone else has great friendships especially if you believe what lots of people write on social media! Do you differentiate between being alone & lonely ie you can be in a room full of people you know & yet still feel lonely or be by yourself on a mountain and feel content with your own company.

I guess we need to find our clan/ clans this is either like minded people or common cause/hobby. So look at what interests you or brings you joy and then find a group near you to join.  Also friendships do not have a set duration or intensity so look at how you define friendship & what are your expectations.

Each day I remind myself of my intentions ” May I have integrity in all my relationships” along with “May I keep my judgement clear” along with when, who, & what  When is Now this moment Who is Whomever you are with or Yourself if you are alone & What is to Care. This way I get many moments of micro friendships throughout the day and am not relying on just one source to give & receive the nourishment of connection.

I  live & care for my 92 year old father who has dementia and we try to get out each day so as not to become isolated and I open up  my home to be used for a coffee morning once a week and run to meditation sessions from here as well this all contributes to feeling connected.

I hope that you quickly find ways to nourish a sense of connection.

Dear Arav

young, vulnerable & volatile is how on the information you have supplied is how I would describe your ex and the relationship that you two tried to have. Some friendships do blossom romantically and some do not & I think that is what has happened here.

You do not say if this was your first relationship or your age. It must be hard when what you have invested yourself in does not pan out the way one hopes & dreams about.  I would spend time with your established friends having fun & doing things that interest you.

I hope that over the coming months things become easier for you & that eventually you will meet someone with whom you can have a deep & loving relationship.