Daria,

You aren’t lost, you are just unaware of where you are. 🙂

How did I do it? Please keep in mind I am still doing it. I am a work in progress. I still make mistakes, I still treat myself without love and compassion and get caught up in my fears but I seem to have developed the ability, something I never had or even realized I was missing, to eventually sort through it all. I pretty much had lived under the idea of “I felt it therefore it was”. I realized how very wrong that was.

The number one thing I started doing was praying at night in bed. At first it was desperate, I was literally begging for help and strength. As I threw my energy out night after night I started to feel differently. A bit of clarity came in. I started to feel the urge to pray for the person who had harmed me the most. I began to see him differently. I see him differently now. I realize what he did had nothing to do with me. To be able to honestly hope that someone who had harmed me so much would find peace and happiness was something I cannot describe. I know with all my heart that the road to peace and happiness is one of compassion and love towards others. Even if those others have deeply harmed you.

I also started trying to create a quiet mind where I could draw in the positive and let the negative pass me by. This was huge for me. I still struggle with this but I am getting better. At first I was just a woman sitting quietly full of loudness. My emotions, my fears, my inner self created a music that was nothing but ear shattering. In time, it started to calm down and I could start to see the pieces of the hellish melody. I started to choose what I kept and what I let go.

I also started reading happy things. I stopped reading the morning news that is so full of heartache. I started to read here quite a bit and Tiny Buddha is the number one part of my morning routine to love myself. Never do I step away without feeling better. Never do I step away without a piece of wisdom that I can put in my toolbox. Gratitude somehow started to fill me.

What should you do? Know that what a person does is their karma. It has nothing to do with us. Also know how we choose to respond to a person’s actions is our karma. We do have control, quite a bit of it, but only over ourselves.

Start loving yourself. Do things that fill you with peace and happiness. Know that loving yourself is the best way to love others. If you are not in a good place, you cannot really be good for anyone else.

How will you know what are your fears and what is your inner self? You just will. The fears start to become clear and you will see they can be dismissed. What resonates from your inner self cannot. Your inner self is not a whim, it is not a reaction to the moment, it is a steady hum that is with you always.

I am heavy with the thought I have provided no answers and only have created more questions. Your answers are out there. Matt touched upon so much that both of us should embrace. My love is with you Daria. I haven’t stopped thinking about you since your first post and you have someone who prays for your peace and happiness. You are so very deserving of it. It will be yours and then you can share it with the world. How could anything be more wonderful than that?

I am a fledgling here. I just realized that happiness doesn’t fall from the sky and that it is a gift I can only give myself through love and compassion. I feel like I am a newborn with all the learning and expanding I am doing on a daily basis.

While I have nothing I can add, I do feel compelled though to say thank you for this thread. Thank you John for sharing and thank you to those that have responded so thoughtfully. It has helped me along my journey and opened me in new ways.

I found this especially personal and am very appreciative for it. When I read it, I felt like a bell had gone off. “Often when we look at ourselves as the genesis of the solution, it creates unnecessary baggage.” Thank you Matt.

Love and light to you all.

I am so sorry you are suffering so much with this. I will pray for you Kathy.

Are you loving yourself properly? Do you see yourself as the wonderful and blessed person that you are? Do you think your happiness is up to others? Are you validating yourself through others? This is where I would start my work.

In monogamous relationships, no one can accept being cheated on even if they can move forward with their partner after it happens. Your issue goes beyond that though. He hasn’t cheated. You mention nothing that would support this fear of yours in your current relationship. Your boyfriend appears that he is being careful with you and trying not to say something that would upset you or send you over the edge which indicates that he is placing you in a very important place. Let me ask you this though, where does your obsession put him? Are you allowing him to be honest? Are you judging him fairly? Are you putting him in a place of importance?

You are letting your past with being raised by a cheating father to control your present. It isn’t his to control and it isn’t yours to give to anyone else but you. The present is your gift and you are not in a place where you can begin to enjoy it.

There is also a possibility that you are suffering from a mental disorder. There is nothing wrong with this. Have you explored this possibility? Are you overly obsessive or controlling in other areas of your life?

I wish I could be of more help but I seem to have more questions than you do! Love and light to you Kathy!

Jessica, you didn’t misunderstand anything. You should be able to rely on the one that has asked to be “exclusive” and expect a better show of consideration than drunken calls after the fact.

The moment you told him about your grandfather and how upset you were, the right one would have rushed to your side.

From just this simple exchange we have had I can see your greatness. Search out those that will fill you, those of like minds to connect with. Perhaps your friends feel as you do, that there is no place in their relationships for reaching out. Reach out anyways I say, you may find that you do indeed have someone. If you cannot find what you need, you may plant a seed within one of them that grows into something beautiful.

You are so deserving. Journey to find what it is you need.

I send you love, peace and acceptance.

I believe that the emotions we experience are generated from our inner self. I would hazard to guess that your inner self is telling you to take time for yourself, that there is no need to rush anything.

You have just out grown a toxic relationship. What a blessing! Breathe. Cleanse. Heal.

What you see as “not missing him”, I see as you being content alone. That is a very good thing for anyone. It is as it should be.

You are not cursed, you are blessed. We all are.

Different shades of gray, but the story is the same. I cried for 14 years. The last eighteen months have been hell on earth.

I finally stopped looking for reasons. I finally stopped thinking there had to be something I could do or say that would change all of it. I drove myself mad asking “why” and trying to make sense of it all.

The message from the Cosmos, that I had long ignored, finally got through. There was NOTHING I could do. It wasn’t about what I deserved. It wasn’t about what I gave. My feelings, emotions or thoughts had no place in the matter. It was, has always been, all about him.

Love yourself Sonja, love others and the peace you seek will find you. This horrible ending is the beginning of something wonderful. Go enjoy it.