Dear Lindsey

Please can I ask do you not like your photo taken at all? Many people are camera shy & that includes me. Many years ago a good friend was starting to teach himself to draw & paint and asked if I would pose for some photos, I explained that I did not take a good photo and was very self concious, but I wanted to it not to become a phobia and so we spent a couple of hours photographing me – out of over 100 shots there was about 6 that I was happy with. My friend then did a pencil portrait of me and then gave it to me as a present which I still treasure ten years later.

Then there is also the big issues of trust, respect & privacy all of which have probably been severely dented/broken by his actions, which may mean the end of the relationship from your point of view.

He may of just wanted a photo of his beloved and did not think thru the inappropiateness of what he was doing.You may wish to choose an ordinary photo of your self that you wish him to have of you if you choose to continue being in a relationship, this puts the control of your image firmly back in your court where it belongs.

best wishes

Roberta

Dear StoutHeartedMen

Do you as a group do any voulantary work or would be interested in doing so? Doing something purposeful is a good way to bond and heal a friendship group especially since normally no alcohol is involved so less chance of bad behaviour, maybe number 4 would excuse her self from such group activity or it could give her a chance to do something worthwhile.

I wish you luck and I hope that the rest of the group is supportive, but they may not be even if they do not like number 4’s behaviour.

Either way be true to your values  and ethics.

Roberta

Dear Addy

What are you trying to achieve and who are you trying to achieve it for? Who are you comparing yourself with?

What  things brings you joy, make some time for those things and also we all have obligations that have to be met so that our basic needs are covered like food clothing and shelter, but having simple needs frees up time to enjoy life.  If you take time to notice the micromoments of happiness rather than chasing constantly, a mythical big future happiness a sense of contentment an achievement will pervade your life whilst working towards life goals.

wishing you the best

Roberta

Dear Tricia

From your post you appear to be kind, understanding & supportive towards your boyfriend.

People who are in a tough place and feel pressurised (it can be hard to meet  what you think is everyones expectations or commitments.) even if there isn’t any, they may lie and then when they get caught out they have put them self into an even worse place.

I’m struggling to understand what’s happened to our relationship and also wondering if there are other lies. Has your trust in him/relationship been broken or is it dented? I would advise that you take this  time out as an opportunity to nurture yourself and find other things that give you joy & satisfaction so that you are in a stronger, better place no matter what the outcome of this particular episode  is.

Kind regards

Roberta

Felix

Who are you when you are at your best?

Who are you when you are at your worst?

No matter what age, shape. gender we are, we are all seeking happiness and want to avoid suffering and a lot of the time, a lot of people do this in unwise and unskillful ways.

If you look at life in a positive way then you will see beauty & kindness in all sorts of people & situations.

If you cultivate wisdom & compassion then life is interesting & fullfilling even when our desires are not met.

Dharma Granny

Dear Lea

I am old now but I remember that for a time in my late 20/early 30’s occasionally there was a time that I could not stand to be near anyone I hated to be touched by even my children or husband it was if my sense of personal space had radically altered. I used to warn my children that it was best to give me a wide berth. Then once my period arrived I was back to my gentle fun touchy feeley self. This did not happen every month so it took me a while to realise that it maybe related to hormones or some kind of nutritional deficiency around my menstrual cycle .

When I became vegetarian I also noticed that I would occasionally crave fat and again this coincided with my cycle.

I hope this has been of some help

Hi Girija

I think my previous answers maybe a bit to wishy washy.

So here is an example:

I want to be kind/ more kind – great aspiration to have.

Some one who has been less than skillfull in their dealings with you in the past asks you to put out the rubbish.

Is there request reasonable, is it time sensitive? ie the garbage lorry is due in shortly 15 mins

what are your immediate  needs ( I need to go to the toilet).  an honest reply I need to go to the loo then I will do it.

Question to self what am I willing to do  and what do I willingly?

Go to toilet then take out garbage maybe even ask if there is anything else you can help with. That person will feel seen & heard. You have been aware & nurtured your kindness. and you may feel that that interaction was authentic.

Got to go to work

regards Roberta

Dear Tara

Being paid a compliment/ flirted with may temporarily boosts ones self esteem & like you said in the past you have seen what these interactions are & have taken steps to not allow them to influence you unduly.

I take it that your present relationship has now settled into something more harmonious and you wish to preserve it?

Eckhart Tolle talks about something called the pain body and when it is awake it wants to feed on negativity/pain for women it can be stronger in different parts of our hormonal cycle. So maybe you can just ride this out and in a few months you may be able to smile with relief that you did not do anything hasty.

all the best

Roberta